Second Sets Omnibus

Four - River

I frown, fixing my hair in the long mirror attached to the closed office door. Since Kieran walked out with that possessive look sparkling on his face, I haven't been able to move. Twenty minutes and counting since the last time I laid eyes on him. My mind reels from our encounter, producing more conflicting emotions in my gut. Do I hate him? Like him? Want to smother him? Shit, I don't know.

Eleven years ago, he left a cavernous hole in my chest when he disappeared without a trace. It took me years to close the gap and return to myself. Even after that night, which changed me. And now? Now, he's reopening the wound one word at a time.

I can't do this again. I can't let Kieran waltz back into my life like I mean something to him, to waltz back out.

It was one fuck, and that's it. It meant nothing.

Closing my eyes, I count to ten and release my breath. Chances are, Kieran got precisely what he wanted, and I'll never see his handsome face again. Hopefully. Maybe. Shit.

"We are far from fucking done," he hisses, snapping his gaze to me. "None of this is over," he gestures between us. "I'll be seeing you, River Blue West."

His words replay over and over. He promised never to leave me at one point in our young lives. And yet, within a month of his words, he was gone. So, what will it be this time?

I shake my head. Screw these thoughts. How can one guy shake up my entire existence in a matter of ten minutes?

I flip myself off in the mirror and fix my screwed-up ponytail. Shivers run down my spine at the phantom feel of his fist locking around my hair and directing me to where he wanted me. Shit. Stop it. No more self-pity. It is what it is. If he comes back, then I'll deal with him.

Trailing a finger up and down the outside of my pocket, I feel for my pocket knife, the last gift he ever gave me.

"Take this," he said, sitting beside me on the grass.

"Knight!" I gasp, holding the colossal pocketknife in my hand. "It's a… I can't!" I squeak, closing it and throwing it back to him like it has a disease.

Kieran laughs, throwing his head back. "It's okay, River Blue," he reassures me, flicking open the blade. The bright full moon shines on the reflective blade. "If you look hard enough, your name is here. River Blue," he murmurs, running a finger over the wooden grip where my name sits.

I swallow hard, my fingers shaking when he wraps my fingers around the grip.

"I'll teach you how to protect yourself. One day, you'll need it." He nods, sure of himself, and proceeds to teach me how to use it safely.

My trusty pocketknife has had its fair share of uses over the years, protecting me from unwanted touches and my go-to security when walking alone. Despite its origins, I've kept it firmly in my pocket from the moment he handed it over. It holds more than security in my eyes; it’s sentimental.

I huff a breath, wiping a hand down my face. Was the boning worth the pain and satisfaction? No. Maybe? Shit!

All the calmness I felt before evaporates into thin air, and all I want to do is drink, take a bubble bath, and go to bed. I need a goddamn shot before I go home and face the loneliness of my empty apartment. My ma left for work hours ago and always worked through the night. So, it'll be just me, my loneliness, and the ache between my legs—a consolation prize for my consequences.

After cleaning up the office and shutting off the light, I make my way back into the bar area with my head held high.

"All good?" Leon raises a dark brow, and my cheeks heat when his mahogany brown eyes take in my messy appearance. Despite fixing my hair and straightening my clothes, he sees right through me.

Fuck.

I grunt, ripping my hair tie out of my hair and throwing it back into a messy bun, sending him a scathing look and daring him to say something. He snorts, shakes his head, and goes back to minding his own damn business. Good boy.

"You were kinda loud,” Ode snickers behind her hand, looking at her brother Leon, and they burst out laughing together. Their laughs bounce around the empty bar, filling the room with roaring amusement.

“Ha, ha, ha, laugh it up. But I got laid,” I say, pointing proudly to myself through a smirk.

“About damn time, woman!” Leon says, walking around the bar with his hands shoved into his pocket. “I’ve been saying that you needed it for what?”

“Every day,” Ode adds. “He tells me every damn day that you need a little dick to knock the stick out of your ass.”

