Chapter 13
Thirteen
Chip tightened his hands at Ally’s waist and pulled her closer, the river lapping against him in calm discord to the desperation sweeping him over. Her kiss. A rare and sumptuous stillness to the noise that overran his brain. She tasted like fresh summer berries, warm and sweet, and so he crushed his mouth harder to hers, seeking more.
Her arms latched around his shoulders, and she pulled herself up, attempting to wrap her legs around him. His help came in the deliciously evil gesture of cupping her ass and lifting her.
Fire roared deep within him, swallowing every question he had about how they’d gotten here and whether he was right to let lust consume him. But her gentle moan in response to each hungry lash of his tongue obliterated his innate ability to stop and make a sensible choice. As did his muscles drawing taut with a need to explore her further.
Slowly. Slowly. He’d never wanted someone so much, but he didn’t want to blow this with rushing. Then again, she’d been the one to instigate this kiss… and the last one.
Oh, but I’m not all that innocent, either.
Of course, he wasn’t. And he didn’t want to be. Still, he’d sensed her doubt time and time again, had a few of his own. Besides, this was Ally. His Ally.
She moved her hands so that her fingers raked through his hair, simultaneously pulling him to deepen the kiss. So passionate. So demanding. Tempting fate, he gave her what she asked for, not just with the kiss but in walking blind toward the river’s bank, her still supported in his arms.
Willow branches brushed his shoulder, the water up to his calves while his skin tingled from the press of her sex against his already rock-hard excitement. He wanted her in every way a man could want a woman, and her legs at his waist made the prospect of taking her so much easier.
This isn’t like me at all .
But his need for her only grew, giving him the distinct feeling a one time-romp by the river would never be enough.
He got her as far as the thick grass beyond the sandy banks, then lay her down beneath him. Could he even have her? Here, in the open? Her legs clamped tight around him, pulling him closer down there, crushing his doubts like a tidal wave to land . She didn’t want him to stop. No. She downright urged him on.
He ground against her, and she threw her head back with a needy whisper, prompting his own possessive growl. Since when was he possessive?
I don’t want to fall for someone who won’t be around.
Those words bashed about in his head, and he slammed his eyes shut, wrenching his lips from hers. Taking her would be easy, but easy now would lead to complicated later.
“Chip?”
Her tone held a reassuring warmth, and he opened his eyes to her softened gaze searching his, her languid body sprawled beneath him, the creamy white of her tummy highlighting the gentle swirl of her belly button.
The sight of her had him hardening anew, that hardening excruciating given his position between her bare thighs—all while he burned to lean down and trek his lips over her exposed body.
“Chip?” New brightness entered her tone, bringing his attention back to the light smile on her lips.
Was he supposed to say something?
For a man with a vast vocabulary, he had nothing to say. All he had was a painfully sharp awareness of his desire. That her fingers now raked over his back, the rigid bite of her nails daring him to continue. To kiss her again. To—
Unwilling to finish that thought, he hissed and pulled back.
One little mistake with potential for so much damage. Not that he would ever consider Ally a mistake, but hell, he didn’t have a condom. Maybe his desire burned hot enough for him to care less on that front, but he’d also gleaned enough of Ally to guess she would think this moment a big mistake. Maybe not now. But later.
Dark pools swelled in the pale blue of her eyes, and the twist of her brow hinted her sudden understanding.
So, seeking to comfort her, he opted for talking this out. “Last night—”
She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed a hand to her face. “I changed my mind, Chip.”
She opened her eyes, the sensual haziness from before gone, while she pushed at his shoulder, gesturing for him to give her space. “This is so humiliating. I’m rushing things again, aren’t I?”
“Again?” His stomach clenched, and he settled in beside her, pitching his elbows over his bent knees, his eyes battling the sunlit water’s glare. “So, throwing yourself at men is just a normal afternoon activity for you, is it?”
She gave a light chuckle, even though he didn’t turn to look at her, because heaviness still filled his stomach. Despite what others seemed to think, sometimes his brain was his worst enemy. Maybe he’d been wrong to stop kissing her long enough to think.
“Not in the physical sense that you’re probably thinking. So congratulations, Chip.” She gave him a gentle fist bump at his shoulder, not too dissimilar to when she’d congratulated him on his kissing skills, her new levity filling him with hope. “You’re special in that department.” Though he turned to her again, she gave a tight shrug and gazed at the water, as if looking at him directly was too much of a challenge. “For a time there, I thought that being less backward about coming forward would solve the whole single in a small town thing, but… well… let’s just say that approach had its drawbacks.”
Her lips pressed into a flat line, suggesting emotional pain, though he had the vague backstory on Dean and could understand love was hard to come by. Even in a big city, with a huge population to draw dates from, much less a tiny place like Harlow. That he would soon leave her for Boston only proved her point.
He had no soothing or useful advice to offer, so he simply reached out and pressed a hand over hers. She lifted her gaze from the water to their hands joined on the grass, her focus gradually drifting up to him, the sun turning the blue in her eyes a silvery hue. “I’m sorry, Chip. I just figured kissing you was worth a shot.”
Ouch! A shot at what exactly?
