Chapter 21 Ben
BEN
Iwake up at the foot of Elias’ bed. I catch his strong, musky smell and hum with satisfaction. Maybe I should be embarrassed. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep with him in my mouth last night. But I’m not. Elias has never made me feel embarrassed about anything I’ve wanted.
He’s fast asleep with his head on the pillow so I scoot up and put my head beside his, my heart hammering in my chest as I watch him. He’s like an angel when he sleeps. No snoring. No drooling. No talking.
Something gnaws, deep inside me. I’m going to lose this. I won’t get to enjoy this man after he’s snapped up by a pro coach at Indian Wells this weekend. It’s all happening too fast. I’m not ready to go back to being the guy no one wants.
Someone’s alarm goes off and I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep before Elias can watch me creeping on him.
I listen to him groan, roll over, yawn.
“Guten Morgen, Spatz,” he says.
“Huh? Oh, Guten Morgen. Wait, what did you just call me?”
He laughs.
His stubble tickles my cheek as he kisses it before checking his phone.
“I hate to tell you this, but we slept in.”
“What?”
My eyes shoot open.
“It’s almost eight-thirty. Don’t you have to edit your paper before you hand it in?”
“Oh shoot!”
I jump up, not even caring that I’m naked.
“I’ll get some coffee.”
I vaguely sense him putting something on to pad into the living room and get started on my edits.
I’m amazed to find that what I wrote with Elias inside me actually makes sense. He returns a few moments later and puts a mug of coffee down beside me, kissing my head before shuffling off again. I hear the shower, Elias’ roommates talking in the other room, ignore them all and zone into my work.
Elias comes back into the room and starts getting dressed. He doesn’t bother me while I type. At eight-fifty-five, I click send, getting my paper in just on time.
“Phew.”
“You did it?”
“Yep.” I should be scared about almost missing a deadline for the first time in my life, but I’m not.
What did missing out on life to get my paper in a week early ever get me?
Did my professor mark it before everyone else’s?
Nope. Did he tell me I really didn’t need to hand it in that early with an air of pity in his voice?
Yep. Do I feel pretty good about myself for having a sex life and getting my paper in one time? Abso-freaking-lutely.
“What are you laughing at?” Elias asks with a smile.
“Nothing, I just never thought I’d be rushing to get a paper in because I was up all night having sex.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, it’s great.”
He snorts.
“Want a ride to class?”
“Yes, but please don’t distract me, I have a very important quiz or something.”
“Is this introduction to psych?”
“Yes. Kill me now.”
Elias’ roommates can’t look us in the eye when we finally emerge from his bedroom. Oh my gosh, did they hear us having sex? When did they get back? I look to Elias to see if I ought to be embarrassed. He doesn’t seem phased so I try to follow his lead.
I can’t ask him about it until we’re in the car and he’s putting his new favorite Lana Del Rey song on.
“Hey, Elias, do you think your roommates heard us having sex last night?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. Who cares?”
“I care. God, how embarrassing.”
“Hey, what have I told you? There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Sex is the most natural thing in the world. That’s why it’s free and God or whoever gave us G-spots and prostates.”
He’s being deadly serious. He’s not even smiling.
“What?”
“Nothing, you’re just …” Amazing is the word that comes to mind, but for some reason, it feels too heavy. He’s only mine for now. After this weekend, he’ll belong to the world. And probably some insanely handsome model or something.
“You make me laugh, that’s all.”
He smiles. He almost looks shy.
I park outside the building for life sciences and walk with him to his class before we have to separate. That girl he met at the sorority party is waiting for him and introduces herself to me as Joelle.
“You two look happy,” she says.
My face instantly floods with heat.
Elias is unbothered as usual.
“Come on, we want to get a good seat.”
“Oh yeah, as far away from the loud tappers as possible.”
I’m about to ask what she means when Elias drags her off towards the lecture hall, throwing me a wink before he slides behind the door.
Oh hell, I’m done for.
Nate’s waiting for me in the seminar room. He’s saved me a seat.
When he looks up, he’s frowning and there are dark circles around his eyes. “Hey, where were you? Didn’t you get my texts?”
“Shoot, sorry, I haven’t looked at my phone. I was at Elias’ place. Is everything okay with the pledges?”
“Don’t worry, everything’s fine.” He shakes his head with a small smile and I feel suddenly exposed.
Like Nate can see everything we did last night.
I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed. Elias definitely doesn’t make me feel embarrassed about what I like.
It’s just … someone who has never done it wouldn’t understand.
I’ve heard Nate and Evan having sex—unfortunately.
Aside from being really loud, it sounded pretty vanilla and ‘normal.’
Nate got a ride from Archer, so after class, I offer to drive him home.
“You know you can bring Elias over to the house?” Nate says as he straps himself into the passenger seat.
So you can hear me beg him not to move while he’s inside me? No thanks.
I’m not concentrating and when the car in front slams on the brakes, I crash right into the back of them.
I gasp from the shock. A sharp pain shoots through my neck. In the panic, my brain does a quick mental scan of my whole body, but apart from the neck pain, I’m not hurt.
I swivel quickly to check on Nate.
“I’m so sorry, Nate, are you okay?”
A weird, hysterical laugh bursts out of him, probably from the adrenaline.
“I’m fine.” He subconsciously rubs the wrist he broke last year and now I’m sure no one’s hurt, panic subsides into guilt and I feel terrible for almost putting him in a situation where he could have gotten hurt again.
My neck is still tender after I get out and exchange information with the other driver.
He isn’t a dick about me driving into the back of him and he doesn’t want to call the cops.
The smell of weed on his clothes tells me why he’s happy to sort this out between the two of us.
I should be relieved, but my neck is sore and I worry I might have whiplash or something.
I cannot get hurt right now. Not with Indian Wells coming up this weekend.
Elias is counting on me to win that doubles point.
I want to just go home and rest, but Nate insists on taking me to the hospital to get checked out.