Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Ever since Blaze had woken up, the pain levels had doubled. He’d barely slept all night. He kept hitting that little button that was supposed to dispense pain meds, and for about an hour, he’d be in blissful heaven.
And then the cycle would start all over again.
It had taken hours for Brenda to locate his phone and bring it to him. By the time he got it, he worried it would be too late to text Pandora.
But they had exchanged a few brief messages.
Nothing earth-shattering.
Just a line here and there, letting the other know they were both okay.
She’d informed him of what happened after he shot and killed Sully. How Brock, Ethan, Rocky, and the rest of the gang all figured out quickly that Sully would take her back to the scene of the crime. Men like that had the kind of arrogance that drove them to do stupid shit.
It took them a hot minute to take down Carl and Tim. Once they heard the first gunshot, they entered the building.
Blaze had barely remembered them coming into the room. He certainly didn’t remember the paramedics, the ambulance ride, or anything else.
He checked the time on his cell and for any new messages. There were none, and only eight minutes had passed since the last time he glanced at it.
Where the hell was Pandora?
He’d been moved to this room an hour ago. Granted, that was at seven in the morning and she’d been at home, finally taking the night off to get a real night’s sleep. But she’d promised, once he was in the new wing, she’d be there.
He rubbed his chest, just above the stitches. They had started to itch. He couldn’t believe he’d been asleep for four days after the surgery. Of course, it was not the first time that had happened. Nor had it been the first time he punctured a lung. But, God, he hoped it would be his last. He was too old for this shit and truthfully, he no longer wanted to die.
Nope. He wanted to live.
And enjoy all life had to offer.
With the woman he loved.
If she’d ever fucking get here so he could tell her, and hopefully, she’d forgive him for being such a dumb fuck.
The door swished open and the curtain drew back.
“Hey, you.” Pandora smiled as she tentatively inched toward the bed. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“I’m ready to leave this joint. I hate it here.” He laughed, then coughed. And coughed some more. “God, that still hurts.”
“I can’t imagine what getting shot anywhere feels like, but I bet right in the center of your chest has to suck.”
“You have no idea.” He reached for her hand. “But I want out of this hospital. The doctor asked me where home was and I couldn’t tell him. I don’t have a home. I haven’t had one in months. He told me I need a place to recover for at least a couple of weeks.”
She eased onto the side of the mattress. “I can’t tell if that’s you asking if you can stay with me or not.” She reached out and ran her finger across his forehead. “Because it’s no problem. I’m happy to help you get back on your feet in any way I can. I owe you my life.”
“You owe me nothing.” He held her gaze. “But I will take you up on that place to crash. And being my nurse, but only if you promise to wear a cute little nurse outfit.”
“You’ve always been good at defusing things with jokes, but you’re welcome to stay as long as you need.” She smiled, palming his cheek. “The doctor told me they think they will be able to release you in a couple of days. He said while you were lucky as hell, you’re strong and a very quick healer.”
“I’ve been told that a time or two, but I hope this is the last time I see the inside of this place as a patient.” He took her chin with his thumb and forefinger. “Come here and give me a proper hello.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It hurts me when our lips aren’t touching.”
“Now you’re being dorky and silly.”
“Pandora, I love you. Now kiss me before I go crazy.” The words I love you rolled off his tongue as easy as apple pie. It hadn’t been awkward. Or even scary. It was perfect. Right. The way his world should be.
Her eyes grew wide. She blinked. Her lips parted. A weird noise echoed from her mouth. But she didn’t kiss him. She only stared at him like he had five heads.
His heart dropped to his toes.
Not the reaction he’d hoped for.
He sucked in a deep breath, fanning his thumb across her cheek. “Do I need to say it again? Because I can say it all day long. I can scream it so the whole floor hears it. I’ll start creating social media profiles and make it my status if that’s what it takes.”
“Um. Did the doctor say anything about you having a concussion? Should I go get him? You’re talking gibberish.”
“We’ve always said we never stopped caring. Never stopped loving. I’m just putting it in some context.” He curled his fingers around the back of her neck and drew her closer. “I’ve made so many mistakes in my life. I never fought for you twenty years ago in a way that would have made sense. I fucked up my first marriage, though that probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. I did things I’m not proud of. I hurt Brenda and the boys after Axel died. I have a whole lot of making up for that. And I backpedaled when things got a little too real with us while I was dealing with emotions I wasn’t sure I was ready for. But I am now. And I’m not going anywhere. I love you. I want to be right here in Fallport. With you. Building something together. If you’ll have me.”
“Wow,” she whispered. “That’s a lot.”
“I should have said it the night before I got shot. Or while we were standing in the street waiting for Sully.”
“Yeah.” She nodded.
Shit. He was going to crash and burn. He was too late. That ship had sailed. “If you don’t feel the same way, I can stay at Brock’s. That’s plan B. But I had to say this. I can’t keep living with regret.”
