Nineteen - River
Everything hurts, and I’m slowly dying from cramps and constant nausea, turning my damn stomach. I groan when my phone goes off at my bedside, vibrating incessantly until I put it up and view the messages I sent Rocco a few hours before, informing him of my delicate situation. Of course, the bastard retorts with this…
Rocco
I’d ask if you were pregnant…
You’re not, are you?
Is one of them there now? Beside you?
Are you the cheese in the ham and turkey sandwich yet?
The cheese in between the many layers of lasagna?
Me
*middle finger emoji** I’d actually have to have time to fuck to achieve that. I blame you and the sushi.
And no. I’m still a single Pringle with no dick on the horizon.
Now stfu…
Rocco
Do you need anything, Doll? Christian is making his famous chicken noodle soup right now… *wink*
Me
Consider me interested…
Rocco
Figured. He says…feel better, babe. I’ll be there soon, then. Please don’t go into the light…it’s not your time yet.
Me
Sometimes I wonder why you’re my other bestie…
Rocco
Because I bring you soup and quick wit…
Me
And poisonous sushi…
Rocco
Debatable. Just make sure your baby daddies don’t murder me. I like my life, and that mullet one at dinner wanted to pin my dick to the wall. Not in a fun way, either.
I snort, rolling my eyes.
Me
They’ll behave… They’re at home anyway.
Rocco
Like you can control four dickish rock stars…
Me
Stfu…and bring me soup.
Rocco
So demanding and bossy…
I groan, forcing myself into the seated position. A rock band plays off-tune inside my head, pounding repeatedly. Peeking an eye open, I stare at the tall glass of water and the note sitting next to it.
River Blue–
I went home to eat. Drink the water. I’ll be back soon. Don’t fucking move.
Knight.
“What the fuck?” I hiss, rereading the note. Just a few days ago, he was being an unbearable ass. Now he’s leaving me a concerned message demanding I drink water. What in the ever-loving fuck is happening right now? Shit.
I met Lyric. His words ring through my head. That’s right. In my haze of sickness, he met his daughter. Shitballs. No wonder he’s trying to butter me up. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I head into the bathroom and wash the sickness from my body under a steaming hot shower. By the time I’m out and dressed in my comfy leggings and oversized shirt, I meet Rocco at the front door and lead him into the kitchen where he bustles around like a concerned mother.
“There’s my sickly Doll,” he greets me with a smile, kissing my forehead. “Christian sends his regards but refuses to step foot in here while you’re contagious.”
I frown. “I don’t have the damn plague. Your husband is ridiculous.”
He shrugs, waving his hand. “You know him. He’ll give you all the soup you want, but don’t you dare invite him to the germs.”
“Well, thanks for the soup,” I say, making grabby hands at the container he’s holding.
Flicking my forehead, he takes the precious container away with a villainous cackle. Prick. Marching into the kitchen, he riffles through my cabinets until he finds a large bowl and pours it in.
“Sit,” he demands, waving at the stool by the marble-topped island.
“I’m not a dog, you asshole,” I grunt, sitting in the chair with a huff. Rocco, ever the smartass, opens his lips to retort, but I stare at him, forcing his mouth shut.
“Fine. I want to make sure my bestie is feeling loads better. Now, eat the soup and spill the tea,” he says with a grin, setting the large, steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup in front of my face.
Taking in a large breath, I catalog the delicious scents wafting from the bowl and test how far I can push my stomach. It gurgles as I slurp the first spoonful of broth, protesting until the heat hits. I haven’t gotten sick since Kieran held my hair back and embarrassingly watched me puke my soul out.
God. What a fucking day. I’d been over the toilet for what felt like twenty-four hours, puking out the sushi from the night before. Every damn minute, I heaved until I had nothing left. Eventually, I fell asleep with my cheek plastered against the toilet seat. Only waking when Kieran gently nudged me and talked me out of my sick-induced slumber. My cheeks heat at the memory. The last thing I ever wanted was for one of them to see me in such a vulnerable position ever again.
