42 - Haley
42
Haley
It was a good thing I didn’t have to drive myself home, because between the downpour of rain and the tears shimmering in my eyes, I probably would have crashed into a lamp post. When the Uber picked me up outside Lucas’s apartment, the driver took one look at me and asked me if I was okay. All I did was nod while rain dripped down my face.
He kept glancing at me in the rear-view mirror, but let me ride in silence. Five stars.
I felt numb, which helped me keep it together as I walked into my sister’s house. Harper was sitting on the couch, reading a thick hardcover book.
“Where’s Sara?” I asked.
“She went to bed early. I tucked Bran in around nine.” He glanced up, eyes widening behind his glasses. “Haley, are you okay?”
The dam burst then, and I began sobbing. I tried to explain what had happened, but all that came out was a pathetic gargle.
He rushed to the other room, and I thought he was getting my sister—which made me swell with new guilt, since she was nine months pregnant and needed her sleep. But then he returned with a handful of towels, wrapping them around me and patting me dry.
“Shh,” he said, pulling me down onto the couch. “Let it out. It’s all right.”
“The. Couch,” I gasped between sobs. “It’s. Getting. All. Wet .”
“It’s fine. Doesn’t matter,” he cooed while continuing to pat me dry.
He held me there on the couch, even when my crying grew hysterical. Harper and I had a pretty good relationship, but we had never been particularly close. Tonight, his unconditional love and support helped me in a way I desperately needed.
I closed my eyes and let it all out, until eventually my eyes and clothes were dry. When I was finally able to speak, I explained everything that had happened.
“Oh,” he said. “Lucas is Bran’s… Okay. Yeah. That actually makes a lot of sense, now that I think about it.”
“I fucked everything up,” I whispered. “I don’t know what to do.”
He hugged me tighter. “Do you want my opinion, or do you just want to vent?”
“I only want your opinion if I’m going to agree with it,” I said.
Harper chuckled. “You’re so much like your sister.”
“ She’s so much like me ,” I sniffled. “I’m older. I came first.”
“Spoken like a true firstborn.” He pulled away so he could look into my eyes. “Obviously, I don’t know what Lucas is thinking right now, beyond how you told me he reacted. But if I was in his position? This news would shock me. Women have a lot of time to mentally prepare for motherhood. By the time a child is born, you’ve had them inside you nine months. You’ve felt it kick, and move around. You’ve developed an emotional attachment. Men don’t get that. We can pretend like we have some sort of connection, but we don’t really, not until the baby is born. Right now, I still don’t feel like any of this is real, and my wife is just about ready to pop like a balloon.
“It’s not going to sink in until I see those healthy twins,” he continued. “And I know it’s going to be a massive shock to my brain. I’m trying to imagine what it will be like, but I can tell I’m not even close to prepared. Now, think about Lucas. He’s spent his life not being a father. Maybe he’s thought about it, but it’s probably always been a distant idea. So, to suddenly find out that not only is he a father, but he’s been one all this time without knowing? That’s a lot of information to receive all at once. He probably doesn’t know how to feel. His brain is probably rebooting right now.”
“He seemed pretty sure of how he felt,” I replied. “He was furious .”
“Understandable,” Harper admitted. “But that’s just his immediate reaction. And honestly, Haley? He kind of has a right to be angry. I’m not blaming you,” he quickly added. “It makes perfect sense to me why you wouldn’t tell him before now. But it also makes sense to me why he would be mad. That’s okay. Let him be mad for now. Give him some space. This is massive news, and he needs time to process it.”
I used the corner of the towel to wipe my eyes. “Do you think he will forgive me? Do you think everything will be okay?”
He smiled sadly at me. “I don’t know, Haley. I’m sorry. But I do know you did the right thing by telling him. And I hope if you give him some time, he might forgive you.”
This time, I was the one to hug him. “You’re going to be a great father, Harper.”
“Make sure you tell your sister,” he replied. “She’s still upset I couldn’t put their cribs together without watching a YouTube tutorial, and has called my entire manhood into question.”
In spite of everything, I laughed.