Chapter 5
Ronin looked like he hadn't slept in days. Dark circles shadowed eyes, the colour of wet moss, as guilt pooled in them. But he was still handsome. The most attractive man she had ever met and, somehow, a stranger after all these years.
He took a breath, as though preparing himself. Then he made his way to the tiny breakfast nook and took the chair facing hers.
"I think I owe you... That is, I need to tell you how it started.
I met Amanda two and a half years ago at a conference.
Then she interviewed for our company, and she was really good at her job.
She was like a ray of sunshine, kind to everyone.
We became friends. We'd spoken before, you know, in passing.
I'd talked about you, about David, and she'd talked about her husband, James.
I began to notice things—bruises on her arm, the shape of fingers.
Days she'd move like she was hurting. I'd let her know I would help if I could, but she always denied anything was happening.
" He sighed. "And then, one evening two years ago.
..we crossed lines we should never have crossed.
We were both drunk. It was after that Transverse merger—the one everyone thought was impossible. " His voice thinned. "I..."
Sage didn't move or look up, so he soldiered on.
"She told me about her husband’s affairs, about the times he'd been.
..rough. How she ended up in hospital once.
She has no family to turn to." He hesitated.
"She was upset that night, and I asked why she wouldn't leave him.
She looked at me and I just...I don't know.
I felt alone. You were always so busy. And when she reached for me, when she kissed me. ..I didn't push her away."
He exhaled, long and shaky. "I felt like shit afterwards. Avoided her for weeks. But then the flood happened, and we were stuck together in the office that day. And... I'm ashamed, Sage. I couldn't resist."
His eyes were tortured.
He rubbed his face. "It happened nine times over a year ago.
Each time, I felt good when I was with her, but afterwards, it was hell.
I tried to end it. Once I almost told you, but I realised I didn't want to lose you.
The next day, I talked to her, told her we had to stop, and she agreed.
But a month later she told me...she told me she was pregnant, that it was mine.
That it couldn't be James'. She said she'd leave him, and I tried to support her through it. "
Ronin's voice cracked before he steadied himself. "The baby's three months old now. A little girl with dark hair and green eyes... I think…I think she's mine."
He whispered the last part of his confession, seemingly unaware that Sage was splintering inside. She lifted her head, as if surfacing into a world that had become unrecognizable.
I used to believe the worst thing was ending up alone, she thought. But it isn't. The worst is being with someone who makes you feel that way, anyway.
Her voice was raw, frayed from disuse. "Do you want me to move out?"
"No. No." He reached for her hands in a sudden move, on his knees in front of her.
Ironically, this was a first for him. Even his proposal was casual-them out for dinner and him asking if she wanted to get married in the same tone he would have asked her if she wanted more wine.
She let him take her limp hands in his warmer grip.
The tears silently dripping down onto her lap had seeped into his fingers.
She eased her hands away slowly and stood, silent before walking back to the guest room.
She closed the curtains and took a pill for her migraine from the medicine cabinet.
Then she climbed into bed and pulled the quilt up over her head.
Her period was due; she'd been miserable for weeks.
Once, her cycles had been like clockwork, but now, they were chaos.
But for once, the pain in her head and abdomen took a backseat to the agony in her chest. Useless tears wet her pillow as she started to drift into the welcome darkness again.
What she needed was a pill to make it all go away.
At some point, she felt Ronin nearby, the scent of his aftershave piercing the fog. What used to be familiar and calming now made her stomach churn. He just stood there but didn't dare touch her.
Later, she woke again when the doorbell rang and rolled over onto her stomach. The guest room's ceiling was low, its mouldings delicate. She heard a door open, David's footsteps as familiar as breathing to her, raised voices downstairs, then David running back up, his door slamming.
Every joint ached more than usual as she turned to the side and stretched out the kinks.
Her phone was dead. She crept into the master bedroom to retrieve the charger and returned to the guest bedroom to plug it in.
She always told David not to use his phone while charging, but she sat cross-legged on the bed and did exactly that.
When it powered on, she typed into the search bar: Do I have any legal rights if I leave my partner is we are unmarried?
The search results told her everything she already suspected: there is no such thing as a common-law marriage in the UK.
The house was in Ronin's name since she'd been pregnant and unemployed when they bought it.
The mortgage was paid off now, but still legally his.
They had one joint account for household expenses.
She opened the app, and saw ￡60,000 sat in the account.
Ronin had his own separate account. She had closed her own ages ago because it was simpler and more convenient.
Basically, she had been a fool and had not left herself an escape route.
Her eyes burned. She locked the phone, slid it away, and crawled under the quilt. She needed to think. She was forty-five, with no job, no prospects. She was completely at Ronin's mercy.
Her son... She couldn't even process that pain. He would probably stay here with Ronin, with his new little sister and his step-mother who made his dad happy. A happy family, without her.
She remembered how they'd tried for another child for years. The tests. Ronin's low sperm count. The decision that David was enough.
Another thought curled in her mind like smoke. If Ronin was having unprotected sex with her...and she was still sleeping with her husband, who had cheated...
She needed to be practical. She needed to get tested.