Twelve - Asher
“New phone?” I ask in a low voice, hovering over River as she stands on the sidewalk, oblivious to her surroundings.
Her brown hair sways with the light breeze brushing down her back. I swallow thickly when her scent envelops me, knocking me back a step and straight into forbidden memories that tickle at the back of my mind—reminding me of the times we shared. Now it feels like a lifetime ago. Seeing River and being around her takes me back to the simpler times when all I had were dreams and aspirations and my girl at my side. Even if we fought like cats and dogs, I’d take that feeling of playing at Dead End and watching her over the fame and fortune I betrayed her for.
“Jesus!” River yelps, jerking her body back from mine with a slight screech. Several shoppers walking past stare intently in our direction with curious eyes, startled by the noises coming from her.
Her expression morphs into a deadly scowl aimed in my direction as the fright wears off. From one scathing look, my balls shrivel, and I swear a fire starts breaking out across my flesh, causing me to pull at the collar of my shirt.
She huffs, putting a hand over her heart, and mutters words I can’t quite understand. “You can’t just sneak up on people like that, Asher,” she barks, heaving a breath. “It’s rude.”
“Sorry,” I say, putting my hands up placatingly. My teeth sink into the side of my cheek, concealing the small smile trying to pull at my lips. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just in town and saw you over here. Thought I’d come over and say hi.” She blinks at me a few times as my words register, deepening the wrinkle on her forehead.
Jesus Christ. What the hell has gotten into me? I’m suddenly transported back to when I was a teenage boy, nervously talking to the first girl I ever laid eyes on. Nerves bristle under my skin. My palms friggin sweat so much, I’m wiping them down my jeans.
River rolls her eyes and sidesteps me, moving along the sidewalk slowly. “Why exactly are you following me?” she asks, shoving her new phone into her pocket.
Good fucking question. Why am I following her down the sidewalk when my car rests a block away from here? Why not just turn on my heel and walk in the opposite direction? The short of it is, I can’t. There’s a pull between River and me, begging me to tag along as she actively avoids looking at me. Perhaps my crushing guilt pushes me to fix things, or maybe, I genuinely miss her—my Little Brat.
“It’s a nice day for a walk.” I shrug, shoving my hands into my pockets, and fiddle with the lone key poking into my finger.
The sun’s heat blasts down on us as we walk side by side toward the middle of the square that makes up the center of downtown East Point Bluff. Several restaurants feature outside dining, where guests drink their coffees and enjoy a spread of breakfast items while chatting with their loved ones.
“I guess,” she says, unconvinced, peering around at the other people walking past on the semi-crowded sidewalk.
All trepidation leaves her face, falling to the wayside when we step into the square and stop directly in front of an unfamiliar shop bustling with noisy customers.
The glorious scent of rich coffee wafts through the air, perking up my senses. The absolute shit Gloria offered me stains my taste buds with its awful flavor, making me eager to wash it away. Not to mention, it did nothing to perk me up.
“Want some?” I ask, gesturing behind us as she looks around at the other shops around the square, still avoiding my gaze.
The remnants of the heated conversation between Rad, Callum, and River hang heavily in the air. Every muscle in River’s body seems to tighten with my suggestion, and her mossy green eyes find mine. Apprehension rests behind her gaze as she silently questions whether she should take me up on my offer. “Maybe a muffin, too?” My stomach rumbles at the thought of stuffing my face with sugar. I couldn’t touch food this morning without my stomach tightening into knots, but now that the conversation is over—all bets are off.
Her eyebrows furrow as she looks between the shop and me again. “This is really fucking suspicious, Evil Ash,” she says, pursing her lips while looking me over for ill intent. I’m unsure what is going through her mind, but it seems to be racing. My breath hitches in the back of my throat at the sound of my old nickname leaving her lush lips. Once again, bringing back the raging memories of our long, complicated past. “As long as you’re buying,” she says with a slight shrug, throwing open the front door.
I snort when she rushes into the shop without ensuring I am following, seeming so confident that I will be by her side and buy her the things she demands. Something so simple and small settles inside of me being this close to her again. River West has this aura about her that drags you in like a moth to the flame, and I can’t seem to help myself. No matter how badly this turns out, the moment River finds out my role in the entire situation, she won’t want anything to do with me. I will take my time and truly show River how sorry I am even before I confess my sins.
