Twelve - River
Do not fall in love with these assholes. Just. Don’t. Don’t think about their big dicks sliding inside you, giving you a better release than anyone ever has. Don’t think about how powerful you felt pushing Kieran to do as you said, as he gave into the demand in your voice. Don’t think about how he filled you up; then, his friend did the same to your mouth. Don’t think about Callum’s face when he finally had the courage to come and how he cared for you afterward.
Just don’t do it, River. Definitely don’t think about their friends doing the same and rolling around with each of them to find your pleasure. And most definitely, don’t think about going on a date with them or cozying up to them or whatever else your twisted little mind can think of.
I’m in such deep shit. They’re all I can think about as I saunter through the night air, immediately sweating from the intensity of the heat. Even if the sun went down hours ago, mugginess drifts in the air.
A rogue thought smacks the smitten feeling right out of me, and I frown. This is one hundred percent the definition of a whore. Right? Shit. Am I a whore? I shake my head, answering my own stupid question. Nah. You know what? Fuck the stereotypes. I’m not a whore. I’m a girl with needs who fucked two guys simultaneously and loved every second of being in their grasp. One to fuck me, the second one to gag me, and the third to cum all over me.
By society’s standards, I’m one hundred percent a whore. But you know what? Society can suck my dick for all I care. And I know, I know. People love to remind me I don’t have a dick, but I’m not talking about the flesh flute hanging between my legs. I’m talking my soul dick. The dick that lives deep inside of me, not literally. So, suck my aura dick, society, and leave the name-calling out of your mouth.
That’s just the deep-seated hate women get for enjoying the same sexual experiences men enjoy without the label. I fucked two guys at once and let their other friend cum on my tits. And you know what? I liked it, and I’m damn proud. And I’d do it again.
Use us, River. We’ll do whatever you want.
I shiver as Kieran’s words roll around in my brain. More vivid memories flash in rapid succession, like a movie on repeat in my mind. Heat envelops me, going straight to my core and begging for more of Kieran, Rad, and Callum. Hell, throw Asher in there, too. A nice hate fuck, where he bosses me around, and I’m the defiant brat, sounds like a good time. God, as fucked as it sounds, I can’t wait for the day when Asher punishes me for every minor infraction. He could bend me over his knee, spank my ass raw, and then fuck me in it.
Yup. I’m fucked.
I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as I unlock my front door. Heaving a breath, I feel the echoes of their stares burning through me and holding me prisoner. It doesn’t cease until I shut the door and block their view. Finally, I can take a full breath without them breathing down my neck—without them suffocating me with one heated stare.
Pulling fresh oxygen into my lungs, I step further into the darkened apartment and stare at my mother’s empty chair. Since she got fired from her job and broke her leg, she’s been chair bound.
Nothing has fucked with my mom’s depression more than being stuck in her recliner with her leg in the air, unable to do a damn thing. I peek around the apartment and sigh again at the mess filling the sink and the grime on the countertops.
How the hell am I supposed to help her when I have two jobs, schooling, and four weirdos trailing after me? I know Korrine has been checking in on her and sitting with her for lunch, ensuring my mom’s fed. But I can’t rely on my neighbor forever. She has her own life, and my mom needs me. But I’m so damn busy taking care of myself and this house. I don’t know what I’m going to do with her holed up as essentially a child. My mom is the most important person in my life. I don’t know how I will cope with all this on my own at nineteen.
“Ma?” I ask, looking around the deserted apartment.
My heart rate spikes when she doesn’t respond. Swallowing hard, I move toward the running water sound coming from our tiny bathroom.
“Hey, Ma? You in there? You doing, okay?” I lightly tap on the wood door.
Once again, she doesn’t respond. Normally she hums or sings as she prepares for work, drowning herself in long showers. I search for the comfort of her voice, but it’s nothing but emptiness. The shower is roaring down on the tiled tub, filling the space with its noise. Placing my ear against the wooden door, I listen further, still getting nothing in return.
“Fuck, Ma! I’m coming in. If you don’t answer, you’re about to scar me for life,” I shout, twisting the knob, and my heart drops way into my ass at the sight before me. “Ma!” I gasp, dropping to my knees.