My jaw falls open at the same time Leon curses back at his sister.

“Ode! What the hell? Throw your brother under the bus like that? I never said nothing like that,” he says, shaking his head with a grin. Letting me know he has, in fact, said it multiple times.

Some friends I have.

I snort. “It’s cool. I needed to get laid after all this promotion business. Plus, I start my first set of classes tomorrow, and I have to work at the record store Monday, too.” I blow out a breath, my chest constricting with all the shit I have planned for the next few years.

I have to work two jobs and attend school if I ever want to make it out of this hell-hole city and move on to bigger and better things, like California. I want to see the ocean, smell the saltwater, and push my toes into the cool sand. Most importantly, I want to attend CaliState to complete my Music Business degree. I’ve had my eyes on the prize since the moment I decided what I wanted to do with my life.

Through CaliState, I can live a full life without worry. After I walk across the stage with my degree, I can go to any record company and live my dream. Managing bands and music has always been my destiny, running through my blood since birth. Even though my father ripped the easy path from my grasp by the time I was two and forced me away. He may be some big musical influencer with more money than God, but give me five years, and I'll prove to him and everyone else who overlooked me that I'm the fucking greatest.

I want what I want, and I can’t do that in Central City, where every corner I turn is a constant reminder of who I am here—no one. To everyone walking these streets, I’m the Central City trash living in the slums of income-based apartments with a mom who strips to make ends meet. I want to thrive on my own without assistance backing me up. I can't achieve that here in the middle of Nowhere, Illinois. So, the first opportunity I get, I’m gone. No matter what. By whatever means necessary, even if my mom has to come with me.

“I’m out! See you tomorrow night, college girl!” Leon says with a mock salute, heading out the back door with his keys in hand.

“Everyone else gone?” I ask Ode, and she nods, grabbing her keys too.

“Ya did good, bestie,” she says, wrapping her arm around my shoulders and kissing my cheek. “You’re the best damn manager I’ve ever had.”

I sigh with a smile, leaning my head on hers. “You think so?” I ask with uncertainty, furrowing my brows.

“Girl, I can only imagine how much your little band brought in. But let's just say I’ve never served so many damn drinks. So, yeah. Book will see it and give you a bonus for your hard work.” She grins, wiggling her brows. “So, how was Richie Rich? Good dick?” I snort, pushing off her, and laugh when she stumbles, righting herself along the tall, wooden bar.

"You’re such a bitch,” I laugh, leaning over the bar to grab my backpack purse, and set it on the top. “But I don't kiss and tell.” I mimic locking my lips and throwing away the key.

Ode gapes, staring at me like I grew another head.

“You won't even tell your bestie?” she asks with a pout and pushes my shoulder. I snort, shaking my head. "Well… those noises you were making gave you away. OH, RICHIE RICH!!" Her hand slams down on the bar, fake moaning with her head thrown back in false passion.

I groan in embarrassment, feeling the heat travel up my neck and burn my ears. Shit. I forgot how thin the walls of this place were. Just last week, Ode took her on again, off again, hook up, into the bathroom to rock his world. Let's just say, we clapped when they walked out of the bathroom, zipping their flies and straightening their shirts.

So, they heard every dirty little word Kieran whispered in my ear as he pounded me hard. My nipples pebble under my shirt, begging for his lips to encase them. Damn it. I need to get the hell out of here and stop thinking about him. Throwing my strap over my shoulders, we head toward the back door and momentarily stop to shut off all the lights.

“Shut up,” I groan, shoving her out the door.

She cackles more, straightening her purse. “I’ll see ya later, bestie. You think Bessy will start?” She raises her brow when I lock the door and snorts.

“Bessy better start, or I’m trading her ass in.” I gesture toward my car, Bessy—who I, in fact, can’t afford to trade in or get rid of.

She's my ride or die. Well, more the die part. Poor Bes is resting on her last leg. But, hey—she gets me from point A to point B, usually with no complaints. She’s big and bad and eats a lot of gas, but I can’t complain about my nine-hundred-dollar car and my pride and joy. There’s no better feeling than saving up for something and finally getting it.

