Chapter 8 Gillian
GILLIAN
After the horrific scene at the bookstore, I’d asked Alex to drive me home.
He hadn’t even tried to persuade me otherwise, simply nodded with a grim expression on his handsome face.
All the way back to my house, we were silent.
I had no idea what to say or how to process what just happened.
He appeared to feel the same, as he drove with both hands gripping the steering wheel and his gaze fixed on the road.
All the intimacy of earlier had vanished.
What had I been thinking? That we’d just carry on like we were still young and unencumbered?
We had three teenagers between us. Two of whom had been through hell.
It wasn’t surprising that Bella reacted that way.
Grace wanted me to find someone so badly she’d risked my anger over the dating profile fiasco, but that was unusual.
However, except for her first six months with her father, she’d not had a father figure in her life, thus a man in my life wouldn’t feel threatening. Or like I was trying to replace anyone.
When we arrived at my house, I noticed Delphine and Lila’s cars in the driveway. They’d come to pick up their girls and had stayed, probably anxious to hear how my night went. I dreaded telling them.
Alex shut off the engine and turned toward me. “Gillie, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say.”
“It’s all right,” I said, trying not to cry. “Our lives are complicated. And these kids have to be our first priority.”
“What’re you saying?” His voice sounded like he was speaking in a smoky room.
“I’m not saying anything. Not tonight anyway. I had a wonderful time tonight, and I’d love to see you again. But I can’t be the reason you have a bad relationship with your daughter. And it’s not for me to sort out. You have to decide how you want to handle her feelings.”
He rubbed his eyes, shoulders slumped. “I wish she could be supportive like Peter and Grace. I thought she might bristle a bit but I had no idea she would have such a strong reaction.”
“She saw her father kissing a woman who is not her mother. Of course it triggered big feelings.” I touched his arm.
“I’m sorry about what she said. You’re not selfish.
You’re the opposite. Please remember that when you think through what you’d like to do about all of this.
Also, you don’t owe me anything. So please do what you need to do for you and your family.
” I sounded so supportive, when inside I was crumbling.
How could I have found him again only to lose him so quickly?
But again, what had I expected? Finding love as a single parent was nearly impossible.
“Two dates, yes. But we know each other like only people do when they fall in love when they’re young.”
I couldn’t help but smile, knowing I’d thought the same thing earlier in the evening. “I can’t deny that.”
“I’m sorry our first kiss was ruined,” Alex said.
“Not ruined. For one brief, glorious moment, the world was ours.” I spoke lightly to hide how much it was going to hurt to get out of his car and go back to my regular life.
When I reached for the car door, he pressed his fingers into my wrist. “Gillie, I found you again. I’m not letting you go a second time. I’ll figure it out.”
I smiled at him, reaching up to graze my knuckles against his high cheekbone.
“You know where I am, if and when you’re ready to explore whatever this is.
But if you decide it’s too hard for Bella, then I understand.
I’m a mother. Grace’s well-being is my top priority.
I know you feel the same about your kids. ”
He covered my hand with his, looking at me with soulful eyes. “Thanks, Gillie. For being so gracious and understanding.”
“Always.” I leaned closer, giving him a soft peck of a kiss, before opening the car door and stepping into the fragrant summer night.
The five of them were all together watching a movie when I came into the living room.
The girls were on the couch, sharing a blanket while Delphine sat in one of the chairs.
Lila was on the floor with a pillow behind her back, leaning against the sofa.
However, the moment they saw me, someone switched off the television and they all turned to me.
“Mom, you’re back so early. Did it go badly?” Grace asked, scooting to the edge of the couch.
“It went extremely well … until it didn’t.”
“Tell us everything,” Lila said, already reaching for the open bottle of wine on the coffee table to pour some into an empty glass. She handed it to me. “But first, take off your sandals and have a sip of wine.”
I did as she suggested, sinking into one of the easy chairs.
“What happened?” Delphine asked. “Did he do something to make you uncomfortable?”
“Not at all. He’s the perfect gentleman. Always was. We had a wonderful dinner and then walked downtown. I wanted to show him Seraphina’s books at Ink & Anchor. And we were … um … in the romance section and we kissed.”
The three teenagers cheered, until they saw my face.
“What’s wrong, Mom?” Grace asked.
“Right as we were in the middle of it, his daughter showed up out of nowhere. She was with two friends. And when she saw us, she totally lost it. She said horrible things to Alex and then stormed off.”
“The poor girl lost her mother,” Delphine said. “She’s not going to be able to react rationally to her father dating again.”
“Maybe she just needs a little time?” Lila asked.
“Or for you to show Bella how awesome you are,” Annie said. “Win her over like you do all your students.”
“I don’t know if it’s possible. She wouldn’t even look at me.” I gazed down at my wine, sadder than I should be, given how new this all was.
“Maybe the timing’s just wrong,” Delphine said. “You shouldn’t get your hopes up about this guy.”
“No, we’ll fix it,” Grace said emphatically. “We can invite them over for dinner and Bella will see how great you are. Maybe I could even talk to her—get her to open up. It’s going to be fine.”
“I do feel bad for Bella,” Annie said. “It’s hard to lose a parent. I wish we could help her somehow.”
“Me too,” Lila said.
“Yeah, and I get why Bella’s upset,” Mia said. “Change is really hard.”
“But sometimes change brings great things. Like my mom.” Grace flopped against the back of the couch. “Bella’s just being dramatic. She’ll totally get over it.”
“We can’t expect her to get over it,” Delphine said. “She’s a teenage girl, still mourning her mother.”
“Not everything works out,” Mia said. “Which really sucks.”
“Maybe I could talk to her,” Annie said. “She’s on my soccer team.”
“And say what exactly?” Delphine asked. “Just get over it and move on?”
“Mom, no. I’d tell her how great Gillian is and she’d be so lucky to have her as a stepmom,” Annie said.
“Sweetheart, as much as I appreciate your willingness to help, please don’t say anything to her,” I said to Annie. “She’d be even more mortified if she thought we were all talking about her.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Annie said. “I didn’t think about that.”
“I don’t accept this,” Grace said. “There has to be a way. You two already had to say goodbye once.”
“And you deserve to be happy,” Lila said. “You’re always so selfless, but maybe it’s time you put yourself first.”
“Yes, I agree,” Grace said.
“We all know it’s not as simple as that,” Delphine said. “Because, regardless, Bella’s going to be unhappy, and that’s no way to start a relationship with her or him. Relationships are difficult when there are kids involved.”
“They almost never work out,” Mia said, sounding fifty instead of fourteen.
Maybe Delphine was right. Alex and I might love each other but, if his daughter sabotaged it however she could, we could never be happy together.
Anyway, I couldn’t be responsible for making his daughter sad, and ultimately him.
Because the truth was—the old saying was correct.
We are only as happy as our unhappiest child.
And, unfortunately, my child was looking distinctly unhappy at the moment. The plans she had for the family she’d always dreamed of had just slipped away before they ever began.