Chapter 23
As Lily raced out from The Crumpetty Tree, she felt like she wanted to scream and cry all at once. How dare he lie to her? Why wouldn’t he tell her?
God she was so stupid. She ran to her car, her feet pounding the pavement as she made her escape. The humiliation. God, no wonder Jessica hated her so much.
An engagement! He said it wasn’t serious, so who was lying here?
She could hear Nick’s voice calling out after her, ‘Lily, wait!’
As he came up behind her, he put his hand on her shoulder and she spun around and slapped it off.
‘Do not touch me,’ she said.
‘What’s wrong? What’s happened?’ His face was confused and she wondered how the hell did he not get what he had done.
‘What’s wrong? Are you serious? Did you think I wouldn’t find out?’
‘Find out what?’ he asked looking genuinely confused at her words and anger.
She threw her hands up in the air, gesturing at him.
‘The fact that you were engaged to Jessica, when you told me it was nothing serious. Why would you lie to me? I’m so embarrassed. This was clearly a joke to you and you have taken me for a fool.’ She opened the car door.
‘Engaged?’ he asked. His voice was loud and shocked.
‘Yes, Sheila told me,’ she said. ‘She said everyone knew.’
‘Well I would have liked to have known since I was supposed to be the one getting married.’ His voice rose.
‘Don’t yell at me,’ she yelled at him and felt herself starting to cry. ‘And I’m not crying because I’m sad, I’m crying because I’m angry. You wouldn’t understand,’ she said to him, furious.
‘You can cry, even though I don’t want you to cry, but honestly, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Jess and I were never engaged.’ He did look genuinely confused but, still, why would Sheila say that if it wasn’t true?
‘But Sheila said,’ she said.
Nick’s expression was one of remorse and irritation at the same time. ‘I was not engaged to her. She’s making it up.’
They were both silent for a moment.
‘Why wouldn’t you ask me? Why would you assume that I lied to you, Lily? That’s the worst part of this,’ he said looking furious.
‘Is it? That’s the worst part?’ she scoffed. ‘Well, I don’t know who to believe now, so unless she comes to me and tells me you weren’t engaged, consider me out of the picture and out of the show.’ She got into the car and slammed the car door and started the engine.
Nick stood by the side of the road as Lily took off, and not once did she look back in her rear-view mirror.
Gran was in bed when she made her way up the stairs, for which she was thankful. She needed to think and she didn’t want to have to explain anything to her yet.
Why would Sheila say they were engaged? Jess was certainly acting appallingly for someone who was only in a brief and casual thing with Nick.
She was still in her clothes when she collapsed onto the bed in her room and lay there, the curtains still open. The sound of the owls calling made Mr Mistoffelees jump onto the windowsill and investigate the darkness.
‘No mice for you, my friend. They belong to the owls,’ she said to the cat and he jumped from the sill and onto her bed, and snuggled up next to her.
For the first time in a long time, Lily buried her face in his velvety fur and cried for being so overemotional, for yelling at Nick and for Jessica making her doubt herself.
*
Lily awoke the following morning with a feeling of dread in her stomach. There was a rehearsal today and she wasn't sure what to expect.
She went downstairs to set things up for breakfast and sat outside with her tea and the cat, looking around at the garden. She should have worked on the garden instead of getting mixed up in this stupid amateur drama show.
‘Morning, love, you going to rehearsals today?’ Gran was at the door with her frame.
Lily smiled at her ruefully. ‘Actually, I think I’m going to drop out. Jessica won,’ she said. ‘It’s over.’
‘What do you mean? What’s over?’ Gran scoffed.
Lily came inside and poured Gran a mug of tea.
‘Last night Sheila told me that Nick and Jess had been engaged. He has told me all along it wasn’t serious and he says it’s not true, but I said if that’s correct then Jess needs to tell me that. I don’t know who to believe.’
Gran gasped. ‘Why would he lie? Surely this is just that Jessica woman causing trouble?’