“Babes, if that pile ever shits out on you, I can take you home,” Leon says, leaning against his car with a cigarette hanging from his frowning lips. Taking it from his mouth, he blows smoke into the air. “We’re neighbors, after all,” he grumbles, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Thanks, L,” I say with a smile and wave him on.

“We could be like the cool kids and carpool,” he suggests with a grin, tossing his used cigarette to the ground and squishing it with the tip of his shoe. “Think about it. I’ll see ya at home. Be safe, yeah?” he says, piling into his car when I give him a thumbs up and drives off.

“Love ya, bitch,” Ode says, coming in to hug and squeezing me tight. “I’m going to stay at Ricky’s tonight. But I’ll see you tomorrow?”

I snort, squeezing her back. “Quicky Ricky again?” I murmur into her neck, reveling in her familiar hug.

Odette and Leon are far more than just my neighbors and coworkers. They are my brother and sister. We may not be blood but fuck that. They’re the closest thing I have to a family in this hell hole, and I’ll cling to them for the rest of my life.

“Quicky Ricky,” she murmurs, confirming my suspicions.

What started as a one-night stand from an internet hookup app has now turned into a full-blown relationship she’s not ready to admit to yet. Ode grins when her phone lights up, and another car pulls into the lot a second later. Ode squeals, waves goodbye, and runs to the passenger’s side.

“Heya, Ricky!” I shout, waving to him, receiving a small wave out the window before they pull away from the empty parking lot, leaving me there to watch it all go dark.

I sigh, getting into my car with a prayer running through my mind. Immediately, like my momma taught me, I lock my doors and set my purse on the passenger's side, praying to the car gods that Bessy starts without a fight.

Settling into the warm driver’s seat, my entire body tingles when my mind returns to the rough quickie. The phantom feel of his fingers tightly gripping my hips sends goosebumps skittering across my skin. An ache between my legs has me closing my eyes and wishing he’d come back for round two.

Oh, the rocking we could do in Bessy. Fuck. I run my fingers over my swollen lips and sigh at the feel of his demanding mouth overtaking mine in desperation. I must be a glutton for punishment if I'm aching for Kieran to come back and rock my world. Is the heartache worth seeing him again?

Throwing my head back, I let out a silent scream. Fuck. Why do I always do this to myself? Huh? I can’t get attached. Not again. He’ll chew me up and spit me out before I can say, please another, sir, just like last time. From now on, I'm staying away from the entire band for as long as possible until I can get myself in check. No more bands. No more bad boys. I'm swearing them off from now on. No more, I swear.

I shake my head and attempt to start my car, only to receive a worn-down, grinding noise. I narrow my eyes on the dashboard and shove my foot into the gas pedal, pumping it. Again, I try to start Bessy, but she gives me nothing but fumes and sputters.

“No! No! Bessy, don’t do this to me now,” I grumble, rubbing a hand over the steering wheel. All I get in return is the sound of her slowly dying and nothing. “Great,” I mumble, leaning my head back in defeat.

With no other choice, I shove my one working earbud into my ear and begin my journey home in the mid-August muggy heat on foot. Sure, I could call Leon and beg him to come back and get me, but he's probably already at home and settled into bed. I'd hate to drag him out to fetch little old me. Besides, the middle of the night is the most peaceful time to walk.

Sometimes, I need my music, the open air, and nothing to worry about. Sure, there could be a creeper lurking in the shadows, ready to haul me off to his basement, but from the looks of the abandoned sidewalks, there isn't—hopefully. It's just me and the music playing the soothing melodies in my ear, carrying my worries away.

Ma and I have lived in the same two-bedroom apartment gifted by the government since my dad decided he was done with us and kicked us out, forcing us out of Cali and back to her hometown. It was all she could afford on nothing, and we’ve never been able to leave. It’s been good to us and has let us thrive in a bad situation. Ma works her ass off on nights down at the local strip club dancing, but it's never been entirely enough.

