Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
SARAH
“ I don’t know what to say.” I’m standing next to Scott, who’s holding my hand, as we stare down at the hole in the ground. Scott called the city and got the information for the correct way to do this, so he dug the hole before I got here.
Thank God, there wasn’t someone else buried in this exact location. Grandma must be a little to the left.
Or the right.
How should I know?
“We don’t have to say anything,” is his reply. “We can just drop her down there and cover her up.”
“That seems cold, even for her.” I breathe in deeply and look around the small graveyard. “You know, it’s never scared me to be out here. It’s not creepy at all.”
I look down at the simple, plastic box that Mom’s remains came in. It fits her. She was always simple and didn’t have nice things.
If she did, she sold them for drugs.
“You were a shitty mother,” I say at last. “Probably the worst one I know of. Maybe not the worst in history, but pretty fucking horrible. You let your babies suffer and watched them be hungry. Hurt. Beaten by their own father. You were selfish, mean, and an all-around bitch.”
“Don’t hold back,” Scott mutters, but he chuckles.
“Oh, there’s no need to hold back.” I sigh and lean my head on my brother’s shoulder. “All we ever wanted was for them to love us.”
“Yeah, well, that didn’t happen. And there’s no need to stand here and be sad about it. To be sad about her dying.”
“I’m not sad.” I look at the other headstones around us again. “I bet that most of these people had loved ones who cried over their graves when they died. They had flowers and people who grieved for them.”
“Probably,” he agrees.
“I think the saddest part of this is that literally no one in the world gives a shit that Melissa Pedersen is dead. No one grieves for her. She’ll be buried here, without a stone, and when you and I are gone, no one will even remember that she lived.”
“A waste.” His voice is hard. “She was a waste of human flesh.”
“I’m so glad that it’s not me.” Tears come now, and they run unchecked down my cheeks. “If I’d stayed with Anthony, when my time came, no one would care. He made sure of that. Yes, Mom’s situation is different because it’s her own doing, but Christ, Scott, I’m glad it’s not me.”
“No one wants to imagine this.” He shakes his head slowly. “That when they’re gone, no one will care. It’s pathetic. And like you said, it’s her own doing. Had she been a decent fucking human, she’d have all of Huckleberry Bay here to say their goodbyes. She didn’t give a shit about anyone here, including us.”
“No. She didn’t. So, I hope you finally rest easy, Mom, because God knows that you weren’t restful when you were here.”
I squat and place her box in the ground, and then Scott covers her up. I place a single red rose over the grave, and then we step away and walk toward our cars.
“We won’t do this for Dad,” Scott says, his voice firm. “Tanner asked me about it earlier, and I want to make it clear to you that if and when we ever get the call that he’s finally dead, they can keep his damn remains. I don’t care what they do with him, but he’s not coming here, and we aren’t doing this for him.”
“No.” I shake my head and then turn to my brother and give him a kiss on the cheek. “We won’t do this for him. I’m sorry they hurt you, Scott.”
“Hurt both of us.” He jerks his shoulder. “And we lived through it. Maybe we’re better because of them. Despite them.”
“Maybe.” I lean on the car and look up at the chapel. “Took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I deserve to be loved, though. A really long damn time. And I’m not convinced that you’re there yet.”
“Let’s not psychoanalyze ourselves today.” He reaches up and ruffles my hair. “What are your plans this weekend?”
“I have a girls’ night thing tonight at Luna’s. Gonna eat a bunch of food and drink some drinks.”
“Call me if you need a ride. I’m gonna go to Lighthouse Pizza with the guys and collect their money at pool.”
“Looks like we’re both going to blow off some steam tonight. I think that’s good. Have fun, and let me know if you need a ride.”
He grins and reaches for his door handle. “I don’t plan to go home alone tonight.”
“I don’t need to know that.”
He laughs and waits for me to get in my car to drive away. Before I pull away from the curb, I take one last look toward the small grave.
“Goodbye, Mom.”
I’m the last to arrive at Luna’s. It took me a while to decide what to wear, and then Tanner wanted to make out in the closet, and really, who can resist that?
Not me.
So, when I pull up to the lighthouse, I’m not surprised to find several cars already parked by the main house.
I let myself in and find Luna and June, along with Cordelia, Mira, and Darla from Three Sisters Kitchen, all in Luna’s kitchen, just setting out a spread of food.
“I’m so glad I’m not too late for all of this deliciousness.”
Their heads all turn to me, and then they welcome me in a way that is so special, and it is something I hadn’t felt in more than a decade before I moved back home last year.
I belong here. This is my home, with this community of people, and I love it so much.
“What’s on the menu?” I ask.
“We’re trying out even more things for the inn’s menu,” Mira informs me with a smile that lights up all of Oregon. “I keep finding new things, thinking up new recipes, and I want to use them all, so we’ve decided to offer a rotating menu, with a few staples that will be available all the time. Tonight, we’re starting with the staples.”
