Chapter 20
Twenty
“Ally, stop and listen to me!”
Though Chip still called for her, Ally increased her already fast steps away, her pace now just short of a jog while the paddock’s long and uncut greenery whipped at her bare legs.
Pissed as she was that she’d had to endure a fumbled apology from his sister, followed by this ridiculous chase to her car, she shot him a glare over her shoulder, warning him to back off. “Doesn’t anyone in this town think I’m capable of surviving without a parade of secret help?”
The grass’s rushing sounds half-swallowed her words, and she tugged at her knee-length dress, the hem repeatedly catching on the long blades.
“Jesus, Ally, I was fourteen.” His harder tone had her slamming her eyes shut, although her desire not to fall had her once more glaring ahead. “An immature goofball who thought all women needed protecting.”
Maybe that much was true, maybe she did overreact here, but she also deserved a little solitude to process the gut-churning news that so many looked down on her. In particular, two people she’d known and loved for as far back as her memory reached.
Her feet hit the packed parking lot’s gravel, and she weaved through cars to get to hers, Chip’s louder footsteps crunching just behind her. His pace did not sound as hurried, as though he gifted her a minor lead. “Ally, please.”
Her heart clenched at his sinking tone, but she focused on digging out keys from her purple purse, the cheerful violet hue taunting her.
Did she like to stand out? Or did standing out serve as a defense?
A defense against what?
She peered up at Chip and found her answer before peering back down and pressing the OPEN button on her key, all while allowing her chin-length hair to fall about her face and curtain any show of emotion.
Chip already meant something to her. In all honesty, he always had. Only now, the stakes were raised, and she had a whole lot more to lose. And he had things to lose too. Way more than her and her broken heart. The career and opportunities he’d worked toward for years. She wouldn’t be the reason for him losing any of that.
“It hurts, okay?” She sniffed, dropped her keys into her purse, and then wrenched the door open. So close to an escape. “It hurts, and I’m leaving.”
Only she merely stared at her open car door and failed to take another step.
If I run, I prove them right.
I might be sensitive, but I’m not fragile. I’m not weak.
So, she spun around, set to give Chip her unvarnished thoughts and full attention. “It hurts to put the effort in, yah know? To wake up every day vowing to be positive, to put forth my best show, and be honest about my feelings. I know that’s not how you, and especially Sarah, operate, but I don’t know how else to be. I don’t know what you all want from me, okay?”
Even as the pain of that admission still scraped against the inside of her throat, he said nothing, his hands curling and uncurling at his sides, the unblinking tension of his face suggesting he held back to allow her space to elaborate .
And so she did.
“I know I’m not as smart as you, Chip. I know that.” She dropped her hand from the top of her car door, shoulders sagging along with the cooling of angry heat in her belly. “My prospects aren’t so glittering or refined. I make rash decisions, this relationship with you included. I’m overly bubbly and a complete scatterbrain—and trust me—nobody ‘round here lets me forget it. So, you can stop thinking I need you or Sarah to save me. I know who I am, and I’ll survive just fine.”
His white shirt fluttered in the breeze as did the longer wisps of toffee brown hair along his hairline, all while he held his silence.
She’d poured her heart out only for him to leave her hanging. Did he really have nothing ? Her throat constricted with a burgeoning cry, but she nodded her acceptance and turned away.
“It hurts me too.”
She paused at his statement, which echoed through the open space, the gravity in his tone forcing her to twist back and catch the hard press of his jaw, a muscle ticking under his light stubble there.
His skin paled to match the silver moonlight, a hint that maybe, for the first time in his life, he grappled with the difficulties of not knowing. Like he questioned every aspect of what he did. Whether he’d said too much. Or should say more.
“It hurts me to see you and Sarah fighting.” His brow drew down, as did his lips, into another reluctantly lost look. “And even though it seems irrational, it hurts to hear about your past feelings for Dean. Ally, do you know that I spent years in Boston just wanting to jump on the first plane back to Harlow? Back home? And yes, back to you?”
A dull pain spread through her chest, her heart being the epicenter of all that hurt.
She swallowed at the thickness in her throat, those tight muscles refusing to remain silent while warning that her ensuing raspy voice would hold her raw emotions out for him to hear. “But you moved on eventually, didn’t you? And look at you now.”
She thrust a hand out to him. Out to his inordinately handsome exterior. Out to this man with a world of shiny promises clambering at his feet.
But the man, with all his promises, only deepened his frown, those overly astute eyes narrowing at her. “I wasn’t finished.”
He strode two paces closer, his larger torso caging her in between him and her car. “I never wanted to leave. That promise I asked Sarah to keep, it was an act of desperation, not a desire to hold you back, Ally. For a time there, whether you knew it or not, you and your friendship were my entire world. Now that I’m in Harlow again, do you know what I see every time I look at you?”
The question brought her inner world to a stunned stand-still, capturing her ability to move, much less offer an answer. What did he see when he looked at her? What did she see when she looked at him?
