42 Leti
Leti
We get through dinner and the movie successfully. His arm is around my shoulders as he leads us outside the theater. “What’d you think of the movie?”
“Loved it,” I tell him. “It was appropriately cheesy.”
“What about our date?”
When we reach his car, he opens the passenger door for me but I make no move to climb in.
“Would you say it was a success?” he asks.
“A smashing success.” My arms curl behind his head and bring him down to my mouth. “Retracing our steps was a good idea on your part.”
“Glad you agree,” he says against my lips. “Come on, let’s get out of here. You have a final evaluation to do.”
He pries himself from my body and jogs to the other side of the car before I can ask him what he means. Even inside the car, he refuses to budge until we reach our building. Once he turns off the ignition, he turns in his seat to better face me.
“Now that our deal is over, it’s time for you to rank your dates.”
My eyes bug out at him.
“From one being the best to three being the worst. Me, Nathaniel, and Anerie. Go.”
“Is this really necessary?” I roll my eyes. His face is all no-nonsense. “You’re at number one. Nathaniel and Anerie are tied for dead last. Happy?”
“So, you’re saying I crushed the competition?” He beams at me.
“Your turn.”
His brow furrows.
“Me and your mystery person. Rank how your dates with us went.”
If Bella and Elena are right, then this is his chance to come clean.
He already admitted to knowing who I was the entire time, a fact I’m still wrapping my head around, but it lines up with their theory.
He can tell me right now that I’m the one my brother meant when he said Julian was in love.
It terrified me at first—the idea that he could’ve been secretly in love with me for so long.
Now that I’ve taken some time to digest Bella and Elena’s theory, the more it makes sense. The more it feels right.
Because I think I love him too.
I mean, how could I not? He went out of his way to take over my dating apps in order for me to find happiness, even if it wasn’t with him, when he was apparently into me the whole time.
He’s broken through my walls, my defenses, all my stubborn streaks.
He’s clever and patient and brilliant like sunshine.
I let him go twice, and he still found a way back to me.
If I let him go a third time, there’s no chance I’ll ever get him back.
“You”—his hand reaches across the space between us and cups my cheek—“have always been my number one, Leticia. Don’t you get that by now?”
“I think I’m starting to.” I grab his hand from my cheek and squeeze. “Looks like we’re officially exclusive.”
“Hell yeah we are.” His grin is sunshine incarnate. “Let’s get out of here.”
Julian doesn’t rush. He takes his time pushing himself from the driver’s seat, his pace regular as he walks around the car to let me out.
I reach for his offered hand, following close behind as he leads me back to his apartment.
There’s no reason for me to be nervous when we’ve practically done everything but penetrative sex, but I don’t think that’s why I’m feeling anxious.
In his bedroom with the lights on, his hands help me peel out of the tight dress I squeezed myself into earlier in the day.
Despite the other stuff we’ve done and the fact that this is far from the first time he’s seen me naked, it feels far more intimate.
I’ve always been half-clothed when we messed around.
This is the first time he has a full, unencumbered view of my body in all its flaws and imperfections.
With Steven, I was always insecure about him seeing my body.
I’d cringe when he touched my stomach, break the moment if my shirt or dress was riding up too much.
Now, the only reason I resist the urge to cover myself with my arms is because Julian’s dark eyes are full of wonder and heat as he looks his fill.
Steven never once looked at me like that.
It’s never been clearer to me now why we didn’t connect, no matter how hard I tried to shrink myself to be so much less when all the while, what I really wanted was so much more than he was ever willing to offer.
It may have taken me far too long to realize, but Julian is it for me.
If I’m being honest with myself, I had an inkling from the very beginning that we’d always end up here.
It’s what I hoped for when we matched back in August. I’m the one who pulled back—the one who deemed him unworthy a second time, the one who’s been fighting against our chemistry, like it’s any use.
I help him out of his button-down shirt and pants next, but I don’t get a chance to get my fill of his body.
There’s an itch, a niggling in the back of my brain to look twice, to better take in his lean arm muscles and especially the tattoos drawn on his chest and stomach, but it dissipates as his mouth seals over mine. Only, he pulls away just as quickly.
“Leti, you’re shaking.”
Am I?
“What’s wrong? If you’re having second thoughts, we don’t have to—”
“It’s not that,” I say, willing my hands to still as they land on his chest, where his heart is roaring underneath. “I’m a little nervous. Aren’t you?”
“Of course I am,” he says, despite looking anything but. Only his racing heart beneath my palm gives him away. “It’s okay to be nervous. Neither of us has done this before.”
“I don’t think that’s what I’m nervous about.”
When his brows furrow, I shake my head. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him how I feel. My heart could burst from how full it is, but I don’t want there to be any more secrets between us when I tell him I love him. When the time is right, once we’re more settled, I’ll tell him.
Instead of answering his unspoken question, I kiss him.
I grab his hands and place them on my body, all the while backing him into the bed until we both crash down on it.
It’s all too easy to sink into him, to let his touch carry me away until this persistent ache between my legs morphs into waves of pleasure beneath his skilled fingers.
After grabbing a condom and bottle of lube off the nightstand, he’s lined up at my entrance.
No going back.
Not that there ever was. I’ve already decided that there’s no one else I’d rather give this first to. There’s a slight pinch as he slides in, and I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. I shut my eyes against the sting, clutching at Julian’s chest, when he says my name.
“Leticia, look at me.”
My eyes fly open and his face fills my vision.
“If you need me to stop—”
“I don’t want you to stop,” I say. “I…It’ll get better. I need it to get better.”
He kisses me again, opening deeper as his tongue slides against mine at the same time his fingers find my clit.
Then his kisses trail down my jaw, sucking and nipping at the skin in the most delicious way.
I barely register when the pain subsides, only when pleasure starts to take its place and becomes the only thing I can think of.
The pace of his thrusts is painstakingly slow so as not to hurt me, his brows furrowed in concentration, but now I need him to go faster.
“Julian, please.” I’m clutching at him again, only for an entirely different reason now. He must hear the need in my voice, because he starts to pick up speed. “Yes, oh my god. Yes.”
My hand replaces his on my clit as he grasps my hip.
He pushes himself in even deeper, a guttural groan escaping past his lips, and it’s a combination of the sounds he makes as he loses himself inside me and that bite of pleasure-pain that ultimately does me in.
I’m crying out in earnest as he thrusts in and out of me, his grip on my waist hardening as his fingers dig into my soft flesh.
I sink a hand into his hair as I finish, kissing his neck to help him along next, not that it takes much longer before he’s coming into my body.
He shudders with his release before collapsing on top of me, his weight a comfort that fills my chest.
“That was amazing,” I say. He kisses my cheek, beaming. “Julian, you’re amazing.”
“Yeah?” His mouth quirks up at the side. “So are you.”
After disposing of the condom and cleaning up, we’re wrapped in each other’s arms on his bed again. I turn over to better face him, to fuck the consequences and tell him the words that have been on the tip of my tongue all night, but his eyes are shut as he breathes softly into the pillow.
Maybe it’s better this way. To wait until we’re more secure in our relationship, whether we’re fully committed or still only dating exclusively when that happens.
I sink back into bed, falling asleep before I know it.