Chapter 19 #2
He was gone, his brothers and father following him out of the longhouse, the rest of the men hurrying after them.
Helgi hugged her new daughter-in-law. a??Worry not, Zarabeth, they will find the boy.a??
a??He ran away because he felt guilty.a?? Zarabeth drew a deep breath. a??He shouldna??t die because Lotti did.a??
a??Magnus will find his son. Your generosity toward the boy pleases me, as it pleased him, but you must understand that Magnus wants you kept safe above all else.a??
Zarabeth realized she was wringing her hands, saying yet again, a??But Egill wasna??t responsible, he wasna??t, Helgi. If only I could find him and speak to him.a??
a??Well, you cannot. You will remain here, as your husband wishes, and that is that.a??
Ingunn came to stand by her mother, but all her attention was on the woman whoa??d taken everything from her.
The woman shea??d known would take everything from her the moment shea??d seen her walking up the path behind Magnus, wearing that damned slave collar, her red hair vibrant beneath the bright sun.
Aye, shea??d known then. Magnus was naught but a fool.
She said, ostensibly to Helgi, a??I wish to leave Malek now.
I do not ever want to come to this farmstead again.
My brother was blind to what she is, and now he has pledged himself to this whore, this murderess, and his son is probably dead, and all because of her and her idiot sister.a??
The fragile hold Zarabeth had on herself snapped.
She snarled like an animal, deep in her throat, and leapt upon Ingunn, her hands wrapping around her throat.
a??You venomous bitch! I would cut out your tongue if I could.
You are mean and vicious, and it should be you out there, not Egill, not that poor little boy! a??
Zarabeth felt anothera??s hands pulling at her wrists, not a mana??s hands, but a womana??s hands imbued with incredible strength, and she heard Helgi saying softly, over and over, a??Enough, Zarabeth. Leave her be. Leave her be. Thata??s right. Come away now.a??
Zarabetha??s fingers fell away from Ingunna??s throat. She was trembling with the aftermath of her rage. She saw Ingunn grabbing her throat, massaging it, and there was such hatred in her eyes that Zarabeth couldna??t bear to look at her.
Helgi looked from one to the other. a??There will be no more insults or baiting, Ingunn.
You have no reason to hate Zarabeth. Your brother has chosen her for his wife.
You knew he would take a wife and you would no longer have that position here.
Why have you chosen such a path? Ah, but a??twas a false life anyway, and not fair to you or to your brother.
It is done and over with. You will accept it.
You will go about your work and you will keep your foul words behind your teeth.a??
a??Buta??a??
a??Enough! We will find you a husband, one who is honorable, and you will forget Orm.
Nay, I will hear nothing more about him!
It is even said that it was he and his men who killed the men at the Ingolfsson farmstead and raped the Ingolfsson women.
Would you still care to have such as he? He has proved himself an animal.a??
a??It isna??t true! Orm wouldna??t do such things, he wouldna??t! It is a lie made up by men like my father who are jealous of him!a??
Helgi continued, ignoring Ingunn, a??It is time for you to become wife and mother, Ingunn. You will forget Orm. I will say no more about it.a??
Zarabeth saw the daughter bow to her mothera??s command. She felt the rage flow out of her, leaving her limp and shaking.
Helgi led her to one of the wooden benches and pressed her down. Helgi studied her closely. a??You truly do not blame Egill for Lottia??s death?a??
Zarabeth shook her head. a??He is a little boy. He was jealous of Lotti, for Magnus gave her a lot of his attention. I was wrong to believe he was truly hurting her, but something inside me simplya??a??
a??I know,a?? Helgi said. She patted her daughter-in-lawa??s shoulder. a??Why do you not go bathe now? It will make you feel better.a??
But I was the one to blame, Zarabeth wanted to say. I was the one who carried her away, who put her in that boat. I am the one who killed her.
But she said nothing, for to say the words aloud would brand them forever in her soul, and she knew she wasna??t strong enough to suffer it.
When she was clean again, her hair brushed and braided, her gown fresh and unwrinkled, she found she couldna??t move, didna??t want to move.
She stood there, seeing her little sister lying tangled in those water reeds, her hair floating out from her small head, and Lotti was so still, so still . . .
