Chapter 25
Upstairs, Sage pushed open the door to the guest bedroom. The bed was unmade, a pile of her clothes heaped in the center. She caught the faint scent of her shampoo on them—proof Ronin had moved them here at some point, maybe clumsily trying to tidy up, maybe just shoving them aside.
She pulled the clothes off, folded them onto the chair, and smoothed the covers. She was just about to take a shower when a soft knock came at the door.
"Mum?"
David's head poked around the frame. His eyes were red, his face blotchy, a fourteen-year-old trying too hard to look older than he was. She motioned to the little sofa across from the bed, but he stayed rooted by the door, unsure if he was allowed any closer.
Finally, he came inside, hesitant, and when she didn't send him away, he sat on the edge of the bed, keeping a small distance from her. It broke her heart to see him so unsure. His shoulders hunched forward, as if the stress of the whole evening pressed down on him.
"Mum, I'm so sorry for what I said," he whispered into her hair when she drew him close.
"I just thought..." His voice faltered, halting. "With all the fighting...maybe you and Dad would be better off apart. Like Patrick's mum and pa. They fight less now. I thought it'd be like that."
Sage moved back just enough to look at him. For that moment, Amanda, Ronin, the whole house faded away—there was only her son.
"You thought I'd be better off apart from your father?"
He shrugged helplessly, then shook his head, voice breaking in places from the transition from boy to man.
"I didn't want you with a liar, even if it is my dad.
I thought it would hurt less if you knew.
..if you knew I'd be okay with it. But I.
.." His fists clenched at his sides. "I said it wrong.
I was so stupid. I thought I was helping. Instead, you left. You just left."
Her hands folded together tightly, knuckles burning. Then she raised her hand to run her fingers through his dark hair, which sorely needed a cut.
"I needed time, David," she said softly. "Time to think. I felt like I couldn't breathe here."
"You could've thought here," he blurted, half-accusation, half-plea.
She shook her head. "No, I couldn't. How can I make you understand?
" Her voice trembled. "All I ever wanted was you and your father.
That's all. And I hoped...prayed...that to you, we were the same.
But to you, I'm just the mum who cooks and cleans and has been.
..off lately. And your dad's the brilliant, handsome guy who deserves more. "
"Don't..."
"Let me finish. This is what I felt...but I shouldn't have assumed," she whispered, twisting her fingers.
"I had to leave before I did something you'd hate me for.
Because for those first few days, David.
..all I could think about was stepping into the road and letting it all stop.
I never thought I could be that person, but I was. And it scared me."
He flinched, blinking fast.
"I'm sorry I left you," she went on, tears spilling unchecked.
"But don't you see? I just wanted to be first in someone's heart, even if that person was me.
To your dad, I was second best after his girlfriend at uni.
And now I'm second best to the woman he wants—the prettier, daintier, thinner, smarter version of me.
And to you..." Her voice cracked. "I'm not enough.
I thought you'd prefer I was more like her, and I just couldn't bear it. "
David's face crumpled. "No," he whispered hoarsely. "God, no. I didn't think that at all. I didn't know you would feel that way. I'm sorry, Mum. I'm so sorry."
Her arms trembled as she held him close, her child again, her most precious achievement. His shoulders were broader now, he towered above her, but to her, he was still her little boy.
She pressed her cheek against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "Forgive me if you can. But I'm here now, and I won't leave you again. Okay? Because to me, you always come first. Always."
David could only nod against her
For a long while, the only sounds were the steady drizzle against the window and David's uneven breathing as his tears dampened her hair.
Then, his voice came out, muffled against her crown. "Can I just sleep here for a little while, Mum?"
Her heart squeezed tight. "Of course."
He curled up beside her, long limbs awkward, like a St. Bernard trying to imitate a mouse. She tucked the blanket around him, her hand resting on his arm. She listened as his breathing evened out and his body relaxed.
She gingerly extracted herself and tucked the blanket around her boy. He was a restless sleeper, and she would have to wake him up after a while and send him back to his bed.
Her screen lit up with a string of unread messages. Euan.
Are you okay?
Have you reached your house yet?
Call me...
Don't forget me, Sage.
How is your boy? How did it go with your deadbeat husband... Sorry... I'm jealous...can't help it.
Are you getting back together? Sorry...I'm stressed. And missing you already... I am going to figure my shit out...then watch out. Because we are not over yet.
The corners of her mouth tugged upwards, despite everything. She typed out a long reply, giving him the outline of the night.
Almost immediately, the screen lit again.
Can you talk?
Her fingers hovered, but her body sagged with fatigue. Dead on my feet, she sent back. Raincheck?
Fine, came his answer a moment later. She could imagine him grumbling in her head, and that made her smile again. Call me tomorrow. Promise?
She stared at the word—promise—before typing back a single ‘yes’. Then she put the phone down and plugged it in before going into the ensuite for a shower.
Afterwards, she walked her sleepy son to his room and tucked him in. She could hear Ronin moving around downstairs but couldn't work up the energy for that talk. Tomorrow, she promised.
Then she drew the covers around herself, and unlike every day since this nightmare came into her life, she closed her eyes without dread.
For the first time since her life splintered apart, she felt the faintest glimmer of peace.