The smell of delicious coffee permeates the air as I slowly stroll behind her. Radiant energy cascades from her as she smiles at the people around her, pulling them into her happy little bubble. River waves to a few people around the shop, only stopping once to say hello to an elderly gentleman who greets her like she is family. She smirks back at me the moment we head toward the counter, making butterflies burst in my damn belly. The moment the barista’s beady eyes set on her; I swear his entire face lights up like fireworks exploding.
“River!” he happily shouts, smiling as we make our approach together. An eerie feeling settles in my gut when his eyes roam her body, greedily taking her in. A deep red blush takes over his neck and cheeks when she smiles at him again in greeting. Something odd bubbles inside me, and on instinct, my fists curl at my side, ready to bash his way too happy face into a pulp. There’s just something about him that doesn’t settle right with me. “Same thing today?”
“Hey, Nathan. Same coffee. Same breakfast muffin. But this guy is paying for everything. And also, whatever he wants,” she says with a sly smirk, patting me on the chest. The moment she indicates she’s with me, the barista cuts his gaze to me, giving me a withering look.
“Sure,” Nathan says tightly, dropping an octave and oozing with disapproval. “What can I get you?” His teeth grit, popping a muscle in his jaw. I would never notice the slight hostility dripping from him if I wasn’t such an observant person. But there it is in his unwavering stare.
It’s pathetic at best, but I offer him my friendly smile. “Thanks for asking,” I say, looking at his name tag and leveling him with a condescending smile. “Nathan. I’d love your best Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha and a chocolate muffin.” Discreetly, I scratch my nose to hide the grin tugging at my lips when he scowls. Begrudgingly, he puts in the order, pressing his lips into a tight line.
In some sick and twisted fate, an intense possessive feeling washes over me when he side-eyes River with a romantic interest. To her credit, she stands utterly oblivious to his affections, without an ounce of interest. Instead, her eyes lock on her new phone as she types something out quickly.
“Your name?” he asks as I give it to him, and he writes it down. “Okay, that’ll be thirty-four, ninety-nine,” he says, reclaiming his smile when I pull out my wallet and hand him a fifty.
“Keep the change.”
I want to tell him that she is way out of his league and that he should set his sights on somebody more his speed. River West would chew him up and spit him out in two seconds flat. Believe me, I know. As I waltz to River’s side, I make a show of it, leaning in a little closer than necessary. My shoulders brush hers, and surprisingly she leans into my side without conscious thought.
Nathan’s hands curl into fists on the counter until he sharply turns away, mumbling under his breath. If I were a betting man, I’d say he’s 100 percent going to spit in my drink as revenge.
“So, you never found your old one?” I ask, peeking over her shoulder as she signs into her cloud, sets up her new device, and gets back all her old pictures, messages, and everything in between.
“You’re very nosy this morning,” she grumbles, shoving her phone into her pocket again and hiding it from view.
“Just observant,” I mumble, staring deep into her gorgeous eyes that further pull me into her. I don’t know how I ever thought I’d get away from River and feel complete. The black hole that once swallowed my selfish heart slowly closes the more I’m in her presence.
She rolls her eyes. “I don’t know where it went. I think I lost it at that fighting ring.” Blowing out an angry breath, she crosses her arms in aggravation. “How long has he been doing that?” She quirks a brow as her eyes silently beg for answers.
“Right,” I say, stroking my chin.
Callum’s fights. The one he runs to whenever things get too tough, instead of opening up and confiding in the people who have always been his family. Well, until he was scarred for life, witnessing Van shove his tongue down the love of his life’s throat. Fuck. No wonder we are falling apart at the damn seams. We can’t even confide in each other anymore. All we do is argue, and it fucking shows in our performances. There’s so much tension between us I have a hard time understanding where it came from. But the moment that thought enters my mind, I stare at why we fell apart. Years ago, I thought River would be the cause of our demise. I swore up and down that she would be the reason Whispered Words would never make it. And it doesn’t hurt to admit I was so fucking wrong.
“Um, a few years,” I say, clearing my throat. I can’t pinpoint when Callum started sneaking away and returning with bruises and broken ribs. All I knew was that he came back lighter and full of life. If only for a few days, that is. Somehow, he managed to get on stage with a smile and makeup covering his wounds.
“River!” shouts Nathan, standing behind the counter with her drink proudly lifted into the air. “And Asser,” he says with a tiny smirk pulling at his lips, slamming my plastic cup onto the counter, causing it to spill.
Huffing, I grab our two drinks and muffins from Nathan, who again gives me a nasty look when I bat River’s hand away as she tries to take her drink. Without handing them over, I secure a booth, hellbent on getting her to sit with me. I know the second I give her a chance, she’ll scurry away with her free meal, and I can’t let that happen. Making amends starts now, and I’ll throw everything in my arsenal to earn her forgiveness.