Then I learned sweet Lyric thought I was fucking dead and introduced herself to Kieran, blabbering about my sickly status. Granted, I didn’t tell her I was keeled over by the toilet. She just happened to find me, and I wouldn’t wake up.
By the way Kieran talked, he had no fucking clue she was his. Or that she existed at all. Heartbreak rested behind his eyes, and my fucking heart tore in two. It was at that moment I knew that, for some reason, Gloria had lied to me about everything when I made my way to Callum’s house. I don’t understand why she would. Wouldn’t she want her potential granddaughter in her life? Not that I’d want her to be, anyway. She was—and probably still is—a big fucking bitch.
“They’ll leave you one day, Central Slut,” she leans in, whispering into my ear with a tone of pure evil. “I won’t let you drag them down into the depths of poverty. They’re better than you and better than this town. One day they’ll be fucking stars, and you’ll be here. Where you belong.” My jaw ticks from the back of the crowd, gathered to watch as Whispered Words plays for the entire cookout, they drug me to. Not only have I had to deal with my stupid, stalker ex, but now I must deal with Gloria sputtering abuse in my ear.
I catch Asher’s eye as he watches us closely, no doubt wanting to know what she said. Too bad I never gave him the satisfaction of knowing what she had to say.
I guess that evil cunt kept her promise, after all. My stomach turns again. Not from the food this time. It’s her words playing on repeat like a damn nightmare. I never honestly thought she’d be so damn vindictive enough to pull something so cruel. Apparently, I was wrong.
My fucking head hurts thinking about my current predicament. Constantly warring with my damn self on the rights and wrongs of the situation. I’m still deeply hurt, and that won’t change. More than deeply, I’m fucking shattered with deep crevices splitting further inside me the more I’m around them, held together by fucking super glue for the past five years. At the slightest inconvenience, I’ll completely crumble. Fuck. I’m ready to move on and heal from my trauma. But I know I won’t. Not until I’ve hashed it out with them—really hash it out. It might be through strong words. I’ll have to step out of my boss shoes and into the hurt River shoes and get to the nitty-gritty of what went wrong and why they left.
I take a tentative bite, groaning as the mild flavors hit my desperate tongue. “Tell Christian never to stop cooking,” I hum, slowly slurping the broth.
“He wouldn’t dream of it,” he says with a snort. “So, tell me about these baby daddies you suddenly have hanging around. How’s life, Doll?” He raises a brow, ignoring the twisting expression crossing my face.
“There’s nothing to tell, Roc.” I shove a spoonful of soup into my mouth, distracting myself from the question. I’ve gone down this spiraling road before. “They’re there, and I’m here. I’m their boss, and they’re my—the band I’m taking care of. End of story.”
“That’s why you’re avoiding the conversation altogether. Discussions are a healthy part of life. Now, tell me all about them. Have they apologized? Have you found out new information? How is my godchild holding up now that her four daddies are in her life? Spill.” His tone accepts no arguments as he glares at me. I nibble on my bottom lip when he raises a brow. “You are afraid,” he states, eyeing my face. “Why?” Reaching across the table, he gently squeezes myhand.
Rocco has been my best friend for four years now. Hell, he’s one of my damn pillars to lean on. Greater than any partner in the world. We met on the set of a music video I was helping with, and he was the actor they had hired. From there, we hit it off. At one time, I thought he might be interested in me and pursued it. After a fun night, we discovered we were good friends. Several months later, he found this amazing chef named Christian and married his soulmate. Granted, their relationship started off rocky with several toxic breakups, and then, Rocco pulled his head out of his ass.
“It’s annoying how well you can read me.” Slurping more soup into my mouth, I completely avoid his gaze.
“Like an open book, Doll,” he huffs. “It’s quite annoying that prying you open is so hard. We’ve been friends for years. You’d think you’d trust me by opening up and telling me how you’re feeling. I know you’re strong, but trust me, you’ll feel better when you talk about it.” He squeezes my hand in support.