“I love staples,” I say and dance a little jig. “And I love your cooking, so I can’t wait for this. Did you give them a tour of the inn, Luna?”
“Not yet,” she says. “We were waiting for you.”
“Oh, you didn’t have to. I’ve seen it.”
“You’re going to want to see this,” June says with a wink. “But first, food.”
I go to grab some ChapStick out of my purse, but when I pull it out, it’s completely empty.
Like it’s been broken off.
“Okay, you guys. Little things have been happening lately that totally irritate me. Like, I forget that I was out of something and don’t replace it. Or things are in different places than I remember putting them. Is this memory loss menopause? I’m in the middle of menopause, aren’t I?”
“I don’t think menopause happens in your early thirties,” Darla says. “So I don’t think it’s that.”
“Ugh, I’m so sick of this. This morning, I went to finish the painting I did for Tanner, and my brushes were moved. Then, I went to start my car, and all of my gas was gone, and I’m sure it wasn’t on empty. Just now, this ChapStick is gone. Like, I broke it off at some point, but I have absolutely no recollection of doing that.”
“Maybe you should see a doctor,” Mira suggests.
“It could just be stress,” June points out. “You’ve had a lot going on, Sarah.”
“That’s true.” I sigh, but then grin when Mira slides a plate loaded with apple turnovers. “We’re starting with dessert?”
“We’re starting with breakfast ,” she says and passes plates to the others. “This will be a breakfast option every day. It’s easy for guests to take on the go or to grab as a morning snack.”
“Holy shit, I just had an orgasm,” June moans, and I laugh but totally agree with her.
“These are divine .” I wipe my mouth with my napkin and take another bite. “So buttery and light. And the apple filling is just the right amount.”
“Does it need more brown sugar?”
“No!” we all exclaim in unison.
For the next hour, we devour everything from the turnovers to turkey sandwiches and so many other delicious things that my stomach doesn’t know what to do with itself when we’re finally finished.
“I may never walk again,” Luna says, patting her stomach. “That was delicious.”
“Wait until next time, when I show off the seasonal and rotation recipes,” Mira promises with a satisfied smile. “Now, let’s go see the inn and daydream, shall we?”
“Yes, let’s walk off all of those calories,” I agree.
The walk from Luna’s house to the inn only takes a few minutes, and once inside, June flips on the lights.
“There’s paint,” I say in surprise when I see the pretty light blues on the walls that accent the white.
“There’s still a lot of work to do,” June says, then looks around, taking it all in. “But we’re coming along, and it’ll be done by this fall, like Luna wants.”
“What’s that rag on the wall?” I ask, pointing just left of the main entrance.
June and Luna share a smile.
“Why don’t you take the rag down?” Luna suggests.
“Uh, okay.” I eye my friends as they all share a look, and then I pull on the rag, uncovering a plaque.
Three young girls played and dreamed here.
Luna, who is the lighthouse and inn keeper.
June, who built the inn with her own two hands.
And Sarah, who created all of the paintings in the guest rooms.
Three best friends, whose love will always be a piece of Luna’s Light.
I read it twice and then feel two sets of arms wrap around me from behind in a tight hug.
“I’m so grateful,” I whisper through the tears. “So grateful that I’m home and that I have the two of you in my life. You’re my family.”
“Same goes,” June says and kisses my cheek.
I smell roses fill the room and glance over at Luna. “Do you smell her?”
“Hell, we can all smell her,” Cordelia says from behind us.
“She’s happy,” Luna says. “I think she loves having so many of us here, and that we’re making this place something special.”
A door gently closes upstairs.
“Looks like you’re right,” I reply. “She talks to me a lot when I’m in here alone, painting. She doesn’t say words, but I smell and hear her. I know what she’s trying to say.”
“Me, too,” June says. “She’s here often when we’re working.”
“Us, as well,” Mira adds. “But she never tries to scare us. I think she’s just here to see what we’re doing and to be a small part of it. This was her home, and I hope she thinks that we’re respectful and doing something she would be proud of.”
The door closes again, harder this time.
“See? She talks.” I laugh and wipe away the last of the tears. “That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen, you guys. Thank you for including me.”
“Your heart is in here as much as ours is,” June says. “You should be included. And I think guests will find it to be a sweet anecdote to read when they check in.”
“You’re right.” I turn to the three sisters. “Now, let’s check out the kitchen.”
“We thought you’d never ask,” Darla says and leads the way down the hall, toward the back of the inn, where the kitchen sits.
There will be double doors that lead out to an amazing patio where guests can sit outside and enjoy the view of the water.
And the kitchen…Mira’s kitchen is just gorgeous.
“Countertops will be installed in two weeks,” June informs us as I walk around the giant island in the middle of the room.
“There’s so much countertop space here for you, Mira,” Luna says. “Once it’s installed, that is.”