“But why?” she asks, snatching up her large blueberry muffin and coffee from my side of the table. Studying the blueberries adorning her muffin, she nibbles her bottom lip with contemplation. “Doesn’t seem like his style,” she adds, biting into her muffin with a happy groan.
“No, it doesn’t, but it seems to ground him. I guess,” I say with uncertainty.
The reality is Callum erected thick walls the moment we left Central City. The entire three-day drive from Illinois to California was painfully silent on his end. So much so that you wouldn’t even know he was there. He barely uttered his food orders, let alone let us in to witness how deeply he was hurting. Hell, he still is. Callum has never divulged why he fights on Saturday nights, letting guys bash their fists into his skull, but I have a sneaking suspicion it all loops back to River. All our failures and our successes have always been because of that girl. And here we are again, in an endless circle of leaving and finding each other.
Her eyes meet mine as she sips her coffee. “Grounds him? He snuck out, endangering your contract, and you have no idea why he did it?” She raises a knowing brow. “What the hell happened to Whispered Words, Asher?”
You. That’s what happened to us. Everything about you is embedded in our souls. Apparently, we’re unable to function properly without you in our lives. But I don’t say that. Instead, I smother my words by taking a hot sip of my coffee, risking the damn spit that might be in there.
A deep sigh rocks through me, letting my eyes roam out the windows, taking in the bright sun beaming down on the people outside and continuing their shopping. “A lot of shit happened to us. Fame and fortune.” I shake my head, losing myself in the memories of our past.
“Where the hell is Callum?” I bark, pacing the backstage area with my hands gripping my hair. All the control I’ve carefully crafted over the past few months slips between my fingers like fucking sand and blows in the damn wind.
Kieran sits back, watching me with a calculating eye. “Where the hell do you think he is?”
“I don’t fucking know, but we go on in less than an hour. He wasn’t here for sound check and isn’t here now. Rad, where is he?” I growl, stomping up to Rad, who twirls his drumsticks between his fingers and shrugs.
“Bro, I’m not his keeper. He’ll be here,” Rad says with indifference, frowning as he taps out a beat on his knee.
“Find him!” I bark again, pulling at the collar of Rad’s shirt, bringing him to his feet.
“Get the fuck off me, Asher,” Rad hisses, pressing his nose into mine as violence storms through his eyes. “Do you want to know where the fuck he is? He’s trying to drown away her memory. Something I wish I could fucking do, too. One day I’ll forget, but you know he won’t. Ever. What he saw… What we all saw from that fucking video will live in his genius head forever. Give him some slack. And get the fuck off me.”
“He’s here,” Kieran says lazily, pointing to the door blankly. The light disappeared from his eyes when we left Central City, changing his entire demeanor for the worst.
Silently, Kieran has been falling apart behind closed doors, growing angrier and angrier by the damn day since we left Central City a few months ago and started this gig. For now, we’re playing at smaller venues and trying to expand our fanbase. We’re in the studio during the day, recording our first album with approved songs from our old playlist and new ones we’ve been forced to write. Every piece of this career is worth it, but slowly it’s breaking us apart. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if River had been with us all along.
Fuck. The familiar guilt swims through my veins, crushing through my chest again. Someday soon, this feeling will leave, and I’ll be able to forget about River West and what I did to make her go away. I had to do what I had to do to manage to get us here. No matter the sacrifices I cut off. First, I must keep the damn band together before we implode. I can practically taste success on my tongue because we’re just getting started.
“Callum.” All the breath leaves my lungs at the sight of him slumping against the door frame of our green room. Heavy bags plump out the flesh beneath his eyes. “You look like you’ve been run over by a fucking truck,” I say with horror, marching forward and getting in his face. “Where the hell have you been? And… Have you showered?” I sniff the air, catching the hint of body odor and heavy amounts of alcohol.
“Fuck off,” he grunts, pushing past me and plopping on the couch next to Kieran. “I’m doing just fine.” A whimsical smile falls over his lips when he leans his head back and shuts his eyes. “So, damn good.”
Kieran raises a brow, examining Callum’s face. “Yeah, he’s high as a damn kite right now.” Shaking his head, he leans back and pinches the bridge of his nose.
“High?!” I shout, throwing my arms out. “What the fuck, dude!”