I blow out a breath, stabilizing the nerves eating away at my insides. Sometimes it’s frightening how well he knows me and can easily peel my layers open one by one. Staring into his dark eyes settles the wrath and pain stirring in me. Sometimes I swear Rocco is my friendship soulmate. The one truly meant for me, but not romantically. And throw in Kaycee, Olivia, and Ode to form my perfect circle of friends. I couldn’t live without them. They’re all my family in their own way, building me up and supporting me through this whole mess I call life—the after Whispered Words fiasco.
“What if they leave again?” The words leave my lips, barely in a whisper. All the fear swirls like a damn tornado inside me, spiraling my damn mind in so many directions my breath stalls. “They’re rock stars. What if this is all a passing phase to them?” I swallow the lump in my throat and ignore the burning behind my eyes. “If they walk away, Roc. If they decide this is too much for them and bail on her. She won’t survive. Lyric will burn down the fucking world to get to them now. She’s had a taste of their fatherly love. I can’t protect her from them like I protect myself.” Everything in the room spins from my revelations, and my fingers clutch the edge of the countertop.
“The way I see it, Doll. You’re going to have to make a big decision. They’re in her life now. You told me over dinner that they didn’t know about her or the blasted restraining orders. It seems they were in the dark for a lot of it. Did they leave you? Yes. They knowingly walked away without a goodbye and blocked you. What was the true reason? Only they know. Now, it’s up to you whether or not you’ll ever truly trust them again. From what I saw of Mullet when he showed up to our dinner, there was a lot of determination and love behind his mischievous eyes.” I stiffen at his words, snapping my gaze to him. There’s no way in hell he had an ounce of love for me.
“Love?” I scrunch my nose. “There’s no way…”
“I’m a love-sick fool, Doll. Christian and I didn’t have the greatest start. But I knew when he walked away and right back into my life that the look he gave me when we finally reconnected was a look of admiration. I worked every step of the way to amend my wrongdoings. That look Mullet gave you was the same one Christian gave me. They’re not giving up on you. They obviously want to be in Lyric’s life. Isn’t that what you’ve always hoped for?”
I nod, nibbling my damn lip again as a headache pounds against my damn skull.
It’s all I’ve ever dreamed of since the moment she was born. It’s why I educated her on who they were and familiarized her with them. There’s never been a second in her life that she didn’t know who helped create her.
My father’s existence was hidden from me for so long. My mother refused to talk about him until I snooped, finding more information when I was little. That’s when I started writing to him every day, professing my innocent love, and begging him to come back, hence where all my daddy issues stem from.
“I don’t trust them. At all. They’re going to break her baby heart, and she can’t… I can’t…” I suck in a breath, squeezing my eyes shut as moisture burns, begging to unleash down my cheeks.
She can’t take a first-round heartbreak. Like I can’t take another round of them breaking my heart.
Warm, strong arms wrap around me, pulling me into his chest. He kisses my temple like the loving best friend he is. With a deep sigh, Rocco lays it all out for me.
“No one’s asking you to fall head over heels for them again. I mean, you could, but it’s not a requirement. Feel them out. Get to know them as adults. You’re wiser—Co-parent with them. Let them fully into her life. Let them help you through the overzealous schedule you’ve created for yourself. Now is the time to stop depending on your brothers and start leaning on the men who seem to want to step up,” he whispers with sincerity, holding me close to his chest. Comfort surrounds me at the sound of his beating heart thumping a lullaby in my ear.
“I hate you,” I mutter through the bubbling emotions tightening my throat.
A deep chuckle vibrates against my arm, and he kisses my temple again. “You love it when I make sense.”
“I do. But goddamn, Roc. I’m going to fall apart. They…they broke my heart once, and I…” Haven’t let anyone in since them . They were my forever, and then my forever ran away and became my never again, leaving me behind.
I’ve only hooked up with maybe a handful of men since they left and never let anyone in. I haven’t dated. I haven’t opened the protective cage I had put my heart in for some time. Fuck. And now my child is involved.
