Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
SARAH
I ’m so freaking tired.
With my feet bare, I walk across the wet sand toward the water and take in a long, deep breath. I couldn’t sleep last night, and it had nothing to do with shenanigans with Tanner.
No, he was sacked out on the loveseat when I got home. But the kicker was, Petunia was curled up with him, and they were both snoring peacefully.
So, rather than wake them, I covered Tanner with the small quilt that usually sits on the back of the couch, and then I went home to sleep in my own bed.
Except, I didn’t sleep.
So, at one, I gave up trying and decided to paint. Last year, I painted a piece for Wolfe and Zeke to hang in their garage as a thank you for letting me rent the apartment above. Unfortunately, it was also lost in the fire.
It’s time to replace it, even if they won’t be able to hang it for a while yet.
I stop walking to check a rock left by the tide and feel a little thrill when I discover that it’s an agate. In my pocket it goes.
Oregon is famous for the agates that can be found along the coast. I discovered quite a few when I was a kid, but my mom threw them away.
Because she knew I enjoyed them. It was as simple as that.
Is my old baggage what kept me awake last night? I don’t think so. I’m just restless. And as grateful as I am for my job, it’s starting to lose its shine.
I’m standing at the water’s edge, with the waves tickling my toes as it ebbs and flows in and out. The water is freezing, and despite the warmer spring weather, the water won’t warm up. The Pacific is always cold.
At least, this part of it is.
But there are the adventurous people who don their wetsuits and windsurf, boogie board, and swim.
Personally, I’m fine enjoying the water just like this.
I hear footsteps behind me and turn to find Tanner walking toward me.
He has that sexy as sin half smile on his lips. The one that makes me want to just eat him alive.
Then again, almost everything the man does makes me want to eat him alive.
His jeans are rolled up on his calves, and he’s in a light, gray jacket.
And when he reaches me, he immediately takes my hand in his and kisses it.
“Good morning,” he says. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”
“You probably needed it.” I walk into his arms and rest my face against his chest, taking another deep breath when he rocks me back and forth.
The beach is great, but combine it with Tanner, and it’s exactly what I needed.
He takes my hand once more, and we set off, walking along the shoreline, inches away from the water.
“What were you thinking so hard about?” he asks.
“How do you know I was thinking?”
“Well, I couldn’t see your face, but you were standing there, with your shoulders practically up around your ears, and tension in every line of your body. I know you, pretty girl. What’s up?”
I bite my lip and look out to the waves. For several minutes, we just walk on the sand, hand in hand.
“I think I’m being stupid,” I say at last.
“I highly doubt it.” He laughs and squeezes my hand. “You’re one of the smartest people I know.”
“Well, it’s silly. Because I have a really great life right now. My house is the cutest, my cat is the best , and I have amazing friends. Not to mention, I have you , so it feels really petty and ungrateful to be unhappy about anything in my life right now.”
“Sarah.” He stops me, and we face each other. “You’re not silly or stupid or petty. And I know for damn sure that you’re not ungrateful. If something isn’t right , you have every right to speak up about it. What’s bothering you?”
I press my lips together for a moment before answering him. “Last night at work was hard. And I’m not afraid of hard work. I can do hard things. And I don’t hate the job.”
“Okay, stop. What happened?”
“People are just… horrible. Mean to service workers. Rude. Not the locals so much as the tourists. And not all tourists, of course.”
I break off when he just raises his eyebrows, and I let out a gusty sigh.
“I need the job. And most of the time, I like it. I love my coworkers. But man, there are just shifts when it almost sucks the soul right out of me. It left me unsettled, and I didn’t sleep much last night, so that’s probably why I’m extra moody about it all this morning.”
“If you could do anything for a living, and I do mean anything , what would it be?”
I blink in surprise. “I haven’t thought about that in a long time.”
“So, think about it. What would you do?”
“I’d paint. If money was no issue and I could do anything? I’d make art.”
His lips tip up into a smile.
“What is that look?”
“I don’t know if you realize this, but I happen to own an art gallery. Why don’t you give me a couple pieces, and I’ll hang them. I’m sure they’d sell.”
“I’m not ready for that.”
I turn to walk away, but he takes me by the elbow, stopping me.
“Wait. I’ve seen your work, Sarah. If you painted some seascapes, or anything for that matter, I know I could sell them for you. I won’t even take a commission.”
“That doesn’t seem right.”
Now his eyes flash with something that looks like anger.
“Are you always this resistant when people want to help you, or is it just with me?”
“I’m not trying to irritate you. Look, for a long ass time, help came with strings. So, it’s an automatic response now to simply say no thank you, because I don’t want to owe anyone anything. When payback time comes, it’s usually something I can’t, or don’t want to, give.”
