Twenty-Five - Callum
The sun beams warmth across my face and bare chest when I step out the front door of the band house into the fresh early evening air. Every ounce of tension from our two-hour band practice, and the rest of the day’s tension with the new therapist melts away with the sun’s unforgiving rays, evaporating into dust.
Finally, I can breathe. My jaw loosens, and my muscles sag.
After practice, the boys and I decided to cool off in our respective rooms. Alone. Hours of side-eyeing, snarking, and undermining each other had put a real damper on our attitudes. We set our egos aside for River and Lyric and did what we had to do until it became too much to handle. Without a word, we trudged to our rooms, shut the doors, and fucking locked them, trying to catch our breaths.
Or, we tried to, at least. Nothing says piling on more stress like an unexpected knock on your front door. Five minutes. That’s all the reprieve I got. I barely sat on the edge of my bed, running a hand down my face when it happened.
Knock. Knock. Knock. Who knew something so simple could echo through an entire house, pulling us from our rooms? It was comical, really. Each of us stuck our heads out our doors with frowns, looking at one another like they were the culprits.
“Who the hell is it?” Rad grumbles, wiping the sweat from his wrinkled forehead sans pants and shirt, barely fitting into his tiny briefs.
“No one should be here...” my words trail off as we step into the kitchen, eyeing each other with suspicion, ready to tear each other’s heads off.
“It’s the therapist,” Asher declares with his know-it-all attitude, shoving his chin in the air. I don’t miss the wicked wince he gives when he pulls a piece of paper off the fridge, reading the words. Hobbling toward us, he grunts when he holds it up for all of us to see. “River left this here for us. It’s our schedule.”
Right. Although we’ve seen her a few times without a schedule, it’s time for more structure.
Kieran snatches the paper from Asher’s hand and turns his back to him. “Lucy Steadman Ph.D.—noon on Mondays and Fridays,” he says, looking over the paper.
“Ah, man, I don’t want to talk to some stranger about my damn problems again. It was already awkward the first time,” Rad grumbles as the hand pounds against the front door again.
“Remember the pact,” I say, raising a brow when he puffs out his bottom lip. “We promised.”
“Fuck, I know. All in. All for our girls. I’ll tell this lady everything on my mind. But fuck—” His cheeks turn red, and he looks away, avoiding our stares. “I’m just scared to do it, I guess.” He shrugs nonchalantly, but I note the tension lining his shoulders and the clench of his teeth.
Truth be told, I’m scared shitless to unleash my past on a stranger. Digging up old wounds won’t be easy. Reliving my nightmares repeatedly and telling them to some woman with a certificate makes my stomach turn. I want to fucking vomit at the thought. Hell, my doctors tried this after my family’s untimely death. They swore up and down it’d help me cope with the ghosts haunting my dreams. Back then, I refused. But I’ll do it for the brighter future ahead of us.
“For the pact,” I say, staring between Asher, Rad, and Kieran, standing a distance apart from each other. They each nod in confirmation before I open the door and let Lucy in to evaluate us one by one.
Over the next few hours, she takes each of us aside in a private office off the living room, effortlessly discussing our lives. The conversation between her and me flows easily. An odd sense of familiarity sparks between us, and I find myself revealing more about myself than I have for anyone.
The only thing that fuels my eagerness to spill my demons is the two girls across the street.
The road separating our house from River’s burns beneath my bare feet as I make my way across the street toward the soft sound of the waves crashing against the beach. Briefly, a few days ago, I caught a glimpse of the paradise River has built for herself.
Something I know she’s always wanted.
“I want to bury my feet in the sand and stand on the beach when we get to California,” she confesses, burying her face in my neck. My arms tighten around her, pulling her body against mine. As we lie side by side on her bed under the glowing stars glued to her ceiling, filling the small space with neon light. “I’d live by the water if I got the chance.”
“Anything for you, Little Star,” I murmur, running my fingers through her long strands.
The blue sky, mixing with fluffy white clouds, looms above me as I draw in the fresh salt-scented air. Waves crash against the beach like a steady chorus. Peace washes over me—consuming me for the first time today. The hot sand cushions my feet as I make my way down the small hill, only stopping when a small voice calls out to me from a distance.
