Chapter Twelve
CHAPTER TWELVE
Lily prepared the goat’s cheese salad while Sam whisked up eggs, spinach and potatoes for the Spanish tortilla that was to be their ad hoc main.
‘This is fun,’ she said, placing the rinsed leaves on a plate. Fun was something she hadn’t had in a long time and, after their earlier experience, she desperately needed a distraction.
Sam handed her a glass of white wine. ‘Chef’s perks,’ he said, his eyes crinkling at the corners.
‘I’m not sure if making a salad counts as proper cooking, although I can’t remember the last time I made one for myself.’
‘It definitely counts. As you’ve probably gathered, I’m hardly a professional chef.’
‘You’ve done all right so far.’ Lily nodded at the new kitchen. Although bijou, its stainless-steel surfaces gleamed.
‘When I’m catering for one, I enjoy cooking. I’ve looked after myself for years. I’m not sure Morven always appreciates my food, though.’
Lily placed sliced roundels of crumbly goat’s cheese on the salad. Their shared experience made her feel more confident about asking him personal questions: ‘Does she live with you?’
‘Yes, since her dad left.’ He sighed. ‘My brother Nate got a job as a games designer in LA. It was meant to be a six-month contract, his big break and a lot of money. He was going to come home afterwards and buy a place in the UK. Or, if things were going exceptionally well, establish himself out there and Morven was going to join him.’
Intrigued, Lily carried on drizzling balsamic vinegar on the salad.
‘And I’m guessing that hasn’t happened?’ she said casually, scattering chopped walnuts on top.
‘That was eighteen months ago. Nate finished the contract then was offered another six months. He also moved in with a woman he met at work.’
Lily picked up the plates. ‘And there isn’t room for Morven?’
With a pained expression, Sam opened the door to the dining room to let her through. ‘Apparently not.’
They sat at the table. ‘That’s rough on Morven,’ she replied, understanding now why the teenager might be feeling pretty pissed off.
‘It is. She’s confused, upset … rejected.’
‘I bet.’
‘She also loathed my brother’s new girlfriend, Grady, on sight.’
‘They’ve met?’ Lily said in surprise.
‘Only over FaceTime. That was enough.’
‘So, Morven’s with you for the time being?’
‘Yes. She doesn’t want to live with me and she doesn’t want to live with Grady. I’m afraid Morven’s mum, Holly, didn’t feel able to care for her. She and Nate had a fling when she was over here for a holiday. She married young and then fell pregnant with Morven. Her husband refused to bring up another man’s child and issued her an ultimatum so Holly decided Morven was best off staying with Nate.’
Unlike Sam himself, Lily thought, who was bringing up another man’s child, even though the circumstances were very different. ‘That must have been incredibly hard for her,’ Lily said, trying to imagine having to give up your baby. ‘And no wonder Morven feels confused and rejected …’ Lily found her heart thawing towards the girl. ‘What does she want?’
‘If I knew that, I’d be able to predict the Lottery numbers.’ He shrugged. ‘I don’t know because Morven doesn’t know.’
They continued the meal for a while, talking about the food, where the cheese and leaves had come from.
‘It’s Morven who created the artwork in your cottage, you know,’ Sam said.
Lily thought back to the evocative collages of Scilly that hung in her room. They were original and haunting.
‘They’re all her work?’ she asked, rethinking her initial assessment of the truculent teenager.
‘All her own. She loves art. Mixed media is her big thing. She’s just finished her A-level Art course and she’s on track for a top grade.’
‘She’s a talented kid,’ said Lily, thinking of the contrast between Morven and Tyrone, who’d virtually copied the style of a best-selling designer rather than trying to create something original.
‘She is that.’ Sam’s eyes lit up with pride. Lily couldn’t help thinking that Nate should be here to feel and show that pride. ‘Unfortunately, that’s another source of conflict. She can’t decide what to do next. She’d have to go to the mainland to study Fine Art – at Falmouth University – but she hasn’t applied for a course, so that’s off for this year. Now she’ll have to stay on the islands until she can reapply. It’s why she’s working for me here. Reluctantly.’
‘She must be so hurt and confused. I felt the same way at that age, but for different reasons. I didn’t fit in with the crowd at school, that’s for sure. I loved making things but some people thought it was weird I had a market stall. Even then, I suppose I was focused on being an entrepreneur rather than on pop stars and boyfriends!’
And had never really given time to romantic relationships ever since, she thought.
Sam smiled and then said: ‘So you’ve been running at a hundred miles an hour since your late teens?’
‘In one way, probably, and lately, this big business opportunity has come up and it needs all my focus.’ She didn’t elaborate on the details of the supermarket offer, mindful she was supposed to be taking a break – and because she sensed an opportunity to find out more about Sam while she could. She only had tonight.
‘Coming on top of your loss, it’s no wonder you’re shattered,’ he said. ‘A series of blows saps your resilience until one day, all the stress catches up with you and floors you.’
‘Literally, in my case,’ Lily said, gently shaking her head. ‘You sound as if you understand?’
He answered quickly, as if keen to skate over his comment. ‘I spent every hour renovating this place and had to hand over the reins of my building business to a friend. Then Nate decided to leave Morven at my door as if she was an item of left luggage – with no indication of when he’d collect her again. I feel I’m failing at all of it: the business, the retreat, being a surrogate parent.’
‘I don’t think I could have juggled all of that stuff at once, especially the parent bit.’