Blood drips from the gash on her forehead, pooling on the ground and matting in her hair. Sprawled out completely naked on her back, she’s unresponsive, not flinching when I shake her. Yelling out to her again in broken sobs, I try to rouse her, but she doesn’t stir. Her broken leg is wrapped in plastic, sticking over the side of the tub where the water rains down. Shaking her again, I get the same response. Nothing.
“Shit, shit, shit!” I curse, covering her naked body with a towel, and shutting off the water. What the hell do I do? How do I? “Fuck,” I growl, my hands shaking, looking down at her pale body. What the hell do I do? What the hell? Hospital? Ambulance? Chaotic thoughts take over my brain, spinning like a damn tornado. “Shit. I need Korrine,” I gasp out in desperation.
She’s a former nurse, only quitting to raise her family many years ago. My hands tremble more when I run them through my hair and get to my feet, but not before checking her pulse. It’s strong and beating against my fingers. So, I know she’s okay there. Just injured. Severely. And—I pale at the blood sticking to her skin. My stomach churns, threatening to send up the contents of my stomach.
My heavy heartbeat pounds against my chest, and oxygen refuses to enter my lungs. A tight rubber band constricts around my chest, hellbent on suffocating me before I can get the help my mom needs.
I run out of the bathroom in a haze, gasping for breath and throwing open the front door. I only stop when Kieran, Callum, Asher, and Rad stand before me with my phone dangling in the air and confusion etching across their faces.
“What’s going on?” Kieran asks, stepping protectively up to me and grabbing my shoulders firmly.
For whatever reason, I slump into him like he’s the best protector I’ve ever had and will shield me from the dangers surrounding us. Maybe it’s the familiarity he offers and seeing him shoves my panic to the deepest pit. His scent overtakes my senses, confusing every bit of me, but also calms the raging inferno inside me.
Sincerity and concern bleed through his gaze when he stares me up and down, checking for wounds. For some odd reason, I think he cares for me and maybe my well-being. Quickly, I wipe my tears away, refusing to show them my weaknesses.
“Help,” I murmur through a gasp, staring at him with pleading eyes. “I need your help.” My heart beats out of control when their faces fall into determined looks. Each of them steps up, awaiting my words. Even Asher looks around, evaluating the apartment from the outside and searching for the culprit of my panic.
“What is it?” Kieran pushes past me, waltzing into my apartment.
Callum ushers me in with his arm tightly wrapping around my shoulders and pulls me into the side of his body. His warmth spreads through me when they all stand in my messy apartment. Someone shuts the front door, cutting off the outside world.
“Pretty Girl,” Rad whispers, standing before me, and cups my jaw. “Tell us what’s going on, okay?” I shiver under his touch, my body trembling more.
Kieran looks around, snarling when he doesn’t see the threat sending me into shock, and jerks his gaze toward me. Eyeing me up and down, he repeatedly looks me over like blood should be pouring from every orifice.
My teeth chatter together, filling the room with their constant noise. Static takes over my brain, and my thoughts work through a thick sludge, slowing it down until I can’t form words. Shit. Think. Fucking think! I’m a fucking manager, for Christ’s sake. I should be able to figure out disasters without falling on my ass. No matter how often I chant that in my head, I’m stuck in a phantom mud.
Asher snarls, throwing Rad out of the way and standing before me, taking my jaw forcefully in his grip, clamping down on me. Pain spears through my jaw and onto my cheeks, forcing my eyes to his angry stare.
“River West, tell us what’s going on!” His demand lands like a whip against my ass, kicking the panic out of my brain long enough for clarity to take over.
“My mom!” I force out through my chattering teeth. Asher’s brows raise into his hairline when I snatch his hand from my jaw and lead him toward the bathroom. “My mom-my mom, has MS; she fell!” I gasp, standing in front of the bathroom door, unable to get oxygen into my lungs.
“Shit,” Rad hisses as footsteps pound behind us.
“River Blue,” Kieran says, turning me to face him and cupping my cheeks. “We’ll help, okay? What do you need us to do?” His mismatched eyes examine my face, and my mind goes fucking blank.