“Daddy!”
My body stiffens when her little voice carries from the water’s edge. Small hands wave frantically in my direction, drawing my eyes to her. Not that you could miss her. A bright, neon green bathing suit covers her tiny body like the stars in her mother’s old bedroom.
“Daddy! You’re here!”
Sand kicks up behind her tiny feet as she rushes toward me with a massive grin on her reddened face. With her arms wide open, she slams into my legs, hugging me tight.
“Lyric,” I breathe, momentarily stunned when her head tips back, and she looks up at me with down-turned lips.
“Daddy,” she whines with a wobbly lip, examining every inch of my face and chest. “You’ve got a boo-boo just like Daddy Asher.” My heart sinks when the waterworks start, breaking it into tiny pieces. Dropping to my knees, I quickly wipe away the fat tears falling down her cheeks, desperate to eliminate the sadness. “Why are you hurt?” she sniffles, tracing the bruises under my right eye with her little finger.
Panic grips me tight in a vise, squeezing my chest. My daughter is crying. Fuck, and I’m the cause of all her pain. How do I explain to a four-year-old that I intentionally let another man put his fists into my face?
Frantically, my eyes dart around the beach, catching a glimpse of River sitting on a towel in a red one-piece suit. Those long, filled-out legs stretch before her, soaking up the heated evening sun. A slight breeze blows her long strands back past her shoulders as my eyes eat away at her appearance, taking in every ounce of the woman I once thought was mine forever.
Lava pools in my belly, reactivating the attraction and pulling me to River. No matter how angry I was at her. Or how betrayed I felt. Her flawless beauty always draws me like a moth to a flame, searing me. Last time, I burned to ash. This time, after learning the truth, I sink fully into the flames of my doom. Or resurrection. However, this turns out. One day I’ll prove to River how fucking sorry I am that I walked away without talking to her. How fucking stupid could I have been? The guilt of my ignorance will haunt me for the rest of my fucking life.
Swallowing hard, I avert my eyes when fiery heat envelops my cheeks. Those laser moss-green eyes latch onto our movements, slightly narrowing in on my hands, combing through Lyric’s wet strands as I attempt to soothe the hurt bubbling out of her eyes. I breathe when she tips her head in my direction, not uttering a word about my perusal of her body. Thank fuck.
“I’m okay, Ladybug.” Her face softens when I speak. “It was just an accident, but I’m okay now. You don’t have to cry for me,” I whisper, catching her tears as they fall out of her eyes. “So, what are you doing on the beach today?” I ask, trying to divert the conversation to something better than the bruises lining my flesh.
“Sandcastle,” she whispers, pointing toward where she was sitting. Sure enough, a few small buckets, shovels, and a mound of sand sit, waiting for her to continue.
“Does it have a moat?”
Lyric immediately grabs my hand and yanks me toward the direction of the sandcastle.
“It can!” she squeals, pulling me forward.
“Give me just a second, okay? Let me ask your mommy if this is okay, all right?” Lyric’s eyes whip to River and then back to me as she nods.
“Okay. I can’t wait to build the biggest castle with you, Daddy!” she shrieks with a grin, wrapping her arms around my neck again. “I can’t wait,” she whispers, kissing my bruised cheek with so much love I choke on it.
Climbing to my feet, I watch with stars in my eyes as she runs back to her creation near the water. Plopping down in the sand, she grins up at me as she fills a bucket, continuing to build up the castle.
“Hey,” I say, clearing my throat and dropping beside River.
“Hi,” she says softly, keeping her eyes on Lyric, who dances at the water’s edge with a grin.
“I–I didn’t know you guys would be here. I-um just wanted to take a swim and walk. But?—”
River snorts, waving a hand. “Thanks for asking permission. You’re more than allowed to hang out with her.” Her eyes cut to mine from beneath her lashes. My breath catches when she examines the tattoos lining my chest. More specifically, the one for her.
Ask me. Ask me about it, Little Star. Please.
Before she can utter a word, she rips her gaze away from the art etched into my flesh.
“Oh-oh, okay,” I stammer, reverting back to the mess I was when I first encountered River.