Sure, I’ve versed her with everything I know about the boys. But this is real now. They’re here, live and in person. No longer pictures in an album marked: Daddies . They’re a fixture in her life. She won’t forget about them overnight. She’ll want more until they’re tucking her into bed and staying under our roof. Lyric is persistent as fuck, just like her damn fathers. There’s no moving forward without them.
“I’m not telling you to jump into bed with them. Although maybe four dicks would really do you some good. Umph,” he grunts when my elbow lands in his gut.
“And we were having such a special moment,” I grumble, biting my lip to hide my smile.
“I’ll say one last thing. Take it day by day. Don’t roll over and forgive them. Make them beg. Make them get on their damn knees and earn your trust back. Let them see Lyric and prove themselves to her and to you. I don’t know them very well. In fact, I’d rather rip their testicles out for what they did to you. But I have a feeling there’s a lot you don’t know. And neither do they. One day at a time, okay?” He raises a brow, pining me with a stern look. “Promise me you’ll repair your heart and fix their wrongdoings. No matter what.”
“Fine, Dad,” I grumble, relaxing when he hugs me again, pulling me into his chest and kissing my head.
“So, do they know about your special visitor?” he asks, squeezing me one last time before stepping back.
“God no,” I say, taking another bite. “I’ll cross that bridge when…”
“When he kidnaps you, Doll? He’s getting brazen. Pictures of Lyric at school.” Rocco frowns, concern twisting his features. “I worry about you and her being all on your own out here. First, it’s pictures, and then?—”
I hold up my hand, shaking my head. “Olivia has it covered. Carter has his eye on things, too. I have security cameras everywhere around here, plus the security company who provides my guards and everything. No one is getting into this house or onto this property without them or me knowing.”
He rolls his eyes. “Katrina likes to keep me updated; you know?” I swallow hard. Ugh. My PA Kat and her big ass mouth. Thankfully, she’s the best PA I’ve had in a few years, keeping my office in order when I’m away healing bands. We’re not close like some would think, but I know we care about each other in a professional and personal way. The way her eyes tear up whenever my packages come, lets me know she’s feeling it, too.
“What happened to boss-personal assistant confidentiality,” I grumble, shoving the bowl away and rubbing my temples.
“When it comes to you and me, it doesn’t exist. She’s extremely worried, too. Your stalker is dangerous. No matter if he’s laid low for three years. That’s three years of watching you and taking pictures.” He shakes his head. “Be extremely careful.”
“I know. I will. We’ve talked about this a million times before,” I say, blowing a breath.
The only thing my stalker has done is send me pictures of myself from a distance. No notes. No trying to get at me or kidnap me. I’m worried, yes. But they seem to be resigned to the sidelines and watching from afar.
“Fine. So, is your assistant Kitty Kat single yet?” Rocco grins, leaning his chin on his hand.
“You’re despicable,” I mumble. “You’ve both been captivated since meeting her six months ago. Too bad she’s still in a relationship with Trevor,” I say, sticking my tongue out at him.
He shrugs. “We’ll be here when they break up,” he says confidently, staring wistfully at the wall. “There’s just something about her that connects the three of us. She seems to complete our void—our perfect third. But alas, my elusive Kitty Kat hasn’t realized it yet,” he pouts, sticking his bottom lip out.
“One day,” I say, plucking his lip with a soft laugh. “Thanks, Roc. I’m feeling so much better now.”
“You still look like shit,” he quips, flicking my forehead again.
“Dick,” I huff, sitting straight up as a loud knock sounds at the front door before it flies open.
Almost in slow motion, we turn our attention to the wide-open front door where four rock stars with angry scowls stare at Rocco with untamed jealousy roaring through their systems. Lyric grins in her mismatched outfit, staring up at Rocco with stars in her eyes.
This should be good. Especially when she runs toward him with her arms opened wide, waiting for a hug.
“What the hell is he doing here?” Rad growls, pointing directly at Rocco, who holds his hands up in a placating manner and steps back.
Great. This will be fun.