Ten - Asher
“Daddy,” a small voice rings out through the darkness of my mind, rousing me back to the land of the living.
I groan, wiping the damn drool from my lips, getting my bearings. Where the hell am I? I swipe my palms along the textured surface of the chair I’m resting in, bringing back the memories of River’s frantic call from earlier, asking me to babysit so she could chase Cal. Wherever the hell he goes at night when he thinks no one else is listening. And I fell asleep.
My brows raise, and I peel my eyes open, staring into the eyes of my tear-stained daughter. Daughter. Shit. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that. I adjust myself in the recliner I’m sitting in and sit forward.
“Daddy,” she whines again, pulling on my shirt with a little grunt, waking me up completely.
“Lyric,” I rasp, quickly clearing my throat when she snuggles her bunny close to her chest and sniffles. “Are you okay?”
“Mommy is gone. Other Daddy is gone. You’re here,” she says tiredly, rubbing at her eyes with a frown. “Why?” she asks in a small voice, eyeing me up and down.
“I said I’d see you tomorrow, right?” I ask with a soft smile. “Here I am.”
“Okay,” she says without question, climbing into my lap with the most trusting grin. With a heavy, sleep-filled sigh, she snuggles into my chest. I wrap my arms tightly around her, securing her to me.
“Why’re you awake?” Running my fingers through her long dark locks, I pull them from her cherub face and marvel at her familiar features. Up close and personal like this really brings out her mix of features. Kieran’s nose and eyes. River’s bone structure. Tiny freckles.
“A dream,” she sniffles, wiping her nose across my shirt, leaving a snot trail behind.
In normal circumstances, I’d be repulsed by the snot shining on my dark shirt. But this isn’t a normal circumstance. This is a little soul who calls me Daddy. And I robbed her of the experience of having us in her life because of my desperation to leave town. I owe her so much more than snot on my shirt and cuddles after a bad dream.
Guilt presses down on my chest, stealing my oxygen until I take a huge, relieving breath.
“What kind of dream?” I ask, running my fingers soothingly through her hair, hoping to ease the little trembles rumbling through her body.
“Mean monsters outside my window,” she mumbles with a sniffle. Her bright, mismatched eyes search my face as it softens for her. “Tap. Tap. Tap,” she mumbles, moving her little finger along with the words.
“I won’t let the monsters get you, Little One. Ever. None of your daddies will allow that,” I murmur soothingly, as her eyes flutter, and her long lashes brush against her cheeks.
Her body wiggles a few more times as her whimpers die down, and she relaxes in my arms. It dawns on me that she trusts me, feeling safe in my presence. After a few minutes, her soft baby snores fill the room as she clings to my shirt. “I’ll never let anything bad happen to you ever again,” I mutter, studying her face again, getting lost in the soft glow of her skin.
How can I already love such a small human after only a few days of knowing she exists? It shouldn’t be possible. But fuck, since the moment she uttered daddy, I was a goner. Lost to the way she held me close and asked me never to forget her again. My emotions have been haywire and spiraling since that moment. Lyric may not biologically be mine, but I’m here for this. I want this. Need this. Need her. She’s a piece of me I never expected to find, and now that I have, I can’t give it up.
Since River walked into that conference room, I’ve been biting my tongue. On the one hand, the guys deserve to know the truth about our departure. They’ve earned the right to know why I did what I did—what I had to do for us to get us here. Back then, it all made sense. All the pressure that was on my shoulders forced my hand. But that was me then, and this is me now, looking back and realizing I was an absolute idiot. Since coming into the spotlight, I’ve been forced to grow up.
On the other hand, I’m being a selfish fucking prick. If I confess my deceitful sins to the boys on why we had to leave and why I told so many goddamn lies to get us here, then I’ll lose everything. The band. Lyric. Hell, even River. My life would implode, and I’d be left to pick up the pieces by myself. There’s no way they’ll stand beside me after I tell them.
Fuck. The indecision wars in my mind, giving me a damn pounding headache.
I stiffen when the front door bursts open in a flurry of movement. Shielding the little girl in my arms from any harm, my eyes widen as Callum races through with wide eyes and a heaving chest, followed by Rad sheepishly entering the front door with a frown.
“Bro,” Rad says, tapping Callum’s chest and nodding toward Lyric, situated snuggly in my lap. Callum’s face softens at the sight of her dark hair and tiny snores.
