Chapter 2
CHAPTER TWO
~MAX~
“ C ome on, man. It’ll be a rush,” Cary says as he adjusts his goggles on his face.
“It hasn’t been groomed,” I insist, looking down the backside of the mountain. We got a lot of fresh snow last night, and I’m worried. This could be dangerous. “Don’t be stupid.”
“Don’t be a pussy,” he throws back at me, smiles, then pushes off, gaining speed quickly.
My skis are stuck in the snow. I’m pushing with my poles, and it’s like moving through mucky water. I can’t pick up speed.
“Come on!” he yells.
“Stop!” I scream back, but he can’t hear me. And I can’t make my goddamn feet move.
I’m sweating, breathing hard, and watching the blue ski jacket make its way farther and farther down the mountain until it just…disappears.
“No!” Suddenly, I’m propelled down, my feet unstuck, and I’m going too fast. I’m going to whiz right past where I last saw Cary.
But when I zoom close, I get stuck again and fall down. Cary’s buried in the snow, but his face is showing, staring up at me.
“Should have stopped me, man,” he says.
“No.” I try to crawl to him, but I’m stuck in the snow again. “No, no, no, no, no.”
Right before my eyes, Cary sinks into the tree well, slowly as if he’s in quicksand, and disappears completely.
I can’t reach him.
I can’t save him.
“Fuck!”
I jolt up in bed, sweating and panting. I’ve kicked the covers to the floor, and I’m wrapped from the waist down in the sheet, making my legs immobile.
“Fuck,” I say again and rest my elbows on my knees, my head in my hands as I try to catch my breath.
I haven’t dreamed about that day in a while, but it shouldn’t surprise me that I am now. Seeing Willa at the wedding tonight was bound to bring it up.
It always does, even when I don’t talk to her.
In fact, tonight was the first time I’ve spoken to her in nine years.
I sigh, pushing my hands through my hair, and climb out of bed. I won’t sleep again tonight, so I might as well get some work done.
I pull on some shorts and walk down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. Black.
Then I wander into my office. Rather than sit down at my desk, I walk to the wall of windows that look out to the lake.
It’s dark, but the moon is full and bright, glistening off the water. It’s a calm, clear winter night. For the first time that I can remember, the lake hasn’t frozen over all the way, just around the edges.
Cary and I used to love to cross-country ski across the lake when we were kids. We got a kick out of the fact that we were walking over the fish.
God, I missed Willa and Cary after I left. More than I missed my family, although I missed them, too.
But I was determined to make something of myself outside of Montana. I was tired of the small-town existence. I wanted to live in a city, go to college, and experience life.
I needed it.
I wanted Willa to go with me, but she didn’t see herself living anywhere but here in Cunningham Falls. So, we broke up, and I went to college.
But I always intended to come back and talk her into going with me. I was convinced that she’d miss me and give in.
Yeah, I was a cocky little bastard.
That cockiness served me well in business.
Not so much in my love life.
And just when I was ready to say, “ fuck it” and come home to her, I got a call from Cary. He’d asked her to marry him, and she’d said yes.
My best friend was going to marry my girl.
I almost felt betrayed, which is fucked up because I’m the one who left Willa behind. I was an asshole to think that she’d pine away for me, waiting until I came to swoop her up and carry her away.
And, if she was going to marry anyone else, at least it was a guy I loved and respected.
I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t content.
But I learned to live with it.
And just when I got up the fucking nerve to come home and see everyone after being away for far too long, Cary and I went skiing, and he fell into that tree well and died.
It happened in the blink of an eye, and he was gone.
Cary was gone, and Willa wanted nothing to do with me.
So, I left and made something of myself. I dove into work. It consumed me. No amount of success or respect or money mattered to me. It was never enough.
Until I came home for Christmas about five years ago and realized that this was where I was supposed to be all along.
I respected Willa’s wishes, though. She told me at the cemetery that day that she wanted nothing to do with me, and I’ve stayed away, even though everything in me yearns for her. I’ve kept my distance.
Until tonight when I had her in my arms and heard her sweet voice, her laugh. Felt her body pressed against mine. God, she hasn’t changed a bit.
