Chapter 7 #2
My stomach revolts. God, that sounds disgusting. “No thanks,” I say between my teeth, handing her the menus she left at the table when I first got there, just about five minutes before Jen arrived. “I’m good.”
“Me, too,” Jen says. “I already ate.”
The waitress leaves us alone and Jen glances around, then leans across the table, her voice low. “What’s wrong with you? Tell me. I’m in a panic here. When I got your voice mail, you sounded so freaked out you scared me.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s not that big of a deal.
Well, it sort of is.” Swallowing hard, I try to come up with the best way to say this.
But it’s only Jen. She’s not going to judge.
She might think I’m an idiot but she definitely won’t judge.
May as well state it plainly. “I’m pregnant. ”
A pause as the words sink in and I watch her reaction.
It’s rather fascinating, really. Her eyes light up, her lips part, and color blooms in her cheeks.
Her excitement is a palpable thing as she looks ready to squeal, then slaps her hand over her mouth at the last moment so all I see are wide, shock-filled brown eyes.
“Really?” she asks, her voice muffled against her fingers.
I slowly nod. “Really.”
The waitress arrives at that precise moment, flipping over the coffee cup that sits upside down on the saucer in front of Jen before pouring the steaming brown liquid into the white mug.
The bitter scent reaches my nostrils, making me wrinkle my nose, and I rest a hand over my stomach, hoping like crazy I don’t puke right here in the middle of this tiny coffee shop.
This is how I knew I was pregnant in the first place. Every little scent, every smell, especially either perfume or food, and I want to hurl. It’s a horrible feeling. My stomach is constantly nauseous and I’m so tired all the time. All I want to do is nap.
“How?” Jen breathes out the question as soon as the waitress leaves. She tears into three creamers and dumps them all into the coffee, then tears open a bunch of sugars and dumps those in, too. I watch her with a grimace on my face I can feel. Ugh, that’s gross.
Then her question sinks in and I want to laugh. “How do you think?” I wish the waitress would bring my orange juice, my water, or both. I’m dying of thirst.
“Well, I know how.” Jen rolls her eyes. “But I thought you were on the pill.”
“I am. That’s the thing. I don’t know what happened.
” That’s the part that scares me the most. He’s going to think I somehow tricked him into this.
I talk about getting pregnant, we fight, we make up, we have amazing, hot, toe-curling sex for the rest of the night, and then five weeks later, I figure out I’m pregnant. It had to be that night.
I’m afraid he’s going to believe I set this up. I don’t want him mad at me.
The waitress reappears yet again with my drinks and she sets them on the table, smiling down at me. “Are you sure you don’t want anything else?”
“I’m fine,” I say and Jen says the same, so the waitress leaves.
“How far along are you?” Jen asks the second we’re alone again.
“Five or six weeks. I took a pregnancy test last week.”
“And you haven’t told Drew yet? You’ve been holding this in for an entire week?” Jen shakes her head and sips from her cup. “I would’ve burst by now.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve known for at least two weeks; I was just too damn scared to take the test and have it confirmed.” Sighing, I glance at the glass of orange juice and realize I don’t want it after all. Water is safer. “Wouldn’t Colin freak out if you got pregnant right now?”
“Well, yeah.” Jen shrugs. “But we aren’t married yet. We’re in no hurry. We’re definitely in no hurry to have kids yet, either.”
Their relationship is kind of weird. As in, they’re completely and totally committed to each other but neither of them feels the need to make it legal. It works for her, it works for him, and they’re the only ones who really matter in this relationship, so who am I to judge?
“You two have been together for years and you’re married, so I’d think Drew would be thrilled you’re having a baby,” Jen continues, sending me a pointed look. “Unless you’re the one who’s really unhappy? Because I know where we could go and get things taken care of.”
“Oh my God, no,” I breathe, the idea of doing what she’s suggesting flashing a big red no in my brain. “I’m not against that sort of thing but I want this baby, Jen. I want it more than anything.”
“So what’s the problem?”
She makes it sound so simple. I launch into the story of what happened in Boston. Hanging out with Amanda Thomas and her baby, telling Drew I wanted one, fighting over it, coming to the compromise that we’ll wait.
And now I’m pregnant.
“He’s going to shit,” I say after I explain everything.
“He’s also going to think you did this on purpose,” Jen adds.
“My biggest fear of all.” Propping my elbows on the edge of the table, I rest my head in my hands and stare down at my legs, at my still-flat stomach.
Will I soon not be able to see my legs at all?
Will I have a giant belly that’ll make me waddle and look like an idiot?
What if I get all bloated? Will Drew still find me attractive?
“You need to tell him,” Jen says, her voice soft. “Where is he?”
“He left for Chicago.” I drop my hands and look at her. I feel tears threaten and I blink them away. I can’t cry. I’ve cried enough this last week to fill a freaking river. I never do that. I’m a complete mess. “I was going to tell him last weekend but I chickened out.”
“Does Owen know?”
“No.” I shake my head. “He’d tell Drew. He’d tell everyone. He can’t keep a secret.”
“Are you having morning sickness?”
“More like morning, noon, and night sickness,” I say wryly, then take another sip of my water. “Plus I always want to take a nap. I told Owen I’m sick and that’s why I came back here, but that excuse is only going to hold up for so long.”
“That’s why you need to tell your husband you’re having his baby.” She stares hard at me. “You quit taking the pill when you suspected it, right?”
“Yes, absolutely.” I nod. My body had felt different a few days after I came home from Boston. I can’t quite describe it, but…I knew. Not at that precise moment, but something was up. I quit taking my pills a week later, figuring I’d go to the doctor for a different prescription.
Instead, I found myself knocked up.
“Are you going to Chicago this weekend?” Jen asks.
“No, I’m staying here. The weather is for crap, and I don’t think I’d be up to traveling anyway. I told Drew I was sick, too,” I admit miserably.
“Oh, Fable. You gotta be honest with him. He’s your man, your husband, and now the father of your child.
He might be shocked, but he’ll get over it.
What’s done is done. And he’s going to be happy.
Trust me.” Jen smiles and I want to agree with her.
I want to be confident that Drew won’t be upset or think I did something to deceive him.
But I’m scared. This is something Mom would do. In fact, she did just this with Owen’s father, who I can barely remember, he was in and out of our life so quickly. They weren’t married, but they were pretty steady for a short, intense period of time.
Then she got pregnant, told him, and he bailed.
I don’t remember the details because I’d been young and I didn’t care, but here I am, so proud of the fact that I changed my path.
I’d been sure I was going to turn into my mother.
I looked like her, I was working the same sort of jobs as her, I had the same reputation.
Then I met Drew and he changed everything.
My true colors slip out every once in a while, though, and bleed all over my new life.
The old me isn’t completely out of my system yet.
Though I hadn’t planned any of this, had not tricked him on purpose, something happened.
Perhaps I forgot to take a pill or took one too late?
Had it been some sort of subconscious thing? I don’t know.
All I know is I’m frightened of my husband’s reaction when he finds out.