“I don’t want anything from you,” he says, and I believe him. “And I get that it’s a gut reaction, but if I offer to help , it’s because I want to. Not because I want something in return. Unless…”
“Unless?”
He smirks. “Unless you had the inclination to show me your boobs or something. No pressure, though.”
“Ah, sexual favors.” I nod knowingly and then laugh. “For you? Not a problem.”
“Think about it,” he urges. “I’d love to hang your work in my gallery. It would be an honor.”
“You’re sweet.” I step to him again, and his arms come around me. We don’t speak for a while, but rather, we just stand here, wrapped up in each other, listening to the waves.
“Have you ever noticed that the water sounds like music?” He begins to rock back and forth in a sweet dance that makes me smile against his chest.
“I’ve noticed.” I close my eyes and soak it all in. The magical sound of the waves, the heat of the man I love against me, and the gentle rocking as Tanner dances me over the sand.
The water tickles my feet as his hand moves to my side, and then the other to my right hand, and we’re standing in a classical dance pose, moving on the beach. I can’t take my eyes from his as our bodies, pressed together from stomach to knee, sway side to side, in a slow circle.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life.” He presses his lips to my forehead, and I know without a doubt, in this moment, I’ve never felt so treasured. So loved.
So necessary to another.
It’s a moment I’ll never forget.
Suddenly, the waves crash farther up on the sand, engulfing us up to our knees, and we laugh as we hurry out of the way.
“Thank you for the dance.” I take his hand as we walk back toward home. “It was a really great way to start the day. But now I have to get ready for work.”
“Work? But you worked late last night.”
I shrug a shoulder. “Yeah, well, I’m on breakfast duty this morning. Is it okay if Petunia stays at your place today so she can watch the water?”
“Of course. When I picked her up yesterday, she clung to me, as if she were extra lonely.”
“Oh.” My eyes fill with tears, and I’m immediately racked with guilt. “My poor baby.”
“Hey, she’s fine. Honest. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He frowns down at me. “She’s got the good life.”
“I know.” I nod and brush away a tear. “I just miss her. I don’t get to see her as much as I should. Maybe I shouldn’t have adopted her. It’s not fair to her.”
“Okay, you need to stop it,” he says, shaking his head. “Petunia is as happy as it gets. Anyone can see that she’s way better off than she was before you came into her life. I think you need a day off, pretty girl.”
“I do.” I blow out a breath as we reach the top of the steps near the house. “You’re right, I really do. I think I have the day after tomorrow off.”
“Sunday?” he clarifies.
“Yep. The whole day.”
“I’m closed that day, too. I’d like to spend it with you. No plans, nothing crazy. Just with you.”
“That sounds like the best idea I’ve heard in a really, really long time.”
It’s after my shift, and Tanner doesn’t get home for a few more hours, and I really need to paint, so I head over to the lighthouse after work. Thankfully, June stopped by the diner this afternoon and was happy to give me a ride.
“You don’t look so good,” Luna says as she walks with me out to the inn. June dropped me off and left, on her way to another project, so I should have a little time by myself to paint without the work crew around.
“How do I look?”
“Tired,” she decides as she unlocks the inn and lets me inside.
“Well, that’s fitting, since I didn’t sleep a wink last night, and I worked two back-to-back shifts.”
“Yikes.” She scowls as she watches me get my supplies ready. “Why no sleep?”
“It was a shitty night at work yesterday.” I blow a strand of hair out of my eye. “And, honestly, this morning wasn’t a lot better. People are just rude lately. Have you noticed that?”
She blinks and slowly shakes her head. “No, honestly, I haven’t.”
“Well, that’s typical.”
“What is?” She props her hands on her hips now and looks more concerned than pissed off. “Sarah, what’s going on with you?”
“Is there a sign on my forehead that invites people to treat me like shit?” I set my brushes and easel aside and turn to my best friend, frustration bubbling through me. “Like, what is it about me that makes the people around me think it’s okay to use me as a fucking punching bag?”
“I don’t treat you like that.”
“Not you or Tanner or June. I’m not talking about our group, but literally every customer I had yesterday treated me like a piece of shit. Wouldn’t look at me, answered in short, clipped tones. One woman had the audacity to pour her fucking coffee all over the table because she said it was cold. ”
“Oh, my God, Sarah.”
“My coworkers don’t get that treatment. Not one of them, and trust me, I asked. Do you know that I went to Scott’s house not long ago to try to talk to him, and he told me he was all filled up in the friends department, but if someone dies, he’ll let me know.”
Her eyes fill with tears, and I keep talking.
“My parents couldn’t stand the sight of me. Tanner dumped me so he could fuck the girls at college, but in his defense, at least he dumped me before he started sleeping around.”