Walking down the cracked and disintegrating sidewalk, I let my music take me over. Goosebumps pour over my skin, and I momentarily shut my eyes, allowing the tunes to infect my soul. Music is the life force keeping me going and alive. I'd fade into nothing with no meaning if I didn't have it. It’s the thing that accompanies me everywhere; no one can take it away from me, not even money. My greatest joy is looking up at a stage in the distance and feeling every ounce of emotion dropping from their words and notes. It completes me.

I sigh in relief when I make it back to my apartment building in one piece. Without any drama, well—besides my stupid car not starting. Some nights on my lonely drive home, the streets are empty. Some nights, they're full of neighborhood people doing whatever they’re doing in the middle of the night. I'd be a liar if I said I lived in a safe area. But my home has always been good to me. And the people? They're just trying to make it in the crazy thing called life. No matter the means.

As I make my way to my ground-floor apartment, I raise a brow at Leon, who rests against his door with his eyes on me. He nods once, throwing the cigarette down, and shakes his head.

“Bess not make the trip?” he asks, reaching into his pocket for his key.

“Thought it’d be a good night for a walk,” I mumble, rubbing my wrinkled forehead. Exhaustion sweeps through me when my eyes land on my apartment door. Just behind that barrier are my bathtub and my bed.

“Goodnight, you stubborn ass woman,” Leon says, inserting his key into his mother's apartment.

“Night, Korrine,” I shout when the door opens, and I grin as her stern eyes set on me, and she nods.

“Night, child. Have a good first day tomorrow. Come for dinner before you go to that second job of yours and tell me all about it,” she says in a tired voice, face drooping from the lack of sleep. But God love her. She always stays up to ensure we all come home safely from the bar and still greets the sun in the morning to cook breakfast for the family. She always looks out for us.

“Yes, ma’am,” I say, my throat tightening up from all the love pouring from every fiber of her being.

She is my second mother, who took over when my mom couldn't care for me properly. Since Kieran moved away, Korrine has been living next door, raising her three kids after a car accident that disabled her and took her husband's life.

Like us, this apartment was all she could afford at the time, and she’s never left. After my ma started her night jobs, I slept over at Korrine’s and became another family member. If it weren’t for her all these years, I never would have had big dreams or hope for the future. She pushed her kids and me to succeed when my mother was drowning in grief and financial woes.

She waves me off with a huff and a stern nod, disappearing into the depths of her apartment. With the snick of her lock, the lights turn out, and I head for my own. I suck in a breath, ready for my damn bubble bath and wine, but stop short when a small light shines through the open window. And when I walk inside, my heart fucking drops at the sight of her.

“Ma?” I question, setting my purse down on the kitchen counter. “You okay?” My brows furrow. She usually works until six in the morning and is never home at night.

My mom moves her chestnut brown hair over her shoulder, sighing, bringing a small glass to her trembling lips, and sets the cup down. Large, dark circles sit under her eyes, and my heart drops when her crystal blue eyes meet mine.

“Fell on stage,” she murmurs, kicking out her booted foot. “Broke my damn ankle.” Her eyes stay on the floor, observing the cast. “I lost my balance, the room spun, and I just…. I fell, River.”

“Oh God, Ma. Are you okay? Need meds? Anything?” I take a tentative step forward, cautiously watching the silent tears run down her cheeks. She shakes her head.

“No, baby,” she murmurs, running her cold fingers up my arms and stopping at my shoulder. “Barry fired me.” When those words leave her lips, my entire body breaks out in a cold sweat.

“F-fired?” I gape. “He can’t just fire you because of a broken leg, dammit. You’ve worked with him for over fifteen years. You’re one of his best dancers. You…”

“Yeah, he can. He pays me under the table, Sugar.” She squeezes my shoulder with trembling fingers and loses her grip on me. She curses under her breath, reaching for her glass, but it slips between her fingers. Landing back on the counter, thankfully not shattering. Her long fingers run through her curled and primped hair, and a sob leaks from between her lips.

