CHAPTER 21
“You have the biggest smile on your face,” Sarai said.
“Hey. I thought you were working from home today.”
“I was, but Gabs and I are going to dinner with Chase and Mark, so I just figured I’d pick her up, and we’d leave from here. Shouldn’t you be leaving right about now, too?”
Sarai leaned against the doorframe of Arlowe’s office.
“Yeah, actually. I need to go home and change. I don’t know if we’re going out or staying in, but Eline wants to hang out tonight.”
“Should I assume that the big smile is because of Eline?”
“Yes, you should,” Arlowe replied, nodding. “We had a great first date. I thanked Gabi this morning.”
“Why did you thank my girlfriend for your great first date?”
“Because when we were talking the other day, she mentioned what you two did on your first date. That dinner cruise thing.”
“Oh, yeah. It was great.”
“I did something similar for Eline and me. I rented this boat, and we had dinner and talked for several hours. Then, we kissed.”
“Yeah?” Sarai asked, walking into the office. “And?”
“And we were right to try again. I’ll just leave it at that.”
Sarai chuckled and asked, “Did you two…”
“No, we’re taking it slow. I did stay over, though, and it was so nice, Sarai; like nothing I’ve experienced since being with her the first time.”
“I’m really happy for you, Arlowe. Are you two back together now?”
“Not officially. We’ve only agreed to tonight, but I don’t want anyone else, and I doubt she does, so I think we’re heading that direction, yes.”
“That’s great. I’m really glad you two found each other again, Arlowe. I was worried about you.”
“Worried?” she asked and closed her computer.
“You never wanted to be with anyone else, but I know you wanted a relationship, so I’m glad that she’s back and that you two can finally make a real go of it.”
“Hey, babe,” Gabi said when she walked by Arlowe’s office and spotted Sarai.
“Hey. Are you ready to go?” Sarai asked.
“Yeah, just need to grab my stuff.”
“I’ll follow you,” Sarai told her girlfriend. “Have a good night, Arlowe,” she added with a wink.
Arlowe laughed as she watched them go and then went to close out of her programs, but before she could do that, her phone rang. She picked it up and smiled when she saw Eline’s name.
“Hey, babe,” she said, loving that she could call her that now.
Then, she lost the smile because she realized that Eline was sobbing on the other end of the line.
“Eline? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” she asked.
“I… I…”
“Babe, what happened?”
“I lost my job,” Eline said.
“You what?”
“I lost my job. Arlowe, I… can’t live here without it.”
Arlowe could barely understand her over the sound of her crying, but she thought she got the basics. Eline had lost her job, and that job had been the reason she’d been able to move here.
“What? Why? What happened?”
“Can you…”
“Yeah. Yeah,” she said, knowing what Eline was about to say. “Are you home?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. I’m on my way. I’ll be right there.”
“Okay,” Eline replied.
Arlowe jumped out of her chair, grabbed her stuff, and hurried down the hall, not stopping to say goodnight to anyone, including Sarai and Gabi, before she hit the stairs and jogged to her car.
She couldn’t process much on the drive to Eline’s apartment.
All she could think about was the fact that she hadn’t heard Eline cry like that since the day they’d both decided that ending it had been the best option.
She’d never wanted to hear that sound again.
She pulled into the guest parking spot that she had used the other night and rushed to the building’s front door, where she pressed the buzzer.
A second later, the door clicked open, and she made her way to Eline’s apartment.
Eline was already outside of it, and she moved into Arlowe’s arms before Arlowe was ready for her, but Arlowe held on to her and walked them inside, closing the door behind them before wrapping both arms around Eline now and holding her tightly.
“Hey, it’s okay.”
“Arlowe, I can’t… If I don’t…”
“Can you tell me what happened?” she requested, pulling out of the hug and cupping Eline’s face. “Let me get you some water, okay?”
“Arlowe, I don’t have a job.”
