Chapter 11
Drew
I exit the bathroom wearing only a towel, the steam from my extra-hot shower billowing out of the open door, surrounding me like a thick fog. I head toward my dresser to grab something to wear when I stop short at the sight before me, my breath lodged in my throat, my heart stuttering in my chest.
Fable is on the bed, her shirt yanked above her full breasts. She’s fast asleep, lying on her side, cuddling Autumn in the ring of her arm, who’s also asleep. Rosebud lips pursed, chubby cheeks pink, my girl must’ve been nursing on her mama and slipped into slumber.
Just like my poor, exhausted wife did.
I stare at them because I can, completely overwhelmed at the love I have for these two beautiful females in my life. Fable’s been going at it full force since we brought Autumn home over two months ago, taking care of our daughter’s every need while I’ve been a selfish jackass off playing football.
It’s your job, Fable tells me time and again. And Autumn’s my job. Don’t feel guilty.
But I do. I offered to hire a nanny but Fable refused. I offered to take them on the road with me because I miss them like fucking crazy, but she refused that, too.
Maybe next season, Fable told me. We’ll have more of a routine going by then.
I don’t know if I can wait that long. I miss them and the season has barely started.
I want them to be a part of my routine. I feel like I’m losing out on all sorts of first times.
How will I feel a year from now, when Autumn’s older and doing all of those momentous things no parent ever wants to miss?
I don’t think I could stand it if I missed hearing her say her first word, seeing her take her first step.
Turning away from them, I go to my dresser and open a drawer, pulling out a pair of boxer briefs and putting them on. It’s my first day off in a while and I plan on spending every moment of it with Fable and Autumn.
“So. Not. Fair.”
Fable’s little groan makes me whirl around, concern racing through my veins. “What did you say?”
She’s awake, propped on one elbow, her hair in complete disarray around her head, falling past her shoulders. She tugs the T-shirt down over her chest, a grimace marring her delicate features. “Look at you. It’s disgusting.”
“What? Why?” Is she mad at me? Ever since she had the baby, she’s been on edge. Moody, weepy, determined, grumpy, happy, tired. Nothing out of control, but when I can’t gauge her mood, it’s a little disconcerting.
Fine. It’s a lot disconcerting. A moody Fable is a no-fun Fable.
A sigh escapes her as she shakes her head. “You’re beautiful, in the best condition of your life. I remember when we first met and I thought you were perfection then.”
I stand up a little straighter, giving a quick glance down at myself. She’s right. I am in peak condition. But I train my ass off. I should be in peak condition. “Uh, thanks?”
She starts to laugh. “You look scared. Don’t be. I’m not going all postpartum on you. I just…you look amazing and I look terrible.”
“Are you serious?” I’m incredulous. “You don’t look terrible.”
“I feel terrible. I rarely wear anything but yoga pants or sweats and T-shirts, and most of the time my clothes are stained with breast milk or spit-up or whatever.” She flops down on the bed, ever careful of the sleeping Autumn, who’s still tucked close by her side. “I’m scared, Drew.”
From misery to fear within seconds, her mood swings make no sense to me.
Sometimes I have trouble keeping up with her.
“Of what?” I go to the bed, scoop up Autumn, and settle in beside Fable, our baby resting on my chest. I can feel her warm little puffs of breath against my skin, her lips moving as she stirs and settles more comfortably against me, and I stroke her tiny back, reaching out with my other hand to cup Fable’s cheek.
“Do you know how beautiful you are right now?”
She rolls her pretty green eyes, her lips curved in the faintest of smiles. “Give me a break.”
“I’m serious.” I stare at her, taking in her weary eyes, the dark circles that line them, her wild hair.
She’s worn out and still so pretty. Guilt swamps me because I’ve done this to her.
I’m the one who impregnated her, put her through labor, where she pushed out our baby after what felt like hours of torture—even though I wasn’t there in the delivery room that long.
That made me want to lose my mind because there was nothing I could do for her to ease her pain.
And then I leave her to go to training camp.
Take off again to start the preseason, traveling around the country playing fucking football while she stays at home and raises our child.
Who’s doing the more important job here?
“What if you find someone better?” she whispers thinly, her eyes wide. “You’re going to be gone all the time. You have so many fans and they throw themselves at you, Drew. I know why. I get it. You’re gorgeous, you’re smart, you’re amazing out on that field. They want you.”
