Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
~brAX~
I don’t think I’ve ever been in this much pain. Not physically, anyway. My chest feels like an elephant did a tap dance on it, and my head is screaming.
But when I woke up, all I could think about was seeing Josie again.
Of course, she wasn’t here.
I’m glad I didn’t dream her. And when she said she’d come over, I felt as if I won the lottery.
It was better than hearing my song—the one I wrote for her—on the radio, and that was a fucking good feeling.
I hear a car door shut outside. A few seconds later, she knocks on the door and then keys in the code I never bothered to change before walking inside.
It’s like getting hit by that fucking car all over again.
With her long, glossy, dark red hair and deep brown eyes, she’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. She has the sweetest heart, and I can’t believe I lost her before.
I don’t plan to do it again.
“You don’t look so hot,” she says, eyeing me critically.
“You’re the most beautiful woman in the world,” I return and watch in satisfaction as her cheeks darken from the compliment.
“You always were charming. It’s how you’re able to engage an audience for so long. That and your voice and guitar skills.”
“Don’t look now, but I do believe you just complimented me.”
She smirks, sets her purse on the table by the door like she always used to do, and walks over to me, pressing her hand to my forehead.
“No fever,” she says softly. “How’s the head?”
“Pretty sure it’s still there given the fireworks going off inside of it.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me. Let’s get some more water in you. Hydration helps. Your chest and ribs?”
“Let’s not discuss it.”
She narrows those melted-chocolate eyes at me. “Take off your shirt, Brax.”
“You don’t have to ask me twice. I thought we’d start with some small talk, maybe a little foreplay, but this works, too.”
I have to hold my breath as I work the scrub top she gave me up over my head and let it fall to the couch beside me.
Josie sucks in a breath through her teeth and kneels in front of me, her eyes full of sympathy.
“Damn, Brax,” she murmurs and reaches out to gently brush her fingers over my bruised flesh. “You have to be so careful. Promise me you’ll be careful.”
Jesus, she’s amazing. She’s my heart, beating outside of my body.
I take her hand and kiss her fingers.
“I promise I won’t be responsible for my actions if you keep touching me like that.”
Her gaze, full of worry, latches on to mine. “It could have been so much worse.”
Her words are a whisper.
“But it wasn’t,” I assure her. “Come here so I can snuggle you. I’d pick you up, but?—”
“You are not going to pick me up,” she says as she settles next to me. She’s still facing me so I can’t cuddle her, but at least she’s here. “You’re not going to do much for a few days.”
“I had a gig tonight,” I reply and twirl a piece of her hair around my finger. “Before you freak out, I already canceled. I canceled next week’s, too, just in case.”
She cups my face in her free hand. “Good. You never were a careless man. Your body needs rest, which I know isn’t easy for you. But you’ll be a lot better in a couple of days. So, maybe this is a good time to talk. If you’re up for it.”
“Talk,” I instruct her.
“ Why would you tell the whole world that I dumped you?”
Should I tell her the truth? I never lied to her before, and I have no intention of doing it now. But she might get angrier before she starts to feel better.
But I do so love it when she gets worked up.
“Don’t hit me, okay?”
Her eyebrows wing up into her hairline. “I’ve never been violent before.”
“Yeah, well, there’s a first time for everything. I was hoping you’d be listening yesterday. And, if you were listening, and you heard me say what I did, I hoped that it would piss you off enough to seek me out and kick my ass so I could talk to you.”
She licks her bottom lip, seeming to soak in the information. “Have you ever heard of something called a phone? You just call a person. Or, there’s this newer thing where you can text them and talk in little messages. There’s no need to bait a girl on the radio. ”
“Okay, when you put it like that, it might sound childish.”
“It might ?”
“I tried calling you, Jose. It always goes to voicemail. So, I stopped. I guess I was trying to get your attention.”
“Well, you succeeded. And it pissed me off. Because I didn’t dump you.”
“You keep saying that, but you left.” I swallow hard, remembering how it’d felt when she walked away, her mind made up. “And I didn’t want you to.”
“I had an incredible job opportunity,” she insists. “And it was only for a year. We could have survived a year of long-distance while I did the travel-nurse thing. I made almost three years’ salary in that one year, Brax. That’s a lot of money. And I was honest with you about it. You gave me the ultimatum: Stay, or we’re done.”
I wince at that. I can’t deny it. I did. “I panicked,” I admit. “I knew for damn sure that I didn’t want you to go. I didn’t like being away from you for a day , let alone a whole year, and I didn’t want you to go. I was a selfish prick. I get that. And you called my bluff, which I didn’t expect.”
“It wasn’t right,” she says with a strong voice. “To ask me to choose.”
“No,” I agree immediately. “It wasn’t. And I regretted it as soon as I said the words.”
Her mouth drops open in surprise. “What? Well, why didn’t you just say so at the time?”