“Ma?” I whisper, swallowing hard. I can tell by her avoidance of eye contact; she’s hiding something from me. “What is it?”

She bites into her bottom lip. “I got Multiple Sclerosis, babe.”

“M.S.?” I scrunch my face, and she nods when the realization hits me, and dread fills every muscle in my body.

M.S. is something I've seen before in one of our bar patrons. He could walk one day, but then he started to stumble, and by the end, he was in a wheelchair. Last I saw, he had landed in a nursing home because he couldn't take care of himself anymore. He explained to me one day that it was an autoimmune disease that would never have a cure until he dies.

“I got diagnosed,” she takes a large breath, fiddling with her fingers on the counter, “seven years ago, and it’s only getting worse. I tried so hard to work through the symptoms and the flare-ups. But I can’t anymore. I hurt too much, and the club's heat makes it too hard to stand, walk, or think.”

I take a step back, gaping at my mother and her admission. Seven fucking years and I never noticed? I run my finger over my clenched jaw, and my chest heaves. All this time, I was so blind to my mother’s symptoms because I was a kid caught up in her own life. Shit.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had it? I could have helped. I could have done anything to make it easier on you!” I shout, throwing my arm out.

Inside my chest, my heart works overtime, banging against my ribs. My breaths come in short pants as I wrap my head around her confession.

When she looks up at me with her glossy eyes and another sob leaks from her lips, I close in on her, forgetting the anger brewing in my gut. Throwing my arms around her, I pull her into a much-needed hug, and she sags in my grip.

“You have always worked so hard, Riv. I don’t know what I did to get such a good kid like you, but you work harder than anyone I know. You got straight A’s, worked two jobs, and still managed to be home every night. I didn’t want to worry you, Kid. You’re my responsibility, and I already failed you once.” Every ounce of emotion I know she’s buried deep inside her comes to the surface as she sobs into my chest. “I failed you when I couldn’t keep your father around. I failed you when I couldn’t secure child support from the good-for-nothing Corbin West. I failed you when we had to move back to the middle of nowhere and raise you by myself.”

“It’ll be all right, Ma. I promise,” I murmur, running my fingers through her ratty hair. “We’ll get through this. We always do.”

Ma pulls back, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “See, Kid? This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. You’re my baby. I’m supposed to rock you and tell you everything will be okay. But I can’t anymore.” She shakes her head, running a shaky hand through her hair.

“Okay, so Barry fired you. Can you get disability or unemployment? You have to be eligible for something that could help.” I breathe, sitting on the stool beside her, trying to think of a solution to our problems.

“No unemployment. It was cash under the table. I never had to claim a cent, so Barry wins this round. But Disability? Maybe,” she says, nodding her head. “Korrine will help me make it to the doctor tomorrow and drive me. I’ll have more answers tomorrow.” She gives me a sad smile and raises her good foot. She hobbles toward her beat-up recliner near the flat screen and sits down with a huff. Our only saving grace through all this is the medical card we've been on since our arrival. If it weren't for that, our medical bills would be through the roof.

“I’ll do some research, Ma. There must be something out there for you.” I swallow hard, brushing past her toward my bedroom at the end of the hall.

“Night, Kid. Get some rest. You’ve got a big day tomorrow,” she whispers, blowing me a kiss, and I catch it with a small smile. “You’re my big college girl now. I’m so damn proud of you.”

“Night, Ma,” I say, waltzing into my bedroom with a sigh.

Not only do I have to try and come up with double the money we were making between my job and hers, but now I have to contend with a chronically ill mother, who will only get worse and worse. Then I’ll have to put her in a home or try to find a day nurse or… shit, I don’t know.

I rub a finger along my forehead and groan at the ceiling. So much for a warm bubble bath and some wine before bed. I have five hours before I must get up and open the store across town. Yay for responsibilities. Yay for being an adult. And yay for walking everywhere! Bessy was our only vehicle, and now…