‘I had no choice,’ he said bluntly. ‘I love Morven and want the best for her, but she’s not my daughter and I’m too old to be her friend. To be honest, I feel as if I’m failing her on all counts.’
Lily hesitated before replying. ‘I love my nieces too, and I understand the feeling of not being able to replace their mum, but I’ve no experience of teenagers. Does Elspeth help you much?’
He gave a wry smile. ‘My aunt is a wonderful woman. I couldn’t have managed without her, but she has the café to manage. She’s even further removed from Morven’s generation than I am, though sometimes they seem closer together than I am with either of them.’
Lily thought back to the conversation on the quay. ‘Does Morven believe in all the myths and legends about Stark? It sounded as if they have something in common there.’
‘When it suits her and when she wants to gang up on me with Elspeth. They are alike in many ways. Independent, artistic, they say what they feel without a filter.’
‘I’ve experienced that. I know I’m the last person to give advice but you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve so much on your plate and Nate’s left you in the lurch. Maybe you need a retreat too? From Stark, I mean.’
‘Like you, I don’t have the time. I’m here to stay,’ he said, gathering up their plates. ‘I’ll go and work my magic on the tortilla.’
Lily was back at her cottage by ten. Sam had said she should be up and packed by seven a.m., so he could catch the tide to take her straight by boat and buggy to Tresco heliport where she could be on standby for the first possible flight.
She knew she should get some rest after what had been an emotionally and physically exhausting day, yet it was impossible. The endorphins still pulsed through her despite two large glasses of wine.
She threw open the doors of the cottage and stood on the terrace. Overhead the stars were just coming out. They twinkled in a vast sky, casting a silvery light over the sand flats that separated her from Bryher and the other islands. In the distance, the lighthouse on Round Island winked with soothing regularity.
This was the last daylight in the whole of Britain, the far western edge of her homeland, and she and Sam were the only two people on the planet to enjoy it.
An electric thrill shot through her, the kind that she used to experience when she’d painted or sewn something as a child. Knowing she couldn’t sleep, she went back into the cottage, made hot chocolate and brought it outside, along with pencils, watercolours and paper.
She had to capture the scene and started to sketch a faint outline of beach, sand flats and the low hills of Bryher surrounded by islets floating in a silvery sea.
Working quickly, she fought against the urge to criticise her work, or rip it up, knowing that she would never be able to do the scene justice, but the vital thing was to carry on. As her eyes adjusted, little details came into focus: white-walled cottages gleaming in the twilight; the jetty where she’d arrived and been so sharp with Sam.
Dipping her brush in a deep ultramarine, she cringed. Now she knew him better, she regretted her impatience and rudeness.
So much of what he’d shared with her had struck a chord. He’d had to step into his brother’s shoes to care for Morven. He’d said he had no choice, but Lily didn’t buy that. He’d taken her into his home and life because he cared and was now doing his best to juggle starting his business with looking after a troubled teenage girl.
Whereas Lily had been so busy working that she’d literally forgotten her two nieces existed.
She laid down the watery painting as lightly as she could. She was as rusty as the old mooring post on the Stark quay: it was an age since she’d used her creative skills for pleasure. She felt envious of the makers whose work she marketed … it was a feeling she’d suppressed while running the business, yet now it surfaced. The wild seascape of Stark had certainly rekindled that creative flame, even if it had almost finished her off too.
How could she make more time for her own creative passions again? Even if her drawings and paintings weren’t good enough to sell, they were still valid. How could she make more time for the stuff that mattered the most – her nieces and her family – as Sam had done?
How could she make enough money to do all the things she wanted and carve some space in her life for her ? Slowly but surely, she’d allowed work to hem her into a corner until she was left with only the tiniest patch of dry land to stand on and no room to move.
The dilemma, like the sky and ocean in front of her, was too big to capture or resolve.
With no phone beside her to remind her of the time, only the fact it was too dark to work stopped her. The stars were fully out now, a milky network twinkling from a vast sky of deepest blue. Such darkness was alien.
Lily went inside, stunned to find it was after midnight.
She held her painting out in front of her. The colours, she admitted, were beautiful: ultramarine, silver, teal, even a tiny hint of pink had crept in. It must have been the reflection of the sun over the horizon at the last moment of light – she couldn’t remember adding it.
It was then she noticed through the window a figure lit up by moonlight: a figure who wasn’t in her painting as he’d only just appeared, standing on the edge of the cliff, with his back to her.
It was Sam, shoulders hunched and hands in pockets, staring out to sea, as if he was looking for something – or someone – in the vast night sky, with the weight of the world on him.
Her heart ached, recognising a lonely, lost soul.
Before he could turn around and spot her watching him, Lily put the painting down on the coffee table and stepped away, suddenly feeling as weighed down as Sam. Was it due to exhaustion or a delayed reaction to today’s trauma? Was it from a sense of loss – of Cara and, ludicrous thought, having to leave Stark … and Sam?
Damn it. This was the second time she’d cried in two days! She’d been beginning to think that the break had done her good, despite the fact she’d almost died. But this solitude and introspection wasn’t good for her.
It was making her emotional, and weak – neither of which would be any help in securing the future of her business and protecting the livelihoods of her team and makers. No matter how seductive Stark might be, how compelling its owner, it was an escape from reality – and while Lily resolved to make more time for herself in future, right now it was more important than ever that she step up and take the helm again.