“Chillax, Ash. You’re giving me a damn headache with all your anal bullshit. Dude, take a shower and wash the stink from your ass. We’re on in like thirty minutes,” Rad says, shoving Callum off the couch as he stumbles toward an adjoining bathroom, catching himself on the door. Turning to look at us through hazy eyes, he nods in agreement and promptly slams the door in our faces. The moment a wall separates us from view, the sounds of his retches and gags, followed by vomit hitting the toilet, fill the air. I cringe with my stomach turning and try to tune out the disgusting sounds from the bathroom. There’s no way in hell that we can continue like this and stay together. Something has to give...
“What the fuck?” I hiss, continuing my frantic pacing in front of the guys.
“He’s just trying to forget,” Kieran pipes up again with an indifferent shrug, staring down at his phone. “Leave him alone. Get the stick out of your prude ass.”
I blink a few times, listening to the shower turn on and sigh in relief. Soon we’ll be out on stage, and nothing will take away from that, not even Callum’s newfound drug addiction, which he’ll hopefully leave behind very soon.
I shake myself out of the memory drowning me. It took Callum twenty minutes to shower, which gave us enough time to find him some clean clothes. Our show went without a hitch, despite Callum’s head not being in a suitable space. As soon as the show ended, he disappeared into the night again, only coming back the following day with a black eye and renewed life flashing in his eyes. That night, he promised us he’d leave the drugs behind. And he did. He was somehow giving it up without a fight. Only his new drug was the fight nights he found through the grapevine and aligned himself with some mafia family taking residence at an old, abandoned prep school.
“And you?” River asks, narrowing her eyes, taking the last piece of her muffin. “You’re nothing like the Evil Ash I knew back in Central City. You seem…” She taps her chin several times, trying to find the word she’s looking for. “More settled. Not as uptight as you used to be. Did you finally pull that stick out of your asshole? What changed in your world? Did you finally drop the demon?” Her eyes memorize my passive face, finally meeting my stare, and she smirks. Quickly, she turns away and licks her lips. A red tint explodes across her cheeks as she sits up straight.
I smirk at her outburst, noting how uncomfortable her posture seems, and sip my coffee. “Times change,” I say with a shrug. “People change.” I hum, take a bite of my muffin, and sip my coffee.
The moment I left my hometown, everything lifted from my shoulders. My father was no longer on my back to join his company. In fact, he was no longer in my life. After finding our way to East Point Bluff, I severed ties entirely with the man. The only time I ever heard about him was the news when the bars slammed on his face, and he was sentenced to prison for his crimes, leading to a whole new crock of bullshit. The only feeling that followed me from home was the constant guilt, crushing my soul for manipulating the girl sitting in front of me. Nothing prepares you for that when you decide to betray someone.
“But do they, really?” she questions, sitting back and folding her arms.
Licking my lips, I distract myself by pulling apart my muffin and shoving it in my mouth. “Sometimes,” I say, staring out the window. For good or bad, people change every day, and I happen to be one of them.
“Why did you leave?” she exclaims, adjusting herself in her chair with a grimace.
I raise a brow at her, staring off at the apartment complex in the distance. Why did we leave? Because I felt like we had to.
“You see that apartment building over there?” I ask, pointing out the window toward Gloria’s home.
River huffs. “You know what? Forget it. I’ve explained a lot of shit to you assfaces over the last few days, explaining myself over Lyric. But you assholes can’t even answer one question I have.” Slamming down her cup, she moves to get up, but I catch her by the wrist. When my flesh touches hers, a fire ignites beneath my skin, and electricity darts up my arms. Taking a deep breath, I ground myself.
“Gloria lives in that apartment complex.” Her expression falls, and a paleness washes across her face. “That’s why I was downtown before I saw you. I had questions for her myself.”
She swallows hard, settling back in the chair. “What did that conniving bitch have to say for herself?” River asks, a flame burning bright in her eyes, ready to burn the world at her feet. That’s the River I remember. The girl who took no one’s shit, especially mine.
“Well, you have the conniving part right. I went to have a friendly discussion with her. After what you said to me in the hallway, I had a lot of questions I needed answers to.” River blinks rapidly, grinding her teeth so hard a vein protrudes from her neck. With a wave of her hand, she silently encourages me to keep going. I sigh, running a hand across the back of my neck. “We didn’t sign restraining orders, River,” I say in a low tone, reaching across the table and chancing my fingers when I brush against hers. She doesn’t pull away from my soft touch, but I can tell she wants to back away and put as much distance between us as possible.
“You didn’t?” she asks, pursing her lips and keeping her emotions locked tight behind the fire in her eyes.