“But I only want you.” I tug her in close, holding both my girls to me. “We’ve had this conversation before,” I murmur against her hair. She smells good. She always smells good. So does Autumn. “I thought you understood how I felt.”
“Feeding that hungry baby at all hours of the night, my mind starts to wander,” she admits, her voice small.
“Well, make it stop. I don’t know what more I can do to prove how I feel about you.
” I pause, staring into her eyes. “I love you. Only you. You’re it for me, Fable.
You’re my wife and the mother of my child.
You’ve seen me at my best, at my worst, and everything in between.
I don’t want anyone but you. What you’ve given me, it’s the best gift I’ve ever received.
” Leaning down, I brush her mouth with mine, feel her lips tremble.
“You mean Autumn? Because you had a hand in that, too, you know.”
Chuckling, I shake my head, cuddling our baby closer to my chest. “She’s a pretty awesome gift.
But I’m talking about what you gave me from the very start.
Before Autumn, before all of this.” I kiss her again, overwhelmed by what I feel for Fable, what I want to say to her.
I don’t understand why she doesn’t know how much I love her.
Need her. “Your unconditional love, baby. You never backed down. You never gave up on me. Ever. And I needed that. I was so screwed up but you never let that stop you, thank God.”
Tears are streaming down her cheeks and I swipe them away with my thumb. “I love you, Drew. So much.”
“I love you, too. Just because I’m traveling all over the country and have crazy women screaming at me doesn’t mean I love you any less.
All that shit makes me love you even more.
You’re my normal. My home. I miss you so damn much when I’m gone.
I miss Autumn, too. I hate being away from you two.
” I kiss her again, letting my lips linger on hers.
She tastes sweet. Familiar. My heart thumps hard against my chest and my body stirs.
I’ve missed her. She was so uncomfortable those last few weeks pregnant with Autumn. And since then we haven’t had a chance to be together because of doctor’s orders and all that other bullshit. Plus, I’ve been gone.
Which means I’ve been without Fable for much too long. I need to rectify that.
Now.
“We hate when you’re gone, too,” she whispers against my lips. “But I understand, Drew. I never want you to feel guilty for working.”
“Too late.” I kiss her again, taking it deeper. A little sound of pleasure escapes her and I break the kiss, cuddle Autumn closer, and climb off the bed. “Going to put our little princess in her crib.”
“Wait.” Fable reaches out just as I turn and send her a stern look. She settles against the pile of pillows behind her, crossing her arms in front of her. “She might wake up.”
“She’s sound asleep,” I whisper as I glance down at my baby girl snug in my arms. She’s out, her lips parted, her eyes tightly closed, the spike of thick, dark eyelashes like little fans resting against her creamy skin.
I may be a prejudiced bastard because she’s my baby and all but damn, she’s beautiful.
“Fine,” Fable says on a sigh, ever the overprotective mama. “Put her to bed.”
“Then I’m going to put you to bed,” I say, waggling my brows, making her laugh softly. “Be prepared, wife. It’s been way too long since I’ve had you naked.”
Fable
Oh. No.
The last thing I want is Drew to see me naked.
I’m still carrying an extra ring of flab around my stomach and hips and everything just looks…
weird. Plus, my boobs are enormous and while most men would probably love that, including my own man, I’m so self-conscious of those baby-feeding machines that I’m scared Drew will take one look at them and run.
Of course, the man wants to strip me naked in broad daylight, not nighttime like every other married couple on the planet.
At least, that’s how I always envisioned normal married couples doing it—safe and sound in their beds at night.
But, no. The morning sunlight is shining through our bedroom windows, casting everything in a gentle, golden glow, and he will see everything.
Everything.
I can’t stand the thought, not with him looking so amazing.
He’s bigger than he was when I first met him and I thought him huge then.
He’s wider, more solid, every muscle defined.
That sprinkling of dark hair at the center of his chest gets me, as does the trail of hair that leads from his navel downward.
There is nothing I love more than admiring my husband’s body. Touching it. Knowing it’s all mine.
But since I’ve had Autumn, I’m scared to death to let him see me. The real me, with the scars and the stretch marks and the extra skin and the…oh, God. I’m going to have a panic attack just thinking about it.