Leti
Did those words actually come out of my mouth?
Yes. Yes, they did. And despite the heat creeping up my neck, I don’t regret voicing them.
Even though Julian has been silently staring at me with his mouth wide open for an entire minute.
I can’t say exactly what possessed me to ask Julian to kiss me.
If I was caught up in the heat of the moment from one touch that quickly spiraled into so much more, it’d be easy to wave off the suggestion and spare us both the humiliation of staring at each other like two idiots as Julian’s mind works overtime for an answer.
Is he thinking of a way to let me down easy, or have I really stunned him that badly?
“Say something.”
“You didn’t.” I shake my head. “It’s true you scared me a little, but you didn’t push too far. I just didn’t expect to feel so much all at once.”
“And how do you feel, exactly?”
I shut my eyes like I can shut out his question, because I don’t even know where to begin to answer.
I already knew I was sexually attracted to him, but the feeling was easier to ignore when I’d written him off.
I’m not sure when that changed, or when this feeling became impossible to ignore any longer.
His hands fall on my shoulders, squeezing gently.
We’re a mere inch apart, his face hovering over mine.
One hand comes to rest at the nape of my neck, his thumb grazing my jaw the same way I touched him earlier. My breath catches.
“Is this okay?” His voice is in my ear, his breath warming the sensitive shell. I can only give a small nod, because I’ve suddenly forgotten how to breathe. “I’m here, Leticia. You don’t have to answer the question right now. I’m here. For whatever you need me for.”
When I’m able to suck in enough oxygen, I close the space between us until our noses graze.
I barely know what’s supposed to come next, but it’s never felt like this before.
Like I’m standing on a tightrope, body tense, unsure how to move forward for fear of falling fifty feet onto the concrete below me.
“Relax.” His hand moves up to my hair, massaging my scalp. I could collapse from how good his fingers feel moving against the base of my skull. The tension leaves my body and I deflate into him. “I’ve got you.”
My eyes move to his lips, as if realizing how close our faces are. His hands drop back down to his sides as he waits for me to decide what I want. All I have to do is touch my lips to his and let him do the rest.
Kissing to explore.
Maybe I’ll hate it. Maybe it’ll be spectacular. Maybe I won’t want to do anything else for the rest of my life. I’m not sure which one scares me more.
It’s awkward at first. My lips on his lips, both of us unmoving. The yawn of space between our bodies. His eyes are still open, something I only notice after an absent blink. He isn’t doing anything because he’s waiting for me to take the lead.
A split second of panic floods me. I can’t do that. I have no idea how to lead. For fuck’s sake, I don’t even know where to put my hands, but his fall back on my shoulders as soon as my lips break away from his.
“It’s okay. You can take your time.”
“I’m sorry.” I can’t even look at him. “I—”
“Shh.” He takes a step closer, until our chests are flush.
“It’s okay,” he repeats, close enough for our lips to touch.
He’s never looked at me this way before, his deep brown eyes like smoldering embers.
Whiskey fire hot enough to burn me alive.
His thumbs work slow circles on my shoulders, the heat of his skin warm through the fabric of my shirt.
My eyes flick down to his lips, and I have trouble catching my breath.
Maybe I can do this after all, if he keeps looking at me like he wants to devour me whole.
If I step an inch closer, place my hand on his cheek, curl my fingers into his hair, and pull him down to meet me…
Yes.
The change is immediate. He turns his head slightly until our noses aren’t in the way of each other, and then his lips are a hot graze against my skin.
For the second time his mouth closes over mine, only now it’s different.
It’s better. He teases my bottom lip with his tongue, introducing a brand-new sensation to my nervous system.
Oh. Okay.
I part my lips on a gasp, and he wastes no time taking full advantage.
His tongue sweeps inside my mouth, gliding against mine in the most exquisite way.
He angles my head slightly for better range, and holy shit I have never been kissed like this before.
Not even my first kiss with Steven was this good.
Steven took. Julian gives. He gauges my response to him and acts accordingly.
Kissing to enchant.
One hand slips up my back, pushing me into the warmth of his chest while the other grasps the nape of my neck.
When his fingers curl into my hair, gently tugging my head back for better access, it’s all I can do to restrain myself from moaning in his mouth.
I have the oddest urge to clench my thighs together to quell the ache growing between them.
Good lord, all we’re doing is kissing. Why do I feel like this?
How can he make me feel so out of control like this so soon?
My hands move up his chest, exploring tentatively, but I’m not thinking straight enough to concentrate on what my hands are doing.
I’m too focused on what he’s doing, on the leg that’s found its way between mine, on the strong thigh I’d like nothing more than to grind against. Chase the pleasure he’s been building with his mouth until I combust. I can almost imagine what his kiss would feel like on other places of my body, and for the first time I’ve never craved anything more.
Kissing to…seduce?
It should scare me, how much more of him I want.
It’s so easy to let him take control, to let myself indulge in his gently coaxing tongue, to find a rhythm I’m eager to follow.
I’d follow him right over the edge of a cliff and never look back.
What was so confusing about when his hands slid down my waist on the couch earlier is that it wasn’t a singular attraction to Julian I felt in that moment.
It was a cross between romantic and sexual.
I’ve never felt both for one person at the same time.
Not until now.
Right when I’ve gotten used to kissing him, when a finger finds its way through the loop of his jeans to pull him even closer, when he has me panting and shaking with a need I don’t entirely understand, it’s over as soon as I’ve decided I want this.