“No. It’s not that.” She leaned over and pressed her lips gently on his in a brief kiss. “But you have two nephews who need you. You can’t stay here and be with them at the same time. I understand why you couldn’t ask me to choose between you and my family. I won’t ask you to choose between me and those boys.”
“I didn’t think I could love you more five minutes ago, but I do.” He kissed her, hard. With intent. It hurt like hell as her body pressed against his chest, but it was well worth it. “There is no choice. I can have both. And I will. There’s a big difference. They don’t expect me to choose. They love you. Adore you. Can’t wait for us to be married. Have kids. Grow?—”
“Wait. What?” She blinked.
He chuckled. “I might be getting ahead of myself. But North Carolina isn’t all that far away. We can visit often. They can come here. We’ll all be a part of each other’s lives. A family. As it should be. That is if you still want me. Love me.”
“You know I’ve always loved you. That will never change.”
“Do you want me to stay?”
A tear rolled down her cheek.
Gently, he wiped it away.
“Of course I want you to stay,” she whispered. “I love you.”
He smiled. “You know, you’re going to have to let me drive that Mustang.”
“Just because I want to keep you around doesn’t mean I’m going to let you behind the wheel of my most valued possession.”
“We’ll see about that.” He groaned as he shifted to the side, making as much room in the tiny bed as possible. “Get in here.”
“Are you kidding me right now?”
“Nope.” He lifted the thing that held his pain meds. “I’m going to push this button in a second, which means I’ll be really loopy in about five minutes. I want to be holding you in my arms when I drift off and I want you there when I wake up.” He tugged her closer. “Do you have any idea what it was like to blink open my eyes and see Brenda instead of you? It was torture. I mean, I love my sister-in-law. But she’s not you and you’re the only person I ever want to wake up to again.”
“That has to be one of the sweetest things you’ve ever said.” Pandora snuggled up to his body, resting her head on his shoulder. She kissed his neck. “I was so scared, Blaze.”
“I know, babe. So was I. But I told you, I wasn’t going to let him hurt you.” He kissed her temple.
“I was more afraid of losing you.” She tilted her head. “After the gun was discharged, there was so much blood. You were?—”
“Don’t keep replaying it. Trust me, you’ll drive yourself crazy. And we both survived.”
“But—”
He pressed his finger over her lips. He knew exactly where she was going and his entire world shifted again. Holding yourself responsible for everyone else is too much for a single person.
Including him.
“You are no more at fault for what happened than I am for Axel’s death.” He brushed his lips over her mouth. “You didn’t create the situation. Sully did. We simply reacted to it. And let’s face it. I didn’t stay to help you because I was bored. Or had some death wish. I stayed because I love you, even if I was too scared and too stupid to admit it.”
“You no longer blame yourself for Axel’s death,” she whispered.
“Good men die in battle.” He sucked in a breath, pushing it out his nose. “I had a mole on my team. I can sit here and say I should have known, but I didn’t. Neither did my CO, or any of the higher-ups. The truth of the matter is any other team leader in my shoes would have done the same thing. And it could have been me who took on that fire. It just happened to be Axel that day. I can’t go on blaming myself for something I had no control over. Axel and I were Marines. We put ourselves in danger every day. He was my brother and I loved him more than anything. But if the tables were turned, he’d blame himself for five minutes, and then Brenda would kick his ass.”
Pandora laughed. “I like her. I can see why Axel fell in love with her.”
“She’s a good woman and this is going to sound strange, but I hope one day she’ll be able to find love again. She’s young, smart, and beautiful.” He shifted, which was a mistake. He groaned. It was deep and audible.
“I shouldn’t be in this bed.”
“You’re not going anywhere.” He raised the medication thing and pressed the button. “I need you, Pandora. Please stay with me.” He dropped his hand to her leg, which was wrapped over his thigh, and closed his eyes.
His world wasn’t perfect.
His soul still ached for the brother he lost. It would take time to heal that wound. But now he knew he could go on. That he’d be okay. He had a million reasons to live. Not just survive. Not just to push through another day.
But to experience life again.
And he was going to do it.
With his Pandora.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I want to marry you. Have children with you. I want it all with you.”
She chuckled. “Those drugs must be really good.”
“Not so good that we couldn’t have a little fun when I wake up in like an hour.”
“You’ve got to be kidding.”
“I’m not. You’d have to do most of the work, but my body’s already ready.” He raised his hand, resting it on her breast. “Mmmm, that’s nice.”
“You’re literally impossible.”
“Just in love,” he whispered. The medication slinked through his system like a venomous snake. She was right. They were superb. But he meant every word and when he wasn’t doped up, he’d make sweet love to her and show her just how much he wanted and needed her in his life. One day, he would marry her.