And her son is the spitting image of his daddy.
I didn’t want to leave them there on the dance floor, but I did. And I’ll continue to stay away from her. Because what I want from Willa, she’ll never give me.
I want everything. I want her and her son. I want her laughter, her sighs, and her tears. I want to give her everything I have, and I want to take care of her and Alex.
And I’m a grade-A asshole for it.
I shake my head and turn back toward my desk. Taking a sip of my lukewarm coffee, I sit down and start up all four computers. It’s time to bury myself in work.
“Jesus, you could kill someone,” Gray King says to Christian. They’re playing darts, and Christian has one hell of an arm.
“Don’t stand in front of the board,” Christian suggests, making us all laugh.
“Yellow, corner pocket,” I say to Noah King before I tap the ball and send it into the target.
The guys are here for some beer and laid-back conversation. The only one missing is Brad, but he’s on his honeymoon in the Caribbean. I invite everyone over about once a month.
“How’s the bird rescue business?” I ask Noah as I rub blue chalk on the end of my cue.
“Steady,” he says, studying the balls on the table. “I had a barn owl brought in today. Someone shot it with a .22 and left it for dead.”
“People are assholes,” Gray says in disgust.
“I won’t disagree with you,” Noah replies. “How’s the billionaire life?”
My lips twitch. Gray and Noah have known me since we were kids. We all grew up together. And they never get tired of flipping me shit for being rich.
“Oh, you know. I bought a new yacht yesterday.”
“Seriously?” Gray asks. “Because if you did, I’m borrowing it.”
“No, but I looked at one online. It could be a good investment.”
“Don’t do it,” Christian says, surprising me. “I have a friend who did, and it was a pain in the ass more than a good time.”
“Good to know,” I reply, leaning on my cue as Noah takes his turn on the table.
“If it impresses the ladies, I say do it,” Gray says with a grin.
“Speaking of ladies to impress,” Noah says, “did you guys see Willa at the wedding the other night?”
And just like that, every nerve on my body is on high alert.
I take a pull off my beer, keeping my face neutral, but my hands clench on the pool cue.
“She’s hot,” Gray agrees with a nod and then throws a dart. “That dress showed off her ass nicely.”
I want to tear him limb from limb for even having the audacity to look at her ass.
“I might ask her out,” Noah replies thoughtfully, and I react without thinking.
“Fuck, no,” I say, my voice a growl.
“No?” Noah asks, rubbing his chin. “Why’s that?”
“Just no,” I repeat and toss my empty bottle into the trash, then open the fridge for another.
“Last I checked, you’re not her daddy, and she’s a grown woman so I can ask her out if I damn well please,” Noah says. Both Gray and Christian have stopped their game and watch us with interest.
“You know there’s history there,” I reply.
“Ancient history,” he says. “You dated her in high school, man. So, what? You dated her, so she can’t date anyone else in this town? Is she supposed to die an old maid? You didn’t brand her, Max.”
“Don’t be an asshole,” I reply calmly but feel anything but calm.
“I’m a man, and Willa’s an attractive woman. So unless you’re going to ask her out yourself, I don’t think there’s much you can say here.”
I narrow my eyes at him, pissed as hell, but he’s right.
I don’t have a claim on Willa.
And that pisses me off, too.
“He’s still in love with her,” Gray says quietly.
“Then maybe he should do something about it,” Noah says, his arms crossed over his chest, watching me defiantly. “Shit, or get off the pot.”
“I don’t think we should equate Willa to a pot,” Christian says. “It’s just gross.”
“You know what I mean,” Noah says.
“You started this on purpose,” I reply and watch as a smile spreads over my friend’s face.
“We saw you at the wedding,” Gray says. “We saw the way you looked at her when you were dancing with her.”
“How’s that?” I ask, then hate myself for it because I probably don’t want to know.
“Like she hung the damn moon,” Christian says, then shrugs when I stare at him. “Jenna’s told me a lot about your past with Willa, and I watch. Jenna said it was a big deal that you danced with her.”
“He doesn’t usually go near her,” Gray confirms, and I scowl.