She didna??t realize she was crying until she tasted the salt from her tears. She turned quickly and ran into the longhouse, ran to Magnusa?? chamber. She sat on the edge of the bed and cried. No one came to bother her.
She hadna??t realized there could be so many tears. They choked her, made her throat raw, burned her eyes. She whispered, a??Lotti, Ia??m so sorry. My God forgive me, I failed you.a??
The men didna??t return until nearly midnight.
There was still the dim half-light of summer, giving the surrounding countryside an eerie glow that never failed to surprise Zarabeth.
She was standing outside the palisade, looking over the water, knowing deep inside her that Lotti was there, gone from her forever.
If only she could imagine her resting, at peace, sleeping, her small hands tucked beneath her cheek.
She rubbed her bare arms, for the night breeze had cooled and there was dampness in the air.
She saw the men in a long single line climbing up toward her. They hadna??t found Egill. She looked at Magnus, her new husband, and he looked defeated and exhausted. She felt pain twist deep within her. The two children, both gone, one because of the other and both because of her.
The tears started again.
Magnus saw her, standing there so quietly, looking toward him, her face wet with her crying. He merely shook his head and walked to her. He said nothing, merely looked down at her. He touched his fingertip to her wet cheek. Slowly he drew her into his arms and pressed her head against his shoulder.
a??We did not find him, nor did we find any trace of him. He could still be alive.a??
Zarabeth raised her face. a??Then Lotti could also still be alive.a??
Magnus realized the fallacy of his words, but they were all that had sustained him. They were all that kept his grief at bay.
He heard himself say, a??Yes, that is true.a?? But he knew it wasna??t true.
Lotti had drowned, her body either washed out by the current to the Oslo Fjord or still there, close by, strangled and trapped in the thick water reeds.
Just as his son was dead. He didna??t know where he was, that was all.
Why had the boy disappeared? Had he run away because he feared he would be blamed for Lottia??s death?
Where could he be? The possibilities tortured him, for there were animals to kill a small child, animals to haul his body away and eat him.
And there were men, outlaws, who would torture a child, and perhaps demand ransom for him, and then there could be .
. . It went on and on and Magnus knew he must stop it.
He pulled back from his wife.
a??We are together now as we should have been from the beginning. Whatever has happened cannot be changed. We must face what is and endure it.a??
a??It is difficult, Magnus.a??
a??Aye, I know.a?? He touched his fingertips to her cheeks, dry now, then glided them over her brows and her eyelids.
a??I could not stop my crying.a??
The men straggled around them, going into the longhouse to eat, others simply going in to fall into an exhausted sleep.
a??Now that I am back, I will hold you when you cry.a??
But who will hold you, she wondered, for no one sees you cry.
Magnusa?? family remained two more days, the men searching for hours at a time for Egill. No one said anything about giving up the search, but there was no sign of the boy. It was as if he had vanished.
Within the longhouse, Helgi went about teaching Zarabeth those household tasks shea??d had no opportunity to learn in York. She was brusque, always matter-of-fact, but never unfair or impatient.
a??In York, your family was small and those things you didna??t have, you could buy or obtain in trade.
But here, Zarabeth, you must know how to do everything, for the traveling merchants who visit come rarely and you cannot depend upon them.
Now, to dye cloth . . . See this lovely soft reddish brown?
It comes from the madder plant. Ferns and these small onions make a lighter brown.
And this beautiful golden color, we make it from this lichen.
You are Irish, Zarabeth, so you must have heard of the saffron dye made from bulbs of autumn crocus.a??
Zarabeth concentrated, for there was no choice, and she learned, despite the hollowness deep inside her, the constant gnawing of guilt and pain.
Helgi taught her to cure fish. She held up a trout that she had just cleaned and gutted.
a??We will smoke-dry it and then salt it.
When there is a fierce storm and fishing is impossible, then you will have a good reserve of dried fish and thus wona??t go hungry.
You see here, Zarabeth, you hold the fish open by these wooden skewers, and we hang them up by these tiny wooden rods passed through the heads.a??
Helgi taught her to comb flax fibers, making them fine and soft and free of all tangles. Zarabeth knew how to spin her thread on spindles, but Helgi knew ways of twisting the fibers more tightly together so that the thread was stronger and more enduring.