62. CHAPTER 62
Zayne
The Capital
Kallum, Ciondo
Silence filled Zayne and Kira's days.
The silence of Mom gone for good.
The silence of all that was forbidden to say.
The silence of suffering too great for words.
The silence of healing that took root in the deepest crevices of despair, that carried no relief but stoked a wanting that hurt too badly to feel or name. That lived in unknown shadows, whispering maybe and not yet and what if.
Gone were the days when Zayne refused to sit beside Kira. It felt so vain now that he thought he could guard against her humanity so easily. Today, they both rested against the fence, saying nothing. Their new routine.
Zayne couldn't stand to see his father right now, and Andi had returned to the Academy.
He and Luke avoided one another, as usual.
Mellie filled their absence from one another with delivered gifts, like professionally polished boots, while lying to the world about all their cherished time alone this week.
Fortunately, Brock knew a quiet morning jog alleviated some of the strain.
But everyone and everything else in his world weighed heavily on him.
So sitting in the quiet with Kira felt like sanctuary from the rest of the world.
Memories of Mom and the love that overflowed from her filled the space around them with her presence. They remembered her together without saying a word. This was his greatest comfort.
And so seconds crawled into minutes and hours and days while they survived on one breath at a time, waiting to leave it all behind.
Zayne didn't trust the Phaedra to keep his promise not to hurt Kira.
But they were so close to the day. Major Tyndale confirmed the mission details yesterday.
Before, when Zayne planned to stay in Ciondo, breaking Kira out was far more complicated.
Now that he didn't need to cover his tracks, he would easily infiltrate the camera and security systems. What doors were actually locked to a Riven?
By the time anyone knew what he did, they'd be long gone.
Escaping Ciondo and staying free—that worried him.
It must have been that worry that kept Zayne on the other side of the balcony two days before the escape, once again unable to sit beside her. Even outside with the breeze between them and a wide-open view, that horrible need churned in the air, no matter how far away Zayne moved.
Grief consumed them both. It made the air thick as water. Thicker, maybe. Zayne needed to wipe away her tears and hug her close because she was all alone in here. She needed the care just as badly, as critically, as if she was bleeding out before his very eyes, and he refused to bind her wounds.
Only an embrace and closeness could tend to the hurt ripping her spirit in two.
But every time he tried to force his body to move to her, he saw the hungry look in the Phaedra's eyes when he commanded Zayne to hand her heart over to him. It felt so violating to touch her when the emperor watched.
Zayne pressed back against the door, compelled to open it and flee, and even more compelled to go to her. To hold her broken heart in his hands and soothe it.
Terror locked him in place.
He could rip his heart to shreds by ignoring that the Phaedra could see, but another fear panged below that.
What if he hurt her?
Kira's eyes met his. He saw it plainly how she wanted, needed, to do the same for him. To soothe his brokenness.
He realized then the thickness he breathed was blood. They were still covered in it, drowning together. Reaching for something, anything, to pull them above the surface. And there was nothing to grasp but each other.
“Zayne…” The broken whisper undid the tiny steps he'd managed to take away from her.
Please.
The word throbbed in the thick sea of blood and spread through every droplet, vibrating against his skin.
Kira didn't say it, but he felt it.
Please.
His mother whispered in his ear. He was too deep in the blood to hear it, but her muffled voice tried to break through to him.
He relented and followed the draw across the balcony until he stood close enough to hold her if he let himself.
It all hurt so badly.
Kira wiped her cheeks, hands trembling. She breathed hard enough that he knew she fought back sobs.
“Give me just a little bit of it.” She looked up into his eyes and lifted that shaking hand between them. Hesitant, but driven, Kira settled her palm against his heart. “Please let me carry a little of the pain.”
Those tears glistening on her cheeks were for him, weren't they? Kira was crying for him because he'd lost the only person he let himself love without reservation.
He couldn't speak. Was afraid to hear his own voice.
An endless pit of despair opened inside him, and he gazed into dark, unknown depths. Mom was gone, and she'd never live to see him become the man she stubbornly believed he'd one day be.
Dizziness disoriented him. The sorrow remained, but Zayne broke free of the prison to watch it from above his body. Detached.
“You have enough of your own pain to carry,” he said on numb lips. “You're struggling.”
Her nails scratched into his chest and tugged him back toward his body. “It hurts less to carry it together.”
Forget the camera and the Phaedra's sick satisfaction.
Chest aching, Zayne worked his arms around Kira and bent to settle his cheek against her head. Once again, he learned how it felt to hold her.
So soft. Her face in the crook of his neck, her touch on his chest, her presence.
Holding her felt as necessary and dangerous as dangling off buildings together that night.
“Everything is ready,” he whispered, hands resting lightly against her back, when he wanted to smooth them along her. “Two more nights.”
Her fists closed around his shirt.
“Your friends will be safe,” he said.
“And you? Brock?” Her quiet voice trembled.
“Yes. We have a good plan. Don't be scared.”
Kira eased back to see his face, still in his arms. The blood was too thick between them. He didn't try to breathe.
They held each other a while longer until it was time to leave.
When Zayne tore himself away, he knew he needed to clear his mind. Instead of going home, he traveled to one of the training centers and filled his mandatory hours for the day with obstacle courses that let him rehearse every move he'd make. To map it out and practice until it was perfect.
He needed to exhaust himself. He was too heightened today. Half an hour into the workout, his mind was still churning.
How could he leave Andi and his nieces without saying goodbye? Especially after losing Mom. What kind of brother and uncle abandoned them during a time like this? He didn't want to hurt his father, either. Didn't want to disappoint him.