I want Julian. When he pulls away, I nearly let out a whimper.
“How was that?” His voice is so soft, I barely hear it.
“Um…” I force my eyes open. I’m still reeling from all these new sensations, dazed in a way I never knew just kissing could make me. “Yeah. Yes.”
“Yes to which part?”
“All of it. Yes.” The side of his mouth lifts, all deviousness.
My face is on fire. And to make matters worse, I gave away my hand before I was prepared to.
“Don’t go getting an ego about it, but from my very little experience, I’d say you are an A-plus kisser.
Good work, pal.” And to bring us back down to earth, I give his shoulder a light punch.
He laughs, that devious smile growing goofy.
“You are something else.” But he doesn’t say it like it’s a bad thing. “And as far as date prepping goes, this has easily been my favorite way to help you out.”
I punch him harder this time. He laughs even as he yelps and clutches his arm.
“If you put this on my permanent record, I swear to god—”
“Come on, Leti. Give me a little more credit than that.” His tone is light, but there’s a slight edge to it.
Why is it my first inclination to think the worst of him when he’s done so much for me?
I trust him. He knows I trust him, because I told him as much.
There’s no reason for me to keep my defenses up around him.
He’s already proven he knows every way around them.
“Sorry.” I shake my head. “I know you’re not like that. It was a stupid thing to say.”
“It’s all good.” His smile comes easier, and it blows my mind that mere minutes ago, his tongue was in my mouth. There’s no trace of me on him, but I don’t think the same can be said for me.
“Anyway.” I blow out a breath between my teeth. “If I haven’t said it yet, thank you. Seriously. And I’m sorry for constantly calling on you for help. I’m obviously a mess when it comes to this stuff.”
“You’re not as bad as you think,” he says. “Nathaniel’s a lucky guy.”
Nathaniel. Right.
What does it say about me that I’m casually kissing one person while I have second-date plans with someone else?
Not that we’re exclusive, and Nathaniel could be dating multiple people.
Heck, I’m technically doing that too. I’ve got at least three different message threads going with my other matches. Have I bitten off more than I can chew?
“Do you have plans to meet up with anyone else?” Julian asks, tone casual. It’s like he’s flipped a switch. Am I so easy to compartmentalize in his head? Why does the thought make my chest burn?
“I have dinner plans with two other matches, one on a Friday night two weeks from now, and another that Saturday.”
“Two days in a row.” He whistles low. “Look at you go, player.”
I roll my eyes at him. “Shut up.”
He opens his mouth, but he’s interrupted by the muffled sound of clanking metal and jingling keys from outside. Oh shit. Andrew. The doorknob twists, but jams before it can open fully. A loud clunk and my brother’s curse fills the tense silence between us. Saved by the dead bolt.
Three loud, pounding knocks, and then my brother’s voice from the other side of the door. “Julian! It’s the middle of the goddamn day. Why are you locking the dead bolt?”
I’m frozen, staring between the door and Julian.
I know exactly why he locked the dead bolt.
Because he knows I don’t want my brother to know he’s helping me.
He may not know why, but he hasn’t pried.
I didn’t expect him to be as thoughtful as to put in preventative measures against my brother.
My heart warms even as I make the split-second decision to run.
Julian whisper-yells after me as I dash through the hallway, but nothing he says registers as I shove myself through the first door I encounter.
It’s only once my heart rate calms that I realize what he was saying.
Patio. I could’ve escaped through the patio door without my brother seeing.
Fuck. Who knows how long I’ll be stuck here now.
I pin my ear to the door, waiting for the telltale signs of my brother’s footsteps and the creak of the door across the hall to alert me that he’s reached his room.
Instead, what I hear is Julian’s loud question, “You hungry?”
“Starving.” My brother’s reply comes at a normal volume. “But hold on, we can talk about dinner after I hop in the shower. It’s been a rough day.”
I breathe a sigh of relief until Julian stops him. “I got the pumpkin brioche, your favorite. You sure you don’t want a slice first?”
What the hell is he doing? I can’t be stuck in Julian’s room all night.
But once I get a good look at my surroundings, I realize what he’s doing.
The guitar in the corner is as familiar to me as my childhood.
I must’ve spent every night for a year banging on my bedroom wall for Andrew to stop wailing on that thing.
I’m not in Julian’s bedroom. I’m in Andrew’s.
Double shit.
There’s one escape route: the window. If I hadn’t decided to bolt at the last second, my friendship with Julian might be easier to explain away, even though my brother was five minutes away from walking in on us making out.
But if I walk out now, Andrew will know I hid and become suspicious.
He might even think his best friend and I are hooking up behind his back.
He doesn’t even know we’ve met before, let alone failed at dating each other twice.
I pull out my phone from my back pocket and text Julian.
I’m going out the window. Make sure to close it back before my brother sees.
His reply comes seconds later.
Will do.
I hid your purse in my room. I’ll bring it up later.
Good lord, how did I forget about my purse? At least Julian has my back in this harebrained scheme, no questions asked. I don’t think he’s eager to answer my brother’s questions either.
I breathe a sigh of relief to myself that Andrew lucked out with a first-floor apartment and that the windows in this complex are huge, so I don’t have to worry about squeezing myself through the opening. I pull up the glass, duck beneath it, and climb out onto the porch with little exertion.
That was a close one.