I’d like to think I’ve grown these past five years. Nerves no longer prickle at my skin when I’m in front of a crowd on stage, and meeting new people is a breeze. I’m no longer stumbling over my own two feet.
There’s something about River that makes my heart skip a damn beat and weighs down my tongue as if concrete encases it. She drives me back to the nervous boy I used to be. And a part of me clings to the old Callum resurfacing because that’s the man I want to be. Should be.
For her. For Lyric.
“Thanks. I’d really like that,” I say, clearing my throat.
“Daddy! Come on! Our castle needs lots of work!” Lyric shouts over the roar of the waves and light breeze blowing through the little paradise.
A small smile pulls at the edge of River’s lips. “You’d better get going. She’s a very persistent little girl.”
I snort. “I’ve noticed,” I quip, locking my eyes on the little girl excitedly jumping up and down in the sand, waving me over.
“Cal,” River whispers, resting a hand on my arm, stopping me from getting up.
My heart beats double time when the warmth of her hand seeps into my flesh, stopping my movements. Shit. The world swims in front of my eyes, swirling together in a mass of colors. My body weaves. All from one simple, electrifying touch. And I think I might pass out.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I stare at where we’re connected and get myself under control. “Y-yeah?” I croak when she gently squeezes my arm.
“Lyric likes to come out here every day after school. It’s the first thing she does when she throws her backpack in her room, she gets her suit on and plays in the waves and sand. Sometimes she likes to swim, but most times, she likes to sit right there and watch the waves or build a castle.” She squeezes one last time and drops her hand from my arm.
Immediately, I miss the way her hand felt on my skin. My vision clears, and my head returns to its usual messy self.
“Thank you,” I whisper, earning a nod in return.
“I’m not here to keep her from you. You know that, right?” She swallows hard, gazing at the blue horizon where the sea meets the skyline in the distance. Away from me and the noise bubbling in my throat.
“I-I don’t believe you’d keep her from us. That isn’t like you.” I shake my head, rolling my lips together as the anger from Asher’s betrayal stabs me in the back once again.
There are some wounds you never heal from. They cut deep—to the bone—flaying your soul open. This is one of them. Sure, it may superficially mend back together out of necessity, but deep down, the pain, anger, and pent-up rage will always be in the background, reminding me of what he did. There’s no getting away from Asher now. We’re in too deep unless we tuck tail and leave the band and go our separate ways.
After today’s session with Lucy, I’m thinking we might make it out of this alive. If we band together and really sink into our feelings, we’ll get through this and make it to the other side. We may have bruises and scrapes, but we’ll heal. Once and for all.
“That was Asher and Gloria’s fault that we’ve been apart for so long,” I say, watching Lyric closely as she dips her bucket into the water. “I’m just sorry I missed so much,” I whisper longingly, staring at the daughter whose childhood I missed out on. But no more.
Callum is here to stay. To make memories full of laughter and love. I’ll be here until the end. No matter what.
Happiness fills every molecule of my body. I’m floating above the damn clouds with a smile etched onto my face. A deep laugh vibrates through my chest when I throw Lyric’s squirming body over my shoulder, much to her protests. Her loud giggles fill the dusky air as she pounds a fist into my back, begging me to release her.
“Daddy!” Lyric laughs, hitting me a few times. “Put me down! I need to pick up my buckets!” she squeals again, stopping me in my tracks. “Pleaseeeee!” she begs again until I bring her face right in front of mine.
Her freckles pop over the bridge of her nose, dusting lightly over her sun-kissed cheeks. Her toothy grin lights up my damn life as she examines my face. No longer pouting over the dark bruises.
My blood may not run through her veins, but that’s the thing about family, isn’t it? You’re not always born together. You’re brought together by circumstances out of your control, crashing into each other much like the waves of the sea. Lyric crashed into our lives like a tiny hurricane. She’s shaking the foundation of everything we’ve known and believed, and I, for one, am ecstatic to have this little human in my life.
“Okay. But I’ll give you two seconds, and then we’ll race to the house. Your mom looks like she’s about to come and get you.” I raise a brow when Lyric wiggles out of my arms and dashes off to get her things. With another loud giggle, she races past me, clinging to her buckets.