B-l-a-n-k! The fuck! I’m supposed to know what I’m doing. But I’m frozen by the sight of my mom’s fucking blood on the ground and in her hairline. She’s motionless, barely breathing on the bathroom floor. And who knows for how long? Is she still alive?
“I need to get her back in her chair…. God, I can’t call an ambulance; that would cost too much money. We can’t afford that. I...” Tears burn the back of my eyes, and I’m not too proud to admit fear is coursing through me mixed with indecision. Do this? Do that? The fuck do I do first.
“River, why don’t you get your mom some clothes?” Asher demands in a calm voice, leaning over my mom’s still body. He checks her forehead, finds gauze under the sink, and puts it on her bleeding wound. “You might have to take her to the ER, just in case. This gash is pretty bad.” Asher gives me a pointed stare. “Now is not the time to defy me, River. Go get your mother some clothes.” Again, he demands, and it snaps like a rubber band against me, immediately sending me into action. If there’s one person to tamp my panic with demands and get me moving, it seems to be Asher. I swallow hard and nod at his words. “Good girl,” he says, praising me when I take a step back, following his directions.
If the situation weren’t so dire, I’d slap him across the head for his praise. And I’d definitely never admit to him that his words do something odd to me, sending goosebumps down my skin and lightness taking me over.
Turning toward her tiny bedroom, I gather some fresh underwear, shorts, and a shirt. Once they’re bundled into my arms, I step into the bathroom, sliding my mom’s panties up her legs and shorts on as the guys turn around for privacy.
In the back of my mind, I know the emergency room will cost an arm and a leg. We just have to convince our state insurance to cover the bill. But whatever we can do to save her fucking life.
Rad quietly calls 911 for me, explaining the situation to the dispatcher calmly and precisely. I swallow hard when I put my mom’s shirt on, careful of her head injury, sliding her arms through the sleeves and pulling it over her stomach. She still doesn’t stir when I’m done, and tears leak from my eyes. She looks dead, barely breathing, and has a giant gash on her fucking forehead.
Callum pulls me into his chest again, letting his shirt soak up my stupid tears. He whispers soft words of comfort in my ear, reassuring me she’ll be okay. With every word he speaks, my panic slowly drains out, and I slump into him. I wrap my arms around his body, soaking up his warmth and the safety he offers me when the world around me is so chaotic.
Thank God they came back to… well, why did they come back? My brows furrow as my thoughts slowly come back to me at a rapid pace. If they hadn’t been at the door while I threw it open, I would have been lost. Sure, Korrine would have jumped at my pleas for help and come over, but I hate to rely on her so much. She’s already done so much.
“Hey, Pretty Girl, they’re on their way, okay?” I swallow hard when Rad wraps himself around my back, sandwiching me between them. “Everything will be okay. I promise,” he whispers, gently kissing the side of my head.
The moment his warmth hits my back, and his words sink into me, I fucking lose it like a baby, uncontrollably sobbing as I’ve never done before. Usually, no one gets to see this side of me. I hold it all in. No one takes an over-emotional woman seriously because, well—society is fucked.
Fear tightens every inch of me at the thought of losing my mother to this disease, dragging her down. Ever since she told me, she’s folded in on herself and barely talked. It’s only been a day, but it feels like my mom has all but given up. I’ve got to do something to help her get out more and help her get healthy. But what can I do? I work two jobs to feed us and keep us warm and cool. I go to college to better our future. When I am trying to better my life to better hers, I can't stay home and watch her. I could quit everything and just become another statistic, but I refuse. In ten years, I don’t want to be here. Instead, I want to work for a record company or manage a business dealing with music and take my mother with me. I want to give her the best care she can ever imagine. I have to stick it out.
Another warm body presses into our sides, whispering kind words when he wraps his arms around the three of us. Together, the boys create a solid circle around me, protecting me from anything that comes our way. Kieran kisses the back of my skull, nuzzling into me with such care I know I’m fucked. So, fucking fucked. Because the moment his lips meet my hair, he has me right where he wants me. I’m falling hard and fast, even though my brain screams it’s a bad idea. Like, I don’t know already.
