17. CHAPTER 17 #3
Kira had no idea what kind of man Zayne had become, but tonight he showed her the reprogramming didn't purge the righteousness from his heart completely.
It once drove him to sacrifice himself for a girl, and at least a sprout of that goodness remained.
Possibly far more. That was something for Kira to hold onto.
She would draw that desperation to do good out of him.
And if she failed at that, she would sit with that boy who everyone abandoned to drown in a tank of freezing water.
Left to the whims of a doctor who preferred maiming minds over healing them.
The icy waters of the tank never left Zayne. Kira only endured a day alone with Dr. Cooper. How long was Zayne trapped with him as a boy? Knowing his own father sent him there.
Even so, he warmed his frigid waters for her to make amends.
“Dr. Cooper told me what he did to you,” Kira said. “That he drugged you and exposed your secrets to me.” Fury reawakened inside of her. How traumatic was it to return to the man who reprogrammed him? “I saw scars you didn't want to share and asked you about them. So, I'm sorry too.”
Rare fire flushed Zayne's eyes. “You owe me no apologies. I imprisoned you. I hurt you and called it helping.” He stalked closer, his closeness rippling along her skin. “Kira. You're the fucking victim in all of this. My victim. Do not say sorry to me. You've done nothing wrong. Nothing.”
Zayne had never spoken her name before. Hearing him say it, calling out to the person in her, hurt more than anything else tonight, in ways she didn't even understand.
Tears pinched her voice. “He used me to hurt you.”
Zayne worked his jaw, breathing harder than normal. “That's not your fault.” He paced a few feet away and grabbed a tree branch above his head, back to her. “You're in a precarious position in the middle of a ruthless operation. Focus on yourself.”
Care washed over his threats and glares, coating her memory of his cruelty, changing the way he looked and sounded. It was the most dangerous thing he'd ever done, because she couldn't resist the flutter in her chest at realizing he'd always cared.
And he finally said her name.
Kira couldn't prove him right by trusting him. Had to resist the way the past rewrote itself.
“Dr. Cooper didn't want me to hide from you because he's using me to destroy you.
I meant it when I said I'm a poison you'll drink, not because you're a fool, but because you're a good person.
I needed you to see me as cruel to avoid something more dangerous.
Just because I care, just because I don't want to hurt you, does not mean I'm safe.” His voice turned guttural. “I am not safe for you.”
Her knees went weak from the deluge of emotions tearing at her heart. Zayne never spoke to her with hatred, but with fear. So, she nodded, because she wasn't foolish enough to look at a man covered in battle scars and pretend she knew more about war than him. “Okay,” she whispered.
“I wear his uniform. I'm branded with his double seals.
My father is his right-hand. I'll be his right-hand one day.
Don't trust me. Don't rely on me. Don't let me in, even if I try to get close.
If I take one step toward you out there where everyone can see then run, because it's not me. It's the Phaedra.”
So many questions struggled to the surface of her mind, but she'd needed to be brave so much this week, so much tonight, that her spirit faltered.
“And don't apologize for how you handle the men who stole your freedom. Don't forget I'm one of those men.”
Why? Why was he one of those men? Why couldn't she open her mouth to ask?
Kira couldn't speak at all. She curled her hand around the fragile bud in her grasp, wanting to wilt.
“Let's get you back inside. You should rest.” Zayne nodded at the house, but she didn't move.
Instead, she drew the fist protecting her sprout to her heart. “If the Phaedra orders you to hurt me, you will.” Kira couldn't look at him. “You're not my friend.”
An agonizing pause.
Zayne spoke in a quiet, resolute voice. “No, I'm not your friend. I'm your prison guard. And I can't defy the Phaedra. I'll hurt you if he orders me to.”
Kira nodded, stringing all his warnings over the last week together. “A man who cares but follows orders… The Phaedra is cunning.”
“I'm a poison you'll beg to drink.” It sounded even more menacing than the first time, now that she heard fear instead of hate.
Looking at him in the darkness, it terrified her that she was starting to understand what he meant.
“I'll heed your warning,” she said. “But you listen to me, Zayne Riven. Don't make decisions for me. You think because I'm a woman and a civilian, I'm yours to protect. You don't know better than I do about what I need.”
“Okay,” he said, no arguing or justifying. Something glimmered in his eye that she couldn't read. “We have an understanding, then.”
“Yes.” Kira didn't offer him excuses this time, not even in the quiet of her heart. “We do.”
Darkness softened his face, and while she may not have put all the pieces of this man together, she glimpsed the picture he made well enough.
Zayne was a very dangerous man.