“Pride. Stubbornness. Idiocy.”
“Jackassery,” she suggests. “Childish tantrums. Ridiculous, boneheaded, moronic…” she continues, ticking the items off on her fingers.
“Okay, I get it,” I say with a chuckle. “I am all of those things. Especially, then. But damn it, my heart was busted up, and I didn’t know what to do.”
“We never had communication issues before,” she says, shaking her head. “Then, one day, I tell you that I need to do something for my career because it would be an amazing learning experience, and I’d be able to get ahead financially, and you basically tell me no. That if I do, I can’t have you.”
“Not my finest moment.”
“What if the tables were turned, Brax?” she asks, getting worked up again. “What if you got a tour deal with someone like Nash, and you had to be gone for a year or longer? What if I told you no? Said, ‘Nope, you’d better turn it down, or I’m out of here.’ Not cool, right? And I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“First of all, Leo Nash hates me because you’re his niece, and we broke up. Secondly, listen, I’ve had a lot of time without you. And, like I said, I’ve regretted that day every minute since. I’m not proud of how I acted, and if you walk out of here now without looking back, I won’t blame you. But I needed to come clean and apologize because I am sorry. I’ve never regretted anything in my life the way I regretted how I treated you. And I know I’ll never regret anything else so badly. You didn’t deserve that. Neither of us did.”
“You should have just talked to me,” she says. The wind seems to leave her sails, and she slumps against the couch. “I haven’t seen you in two years because you had a panic attack.”
“Well, now it just sounds stupid.”
She glances at me and raises a brow. “It is stupid.”
“Yeah. It is.” I mimic her position and lean my head back on the couch. “God, my head hurts.”
“When was the last time you took something for the pain?”
“Just before you came over. I’ve stuck to your strict med schedule, don’t worry.”
“You look like you got hit by a bus instead of a Corolla.”
I sigh and close my eyes. “I hate that the other guy died, Jose. I know he was drunk and stupid, and he almost killed both of us, but fucking hell, it sucks.”
She takes my hand and links our fingers, squeezing mine. “I know. It sucks big time. You need a shower, by the way.”
I roll my head so I can look at her. “Are you implying that I smell?”
“Not implying at all. Stating a fact. Can you maneuver your way upstairs?”
“Are you offering to help?”
“Maybe. If you behave.”
“Me?” I do my best to look insulted. “I’m the epitome of good behavior.”
“Was I the only one who actually listened during our conversation less than five minutes ago?”
I shrug and muster up the energy to stand. “Jesus, every muscle hurts.”
“I told you. And tomorrow will probably be worse,” she says. “But you should start to feel better each day after.”
“I think I need you to help me up the stairs.”
“Okay, come on.” She hops up and takes my hand, being patient with me as we slowly climb to the top of the steps. We walk through my bedroom to the bathroom, and I grin at her.
“I think I need you to help me get undressed.”
“You’re already halfway there without your shirt,” she points out, then narrows her eyes. “And if you think I’m going to fall for that, you don’t know me very well.”
I shrug and then immediately regret the motion.
“Fine.”
Without any hesitation, I let my pants pool at my feet and kick out of them, suddenly standing before her naked.
“I’m not bashful.”
“You have no need to be,” she counters and doesn’t even hide her slow perusal of my body from my tattooed arms, all the way down to my feet.
“You just eye-fucked me.”
She grins and waggles her eyebrows. “Maybe. Is that a new tat?”
She points to my ribs, and I glance down. “Yeah.”
“Is it a—? Wait. What is it?”
I smile and shake my head. “I don’t think I’ll tell you.”
“Then I don’t think I’ll help you.”
“That’s a low blow, Josie Montgomery.”
She snickers and then turns to start the water in the shower. “Whatever. It looks like a bunch of squiggly lines.”
“It’s your name. In Sanskrit.”
She stops and then slowly turns to me. “What?”
“You heard me.”
She walks back to me and leans over to take a closer look at the ink. It’s on the side that isn’t black and blue, right under my heart.
“Putting someone’s name on your body is corny,” she whispers.
“Or, you know, romantic.”
Josie leans in and hugs me, wrapping her arms gently around my middle, just holding on. I plant my lips in her hair, breathing her in.
“I don’t know what to do,” she admits softly. “I don’t know what there is to do.”
“Give me a second chance,” I suggest. “Let’s try again. I will do my best not to be an asshat this time.”
She snorts at that and looks up at me with shining brown eyes.
“Ah, babe, don’t cry.”
“It hurt really bad before,” she says and wipes away a tear. “If it doesn’t work again, I don’t want to have to go through that a second time.”
“Me, neither,” I admit. “But there aren’t a lot of guarantees in life. I know if we don’t try, I’ll miss you forever. Let’s try, Jose.”
“Okay,” she says at last and kisses my shoulder. “Let’s try.”