I’ve learned this lesson before with Van. But Van never came over here. He never volunteered to drive me home and ensure my safety like they did. Van let me walk home when my car died, or he’d drop me off a block away. I should have seen the giant red flags from a mile away, but I was too blinded by the look in his eyes and how he made me feel. He never came to see me at the bar, only the record store, or hang out. Why does this feel different? But it gives me the same feeling at the same time. I’m so damn conflicted about how I should feel about them and how they just showed up in my life like a hurricane.
After a moment, I pull away from them when someone pounds on the front door, yelling about being EMTs. Wiping my eyes, I avert my gaze toward the ground, giving them a tight smile—a red tint blossoms on my cheeks when I peek at the wetness covering Callum’s shirt.
“Thank you for the help,” I say through heavy emotions clogging my throat. Walking out of the bathroom at a quick pace, I try to get to the door as quickly as possible. Probably looking like I’m scurrying away like a little mouse, desperate to get away from them.
“Anytime, River Blue,” Kieran says, grabbing my shoulder and stopping my retreat. Turning me to face him, he cups my cheeks again. “You can reach out to us at any time, okay? Especially with something like this. If you need help, we’re here.” He gives me a firm nod, something in his eyes telling me he might somehow relate to this entire situation. Leaning in, he softly kisses my lips, reaffirming his feelings for me.
Behind me, the front door opens, and Rad graciously shows them to my mother. Callum and Asher stand beside Kieran as he continues to hold me through all the movement in my apartment. Eventually, Kieran escorts me to the bathroom, where I explain the situation to them.
They quickly assess her and help rouse her to the land of the living. She comes to slowly with wide eyes, frantically looking around with confusion. Once she’s calmed down, they patch her forehead up, run some tests for a concussion, and clear her.
They advise her not to shower alone again and to go to the ER if any more symptoms pop up. I agree to monitor her as they guide her back to her chair and set her down. They go on their way, waving when they walk out the door.
Kieran, Rad, Callum, and Asher stay by my side through the entire ordeal, helping to center me through my panic. Rad clutches my hands and murmurs sweet words of encouragement. Something about his pretty words centers my whole being, and I settle. My mind comes back online just in time for the four boys to stand around me after the EMTs leave.
“Thank you so much for everything you’ve done tonight,” I murmur, running a hand across my forehead. “I kind of panicked.” I look away, wincing with embarrassment. A heat takes over my cheeks and runs down my neck.
Yeah, it’s cool; River, just go ahead and show these assholes your vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Just tell them your entire life story, why don’t ya? Shit. I have to be more careful about what I share with them or anyone else. I have goals, and sure, they’re massive amounts of fun. But I can’t afford to get stuck here or with them.
“No probs, Pretty Girl. What’re friends for, right?” Rad says with a grin, shoving his hands in his pocket.
“You’ll be okay with her for the rest of the day?” Kieran asks, furrowing his brows at my mom, who slumps in her chair, watching some channel that sells jewelry.
“Yeah, it’ll be fine,” I say through a breath.
Yeah, I’d be fine. I’d have to skip school and the bar, but I’d make do. Right? Right? We’ll be okay. Shit, I need to talk to Korrine and see if I can set up nurse visits or something to help me.
“What’s your number?” Kieran asks, holding out his phone. “If you need anything, call, okay?” I nod, sending them on their way after putting my number in his contacts, and collapse against the door when they’re finally out of view.
Outside, the sound of an engine coming to life echoes through the parking lot and then takes off down the road.
“They seem like good boys,” Ma says, settling into her recliner with a sleepy look. I’m not sure why it took me so long to put two and two together, but she’s been opting to snooze in her chair over lying in bed.
“Yeah,” I breathe.
They seem like good boys—too good of guys for me.
After making sure my mom is okay, I head to bed and attempt to sleep for what feels like the first time this week, forgetting my responsibilities. Tomorrow, I’ll deal with work. Tomorrow, I’ll deal with school. Tomorrow, I’ll deal with the fallout of this whole mess.
Quickly texting Booker about my night, he tells me to watch my mom for the day and not worry about work. Thank God he’s a night owl, or he’d have a hell of a message to wake up to in the morning. I quickly change into an oversized shirt, sans pants and panties, and crawl into bed with a sigh.