41. CHAPTER 41
Luke
Ciondo
It had taken Luke four hours to drive to the coastal town with the teaching hospital that didn't seem a high enough caliber for someone with Nadia's talent. In the moments before she saw him, he watched her, amazed by how much she looked the same and how different as well.
Nadia didn't move or speak when she first saw him. Her hands had tightened on the files she held, but otherwise, no change. Her thick black hair rested over her shoulders, and her light brown eyes stayed on his. She looked more beautiful than he remembered.
“Luke.” The name sounded neither friendly nor hateful. The indifference of it stung.
With a hand in his pocket and his injured arm in a sling, he walked forward.
“Apologies for not calling ahead,” he said. “I thought you wouldn't answer.”
One thin brow lifted. “How considerate to not give me the chance to turn you down.”
He smiled despite the jab. “How have you been?”
Nadia placed her files on her desk and leaned against it for several seconds before sitting. “I'm enjoying my banishment just fine. Sit if you want.”
Luke pulled out the chair, letting himself believe they were talking together as they used to and that he hadn't lost her forever. “You can come back to the capital.”
“Please.” She crossed one leg over the other. “Why are you here? It's been three years with no word.”
“I'm not sure how to tell you the truth.” It was rare that he didn't have a solid understanding of his own behavior. “I've been thinking about you. It always bothered me that I didn't speak with you one last time.”
“I didn't want to talk.”
“At the time, I didn't either. I can leave if you still don't.”
With her arms crossed, she looked uncertain and unguarded. He worried she'd tell him to go home, but she shrugged. “We can talk.”
“How are you truly doing?”
This seemed to soften her. Nadia knew him well enough to understand he wouldn't ask if he didn't want to know, and it wasn't often he wanted to know how someone else was.
“I'm busy. Stressed out and exhausted.” A little smile lifted her lips. “I love it. I finally get to operate on my own. Two more years, and I'll be completely done with my program.”
“You're finishing early.”
“Work helped me cope.”
She wore her hair longer than she used to, and she looked thinner. He hoped that it was from being busy working, and not because of insecurity. Nadia had a perfect body at any weight. If Zayne leaving her made her question that, he'd kill his brother.
“What about you? How are the girls?”
“They're big now. Doing well. It was hard for a while. Still is some days.”
“Sorry about you and your wife.”
“Yes, well, it was for the best in the end. She's met someone, and they're happy. I had a way of making her particularly unhappy, even before the affair.”
The word stiffened Nadia. He hadn't meant to speak casually about it. Although it was strange that referring to it could feel so uncomfortable when they'd shared many wonderful nights together. How could words be even more profound than the act?
“I have a great deal to apologize for.” Luke smiled, the second time in one day, which only happened with his girls. “I don't have much experience apologizing either, so forgive me if I'm not the best at it.”
Nadia smiled as well now, soft as it was.
“I never wanted to hurt your reputation.” His chest panged as he said it and watched the hurt fill her eyes. “My brother didn't either, no matter how angry he was. We did try to keep it quiet. It's not fair that people were harsher on you than me.”
“I never blamed you or Zayne for everyone finding out about what we did.”
“I deserve blame.”
She held his eyes for several seconds. “Your wife was hurt. It's only human for her to fight back.”
The community hadn't been kind to Nadia. Luke had been forgiven, and not simply because he was a Riven. While no one said this, many treated him as if he couldn't resist a beautiful woman. Like men were beasts with no control, or the love of a woman was too powerful to resist.
Some also speculated his wife didn't please him well enough, often enough, faulting the women in his life instead of him.
Disgusting. His wife wasn't to blame. Luke chose the affair.
As irresistible as Nadia felt, there was always a choice.
When they first became close, neither of them intended anything more than friendship.
They slipped into dangerous territory, and when faced with the decision to do the right thing, they chose to betray their partners.
Everyone should hate Luke the most. He did this to his own brother.
Instead, the community afforded him the forgiveness that few were willing to extend to Nadia.
“Come back to Kallum,” Luke said. “That's where you belong. I'll deal with anyone who says a word about you.”
“I'll always be the girl who fucked Zayne Riven's brother. No matter what else I do, how much more I become, that's all there is for me. I did it to myself.”
“You don't deserve to live like an outcast. Most of those people only got to where they are because of who they were born to. You earned your spot in the world, and you deserve the chance to keep it.”
“You're just bothered that you kept what I lost.”
“Yes. I hate it. I feel guilty.” His chest burned with how much he wanted to say the rest. He never stopped loving her, and knowing he'd ruined the life of the woman he loved destroyed him every day.
“Wow.” Nadia chuckled. “I wasn't sure you were capable of guilt.”
Pain squeezed his heart. “You know I am. You know me.”
“Sorry. I'm still bitter.”
Most people thought Luke had very little, if any, feeling in his heart. Being strong enough to keep his composure regardless of the situation didn't mean he felt nothing. That was what his brother couldn't see. They both felt. Luke just knew how to control it better.
“Did you want to apologize for anything else?” The teasing tone of her voice stirred something in his gut.
He knew things would never be the same, but what he wouldn't give to go back to their time together.
Even for a day. The time when he held her, made her laugh, soothed her tears.
Luke wouldn't have left her like Zayne did, no matter what she did to him.
He needed her. His brother was a fool for letting her go.
His voice was serious. “I'm sorry for everything.”
Nadia quieted, eyes downcast. “Me too.” When she looked back up, a thin veil of tears shone in her eyes. “How is he?”
The sincerity behind the question stabbed him in the chest. Even now, Nadia would choose him over Luke. “Better in some ways. Still lost and angry.”
“Does he talk about me?”
“No.”
Her eyes lowered again. “Did he move on, at least?”
Luke had to consider before answering. “I think so. He's engaged. It's not like it was with the two of you, but this woman is a good choice for him.”
“It's for the best that it's not the same as it was for us.”
“Not necessarily. Zayne loved you. He doesn't love this woman.”
Nadia sat back in her chair, clearly unhappy with the information. “What's he thinking?”
“My brother always has been an idiot. This time it isn't his fault, though. It's ours.”
Luke said he didn't know why he came to see her after all this time. He did now. As much as he wanted to make things right with her, he also wanted to see what he'd meant to her. The time and distance made it clear. He'd never been the one she loved. Not for a day.
Nadia was still in love with his brother.
“I'll let you get back to your busy day.” Chest cold now, he rose.
“Luke.” Nadia stood too. “I never wanted to hurt you. I didn't say that before, but it's true.”
“Why did you sleep with me?” It wasn't something he ever planned to ask her, but now it seemed silly not to. “You never loved me.”
Her jaw tightened.
“Zayne thinks it's because he hurt you by being so hard to reach,” Luke said. “You'd never hurt him just because he hurt you. And you're tough enough to handle the loneliness without turning to the person who it felt the worst for you to be with. I don't understand.”
“I…” A strange hardness came over her face. “I wasn't strong enough to walk away from Zayne, and it was what I needed to do. I did enjoy my time with you. It felt so easy then.”
Luke nodded. He thought knowing would set something right in him, but he only felt emptier. “Be well, Nadia.”
“You too. Look out for him. Please.”
He gave her one last look before leaving without making any promises.