River stands on her back porch, leaning against the railing and watching Lyric with a smile that lights up her face. A red towel sits snug around River’s body, warming her as the sun slowly sinks in the sky, turning it a bright hue of pink.
“Straight to the shower, you sand monster,” River says through a big grin, lightly smacking Lyric on the butt.
“But, Mommy! Daddy…” Lyric points to me with a pout, waving her arms all around. “Can he read to me tonight? I wants Daddy to read to me!” she says again, folding her hands together and silently begging her mom.
River looks at me with uncertainty but nods. “If that’s what Daddy wants to do.”
Butterflies burst in my stomach, and I nod before I can even think about another response. “Of course, I’ll read to you.”
One of the happiest memories is when my mom and dad would lay on either side of me and take turns reading lines from all my favorite books. Their voices changed with each new character, and they’d stay there until my eyes fluttered shut. I never thought I’d get to experience that warm feeling again. Only this time, I’ll be reading from the book and watching as she falls asleep with my heart in my throat.
“Now, off to the shower! Then we’ll have some sandwiches,” River says again, shooing Lyric toward the bathroom down the hall until she marches into the bathroom, slamming it shut. “And don’t slam the door,” River mutters too late.
“Little-Little Star.”
I swallow hard when she connects her gaze with mine. Reaching out, I bravely wrap my fingers around her wrist, holding her hostage. Please don’t walk away from me now. A familiar feeling bursts inside me as I look deep into her eyes. It’s something I haven’t felt since I walked away from her. Electricity bristles. My hair stands on end. And a deep, gut-wrenching ache forms, begging me never to let go of her.
“She’s amazing. I’m sorry I wasn’t here, but thank you for allowing me to be here now. I—” I roll my lips together as the heat behind my eyes intensifies. Guilt tears through me like it has since I found out the truth from Asher’s lips. We left because of what I saw. I sealed our separation with a picture, not bothering to ask questions or dig further.
River swallows hard, shaking off my grip. “Well, as long as you’re here now.”
Not fucking good enough.
“So, she’s always known about us?” I ask, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my swim shorts to keep from touching her again—the only thing I want to do right now. Well, beyond a simple touch.
Licking her lips, River nods. “Eventually, Lyric would know where she came from and who her father was. In the beginning, I wasn’t positive about who she belonged to. Then she opened her eyes… And I… Couldn’t deny her the reality of our situation. So, I did the next best thing. I told her the truth. And wouldn’t you know it? She latched on.”
“She didn’t know about…what happened and why we were apart?”
“No. And she won’t either,” she says. “I will not break my daughter’s heart, nor will you. She’s—” She takes a deep breath, rubbing her temples. “Lyric is finally at peace. It’s like she needed to touch you all. Don’t ruin her peace.” Her eyes plead with me until I nod at her request.
“I’d never do that to her. It’s only been a short time, but I already love her,” I admit quietly as my cheeks heat.
“Come here,” River says, waving a hand for me to follow as the sound of water slapping into the tub suddenly turns off. “Here,” River says, taking a large photo album off a bookshelf and handing it to me.
My eyes bug out as I flip through the pictures. Page by page, River has organized everything into neat little sections. From her first birthday to her forth. And every holiday in between. Glorious snapshots of Lyric as a baby, learning to crawl and taking her first bites of ravioli. Her red-stained face smiles up at the camera from her highchair with the remnants of her meal squished before her. Mischief lives in those mismatched eyes—much like now.
Without the perseverance to hold them back any longer, I unleash my emotions. Tears stream down my cheeks. Embarrassing sobs choke my throat. Fuck. I’m a goddamn mess at the sight of my baby girl, who grew up without me. I cry from the anger of missing out, for walking away, and for everything in between. I let it out into the world, letting River see and feel how fucking sorry and fucked up I am over this.
“She was a good baby,” River murmurs, turning the page and running her manicured finger over a picture of Lyric’s toothless grin, staring up at the camera with cake all over her face. “That was her first birthday. It was our first month in this house.” Her eyes dart around the living room, stopping near the entrance of the open-concept kitchen.
