Chapter 23
"James," Amanda breathed, her voice strangled.
Devastation swept across his face when his gaze found her. "Amanda," he said quietly, stepping inside. "So, it's all true."
She rose to her feet as if pulled by invisible strings. "I... James—"
"Why?" he cut her off, his voice tortured, though it never rose. "Why would you do this to me? To us?"
Her mouth opened, but no words came. At last, the tears spilled, her face crumpling.
"I couldn't help it," she whispered, then louder, ragged.
"I couldn't help it! I've been in love with him since Mia brought him home.
My sister had him, not me. Do you know what that was like?
To smile at her happiness while I was dying inside?
When they broke up, I was glad. God help me, I was glad.
I thought, finally, finally, I would have a chance with him. "
Sage's breath caught, her skin crawling. James looked so much like Ronin.
Amanda pressed on, shaking now. "I watched from the sidelines when he fell apart, and Sage stepped in to put him back together.
I was still in school and didn't stand a chance.
I followed them online, in person. When I saw their wedding announcement, I almost—" She broke off, her voice splintering.
"I almost ended it all. But then you came along after so many years, and you looked so much like him.
.. I couldn't believe it, you were like brothers.
You made me think I could pretend. That I could build a life, and that was. ..enough."
James staggered back a step, his face ashen. His eyes glistened. "Enough? That's all you have to say?" His voice was strangled. "Amanda...my God. You have been telling him that I have...I have been hurting you? That I put you in the hospital? How could you do this?"
Amanda's lips trembled, her hands twisting in front of her before she broke, her words tumbling out in a rush.
"I just wanted his attention. When I met him again at that conference, I knew it wasn't over.
Not for me. That's why I insisted we move to Bristol.
It wasn't about you, James; it was about being closer to him. "
She drew in a shuddering breath. "At first, he wouldn't even look at me.
Wouldn't give me the time of day. And then.
.." Her voice faltered, shame flooding her face.
"He saw some bruises on my arm. And he thought.
.." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "And I let him believe that you did it.
Because then he was looking at me—me, Amanda. Not Mia, not Sage. Me."
James's hands balled into fists, his chest heaving. For a moment, he looked as if he might explode, then the strength drained out of him all at once. He sank down heavily into the armchair Amanda had claimed moments earlier, his head in his hands.
She covered her face, sobbing. "I tried. I swear I tried. But every time I looked at you, I saw him. I wanted it to be him."
For a long moment, James didn't move. Then slowly, his voice broke on a whisper. "Jenny... Is Jenny mine?"
Amanda's hands fell from her face, trembling. Her lips parted. "I...I don't know."
James buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. Tortured tears escaped the confines of his large hands, his anguish filling the room.
"She's my daughter," he whispered hoarsely. "She knows me now. She loves me." He dragged in a breath, forcing his head up. His eyes locked on Amanda. "When Ronin came to see me yesterday, I didn't want to believe him. But now—"
Amanda choked on a sob. "Please, James—"
James suddenly pushed himself up from the chair, his face set, though his voice shook. "I want a divorce," he said, each word clipped, final. "I...I love Jenny. And I want her. So, we're getting that paternity test tomorrow. And you are going to show up." His tone brooked no argument.
Amanda crumpled to the floor, sobbing into her palms. James's eyes lingered on her for a long, broken moment before he turned his face away, unable to look at her. Then he whispered, hoarsely, "Did you ever love me at all? Or was I always a substitute for the man you couldn't have?"
Amanda said nothing, but her silence was answer enough.
"I'm going home," James said, turning for the door.
Sage instinctively followed him out into the cool night air. He stood there by the doorstep, shoulders slumped, confusion etched into his features like a man who had forgotten what direction the world turned. He was a big man, but at that moment he resembled a lost boy.
"How did you get here?" she asked softly.
He lifted his chin and pointed mutely towards a sleek car parked at the curb.
She frowned. "Well, I don't think you should be driving in this state."
He didn't argue when she went back inside for her keys. David tried to catch her arm, eyes wide with alarm, but she squeezed his hand.
"The poor man cannot drive like this. I'll be back," she promised.
Outside, she slipped her hand gently onto James's arm, guiding him towards her car. It felt strangely familiar, like steadying David after a heartbreak, or taking care of a younger brother. She opened the passenger door, and he sank into the seat without protest.
"Where do you live?" she asked as she buckled in.
His answer surprised her.
"Not far. About twenty minutes," Sage mused. Probably another one of Amanda's clever plans.
They drove in silence. James sat with his head tipped back, eyes closed, as though life itself had drained out of him.
"I don't understand..." he murmured at last, staring out at the blurred streetlights.
Sage exhaled, her hands tightening on the wheel. "Neither do I, but it is what it is."
He turned slightly towards her, his face haunted. "I loved her so much."
Her lips pressed together. "I know," she whispered.
He looked away again, the window reflecting a hollow man.
After a while, she asked, "Do you have friends? Family?"
He nodded faintly.
"You're taking this very well," he said suddenly, his voice edged with bewilderment.
She gave a short, hollow laugh. "I've had a couple of weeks for it to sink in.
It destroyed me when I found out...but I know I need to go on.
" Her knuckles whitened against the steering wheel.
"I was never Ronin's first choice, you know.
It was Amanda's sister. He grieved her. I was just the stupid placeholder who stayed for a couple of decades.
If you feel foolish, just think of how I feel.
" She forced herself to breathe. "But I have a beautiful son, and I can't give up.
I've come to realise...even if I was never Ronin's first choice, I can still be someone else's. "
Her eyes flicked towards him, then back to the road. "I think Jenny is yours. Ronin and I tried for years for a second child. So, at least there's that."
When she pulled up outside his house, James lingered with his hand on the door handle. His voice was raw, almost childlike. "You must think I am an awful person to leave Jenny with her. But I know she would never hurt Jenny."
He was silent for a minute before he asked, "Why are you doing this for me?"
Sage looked at him squarely. "Because in many ways, we're in the same boat. And we need to decide where to go from here. But tonight, you shouldn't be alone. Call someone to stay with you."
His throat bobbed. "I will. Thank you."
Sage hesitated. "Give me your mobile."
She keyed in her number. "In case you want to talk. Because no one can understand better than I can...trust me. Don't let one scheming woman destroy your light."
He nodded as if not daring to speak.
When he stepped out, his posture was heavy and defeated. She watched him walk to the door and disappear inside, the weight of his broken marriage and uncertain fatherhood bending him with every step.