Lily shrugged. ‘Maybe, but whatever it is, I don’t want to be a part of it.’
‘But leaving the show is poor form, darling. You have worked so hard and so has everyone else. It’s only a few weeks until it’s on. Don’t be a bad sport.’
Lily put her head in her hands and leaned her elbows on the table. ‘I know, but I feel sick at the thought of seeing them all. I ran away last night; it was all so overly dramatic.’
‘It’s not dramatic. You are being told inconsistencies, so you left to see what time will reveal. But I think not going to rehearsal is unprofessional, even in an amateur show.’
Lily knew Gran was right and she sighed. ‘Okay, I’ll go, but now I’m just embarrassed and if it is true, then I will be even more embarrassed,’ she said.
‘You need to go. You can’t let everyone down – you know that,’ Gran said firmly and Lily knew she was right, but the dread in her stomach was telling her to stay at home.
*
At the village hall, there was a palpable sense of tension when Lily arrived.
She could sense people looking at her, and as she got closer, whispers were swiftly silenced.
Jasper was already there, and Nick was in the middle of a very heated discussion with him.
He saw Lily and he gave her a hopeful smile.
She looked around and saw Sheila looking at her, her face concerned. The rest of the cast were there, except for Jessica, which made it somewhat more bearable, but also didn’t solve the mystery of whether she and Nick had been engaged or not.
‘Right, places everyone!’ The call came from Jasper, who was clapping his hands and walking away from Nick. ‘Let’s take it from the top of Act Two.’
As Lily took her place on stage, she turned and caught a glimpse of Jessica, who was standing in the wings and watching her with a smirk of triumph on her lips. So she was here, she thought as her stomach dropped.
Lily lifted her chin. She was resolute in her determination to conceal how she felt from her and listened to the introduction to the music.
The scene started after Higgins, Eliza and Pickering come back from the ball, and Eliza is furious and worried about her future, feeling taken advantage of by Higgins.
It wasn’t a hard scene to portray, she thought as she started her lines. The fury and betrayal were something she didn’t even need to act.
Lily turned into Eliza, expressing her gratitude for the opportunity to temporarily escape and at the end of the scene, the cast and crew clapped.
‘Bloody marvellous, all of you, honestly. And Eliza, you were marvellous,’ Jasper called. ‘I want to see that passion more. Whatever is driving you today, harness it and ride it into the performances.’
As all eyes turned on Lily, she felt a burning sensation in her cheeks and she walked off the stage to where Jessica was.
‘What happened last night? You ran out of the pub like you’d seen a ghost. Are you okay? Did you lose your voice again?’
Lily stared at her. ‘Have you spoken to Nick?’
‘No, I left when you did. I did see some missed calls from Nick though. I haven’t caught up with him yet.’
Lily paused. ‘Were you engaged to Nick?’ she asked finally.
Jessica made a sad face. ‘Yes, we were engaged, but he didn’t want to move to London. He’s very selfish, so I broke it off. He doesn’t support his partner’s dreams.’
Lily felt as though the world was falling out from under her feet.
‘He told me that you weren’t engaged,’ she said.
Jessica shrugged. ‘Well we were, not for long but we were. He’s lying because he’s embarrassed that I broke it off.’
Lily walked back onto the stage and looked out for Nick. ‘Nick, can you come here please?’
She walked back to where Jessica was, as Nick came to them, and Jasper and a few of the cast came closer. Nothing like a potential scene off stage to get a committed audience, she thought.
Nick walked up to Jessica and Lily.
‘I’ve been trying to call you,’ he said to Jessica who smiled sweetly.
‘I’m sorry, I was busy this morning and my ankle was playing up.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with your ankle. You’re an attention-seeker,’ Nick said. ‘Now tell Lily that we were never engaged.’
Jessica looked at Nick and gasped. ‘What? Why would I do that? We were engaged.’
‘We were not engaged,’ said Nick, exasperated. ‘We went out for six months, and then you went to London.’