Zayne closed his eyes, giving in to the full-body burn of crawling beneath low fencing.
“Don't let them kill our girl.”
His family would survive, but not Kira, and not her friends. Not the Followers.
Whether Zayne stayed in Ciondo or left, he hurt people. Though he didn't know how to live with this weight out in the territories and couldn't imagine life beyond the Phaedra's grasp, he faced worse here.
Right now, Zayne would focus on the most important mission of his life because he could not fail Kira.
He searched his plan for vulnerabilities or holes, combed through remaining risks, and thought of any further action to improve Kira's odds of escape.
And there was only one significant decision he could make that he kept avoiding. He kept telling himself it was too wrong, that he never wanted to see Mellie again, and that she'd hide their fight.
That didn't change that she was a major liability.
What if she sought him out to make up with him?
What if she confided in anyone that he'd avoided her?
He needed to be on his best behavior for the Phaedra and convince the emperor that he was dedicated to their agreement.
Reducing suspicion as much as possible was imperative.
The best thing Zayne could do for Kira was to please the Phaedra and convince him of his surrender. Make him feel like he'd won. That he owned Zayne.
Once he finished his workout and showered, he cut himself off from guilt and disgust. Nothing mattered except Kira right now.
The entire trip to Mellie's house, he kept repeating the mission in his thoughts, convincing himself to take one step after the next.
She opened the door, surprise piquing her brows. Their life together weighed on his shoulders because he couldn't forget their little moments and how he really had cared for her. Still did, even though she horrified him so badly.
“I'm sorry, Mellie.” Zayne gripped the doorpost. “When my mom died, it made me think of everything I have to lose, and it scared me. So, I ran.”
Her shoulders drooped. “Oh, babe…”
“I don't want to wait on what matters most.” His body tried to revolt against him, but he endured and took her face in his hands. “Let's not wait. Not another night. Not another second.”
“Zayne.” Mellie dragged him close and kissed him, her mouth tasting bitter to him. “Yes, not one more night.”
Zayne expected guilt or doom to constrict his heart until it stopped beating. He never wanted to touch Mellie again. But now he'd kissed her throughout the night. Kissed her long and slow after they promised a lifetime together in front of the Phaedra and her parents and his father.
Watching Mellie and the Phaedra now, the two of them basking in the glow of taming him, he felt nothing except his determination to free Kira and destroy the Phaedra.
“I won't be able to sleep for days,” Mellie said with a giggle, holding her cheeks. “Oh, Phaedra, your generosity is too much.”
They finished their celebration in the Phaedra's personal study, and it was Mellie's first time in here. The Phaedra just informed her that he'd personally purchase her dream house for her and to choose any designer in the country at his expense.
While they stood and spoke, Zayne kneeled before his emperor. A military tattoo artist etched ink into a band on Zayne's left biceps to match the one on the right.
“I hope the mountain retreat will be just as wonderful,” the Phaedra said. “Zayne needs to take a break.”
Too bad he wasn't ever going to make it because he'd be gone by then.
Mellie would travel to prepare for the honeymoon of their dreams, and then Zayne would leave forever.
He was sure he'd feel terrible about it for the rest of his life, but he performed for the Phaedra now.
And the emperor couldn't be more pleased.
“Yes! And being here for Zayne getting his officer's band, it's just a dream come true,” Mellie said.
“I've been impressed with Lieutenant Riven,” the Phaedra said. “Not only with his exceptional service, but with his commitment to family values. It's one of the most important traits of a High General. Your children will be so precious to the empire.”
“Death shows us what's most important.” Zayne allowed himself to feel his grief, so the Phaedra saw his suffering and believed his words. “I need Mellie. I need to make her happy.”
“Babe.” Mellie wiped her tears and knelt down to kiss the side of his face.
He'd completed his objective today by showing his commitment to Mellie and to the Phaedra's plan for him.
While Zayne prepared to betray the Phaedra in only two days, he distracted the emperor with a mighty new Riven estate, a loyal wife, and discussion of children to control Zayne with.
In exchange for Kira's life, he had promised a lifetime of service and to carry on the Riven dynasty with Mellie.
That meant making a new future High General.
A child born to one day fall into his father's trap as the Phaedra's most devoted servant.
How did Zayne ever believe he'd amount to anything except this while in the Phaedra's tower?
While Zayne knelt down in front of his emperor, the way he knelt for each seal and for the snake tattoos, he kept himself in check only with the thought of Kira.
The Phaedra's lust for power consumed his stare when he faced Zayne and gripped the top of his head, lording over him.
Zayne heard the words again.
“I own you.”
And he surrendered today, for the greatest lie he'd ever told.
Because he'd already left Mellie in his heart and refused to ever be her husband.
There'd be no children. No progeny. No new generation of control and domination.
Only a last name for her to wield and all the visits to this study her heart desired.
“It seemed high time for Zayne's promotion,” the Phaedra said to the tattoo artist. “An officer's band normally would be the second badge of honor a soldier receives, not the fifth. But Zayne has never been ordinary.”
Filthy, disgusting man. He didn't care about receiving his second band around his arm or climbing the ranks.
“I just wish Adelle could see this.” The tears in Mellie's eyes made him burn with anger. He didn't want to speak about Mom in front of the man who had her killed.
“She'd be very proud,” the Phaedra said.
The sting of the needle wove contempt beneath Zayne's skin.
“I know I am, my son. You've come such a long way, growing into who I always knew you would be.”
A deadly beast the Phaedra captured and controlled.
Or so he thought.
Zayne dipped his head. “I will always serve you, my Phaedra.”
Delight lit the Phaedra's smile at finally conquering Zayne. “And so I will honor and protect all that is yours.”