“I can bake and chop and do all the things without worrying about space,” Mira agrees. “Oh, and my stand mixer will be hidden in a cabinet that will pop up when I need it. It’s so cool.”
“Oh, speaking of hidden things,” June says, snapping her fingers. “I have to show Luna and Sarah something in the next few days at the chapel. No rush, I just found some cool stuff.”
“Love that,” I reply on my way to the double doors. I open them and step outside, breathing in the salty ocean air. Water hits the cliffs with high tide and sends sprays up into the air.
It’s always dramatic. Always gorgeous.
“It’s such a special place, Luna.” She takes my hand as she joins me out here. “You’re going to be full all the time. People will flock here. I think it’s wonderful, and Huckleberry Bay will only be better for it.”
“I hope so,” she says with a long, deep breath. “Because if the community hates it, I’m screwed.”
“No one will hate it.” I lean my head on her shoulder. “It’s way too cool to hate it.”
“Hey, you guys,” June says from the doorway. “Let’s go drink some martinis. Darla brought all the fixin’s for them.”
“Oh, that sounds lovely.” Hand in hand, Luna and I turn for the door. “I need a drink.”
“Why aren’t you ladies dating?” I ask once we all have a concoction in our hands, and we’re sitting in Luna’s living room. “All three of you are gorgeous, smart, and wonderful.”
“We’re also incredibly busy,” Cordelia says.
“Not to mention, no one has really asked us out on a date. At least, they haven’t asked me ,” Mira adds with a shrug. “Besides, I’ve got my head in the kitchen too much to go out and chase down a man.”
“Well, if none of you are snatched up, the men in this town are blind,” June adds.
“What about you ?” Darla asks, looking right at June. “You’re single.”
“And happy to stay that way,” June insists.
“But, what about orgasms?” This comes from Luna, who’s clearly been enjoying the martinis. Her eyes are a little glassy, and her mouth is soft as she grins. “A girl needs regular orgasms.”
“Who says she needs a man for that?” June demands. “There are plenty of other ways to get to that goal.”
We all blink at June for a moment and then erupt in laughter.
“I suppose that’s true,” I reply. “Hell, I went more than eight years without sex.”
“What?” Cordelia frowns. “But, weren’t you married?”
“Marriage has absolutely nothing to do with sex,” I assure her. “He got tired of me after a while, and when I found out that he was screwing everything with a set of lungs and a heartbeat, I knew that I’d never let him touch me again. Who knows what he was exposed to?”
“Ew,” Mira says, wrinkling her nose. “That sucks big time.”
“Not really.” I shrug and take a sip of this excellent beverage. “He was really, really bad at it, anyway. I don’t think he ever made me come. So, I wasn’t missing out on much. Now, Tanner, on the other hand, never has an issue getting me to come.”
“Here’s the good stuff,” Darla says, leaning in. “Tanner’s hot. I’m not gonna lie. A lot of us single ladies in town have had our eye on him for a long time. He is sexy with a capital X.”
We laugh, and Darla looks around at us.
“What? He is!”
“Sexy starts with an S, drunk girl,” I inform her. “But yes, you’re right. He’s hot and has excellent equipment, and believe me when I say that he knows what to do with it. And he just has this sweet way that he holds my face”—I reach for June to demonstrate—“like I’m the best treasure he has in the whole world, and he’s all sweet and gentle and stuff.”
“Yeah, yeah, with the sweet and gentle,” June says, waving me off. “Go back to hot.”
I grin, and when I realize that my glass is empty, I fill it back up. “Why do I have to tell all my secrets? Wolfe’s sexy. Let’s hear about his secret sexy ways. Luna?”
All of our attention turns to our hostess, who simply smiles.
“He’s bossy. And it’s the absolute best.”
“Love it when Tanner gets bossy,” I agree, and clink my glass to hers. “Does he do the pin-your-hands-above-your-head thing?”
“Sometimes,” she says. “Mostly, it’s just always really intense. I mean, he can be playful, too, but it’s just so intense, and I think I might blow up from the heat, and then I don’t blow up.”
“We are so fucking drunk,” Cordelia says with a snort. “And I haven’t had sex in far too long.”
“I highly recommend it,” I inform her. “Frequently and as much as you can. I guess those two things mean the same thing.”
“We’re gonna need rides home,” Darla decides. “These drinks were strong. ”
“I’m sure the guys could drive us,” Luna says, but I shake my head.
“I think they were all going down to Lighthouse Pizza for beer.” I narrow my eyes and reach for my phone. “But I could call Tanner and see.”
“Actually, you can all crash here,” Luna says. “I have four guest bedrooms and a couch, if you don’t want to share.”
“Who cares about sharing?” Mira fills her glass again. “Since we’re staying, let’s keep drinking.”
“I really like your style,” June says as she offers her glass for a refill.