61. CHAPTER 61 #2
This place had broken her. It had broken her apart until all that remained was the truest kernel of her spirit.
If anyone deserved to live, it was her.
That was his war now.
He gripped the rungs on either side of her harder, that incessant pull tugging, tugging, tugging at him.
Waiting for a moment of weakness to make him lose himself, his sensibilities, and hold her close—hold her so tightly no one could ever hurt her again.
If Zayne mastered anything in life, it was slicing away layers of himself so he couldn't hear his thoughts or desires, but everything inside of him screamed that if he touched her, he would lose himself.
Lose the strength he needed for this battle.
And even though he'd left Mellie in his heart, she thought they were together.
Wasn't it wrong to think about Kira like this before Mellie read the letter? And why did wrong no longer matter to him?
Kira just kept yanking on him, from her core to his, until his skin crawled with the yearning to dissolve the space between them and melt into her.
He sensed her own need, never missing when Kira wanted to discover more of him. Good thing he didn't tell her about leaving Mellie, because if Kira tested the thin boundary between them, it wouldn't hold. But she'd keep holding herself back when she thought Zayne was with another woman.
That was true and not true. He was with Mellie and not with her.
He didn't know.
It was confusing.
He wished he could tell Mellie right now that he never wanted to see her again.
But Zayne had so little to offer Kira. It was better for her to think he had promised himself to Mellie. Kira was too convincing and surprising. He never knew how she might test him.
And right now, her breath warmed his collarbone.
There was only one last thing he could give her that he hadn't already. She needed to know, even though it put her in danger.
Zayne worked closer until his mouth brushed her ear so he could speak only to her. “I'm taking you home myself.” Close enough to smell her skin. He held back a groan. “I'm sorry it took so long.”
Needing to breathe, he edged back enough to see her.
Shock widened her eyes. Golden sun kissed her smooth skin and the trail of freckles along her cheeks. For all the time he spent trying not to look at her, he'd still learned all her intricacies.
“Does that mean…” She sounded breathless.
Zayne nodded. “I'm done.”
Pain wound into the emerald of her eyes. “Don't give up the revolution for me.”
The effort of resisting her every second of the day weakened his voice to a whisper. “You are the revolution. I don't know how to win this war, but I know if I watch you die—if I kill you—I've already lost.”
She breathed so heavily now that their bodies nearly touched. And she was giving him that look again.
Staring again. Wanting again.
Pressure and heat clenched his stomach.
When he held her close the night they met, she fit so well nestled against him.
He could feel himself smoothing his hands along her again.
Could imagine how her plush thighs would have felt if she'd wrapped them around him in the kitchen when they argued and she wore that little skirt.
Or her hips in that green dress. That torturous dress he hated for how it made him want to grab every curve it hugged so perfectly.
Those memories lurked around the edges of his mind.
No looking or it became real. No remembering.
Kira made him burst with the nameless and the unspoken.
With the forbidden.
“You'll lose all this power,” Kira whispered so quietly, it forced him to read her lips, and he really needed to look anywhere else right now.
“What good is my power if it can't save you?” He shook his head. “If it couldn't save Mom?
She bit her bottom lip. “The empire…”
“Fuck this entire empire. I'll burn it down and toss its ashes. I'm taking you home and making sure no one hurts you ever again.”
“This isn't something you'll be able to undo.”
“You told me to find an ounce of joy and protect it with all I have,” Zayne whispered. “That's what I'm doing.”
Kira was far more than an ounce of joy. After fighting his entire life, he didn't know how to win this war, but he believed in her. So maybe he waited all these years to find her.
Maybe protecting Kira at all costs would teach him how to destroy the Phaedra.
In all honesty, it didn't matter anymore.
Right and wrong didn't matter.
She mattered.
And Zayne would sacrifice everything in this empire, even his own rebellion, for her.
“I swear, Zayne Riven.” She gripped his wrist, her touch electric. “You don't get to die for me. If you do, I'll never escape this place. You have to stay alive.”
“I will.” It was the only time in his life he meant it.
Soon, they'd both leave this prison and never return.
When Zayne left Kira in her cell, the urgency that first drove him out of the prison still coursed through him, but she'd forced him to take the time to think.
He felt exactly the same as in a war zone when he sensed the barrel of a gun aimed at him and the people he cared about. And right now, there was a gun pointed at Kira.
It wasn't possible to control this rage, and yet he couldn't jeopardize her.
Zayne mustered his willpower to pause in the hallway and look up at the camera. He didn't try to hide the intensity he felt. The Phaedra knew about how deeply he cared for Kira and that he'd want to hurt his brother, just like when he broke Dr. Cooper's collarbone.
“Did I pass your test?” A deep breath. The kind that could save his life in the moments between life and death. “If she wasn't mine before, she is now. So, you finally have her.” His eyes narrowed. “Luke never gets to touch her again.”
He gave in to what his body demanded, charging straight for his brother's office.
The ride across the base didn't cool his wrath, nor the walk through the building. Finding Luke sitting at his desk, with his wounded arm in a sling, and his hand writing rapidly across a notebook, Zayne saw all that his hands had done.
“Whose idea was it?” Zayne asked. “Yours or the Phaedra's?”
Luke's hand paused, and his eyes slowly rose to meet Zayne's. “I'm surprised you waited so long to find me.”
“You mean you're surprised your other arm isn't already in a sling.”
“Yes. That is what I meant. Although you might find it harder to break my bones than Dr. Cooper's.”
In fact, he had found that to be much harder.
Their fight at the United base could have killed either one of them.
Zayne never allowed his feelings for his brother to cloud his judgment of the other man's capabilities.
He was a sharp, ruthless, excellent soldier.
Through childhood and adulthood, they both sacrificed any time for leisure to pursue the kind of specialized, advanced training that a versatile High General needed.
To become the best in Ciondo. To master every deadly art they'd one day lead.
The Phaedra was the enemy of the people. The great enemy of Zayne's life.
But his brother was his true adversary in every way.