“Shut up,” I growl, nodding toward Lyric sound asleep on my lap. “She’s asleep.”
“You assfaces are not supposed to be in my damn house. You keep pushing my damn buttons,” River grumbles in a sharp tone, marching into the house and shutting the door. “Has anyone seen my damn phone?” Quickly she checks her pockets and looks around the room with a frown and shakes her head, worry lines creasing her forehead. Her nose wrinkles taking in the bundle in my arms and sighs. “What happened?” she asks, eyeing the position I’ve found myself in.
“Monsters outside her window,” I mumble, clutching her to my chest, rising with a groan. I didn’t hold her for that long, but my muscles protest from the stiff position and my refusal to move an inch while she was in my arms.
River blows out a breath, running a hand down her face. “Yeah, that’s been happening a lot lately.”
“Is it not normal, Pretty Girl?” Rad asks, stepping forward with a grin and staring down at Lyric’s sleeping face.
“Oh shit,” Callum mutters in the background, stumbling over his feet to get closer.
“Told you,” Rad mutters smugly.
“Want me to take her back to bed?” I ask River, who reluctantly nods and leads me down the long hallway of her one-story home toward the bedroom at the far end.
Footfalls softly sound behind us as all four of us step into the purple princess room. Fairy lights decorate the edges of the ceiling, hanging down the walls like rainfall, illuminating the medium-sized bedroom. Clothes, toys, and even snack wrappers line the floor, causing River to frown.
Gently, I place her in the middle of the bed, covering her with the plush comforter designed with princesses and crowns. Perfect for our little girl. Running a finger down her cheek, I bask in the tiny sleepy smile she gives me.
“Night, Daddies. You come tomorrow?” she asks in a little voice, melting my fucking heart all over again. Jesus. All she has to do is call my name, and I’m already wrapped around her tiny little finger. I’ll do anything for her, and I don’t think I’m the only one.
“Yes, Little One,” I murmur.
“Yes, Little Pretty Girl,” Rad says at that exact same time with enthusiasm and a grin.
“Yes-yes,” Callum stammers in awe, stepping forward and meeting her barely open eyes. She grins at him and yawns.
“Other Daddy,” she murmurs, looking up at him and examining his face. “You came, too,” she says in tired awe, staring up at Callum with stars in her eyes.
“I did,” he manages to whisper, staring directly into her eyes. I see the moment everything truly clicks for him, and he shudders. I’m sure Rad opened his big mouth and told Callum everything.
“Okay. Night, Ly. Sorry, Mommy had to run an errand. Now all your daddies are going to leave. But you’ll no doubt see them again,” she says with a pointed stare in our direction, silently ushering us out of her house where we’re not supposed to be in the first place.
Rad snorts at her sarcastic remark but doesn’t utter a word when she shoots daggers in his direction. As quietly as we can, we shuffle through the bedroom door, shutting it behind us. On silent feet, we follow River out to the living room, standing awkwardly in a spaced-out circle, with her putting more distance between us. Looking around the room, she awkwardly shifts from foot to foot and heaves a sigh.
“Um, thanks for the last-minute, late-night babysitting,” River mumbles with a cringe. If I could see the inner workings of her mind right now, I’d be able to hear the warring thoughts displaying on her transparent face. “I appreciate it,” she says again with a tight smile, standing rigidly in the awkward silence surrounding the four of us.
“It’s no problem. I wasn’t doing anything, anyway,” I say with a shrug.
To be honest, I liked getting to spend a little time with Lyric. Even if it was for a short time. There are still so many questions sitting on the tip of my tongue that I need the answers to. And there’s only one woman who can offer those up—Gloria. I’m sure she’ll be eager to see my face at her front door this week when I make time to visit her in her penthouse apartment. Courtesy of Kieran’s bank account, but that’s a whole other story.
River’s body turns rigid when Callum looms over her with furrowed brows, staring with confusion. Her eyes avert to the wall behind my head, avoiding his questioning stare at all costs.
“I’m confused,” Callum mutters, rubbing a finger along his forehead. “You-you had a baby? She’s—” He halts his words and shakes his head. “When?”
River pinches the bridge of her nose in agitation. “Let me guess; you weren’t informed, either?” she asks in a low, emotion-filled voice, still refusing to look in Callum’s direction.
“None of us were, Pretty Girl. Well…” Kieran. That’s what he wants to say.