“I know. Just sit down for me,” she said, moving them over to the sofa, where she sat Eline down and hurried into the kitchen. “Do you need Kleenex?”
“I have some,” Eline replied and pulled a tissue from the box on her coffee table.
She wasn’t sobbing anymore, but there were still a few tears rolling down from her very red eyes. Arlowe filled a glass with water and carried it over to her, more to have something to do than anything, because she didn’t know how to handle this.
“Can you tell me?” she asked after Eline took a gulp and set the glass down next to the tissues.
Eline took a moment to gather herself and said, “They let a lot of people go today. I guess… they over-hired in some departments earlier in this year, expecting more growth than they’ve gotten, so the layoffs were planned.”
“They told you they were planning layoffs?”
“Yes, but that it was going to be small… until the hack and the data breach.”
“Oh,” Arlowe replied.
“They needed to… act fast because they’d lost a major advertiser on the site, along with thousands of customers. I don’t know all the specifics. I was only told a little because I don’t work there anymore.”
“So, your role was eliminated, I’m guessing?”
“Yes, that’s what they said.”
“Okay. Well, we can deal with that.”
“What? Arlowe, how?”
Eline looked over at her in confusion that was mixed with a little anger.
“You’ll get another job. If you need money in the meantime–”
“It’s not that simple. Do you know how hard it is to get an H?1B visa?
It took months and months for it to be approved the first time, and I don’t have months and months this time.
The company has to be the one to do the process, too, and that’s only if the company is open to hiring someone like me because they have to demonstrate that they can’t find a US citizen for the job, meaning that role had to be posted first, and they couldn’t find anyone qualified.
Do you know how long that’s going to take? ”
“I know, but I’m trying to be optimistic.”
“I don’t need optimistic, Arlowe,” Eline stated. “I need to cry on my girlfriend’s shoulder while we figure out what to do if I have to move back to Holland.”
“Girlfriend?” Arlowe asked.
Eline shifted away from her, dropped her hand, and said, “Sorry. I just… Habit. I know we need to figure that out, too.”
“No, it’s okay,” she replied, moving closer and holding her hand out, trying to let Eline make the decision on them touching right now. “Eline, I want that. You know I do.”
“We shouldn’t.”
“Be together?”
“I might have to move. I’m going to try not to. I want to stay. God, Arlowe, all I could think about was you at first and how I don’t want to leave you, but then I realized that as different as this place is from home at times, I like it, and I don’t want to have to move, either. I want to stay.”
“Then, we’ll find a way.”
“How?” Eline asked and took her hand, entwining their fingers.
“I don’t know yet, but we will.”
Eline looked off toward the wall across from them and said, “Before I called you, I actually tried to call you.”
“What?”
“I went to call you once, but I couldn’t because I didn’t know what to say.
I just started to cry. It took me a while to calm myself down.
Then, I actually called you, but I started crying again right before you answered.
I told you that I was staying… We were finally going to have this, Arlowe.
” Eline squeezed her hand. “I didn’t mean to do this to you. ”
“You didn’t do anything, Eline. You got laid off. That’s not your fault.”
“Is this what you felt like when you had to leave?”
“Babe…”
“No, I’m asking. I know we agreed to it and that I said I wasn’t angry anymore – I’m not – but is this what you felt like? Guilty?”
“Yes,” she admitted, letting go of Eline’s hand because she needed a little space at the moment. “About everything.”
“Everything?”
“What you’re feeling now: guilty because I had to leave and couldn’t stay, but also guilty that we started to begin with.
I had no plans to date while I was there.
I was going to maybe have a little fun and go out with a woman or two, but nothing serious.
I wanted to focus on school and hanging out in a city I’d never been to, but that had been the extent of my planning.
Then, I walked into that bookstore, and there you were.
All of my stupid plans went out the window.
” She chuckled. “Instantly, I prayed that you were into women, and I don’t pray.
The way you looked at me told me that I had a chance, though, and we talked.