“That’s a bright side.”
“And don’t even get me started on Anthony. That man was horrible to me. At first, I made excuses for him. He had a demanding job, he was stressed out, if I wasn’t so stupid, he wouldn’t be mad. But that wasn’t true. I’m not stupid! He just got off on hurting me, and I feel like so many people feel that way about me, and I want to know what I did to earn that treatment. What did I do to be last on everyone’s priority list, and to be the one that takes abusive words and behaviors? I’m so fucking over it, Luna.”
“Me, too.” She brushes angrily at the tears and fists her hands. “I’m over it for you. It ends now, Sarah. If a woman pours out her coffee, you don’t smile and offer to clean it up. You tell her to get the hell out of the restaurant. And if your brother says something like that to you again, you tell him to go to hell.”
“That won’t mend the relationship,” I mutter.
“Who cares, Sarah?” She opens her arms wide, clearly as frustrated as I am. “Because he certainly doesn’t. I don’t care who he is to you, he doesn’t get to speak to you that way. No one does, but definitely not him. You don’t have an abuse me sign on your forehead, but you’ve also been afraid to stick up for yourself, and that has to end, too.”
“You’re right.” I pace the foyer, pulling my hair back in a ponytail. “You’re absolutely right. No more smile and nod for me. If I get fired because I demand respect from the customers, so be it.”
“Gordy won’t fire you.” Luna’s voice is full of confidence. “Not a chance. He loves you, and if you told him this was happening, he wouldn’t stand for it, either. Did you tell him?”
“No. I haven’t told anyone.”
“I love you so much,” Luna says, surprising me. She reaches out for my hand. “Like, so much. You’re kind and smart and so damn talented. But if you have one flaw, it’s that you don’t ever think that you deserve to be treated well. You don’t insist on it in your life. And you deserve it, Sarah.”
“Why? Why do I deserve it? I stayed with a man who mentally and financially abused me for years. I abandoned my brother and my best friends. My community.”
“And you came home and apologized, and in case you missed it, your community loves you. But all that aside, you deserve respect and love because you’re a damn human being. Period. You’re a person, and you have feelings. So, the next time some asshole won’t look you in the eye, you say, hey, my eyes are up here. ”
I snort at the idea, but Luna just raises her eyebrows.
“I’m not kidding.” She narrows her eyes and gives me the mom look. The one that says, you’d better listen to me, missy.
“You’re gonna make an excellent mother someday. You have the mom stare down pat.”
Her lips twitch, but she still doesn’t smile.
“I want you to promise me that you’re going to start standing up for yourself because you know that you deserve better.”
“I will.” I swallow and nod, already feeling better. “I have to, because otherwise, I’m going to go crazy. We’re not even in the heart of tourist season yet, Luna. It’s not even that busy, and this is already happening. I can’t go through a whole season of it. I can’t go to work every day, worried and scared that someone is going to be mean to me, so I’m on edge all the time.”
“No one can do that and stay sane. No wonder you’re not sleeping.”
“Do you know what occurred to me this morning?” Feeling moderately better, I return to organizing my supplies. “I was out on the beach, and I found an agate.”
“You always loved that.”
“I know. I still do. Anyway, I remembered that by the time I was about sixteen or so, I’d collected a good-sized jar, full of pretty agates. All different shapes and sizes. And one day, my mom barged into my bedroom, drunk or high as usual, and asked me a question.”
“What did she ask you?”
My eyes find hers. “She wanted me to drive her to the liquor store so she could get more alcohol. And I said no. Dad was passed out somewhere, and he’d beaten the hell out of Scott that morning, just for funsies.”
“God, I hate those people.” She drags her hand down her face. “Like, hate. ”
“So, I stuck my little chin out and I said, ‘No, Mom. You’ve had enough. Just go to sleep.’ ”
“And that pissed her off,” Luna guesses.
“Oh, yeah. She saw my jar of agates on my dresser, and because she knew I loved those things, she grabbed it and hurried away from me, ran outside to the dumpster, and threw it in so violently, the jar shattered. She warned me that if I tried to jump in and get the rocks, she’d break my hands into tiny pieces, just like the jar.”
“Hate’s too easy of a word for how I feel about your parents.”
“I’d been collecting them for years , and they were just gone, all because I didn’t want her to get more liquor.”
“No, it was because you stood up for yourself,” she says quietly, and I suddenly smell roses filling the room. “It’s because you took a stand against a bully, and you paid for it. And ever since then, you’ve given in because if you stand up for yourself, you might lose something that you love.”
I stand in silence, staring at my friend, and feel the blood leave my head.
“You’re right.” I sit on the stool I use when I paint and swallow hard. “You’re totally right.”