“Are y’all just sitting around, talking about my non-existent love life like a bunch of gossiping women?” I toss my cue on the table and march to the doors that open to the balcony that overlooks the lake. I step out into the snow and take a deep breath of the crisp air.
“If she’s what you want, you should do something about it,” Noah says from behind me, and I turn to find all three men standing on the balcony with me. “Because if you don’t, someone else will.”
The pain that the thought of someone else touching Willa brings me is a hell that I wouldn’t wish on an enemy.
“Maybe I’m not what she needs,” I reply. “She made it clear a long time ago that she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“She was young and hurt,” Gray says. “Hell, we all were. And, yeah, she might tell you to go fuck yourself. But at least you’d have tried.”
“Why do I feel like this was an intervention?” I ask, propping my hands on my hips.
“No idea,” Gray says with a smile. “We just came over to drink your beer and beat you at pool.”
“Maybe the kid is the problem,” Noah says thoughtfully. “Are you hanging back because you don’t want to take on another man’s child?”
“That’s a shitty thing to say,” I reply. “Alex is a great kid.”
“Some men wouldn’t want to take on the baggage of someone else’s family.”
“Some men are assholes,” Christian says with a sigh. “Max isn’t.”
“No, I’m not,” I agree. “It’s not the kid.”
“Do something,” Noah repeats. “But first, let’s start that pool game over so I can kick your ass.”
“You can try.” I follow my friends back inside and watch as Noah sets up the balls to break them. Maybe he’s right. I’ve wasted a lot of time hanging back and steering clear of Willa because I thought it was what she wanted.
Maybe it’s time I let her go altogether.
I’ve been here since before the sun came up. I’m sitting in a camping chair I brought with me with a six-pack of beer next to my feet, keeping cold in the snow. I pop the top of the second one in an hour and reach out to clink the neck of the bottle against the one on the headstone.
“Nine years,” I say, blowing out a breath. I come here every year on the anniversary of Cary’s death and just sit here, hanging out with him. I drink two beers, leave the rest for him, and then go home to finish getting drunk alone.
The cemetery sits on the edge of town. It’s pretty much full now, all of the plots either housing someone or sold. Cary sits up on the hill, closest to the railroad tracks, and looks out over the lake and Blacktail Mountain.
It’s cold this morning. A painful twenty-two degrees to be exact, but I don’t care. I’m bundled up.
The alcohol helps.
“Time flies,” I mutter, shaking my head as I watch a train speed by. The whistle pierces the air. “Jesus, I still feel twenty-three. I don’t look it.” I shrug. “I wonder if you would have had grey hair by now like your dad did at thirty.”
I clear my throat.
“I’ve managed to keep the grey hair at bay, but I’m told that having salt and pepper hair is distinguishing, so I guess it won’t be so bad.
“You know what sucks? I need woman advice, and I can’t ask you. Of course, if you were here, I wouldn’t be asking because it’s about Willa, and that makes me feel like a dick. Like I’m poaching on my best friend’s wife, even though I know that’s not the case. And you poached first. Let’s just establish that right now.”
The whistle blows again, making me smile.
“Yeah, I know. She’s irresistible. I don’t know what to do, Cary. Part of me thinks I should just keep my distance. Let her go.”
I take another swig of beer.
“And the shitty thing is, I’m still so drawn to her, you know?”
I stare at the headstone, reading it over and over again.
Cary Edward Monroe
1987-2010
Loving Son, Husband, and Friend
“So, if you could just let me know that you’re not pissed at me for even considering starting something with her, I’d appreciate it.”
I wait, but there’s nothing. Just silence.
“Does that mean you’re not okay with it?”
Nothing.
“Okay, then. Brad got married about a week ago. He married a nice woman that moved here a few years ago. I like her a lot.”
And so I spend the next hour, talking to my best friend in the cold, filling him in on my life, and the lives of everyone we know.
Just when I’m about to get up and leave, I hear footsteps behind me. I shift in my chair and glance back, surprised to see Willa standing there, her hands in her pockets and a bouquet of roses tucked under one arm.
“Hi.”