Chapter 31
EBBA
The night before the wedding, the girls make their way to my suite for a last girl’s night of Sabrina being single.
Fisher is crashing with Noah, and I’d love to be a fly on the wall to know what they’re talking about.
Meanwhile, Maddie is staying with Sabrina’s friends Lucy and Alyssa.
Despite the offer of a sitter, they wanted to crash early with their little one.
Sabrina sits at the table by the balcony, applying a face mask carefully to her skin.
“I can’t believe I’m Noah’s wife tomorrow,” she says with a happy little sigh. A little laugh bubbles out of her and she adds, “To think he got on my nerves so bad at first and now I’m thrilled I get to call him husband.”
Whimsy laughs, applying a serum to her lash line.
“I mean when I was Elias’s assistant he would ask me to go get him toilet paper because he’s so particular and I’d roll my eyes and now that man pays attention to my skincare and makeup and buys it before I run out and keeps track of the brands I like and buys new products before I have the chance to.
In other words, they can be a giant pain in the ass but when they fall in love, they’re all in. ”
“Speaking of all in.” Sabrina swings her gaze my way and I set down my tweezers, studying my brows in my handheld mirror. “How are things going with Fisher?”
“Better than I expected, not that I really had any expectations.” I bite my bottom lip, trying to decide how honest I want to be.
But these are my girls and I’ve got to stop holding so much back from them.
I’m not even sure why I’m] so tight-lipped.
It’s not like I think they’ll gossip about me.
Sometimes it’s just hard for me to open up.
“It’s easy with him. Natural. Like we just ebb and flow together. ”
“But?” Whimsy prompts, sensing there’s more I want to say.
I’m not sure why I keep withholding the truth from them.
It’s not that I don’t trust them. But what happened with Grace is incredibly personal.
Losing a baby has to be one of the worst kinds of pains in the world.
That experience changed me forever, shaped me into someone new.
I’m never going to be that version of myself before the loss ever again, so not only did I have to grieve my baby, but I had to grieve myself too.
Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I tell them everything. They sit quietly, listening as I start from the beginning of my relationship with Fisher and all the way to the end.
When I finish, they’re both silent and my stomach stirs with unease that maybe I info-dumped too much onto them.
Whimsy speaks first. “Wow.” She lets out a low whistle. “That’s … a lot. No wonder you pushed him away. I can’t believe he wasn’t with you.”
“He didn’t get my texts or calls until after,” I snap defensively and immediately slap a hand over my mouth.
What the hell am I doing?
I’ve spent years holding a grudge for that very thing and now I’m defending him? I’ve done gone and lost my damn mind.
Sabrina grins knowingly. “I don’t think you’re as mad at him as you claim to be.”
I let out a sigh, playing with the ruffled edge of my sock so I don’t have to look at either of them.
But the distraction doesn’t prevent me from feeling their stare.
“I think being with him these last weeks, I find it hard to stay mad at someone who so clearly still has regrets and pain too. I was hormonal and emotional and I lashed out. I told him … I told him he was probably happy, relieved that I miscarried, and I can still see the horrified look on his face to this day.” I close my eyes.
“But I was so broken, and I wanted him to feel as broken as me. I told him I was done and it was for the best, we could just go back to being strangers who rotated in the same circles.”
“Oh, Ebba.” Sabrina gets up and settles beside me, wrapping me in her arms. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that by yourself.”
Whimsy scoots over, joining our group hug. “You could’ve told us.”
“I know, but I think I felt silly,” I confess. “I lost a baby fairly early in the pregnancy. What right did I have to be devastated?”
Whimsy’s face falls. “Ebba, listen to me, we’re all women here and I might not be a mom yet, but I know the minute I see a positive pregnancy test one day I will be the happiest I’ve ever been.
I’ll become a mom in that moment. Losing your baby doesn’t make you less of a mother.
You deserve to grieve the same as everyone else.
It doesn’t matter when a loss like that happens. It’s still devastating.”
My bottom lip trembles and the tears begin to flood out of me. I don’t think I’ve ever let myself cry like this. The sobs shake my entire body.
“I’m sorry,” I say as they comfort me. “This is the night before your wedding and I’m ruining everything.”
Sabrina squeezes me even tighter. “You’re not ruining anything. I’m happy that you’re finally opening up to us.”
I have to admit that there’s certainly a weight off my shoulders. It’s a heavy burden I’ve been carrying around for years—so long I didn’t even know how badly it was weighing me down.
“This calls for wine and more snacks,” Whimsy declares. She scurries over to the table where our spread of drinks and snacks lie.
“I’ll help her,” Sabrina says, giving my knee a pat. She rises with enviable ease—my injured leg could never—and grabs two of the already poured wine glasses from Whimsy. She hands me one and I take a sip, closing my eyes to savor the flavor.
“Should we put a movie on?” I ask.
“What’s a sleepover without one?” Whimsy says. “Sabrina, you’re the bride, what movie do you want?”
“I’m not sure. Something with a wedding maybe?”
Whimsy grins. “I know just the thing.” She scoops up the remote and a minute later The Princess Diaries 2 is playing. “I have to admit I like this one even more than the first.”
The three of us end up climbing into the bed together, watching the movie with our wine and snacks, facemasks on and giggling like a bunch of schoolgirls.
“Thank you,” Sabrina says a while later after the movie is over and we’ve all washed our faces free of our masks and brushed our teeth. “This has been the best night before my wedding I could ask for.”
I laugh, fluffing the pillow I’m going to use. “You’ll take us over Noah?”
She shrugs with a small smile. “Tomorrow starts a lifetime with Noah. It’s nice to just be a girl hanging out with her friends tonight.”
Sometimes it’s easy to forget as an adult, that we’re still just girls. Who says these kinds of things need to stop as you get older?