“And I missed it all. Fuck,” I heave a breath, losing my grip as the photo album thunks to the ground. “River,” I breathe, turning to her as she tilts her head, not giving me an ounce of emotion.
She’s a goddamn wall of nothing, staring at me and refusing to open up. One day I’ll peel back those layers of forgiveness. But for now, I know I have my work cut out for me. We all do.
“I truly am sorry you missed it all, Cal. She would have loved for you to be here this whole time. But the important part is, you’re here now. Make the most of it while you can.”
I nod, wiping away the remnants of my emotions off my cheeks. “I will,” I proclaim, holding her gaze with mine. God, I could get lost in the depths of her eyes and swim in her damn soul. “For you, too,” I whisper, drifting a finger across her silken cheek.
The warmth of her skin sends goosebumps pimple down my arms. Tiny hairs stand on end. Electricity runs between us in an undeniable force, pulling me into her. My lips tingle, begging to kiss the last pair I ever touched with my own.
“Words don’t mean much, Little Star. Not with you. I could look you in the eyes and promise you a million and one things. But they’re just words—empty promises. From here on out, I will prove who I am and what you mean to me. We may have had time apart, but we’re grown up now. No longer the kids running around Central City. You’ve changed. I’ve changed. Some for the worst. Some for the better,” I whisper, rubbing my thumb against her cheek. Her brows wrinkle as she takes in my words, but I’m not done yet. “I deeply apologize for walking away from you. The moment I saw Van kiss you, I should have known better. Asher had just dismantled my entire world with those fake videos, and then when I saw what I did, I ran without even questioning it. That’s on me. I was an idiot…probably still am. Every day and night, I’ll show up here and be present. That’s my promise to you, Little Star. Because the way I see it now, you’re my whole damn galaxy, and I can’t stand to be away from you and her any longer.”
River shudders as I breathlessly finish my speech, getting lost in her presence. Clarity has completely taken hold. I was an idiot for ever thinking River would turn her back on us. River was better than that—still is. I’m not fucking worthy of her.
River sniffles, slightly leaning into my hand. “She’s going to want you to stop doing that,” she whispers, running the tip of her finger over the bruises on my face. “She thought you were hurt, and it upset her. She will know something is wrong if you keep showing up with those bruises.” She licks her lips before dropping her hand. My body misses her touch when she steps away from my hand.
“Okay,” I agree, nodding. “I won’t fight anymore.” Music will be what I live and breathe from this moment forward. I’ll pour my damn soul straight into my bass. For them.
“Why did you?” she blurts before she can stop herself, widening her eyes. “It just…doesn’t seem like you, Callum. You were so peaceful and quiet.” Still am. Only around you, though.
I shrug. “It was better than the drugs,” I whisper through a crack in my voice. “Truth?” She nods, eager to hear my response. “It was the only thing that could knock the joyous memories of you out of my head. For just a second, I wasn’t drowning in my misery. I—” I blow out a breath, preparing myself for the conversation ahead of me. “I loved you a lot, Little Star. So much so that I didn’t realize how I truly felt until you were gone. But I failed you in so many ways. Will you take this healing journey with me?” I ask, licking my lips. “I want to mend us.”
“And what if I… I can’t?” she questions, taking another step back. “You did fail me…you all did. You walked away from us. What would have happened if I hadn’t made it here? Would I still be in Central City with Ly alone?” She crosses her arms over her chest. “I want to heal, too,” she finally whispers, squeezing her eyes shut. “But just give me time, okay? Be present. And I’ll?—”
“You don’t owe me anything,” I mutter, stepping forward and taking her into my arms. Stiffly, she rests her forehead against my chest as I soak in her presence. “One day at a time, Little Star. Okay?”
“One day at a time,” she whispers with confirmation, and I know that’s as good as it’s going to get right now. River isn’t mine or ours. Not yet. But we’ll get there. I know we’ll all prove to her that we’re serious about this.
My eyes fall shut when the warmth of her fingers glides over my bare chest with curiosity. She doesn’t step out of my arms, which I’m thankful for. I want to revel in her body heat for a moment longer until we’re pulled apart.
“These weren’t here before,” she barely whispers, tracing the shapes repeatedly.
“They weren’t.”