I could’ve stopped it. I felt it right away, the connection between us, and I could’ve stopped what was going to happen next, but then we were walking around the city, sharing our first kiss, and having…
other firsts.” Arlowe gave herself a moment.
“Whenever I allowed myself to think about the future, I’d get upset because I should’ve stopped it, and I hadn’t.
I fell for you right away, kept falling more in love with you every minute of every day, and then I had to see your face when I told you that I wasn’t sure it would work.
I’d put that pain there, and I never forgave myself for doing that to you; for being so selfish. ”
“Arlowe, you weren’t selfish. I fell in love with you, too. I knew you were leaving at the end of the year. I didn’t stop it, either.”
“I know, but I should have. I just couldn’t.”
“I didn’t want you to,” Eline stated, turning to face her on the sofa. “I wanted what we had. Even though it hurt more than anything when we didn’t have it anymore, I’d never give it up. Not for anything, Arlowe. I’d take all that pain any day because it meant we had all the love.”
“Me too. I wouldn’t change our time together. I just wish things would’ve ended differently, or not at all.”
“It hasn’t yet,” Eline said.
“And it doesn’t have to. There doesn’t have to be a yet, Eline.
We can figure this out. I know you don’t want me to be optimistic right now, but I wasn’t before.
When we were looking at living in different countries and how hard that would be, I wasn’t optimistic.
I wanted to be. I wanted to have faith in us, and I didn’t because I didn’t have faith in myself, but I do now. ”
“I don’t have much time. Once the visa expires, I have ten days before I have to leave.”
“Those things are for, like, a year, though, right?”
“No, they’re actually good for three years, but that’s only when you’re still employed at the company. I have sixty days from today, so fifty-nine days, really, to apply for an extension or get another job where a company will issue me a new visa.”
“Shit…” Arlowe took a deep breath. “That’s not much time.”
“No, it’s not,” Eline said, shaking her head.
“What can I do right now? What do you need?”
“You. I know there’s not a lot of time, but I can’t focus on anything other than being here with you tonight.”
“I’m here,” she said.
“Arlowe, if we can’t find a way in time, will you…”
“I’m here,” she interrupted and looked Eline straight in the eyes. “Baby, I’m here. I’m not making the same mistake twice.”
“You say that now, but in seventy days, with that ten-day grace period, I might–”
But Arlowe cupped her cheeks then and moved into her. Eline shifted to lie under her, and Arlowe let go, holding herself above her instead.
“I’ll say it then, too, if it comes to that.” She pressed her forehead against Eline’s. “You are the only woman I’ve ever loved. I’m not letting you go this time.”
Eline nodded as a few more tears fell and asked, “Will you stay tonight?”
“Of course, I will,” Arlowe replied and kissed her. “Of course, I will,” she repeated.
“Can we just lie here?”
Arlowe nodded and moved until she was beside Eline.
It took a second, but Eline shifted, too, and finally, Arlowe was flat on the sofa, looking up at the ceiling, and Eline was half on top of her, holding on to her tightly.
As they lay there in silence, Arlowe squeezed Eline’s back and placed kisses to her head every few minutes, wondering what they were going to do.
She had money, but not a lot. She could at least help her pay her bills here, or Eline could always move into the house to save on rent.
There were options, and her mind was running through them for several minutes until she realized that Eline’s breathing had slowed.
It was just after eight o’clock, but Eline must have been so emotionally wiped that she had fallen asleep.
Arlowe really didn’t want to wake her, but she also didn’t want her to have to sleep on the sofa, hurting her back, so she gently nudged her awake and helped her to her bedroom.
There, she found Eline some clothes to sleep in, sat on the bed while Eline went to the bathroom, and when she came out, Arlowe had pulled down the blanket for her and helped her under it.
Then, she took care of her own tasks in the bathroom, having grabbed some clothes to borrow, and climbed into bed next to Eline, who immediately moved into her.
“Are we going to be okay?” Eline asked softly against her neck.
“We will be,” she said, determined not to lose the love of her life twice.