“I should have gone to school to be a psychologist.”
I grin at her. “I can’t afford you.”
“This one is on the house.”
We stare at each other for a long moment, and then I blow out a breath.
“Well, I’m officially done being a doormat, all because my mommy was a bitch. No more, Luna.”
“Atta girl. You’ve got this.”
“Okay, you go away so I can work now. I’m feeling moody, so I think I’ll do the stormy seascape for the south suite upstairs.”
“Oh, perfect. I can’t wait to see it. Holler if you need anything. I’m going to bring you some spaghetti in about an hour.”
“Yum. Thanks. And not just for the spaghetti.”
“You’re welcome.”
She winks, and then she’s gone, and I’m left in the inn with my paints and Rose.
“Okay, Rose, let’s do this.”
“Hey, Sarah,” Angela says the next day at work. She gestures for me to come talk to her by the computer.
“Hey, what’s up, Ang?”
“I have an evening shift again tomorrow, and I have to go pick up my kid in Newport at about five, and I was hoping you’d cover for me.”
“Oh.” I start to immediately agree, and then I remember that tomorrow is my first day off in almost a week, and it’s been the week from hell. “I’m sorry, I can’t help you out this time.”
“What? Why?”
“Because it’s my day off, and I have plans. Sorry, Angela, you’ll have to ask someone else.”
“But, I already did.”
And cue the guilt, right in the stomach. But, I need this day off.
“I can’t help you this time.”
“So, you’re just going to let me strand my kid in Newport? That’s pretty shitty, Sarah.”
“No.” I prop my hands on my hips and turn so I’m facing away from any customers who might hear me. “You can make other arrangements for your son. You know you can.”
She blinks and looks away from me.
“I know that we’ve all been overworked, and you want a day off. Well, guess what, so do I. It’s my scheduled day, and I’m taking it. I always cover for you, Angela, so the fact that you’d try to make me feel like crap is pretty shitty of you. ”
And with that, I walk away from her to retrieve some meals from the kitchen to deliver.
It’s a wonder that I don’t drop the plates, my hands are shaking so hard.
I established with Luna last night that I’m not good with any type of confrontation, but I’ve also resolved myself to having my own back.
I can’t be walked all over anymore.
“Here you go,” I say brightly as I set the meals in front of the family of four. “I’ll grab you some ketchup and another round of Cokes. What else can I get you?”
“This looks great,” the dad says with a nod, and he smiles up at me. “Thanks a lot.”
“You’re welcome.”
I walk away with a spring in my step. That simple smile was all I needed to make me feel better.
It’s so simple. I’m not asking for the world.
When I pass by Angela, she’s not speaking to me, but that’s fine by me.
“What’s up there?” Sunny asks as she joins me in the kitchen where I’m filling cups with ranch.
“She asked me to cover her shift tomorrow so she could go pick up her kid from her ex in Newport. I turned her down.”
“Good girl. She wants to go to a concert in Newport, and her kid is spending the weekend with her mom, right here in Huckleberry Bay.”
I stare at Sunny for a full ten seconds. “You’re kidding me.”
“Nope, it’s the truth. You take your day off and get some rest. Or bounce on that fine man you’re seeing. Hell, do both.”
“You know what? I think I will do both. I like Angela. I know that she’s moody sometimes, but I thought she was my friend.”
“Whoa.” Sunny holds up a hand, stopping me. “She’s a work friend. And that’s not to say that those can’t also carry over into real life, but I’ve been doing this job a long damn time, and I’m going to tell you something. Be friend ly . Be kind. Laugh together when you’re on shift. It makes the days so much better.”
“But?”
“But watch your back. Just because you get along well doesn’t mean that you can trust her, or anyone else, to have your best interests at heart. I wouldn’t do you dirty like that, but I don’t know that I’d say the same about anyone else here, aside from Gordy.”
“That’s a good reminder. Thanks, Sunny.”
“Also, if she flips you any shit, you let me know.”
“Nah. I’ll handle it. I’m no longer accepting any extra shit in my life.”
“Good girl,” Sunny says with an impressed nod. “I love it.”
The rest of my day goes way better than the previous one. Customers are happier, and I’m in a much better mood.
Is it possible that I’ve been feeding off of the bad energy, and vice versa? Probably.
Tanner picks me up at three, looking sexier than any man should be allowed to in a blue polo and jeans, and when he takes off his sunglasses, he takes me in from head to toe.
“Trust me, I know I need a shower and clothes that aren’t covered in food.”
“I was just thinking that you look good enough to eat.”
I smile over at him. “Well, thanks. How was your day?”
“Profitable. And now I get to spend some quality time with you, so it just got even better.”
“You’re very charming today.”
He grins and pulls away from the curb. “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”