Maybe that asshole knew and decided he didn’t want to tell us because of our new gig. He didn’t want to jeopardize our future like I didn’t want to either. But she’s a child, and she needs us to be in her life. How could he make that decision without telling us, too? It affects us all. Hypocrite, my subconscious shouts at me as a familiar burning pain tightens my chest and trickles up my throat. Reaching into my pocket, I grab my antacids and pop two into my mouth. The relief isn’t instant when I chew them up, but at least it’ll tamp down the pain for a few more hours.
“No. I wasn’t aware you had a baby. Let alone… She called me other daddy,” he whispers, heaving a frantic breath. “You told her that…”
“I wasn’t going to hide where she came from,” River cries out in frustration, taking another step back from us and shaking her head. “She knows all about the four of you. For five years, I’ve been under the impression that you all denied her and didn’t want her. You all walked away from me. You didn’t say goodbye. You ignored my fucking texts! And then Gloria said you wanted nothing to do with her. I don’t fucking know what the hell to think right now.” Confusion swims through River’s eyes, and her brows dip, creasing her forehead. Moisture pools in her eyes, most likely from frustration and rage. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell them that they’d been tricked into leaving, but I hold my tongue like a coward.
“Gloria?” Callum asks us softly, furrowing his brows again. “What did she do?” Fuck. What didn’t she do? She had her hands in our doomed relationship before we even left.
River’s jaw works back and forth, and her fingers curl into fists, whitening her knuckles from the pressure. “Listen, it’s late. Could you all go? I really don’t want to talk about this right now. I shouldn’t have to defend myself any more than I have. It’s you all who owe me an explanation. I’ll see you all on Monday, okay?” River stands firmly where she is, watching wearily as we all nod in agreement.
“Sure thing, Pretty Girl,” Rad says softly. “But this isn’t over. You know that, right? We’ll talk more.” He raises a brow when her eyes narrow into slits, and I know a snarky reply sits on the edge of her tongue, ready to tell us all off if I don’t get everyone out of here.
“Let’s go,” I say, grabbing his shoulder and pulling him out of the house as Callum follows slowly behind us with his hands in his pockets.
The moment we’re outside, the warm summer air smacks us in the face. I take a breath, listening to the hypnotic sound of the ocean waves crashing against the shore behind River’s house. Oh, how I ache to run down the beach, exerting myself into forgetting my sins.
“Fuck,” Rad grumbles, picking up his discarded dirt bike from the middle of the road, looking it over under the streetlights shining down on us as brightly as the sun.
“Looks fucked,” Callum says, stopping beside me as Rad looks it over.
“No shit, Einstein,” Rad grumbles with a frown. “Old reliable has finally met his match,” Rad pouts, running his finger over the deep scratches in the metal. “And all it took was one little girl to bring her down. I could have squished her.” He touches the side of his face covered in brightly covered bandages and sighs.
“What the hell is going on?” Callum finally asks, shaking his head with frustration. “What was she saying about Gloria?”
“Don’t forget the restraining orders on top of that,” I grumble, rubbing my chin, still perplexed by that statement.
“That’s what she told me, too! She fucking said Gloria handed her four restraining orders,” Rad growls, wiping the beads of sweat from his forehead as he lifts his bike off the ground.
“With our signatures on it,” I point out.
Callum’s gray eyes bug out of his head. “Restraining orders?” he asks, looking to Rad for confirmation. “What the hell? We didn’t do that.”
“I told you. Something fucking stinks like a dirty coochie fish on the beach.” Rad scrunches up his face, grunting when he tries to roll his dirt bike forward.
“But she-she kissed Van,” Callum’s voice dips low with accusation and hurt, shaking his head in denial. “I saw it with my own two eyes. Right after you showed us the-the video.”
My stomach churns at the thought of the video, starring River and Van from when they were together. It was my only tool at the time to convince them we needed to leave without her. I was so convinced she’d drag us down. Now, look at her. She runs the damn show. If only I’d given her the chance.
“Did she? Or did he force her to?” Rad shouts out in frustration, wheeling around and letting his bike drop again. “Because, according to her, he forced himself on her, and you just stood by and took a fucking picture,” he growls with flaring nostrils. “And then you walked away, leaving her there with him. Fuck! We all walked the fuck away because of you!” Rad barks, slamming his foot into the dented rims of his turned-over bike. Over and over again, he slams down on the metal, ruining it further. Only stopping when he’s sweaty and breathing heavily from the exertion. “Why didn’t we talk to her first?” he growls, advancing on Callum with malicious intent, curling his fingers into fists. This is one fight Rad would not win. Callum stiffens, tensing his body and waiting for impact.