“She admitted to getting Van’s dad to sign the papers without our signatures,” I say, gripping her hand in mine. “Believe me. We didn’t leave on those terms. We…”
“Then why the fuck did you?” Pulling her hand from mine, she shakes her head and abruptly stands from her chair. “One day, you guys were my fucking world, and then the next, you left me a grieving mess and deserted me like I meant nothing. Did I not deserve a text or a phone call that you were leaving without me? You promised me that we would go together. I played my part, Asher. Why didn’t you? Huh?” Every word she speaks slowly gets louder and louder until the eyes of the other customers fall on our little spat.
River’s chest heaves as her fists curl at her sides. She’s kept this in for so long that I can tell it’s worn her down, and she cannot gain the answers she needs. And it’s all my fucking fault. I need to piece us all back together. It’s my responsibility now. Whatever happens to us in the future, I will make this better. Even if I have to sit on the sidelines and watch my best friends be happy, this is what I deserve.
“I’ll tell you everything if you sit,” I murmur, pointing to the chair, and silently I beg her to follow my direction.
With a huff, she sits on the edge of her seat, preparing to dart off if I don’t give her the answers she wants. I swear my heart skips a beat, and my tongue sticks to the top of my mouth. I could tell her nothing but the truth. I know that. I could get on my knees, beg for forgiveness, and explain my role in everything. But in the back of my head, I know the consequences if I lay the reality out for her. Lyric’s sweet face pops into my mind, calling me daddy with a grin lighting up her tiny face. My conscience yells at me to confess and reveal my bad decisions, but my mouth works faster than my guilty conscience, covering my damn tracks.
“A few weeks before we left, you asked for space after what happened to your mom. It was hell being away from you when you were hurting so bad. Kieran was clawing at the walls to get back to you and take you in his damn arms. But—uh—someone sent my phone a video of you and—um—” I blow out a breath, working myself up to say what I need to say. My fingers fiddle on the table, twiddling my damn thumbs.
“Spit it out, Asher. I’m getting pretty pissed off,” she snaps, running her tongue across her teeth.
“Someone sent me a video of you and Van screwing around in the back seat of his Mustang.” River stops moving. Hell, I swear she stops breathing at my confession and narrows her eyes. “It came with a text that you’d been screwing him behind our backs just after we’d gone exclusive with you. And…”
“So, let me get this right,” she says with a thunderous expression clouding her face. “You all got a video of me and Van doing the nasty. The same Van who had stalked me for months and never really stopped until I left. The same fuckin Donavan Drake who broke my heart as a teen because his mommy and daddy fucking hated my guts. And your first thought was, yeah, that’s what River would do when she wasn’t with us?”
I swallow hard, feeling the hints of her anger squeezing around me. It’s so palpable in the air everyone within a five-foot radius moves away from the hurricane building inside her.
I lick my lips, lying through my fucking teeth. “Callum saw you,” I say, trying to clear my throat. “He…”
“Ah, yeah. That’s the proof you need then, huh?” she asks with her face twisting in anger. The vein in her forehead expands, and a redness encases her entire face. “He waltzes in uninvited, just like fucking Van did. Then Van forcefully shoved his tongue down my throat, and you know what? Fuck. You. All. We were adults. Do you know what adults do? They have conversations. They communicate with each other instead of leaving without a goodbye.” Promptly, River stands, slamming her chair back, and looms over the table with ragged breaths. “Let me make this very clear: Van and I were done, and so are we. Have a good fucking day, Asher. I’ll see you at band practice tomorrow. Prepare yourselves,” she growls an ominous warning, stomping away and rushing through the door without a backward glance.
“Fuck,” I mutter, staring out the window until she gets into her vehicle. That’s not how I wanted this conversation to go at all. Fuckity. Fuck. Actually, I don’t know what I expected from her. I knew she’d be upset to find out why we left.
Movement whirls around me, dragging me back into the restaurant. Several pairs of eyes glare daggers in my direction, including the scowling older man who shakes his head in disgust. Feeling the awkwardness crashing down on me, I throw my barely-drank coffee and half-eaten muffin into the trash and walk out the door with my head hung low. I have a lot of shit to talk to the guys about if they’ll fucking listen. I need to make this better without revealing the absolute truth. There will be a time and a place for me to tell them what happened, but I need to tell them what I discussed with Gloria. Fuck. I rub a hand across my tightening chest, crumbling under the vise, viciously squeezing it.
As I walk out the door, I reach into my pocket and pop two more antacids to tamp down the rising heartburn, eating away at my insides.