Lifting her head, her red-rimmed eyes lock on mine. “They’re over your heart, Cal.”
I lick my lips. “That they are.” My breaths pass over her face, traveling down her neck. The persistent urge to hold her tongue hostage with mine gnaws at my brain. Not the right time, damnit.
“You got neon stars over your heart,” she whispers with an edge, emotions creeping in and ruffling her hardened, emotionless exterior.
I see you, Little Star.
“Truth?” She nods, eagerly awaiting my answer. “I may have wanted to erase the memories from my mind, but there was one place I felt whole.” Without a thought, my fingers capture hers over my heart and rest them there. “It was with you, under the neon stars illuminating your bedroom as we lay together, hidden away in your space.”
“Oh, Cal,” she murmurs, choking out my name like a sin. Her fist clutches near her mouth when she takes a step away from me, refusing herself the comfort of my arms.
Fuck.
“Just remember, I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper, stepping up to her again and invading her space. “Ever again. If there’s one promise you should take to heart. It’s this one.”
The old Callum would cower away from her—hide his face from the world. But the new Callum craves her with every ounce of his being like a damn drug or fighting. My body jolts when a little person stares at us from a few feet away, sleepily rubbing at her eyes. Deep blue star pajamas line her frame. Long dark strands of wet hair drip on the hardwood as she eyes the two of us with suspicion.
“Daddy, will you read to me now?” Lyric yawns, stretching her tiny arms above her head.
“I’ll get some sandwiches ready,” River murmurs, scurrying as far away from me as she can.
You can run, and you can hide, Little Star, but we’ll bulldoze through the thick walls you’ve erected around us. All in due time, of course. Mending our broken relationship and betrayal comes first.
“Of course. What are we reading tonight?” Lyric grins, suddenly looking more awake than she had ten seconds ago, watching me with the biggest eyes I’ve ever seen. Excitement thrums through her veins when she bounces on her toes.
“Well, it’s about this girl who gets picked to compete in this crazy ring. She has a bow and arrow and two boyfriends. Like me!” She giggles when I stiffen, side-eyeing River, who shrugs from the kitchen and hides her smile. Somehow, I feel like I’m missing something vital. “Come on! Come on! I’m ready!”
My brows furrow. “What kind of book is she reading?” I hiss in her direction.
River snorts, patting me on the shoulder. “You’ll see,” is all she says before she kisses Lyric’s head and walks away, leaving me with an eager four-year-old who promptly grabs my hand and yanks me down the hall to her room.
“Your room is so pretty,” I awkwardly say, rubbing at my bare chest. Thankfully, my swim trunks have dried since we were outside, but I still feel the sand shifting in places it shouldn’t be.
“Mommy helped me pick out all the purple. I’m afraid of the dark, Daddy,” she murmurs, climbing into her bed and patting the place beside her.
“Is that why you have a lot of lights shining down on you?” I question as she snuggles into my side, looking up at me with those big, blue eyes.
“Mhmm. There’s a ghost in here,” she whispers with a slight hint of fear jumping into her tone. Her eyes dart toward the window above her bed, and she shudders.
“Ghosts? Well, I’m here now, Ladybug. Let’s scare them away.” She nods in agreement, handing over a large, used book with a bookmark in the middle.
“She marched forward with her bow at the ready, aiming to take down the enemy,” I say in a deep voice, only raising it when the character speaks her line. “You will step away from her before I put this through your hands and mince your fingers for dinner.” Jesus. What is my child reading before bedtime? Looking down, Lyric looks up at me expectantly, silently egging me on to continue. And so, I do. River meanders in, leaves sandwiches in the middle of the bed, and walks out before I can say a word.
Over the next hour, I lay beside my daughter, nibbling sandwiches and reading about a strong, independent woman who kicks ass and takes names like nobody’s business. Also, she shows great interest in the two leading male characters. Many times, I turn to the blurb on the back, making sure I’m not about to read some crazy romance story to my four-year-old. As the clock ticks by, my eyes grow heavy until the thick book lands on my chest, and the world around me is darkness as my eyes close.
“Night, Daddy,” she whispers, snuggling further into my side.
“Night, Ladybug,” I murmur, falling victim to the perfect night’s sleep.