Despite the thoughts rushing his brain, her rueful smile twisted with mischief, drawing from him a chuckle. “This isn’t a game of darts, Ally. I didn’t stop because I thought we wouldn’t get along. I stopped because we get along too well, and maybe it’s worth hashing some details out before we go ahead and break our own hearts.”
She took her turn to chuckle and did so while shaking her head, the weak ache in his chest suggesting that broken hearts might be inevitable here. No matter what, Ally would play on his mind far into the foreseeable future.
“You always were the reasonable one.” She twisted her palm and wrapped her fingers around his hand.
“Sure, but you’re impulsive and, therefore, way more exciting.” He reached out and nudged her chin with his knuckle.
She wrinkled her nose in a tease, and an unusual silence took her over, her focus returning to the water. He let out a sigh, suddenly spent, and lay back on the grass, making sure to keep his hand linked to hers.
Water droplets rolled from her wet hair and down her back. Those droplets, and her unwillingness to stop them, somehow gave her an air of vulnerability. That she also sat with her legs folded beneath her, almost childlike, only added to the effect.
The years had given her something else, too, an element of idiosyncratic beauty. A beauty that extended beyond physical appeal, encompassing the little quirks even she still seemed to struggle to wear at all times.
She swiveled back to him now, and he didn’t even care that she’d caught him staring; instead, he patted the ground beside him and invited her to lay next to him.
“I don’t ever want to think of you with regret.” He stared up at the cloudless sky, her head now rested on his shoulder. All those years he’d spent away from her were regret enough. “What happens when I go back to Boston?”
She’d talked about travel, but did he have a right to pitch the idea of her visiting him Boston? Even if she did, longterm, he had no intentions of staying in Harlow, and asking her to bridge the distance alone didn’t seem fair.
She didn’t answer right away, but when she did, her voice held a far too casual lightness. “I can handle it.”
He eyed her, her pupils wide and looking far from carefree, while that same conversation about travel had seen her confirm how Harlow would always be the place she returned to. “You think so?”
She shook her head and let out a ragged laugh. “No. I’ll be crushed, but I spoke with Emilia, and she said getting closer to you was worth the risk, so I thought––”
“So I have Emilia to thank for our little make-out fest?” He rolled over to his side and raised a brow, all while she turned to face him too.
“I don’t regret kissing you last night. I don’t regret what almost just happened now, do you?”
His heart lurched, and he reached out to sweep a strand of wet hair off her cheek. As much as he tried to summon the will to say he’d been wrong to touch her on both occasions, she lay close enough to kiss now, and the burn in his body called him a liar. So, the best he could muster was a weak shake of his head.
“Chip.” She rolled onto her back, and the blue sky lightened the color of her eyes. “Do you remember the last time we came here together?”
He ran a knuckle down her upturned face, swishing willow branches casting mild shadows over her skin, all while his memories slipped to their last visit to this river. The eve of him leaving for Boston.
The weather had been cooling and headed for winter, the overcast sky turning the choppy Mirabelle nickel gray when she’d asked him to kiss her. Not because she’d liked him in any romantic way. No. She’d just been scared that, with him gone, it might be years before she knew a boy well enough to get another chance.
Weird teenager logic, sure, and he’d made a show of laughing and pretending to be grossed out, her request only exacerbating his ache over leaving. But even back then, he’d known not to throw himself into something that meant the world to him and nothing to her.
Now, her gaze searched his, lips bent into a tiny frown. He needed to hurry and answer, even through the renewed misery of that past exchange. “Is that why you picked this place? Because of a fumbled kiss?”
“No, Chip. Because this spot was only ever special because of you and—” She shrugged, gaze veering away. “I mentioned that last time because I sold you way too short. I tried to rope you into helping me tick off some dumb milestone, and I’m sorry.”
She returned her attention and hit him with a smile so big that it pushed aside any lingering bitterness, prompting him to joke back. “I’m still pissed at you, by the way.”
She gave a light laugh and reached out to stroke his jawline, her soft touch encouraging him to turn his head and kiss her palm. Her smile grew some more, and she added, “You were here for so long, yah know? A huge part of my everyday life until you weren’t. Suddenly, everything I did, I did alone. And I know this is way over the top, but a part of me has been kinda adrift ever since.”
For the longest time, the river’s lapping and the rustle of willow overtook every sound but the hard pound of his heartbeat in his ears. All because she’d said everything he’d wanted to hear. Everything he’d felt back then and still, now. But he’d be leaving again soon, and had other priorities beyond her and this small town. What comfort did her admission really offer outside of dangling the illusion of something that could never be real?
So, he clamped his jaw shut to keep from reminding her not to get too invested in him, only daring to speak once he had something positive to say. “Ally, you’ve got time.”
Time for what? To find someone else?
What a ridiculous thing to say.
A lump formed in his throat. Maybe his words were ridiculous, but they offered more to her than anything else he could suggest. She wanted stability, and someone who could at least stick around. He possessed neither.
“Yah know, I tell myself that a lot.” She paused, her strain-filled gaze shifting about his face as though she thought twice about what she had to say next. “But I’ve been rejected so many times now, I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with me. Am I too much? Not enough? Maybe you can tell me, Chip. Just once… just once, I want to know what it’s like to fall in love. Even better, to have someone love me back. Is that too much to ask?”