Chapter 16 Kai
Chapter sixteen
Kai
I’m lying side by side with Golden in the massive bed he shares with Lucero.
The room used to be all dark and moody colours, hard edges and thick blackout curtains.
Now I find Golden everywhere; in flowers bursting from vases, their pink and yellow petals dusting across the dark wood countertops, or on the bedside tables.
Where a red, white, blue and yellow bouquet sits in an Optimus Prime mug.
An explosion of spring in the dead of winter.
“Why do you have so much yarn, by the way?” I ask, it spilling from an open drawer.
“Oh, since I’m not getting out much, I decided to learn how to knit.”
“Of course you did,” I chuckle.
“Yeah.” He nods enthusiastically. “I’m going to make everyone socks.”
I smile and gently knock the side of my head to his, his lush curls soft against my cheek. “We’ve been here before.”
Golden looks at me, eyes rimmed with dark circles, and I have to temper the worries ringing in my ears.
Golden’s transformation wasn’t smooth, and he suffered days of agonising pain.
It’s normal for him to avoid the subject, but he’s also been avoiding drinking blood, which has left him in a weakened state.
But he gets enough concern from Lucero, so I leave the subject alone.
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“Us, lying in this bed side by side. But last time, you had no idea what to do.”
“What is love?” he singsongs, and I can feel him smiling from the way his cheeks push against mine.
“Baby, don’t hurt me,” I sing back, and our soft chuckles fill the room. “Where’d Apollo run off to?”
“Probably to cause hell for Rurik.”
“Pretty sure Apollo could run Rurik over, and he’d be chill with it,” I snort.
If I close my eyes, I could pretend we’re fifteen and holed up in my bedroom. Tattoo art books open, I’m insisting I’ve got a one true love out there, and Golden makes fun of me even as he flips through my Dad’s newspaper to try and find me the perfect man.
In the end, he just learnt too much about politics and the weather.
“I love you, and I’m scared,” Golden announces, bringing me back to the present.
I raise a questioning eyebrow.
“I’m trying to be more honest about my feelings and shit.”
I crack a grin. “And shit?”
He elbows me. “Go on then, your turn.”
Laughing under my breath, I stare up at the ceiling where two glow-in-the-dark stars are stuck.
“I love you, and I’m scared,” I tell him quietly.
“Dude, you can’t copy what I said.”
“So there are rules to sharing feelings now?”
“Obviously! C’mon, share, you bellend.”
“Alright, jeez.” I press into him, keeping my focus locked on those two shitty press-on stars. “I wanna learn more about my fire.”
Golden’s arms wrap around me like my old leather jacket; familiar, worn-in, and keeping out the cold.
My fingers run across the scarred side of my face. “I’ve always pretended it isn’t part of me, but at the same time, all I want to do is explore it. But…” I drop my hand. “It’s also the reason I lost my parents.”
“Kai—”
But before he can correct me, I say, “And I’m so jealous of you that it makes me sick to my stomach.”
“Jealous?” he asks, taken aback.
“Because Lucero wants you.”
Golden bolts upright. “Vidar wants you, too.”
“Yeah, I know that.”
“You do?”
I raise an eyebrow. “Mate, I’m not you. I know when a man wants to fuck me.”
“Piss off,” he says with little heat, the mattress bouncing as he drops back down.
“I don’t wanna fuck Vidar. Well, no, I want to climb him like a tree, then flip him over and fuck him back.”
“Sexy,” Golden says under his breath.
“But what I want more is that big, ridiculous, over the top love you have. I want…” I chew my bottom lip. “I want a love that could rival two orbiting suns. Where I’m his, and he’s mine, and it’s eternal.”
Golden doesn’t reply for a beat, then whispers, “You wanna be a vampire?”
I take a deep breath, hold it, then exhale.
“I want him to want to make me a vampire. I want him to love me so much he doesn’t think straight, it’s toxic and stupid, and you once said to Lucero he needed therapy instead of a boyfriend, and fuck, do I ever need my head checked, but… damnit. I want that.”
Golden drops across my torso and hugs me so tight that he nearly cuts off my breathing. I hug him back just as hard, how could I not? It ain’t the love I was hoping for, but I’ve got that big love with Golden.
“Did Luc ever tell you I threatened to beat him up if he hurt you?”
“Wait, you did?”
“Yeah, mate. Of course I did.”
My friend grins so wide his cheeks must hurt. “Fuck Vidar and Lucero, I love you more than either of them combined!”
“You fucking better.”
The pieces of my heart that Vidar shattered don’t fit back together, but with Golden by my side, Summer’s comfort, Apollo’s company and Ramy’s fierceness, the edges are at least sanded smooth so they don’t dig deeper.
“Hey, wanna go to Nando’s with me and Lucero?”
Baffled, my eyebrow shoots up. “What? Mate, no. I wanna go home.”
Golden’s mouth drops open. “What about keeping you safe?”
“Emma can easily find me, and it’s not like this place is a secret from her, either. I just…I want to gather my thoughts. Alone.”
“I don’t like it,” Golden frowns, clearly not convinced. “Vidar won’t either.”
“What won’t I like?” The air sucks out of the room, replaced by Vidar’s deep baritone.
Pushing up on my elbows, our eyes clash when I find him filling the doorway, tattooed arms crossed over his barrel chest.
“I’m going home,” I tell him, attempting to sound light, but he makes me feel anything but.
His fingers twitch, gaze darkening as his long, muscular legs move towards me.
He doesn’t stroll like Lucero or glide like Ramy.
Vidar walks with wide, purposeful strides.
Each step claiming ground with the confidence of a man who knows exactly what he wants.
He told me he’s a conqueror, and as his rugged frame commands the space above me, the gleam in his all-consuming grey eyes tells me Vidar’s found exactly what he wants.
It’s a head trip.
I hate how much I love it.
“Little prince making demands again?” His voice finds its way into my body, sinking into my bones, and making a home there.
I cock my head to the side, undeterred. “I’ll call you if anything happens.”
“You’ll stay here.” He talks like a man who doesn’t hear ‘no’ often.
“The only way I’m staying here is if you tie me up,” I tell him.
“Don’t tempt me,” he says, voice dropping.
My lips curve up into a grin, looking at him between my lashes. “I thought that’s what I did?”
Vidar takes me by the chin, our gazes burning into each other. The weight of his hand demands I give him every ounce of my attention.
“Stay here, Kai. Stay close.” The words ‘to me’ are left unsaid, but the heat of each letter burns so hot that if I don’t pull away, I’ll combust.
“I miss my home.” I lie. I have to keep some distance between us, ever since our hug in the kitchen, Vidar has taken every opportunity to touch me, and if I don’t pull back, I’ll end up falling so hard I’ll never get back up.
Vidar isn’t happy. Neither is Golden or anyone else.
But in the end, no one can stop me.
So when I get in my Mini Cooper and drive away into the night, a new number in my phone and Vidar’s hard stare in my rearview mirror, for once I don’t have to fight the urge to touch my braids—but to stay away from the ancient vampire who’ll never love me back.