Don’t answer that. It’s a trick. Don’t answer him.
Both questions were loaded with pitfalls, two forbidden doors best left locked, so she compromised with a numb shake of her head.
He pressed his lips into a thin line, a sign of disappointment directed at her lack of effort. “It’s impossible not to look at you and wonder how different our lives would be if I’d never left.”
Cold shock returned, and she stumbled back, the frame of her car hitting her shoulder blades. Oh, that’s right, he had her trapped. But she didn’t want to imagine the alternative. All those lost years, found. Years where he stayed, and they…
They…
They… what?
“You really think we would have been together?” Her raspy tone remained, and she fought with her conscience.
Truth was, had she not met him again—years later and as a near stranger—the fickle part of her might have still wasted years dismissing him as just a friend.
He gave a small shrug, and a gentle smile tugged the corners of his lips upward, forever endearing, a clue he enjoyed knocking her off-center.
“Maybe, we would have been together.” He reached out and brushed her chin with his knuckle. “Though you probably would have dumped me the moment Dean came to town.”
A broken chuckle detached from deep within her, and an unexpected tear rolled down her cheek. Meanwhile, his smile grew wider, like he knew her.
He’d only just met the “grown-up” Ally, and still… he knew her .
She moved to swipe the heel of her palm over her wet cheek, but Chip got there first, shifting in closer and proving again that he would always be at least one step ahead of her.
Why does he like me? Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, why does this man even like me?
All she wanted now was for him to kiss her. To drown out the dull ache in her heart and the questions swirling in her head.
Maybe she wasn’t quite up to his standards. Maybe she was a complete flake. But she’d never been called dishonest, so perhaps the truth would compensate for some of her flaws.
She lifted her arms and draped them around his neck. “I have to admit, all those years ago, I did begin to suspect you had a thing for me. I just… I didn’t know how I felt. More precisely, I was scared of how I felt.”
He lifted one brow in a wordless question.
She gave a weak shrug, face heating at her admittedly understandable immaturity at the time. “I don’t know, maybe because I’d begun to feel at least a little the same.”
He gave a rueful grimace, his gaze fluttering about her face before he replied, “Now, that doesn’t make me feel any better.”
His hands made contact with her waist, and she allowed her eyes to drop momentarily shut at the warm strength of his touch. “All I’m saying is, maybe there was just a smidgen more to me asking you to kiss me before you left.”
“Ally.” He growled her name in a soft warning.
But that warning, and the clear affect her admission had on him, had the power once more shifting in her favor. She didn’t even try to hold on to her next easy smile. “And another thing, I’m kinda glad you didn’t kiss me. Can you imagine two awkward teens, with way too many cringe-worthy years ahead of us, before we landed in the place we are now? Maybe we needed those years apart just to figure ourselves out.”
The low set of his brow lifted and genuine light entered his eyes, like he joined in her humor now, happy to let her lead. “And where are we now?”
As much as she pulled her grin wider, the attempt at being care-free faded, and the muscles in her throat crushed her voice to a soft whisper. “At a place where I can genuinely appreciate you.”
The sting returned to the back of her eyes. This time, for an entirely different reason. “You and I, we were so close, yah know? Sure, I got on okay when you left, but I never did find someone to click with like I did with you. I don’t think Harlow ever felt more like home than these last few days with you back—”
Chip’s mouth crashed over hers, stealing her words, stealing her desire to care how this all looked to anyone passing by.
All she felt was his hungry need for her, an apt reply to the heat that still simmered within her since their reunion at the ball game. Now, his body pushed her hard against her car, her own desire embracing the pressure.
If she’d feared her persistent ache for him might swallow her whole, that fear now stepped aside to allow her to pull him closer, to grasp at the seemingly never-ending struggle to get her fill.
What with all the hot and heavy clawing, she must have crushed her keys in her purse and pressed the alarm button because just then, her car’s siren screeched to life.
The close horn-and-whoop combination struck like a drill to her brain, her heart jolting to an impossible clip and fit to pop. Chip laughed and untangled himself, giving her space for a frenzied search for her keys. He cupped his hands to his ears while she lacked the same luxury.
Just as she disabled the alarm, she peered up at him, the gold in his eyes a true glitter, his lips twisted in a poor attempt to hold back more laughter. But being the sympathetic sort—or maybe just experiencing the relief of escaping that sound—her own laugh broke free on a loud howl, and she pushed her hands to his chest in a jest for him to get away from her.
Every time she tried to gather her senses, her gaze met his, and she fell apart again. That he now joined her only meant that a solid minute passed before they won the struggle to regain control.
Her tummy ached, and she pressed her fingers to the inner corners of her eyes, stemming more tears. He reached out and put his hands on her hips, pulling her in for a kiss. A kiss that brought a sudden hush to her otherwise frantic soul.
“Get in the car and drive.” His voice hit her on a molten whisper, and he turned her to her still-open car door, dropping another scintillating kiss to the side of her neck. “It’s safe to say we never finished what we started yesterday.”