“Whoa,” I say, jumping between them and putting a hand on Rad’s chest. His heart accelerates against my palm when he heaves a breath. “Fighting gets us nowhere,” I say, pushing him back a step.
“Well, I want some fucking answers!” Rad shouts through the anguish, pushing me away and nearly knocking me off my feet. “I just want to know why I left the love of my fucking life. What the hell is real?” His chest heaves beneath my palm until he steps back, shaking his head.
“We’ll figure it out.” My voice trembles as I speak, knowing the truth of the situation already. Although, there seem to be certain factors I never planned that were put into play.
“Where’d you get the videos from?” Callum asks, spearing me with his knowing gaze. I swallow hard and blow out a breath.
“Van sent them to me,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck, actively avoiding their stares.
“Out of the blue?” Callum asks again, scrunching his eyebrows.
“Yeah. Out of the blue.” I shrug, crossing my arms so they can’t see the tremble of my fingers.
“No idea what prompted it?” Callum asks again with more suspicion.
“No, man. I just assumed he wanted to rub it in my face that he was banging her behind our backs. You know how he was back then. He was fucking obsessed with her and following her around everywhere,” I huff, throwing my arms around. “I thought I was doing the right thing!” I shout, pulling at the ends of my hair. “I thought…”
I thought I really was doing what was best for us. She was a distraction. Someone they were willing to stay behind for.
Rad frowns, staring at me. “I get it, man. I guess. But looking back now, I don’t think we did the right thing.” He swallows hard, staring off at the dark house a few feet away from us, housing the girl we intentionally left behind. “We should have talked to her and heard what she had to say. Like now. But…”
“She probably won’t talk to us about it anymore,” Callum mumbles, rubbing his chin.
“I don’t think we did, either,” I sigh, biting into my bottom lip as the guilt tears another piece of my soul into the void of no return. I rub my hand across my aching chest, praying the acid doesn’t bubble up my throat as punishment.
One day soon, I’ll tell them. I just want more time with Lyric before I’m thrown to the side for my atrocious actions. But I don’t blame them. They’ll never forgive me. River will never forgive me. If I have to sit on the sidelines and watch them happy together, that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. I just need a few more happy memories to cling onto when I’m tossed to the side and forgotten about.
Callum stops, cocking his head to the side. “Did you hear that?” he asks with furrowed brows, looking into the dark shadows surrounding River’s house.
“Hear what?” Rad grunts, picking up his discarded dirt bike.
Callum’s face twists, and he shakes his head. “I thought I heard a click or tap or something.”
“All I hear is the ocean waves,” I offer, looking toward her house with a twist in my gut.
“The monsters coming for you, Cally boy?” Rad taunts, heaving his messed-up bike forward on its damaged wheels.
“Fuck off,” Cal grunts, shoving at Rad’s shoulders.
“What are we going to do about Kieran?” The three of us halt outside the open garage, listening to the silent house. All the windows appear black, hopefully meaning his grumpy ass went to bed.
“You think he knows? Like for real knows?” Callum asks, licking his lips. A deadly expression captures his face, brewing a fire behind his eyes.
Rad’s teeth grind when he throws his bike into the garage without care and growls. “I’ll fucking murder him,” he grunts, kicking the bike one more time. “If he knew…”
“Doesn’t seem like him, though.” I shake my head. “If Gloria could concoct restraining orders, then who’s to say she told him the truth?” I raise a brow when Rad and Cal exchange a look, and they sigh.
“What do we do then?” Rad asks, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“We don’t say anything yet. The ball is in River’s court.”
“Fine,” Rad agrees. “But if all this turns out to be bullshit, I’m reclaiming what’s mine,” he says, pointing a finger toward her dark house. “And that’s a fucking promise.” With that, Rad walks away, sauntering into the house without another word.
“What do you think?” I ask Callum, who narrows his eyes at me suspiciously.
“I don’t know yet, but I’ll find out.” With those foreboding words, he turns his back on me, leaving me to stew in my own fucked up mess I made, now with more complications.