Jessica shook her head. ‘We had discussed you moving to London and then you said you couldn’t so I broke it off.’
‘That doesn’t mean we were engaged.’ Nick looked at Lily, his face in shock.
‘She’s lying,’ and he turned to Jessica.
‘I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but you’re either seriously unwell or vicious to the point of being cruel.
We never were engaged. You and I were never going to be anything long term.
We are completely different people and I’m glad, because you’re not a nice person. ’
Lily put her hand on Nick’s arm. ‘It’s okay,’ she said to him softly.
Now the entire cast and crew were watching them but it was too late to try and get any privacy, and Lily was somewhat relieved that there were witnesses.
‘Is it okay?’ Jessica snapped and turned to the cast, walking out onto the stage. ‘You know I have met our leading lady before this show.’
Lily was confused. She had never met Jess. She really was making up lies with every word she spoke.
‘I’ve never met you before,’ said Lily loudly so everyone could hear.
But Jessica turned around. ‘I was the person who gave you a tissue as you were lying in a heap backstage at the Theatre Royal after you lost your nerve and your voice during your audition.’
She looked at Jasper. ‘And you cast her, even after I told you that she was unreliable and too emotional for the show. The girl can’t even do am dram. How is she going to make it as a professional?’
Lily grabbed Nick’s arm to steady herself.
‘You told Jasper?’ she asked her.
‘I told everyone. Everyone should know what a flake you are.’
Lily took a moment to compose herself and then looked at Jessica.
‘I was so grateful to you that day when you came to me to see if I was okay. It meant a lot. I see now I was wrong to think you and that woman you pretended to be were decent people.’
She walked downstage and then jumped off onto the floor.
‘Jessica, the role is all yours now. I’m sorry, Jasper, but under these circumstances, I can’t stay on. I will not work with her; she is truly horrendous. I wish you the very best with the show.’
‘Lily,’ she heard Nick call out from behind her but she kept walking away from the Appleton Green Amateur Drama Society and her broken and betrayed heart.
Letter
To my sweet Lily, aged twelve,
I’m sitting in the cottage with the window open, listening to the rain fall outside. We need this rain so I welcome it with open arms.
You left in a huff I noticed. You seemed to be very cross with your mum about something.
I didn’t ask because I am sure it will blow over, but you were very harsh on her.
I know mums can be annoying; I remember your dad being annoyed with me often, but us parents mean well. Try to give her a little grace.
Now that you’re home, Pippin Cottage is quiet again.
I can see the changes in you, Lily – perhaps the cottage isn’t as fun as it used to be anymore. Twelve is an age where your friends are your world and your gran and parents are a bit of a boring time. I understand that. I was twelve too, you know.
I do understand how you feel and how it feels like everything around you is changing – including you yourself. Growing up is hard, and things that used to be simple or enjoyable may not seem the same as they did before.
We still had a lovely time, playing piano and singing. You have taken to Cole Porter this year and I have enjoyed hearing his music again. He was a wonderful composer, and you sing his songs so well.
I know what it’s like to feel like your body is changing and your mind is filling up with new ideas and thoughts.
In fact, it’s normal to not know what to do with yourself sometimes.
Twelve is a funny age because it’s neither a child nor a teenager.
Your feelings change quickly, like the wind.
One minute you’re happy and laughing, and the next you’re sad and quiet.
And I want you to know that it’s okay to feel this way.
I saw it this summer. That’s how you grow up, and it’s not always fun.
As always we did some gardening, planting flowers, pulling weeds and gathering herbs, but we have decided to leave the apple tree this year. Perhaps we are all apple-d out. Now Mr Wilkinson is gone, we have no one to give the apple sauce to.
Lily, remember that these changes are a part of becoming the person you were meant to be.
You don’t have to know everything now; this is time to get to know yourself.
There will be good days and bad days. Both are very important.
You’re taking care of yourself, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
With all my love,
Gran