Chapter Thirty
When Laken had said, “Let’s go home, McCarthen,” he meant, “Huddle down in the back of this cart with me and hide as Moon runs our asses out of here.”
Because that’s exactly what we did.
Under a thin sheet, stuffed into the back of the cart with two pigs, Laken and I were crammed against each other like sardines in a can.
His arm provided a decent enough cushion under my head, but I kept my arms crossed over my chest because if I undid them, I’d be touching his chest or his dick, so.
I thought about it, the “Is this really necessary?” and judging by the sound of horse hooves racing toward us, yes. It was necessary.
The putrid, rotten, foul scent of sweat, pig, mud, blood, and possibly other bodily fluids brought tears to my eyes, nearly suffocating me beneath what protection our sheet provided.
Glaring up with a frown, I hated him. “I hate you so much for this.”
“Yeah, sure you do.” He rolled his eyes. “Well, I hate you more.”
Pulling my head back as much as I could, I gawked. “What?”
His breathing faltered against me. “What?”
“You never say you hate me; you argue that I don’t hate you. That’s what we do, you can’t change the game now.”
Blue eyes flickered down to me where I lay with a scrunched brow. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“Oh, I’m ridiculous?”
“No, you’re being ridiculous.”
As if I hadn’t saved his life; I thought that earned me a little wiggle room on the ridiculous scale. (If we pretended he didn’t save mine like three times more, but who’s counting?)
Laken shifted his legs, bringing them much too close to me and opening the opportunity for too much danger of touching him.
“Move your legs.”
“No?” He observed my unsatisfied scowl and laughed. “I don’t know if you’ve realized, but my legs are a lot longer than yours, so I need more room.”
Okay. I shoved his face away from mine. “Well, I have a bigger chest, so back up. I can feel your breath.”
Laken shoved my hands away. “Reece,” he called out while trying to find my face. Our hands swatted at each other. “Get off of me.”
I laughed. “Never heard you say that before.”
His chest heaved, whether from laughter or something more bitter, I didn’t know. “My Gods, woman—”
We both stopped as water splashed our cheeks. Not water—rain. Thunder cracked in the clouds, and even under the sheet, the night sky was illuminated from lightning. Perfect, I thought. This couldn’t possibly get any more perfect.
With raindrops dripping down my face, I aimed my gaze at him. “You couldn’t have bought a waterproof sheet?”
I felt his annoyance enough from his glare. Enough said.
“Stay here.” He yanked the sheet back and stood as we moved. Hopping from the back to the seat, Laken grabbed Moon’s rein and veered us left, down a less established path.
In his absence, the air grew cold and the rain splattered my face. I tried to cover up as much as I could while covering the pigs too, but it did no good. Without him, I felt cold.
So I watched the rain spill from the heavens and cursed the Gods because I didn’t want to end things with him and the universe knew it, too.
Not half an hour later we pulled into a small inn tucked into the outskirts of the nearest town.
Through the rain, I couldn’t see much but a dim light and a small wooden sign swinging above the door.
Unable to even be read, it could’ve said “Human sacrifices here,” for all I knew.
After tying Moon’s reins to a post under some shelter where they provided hay, we darted inside.
I’d bet coin the last thing the attendant behind the counter expected to see was two people soaked in mud and rain carrying two piggly wigglys.
Behind the little wooden desk, a short woman with curly brown hair and big circle glasses checked us in. I waited behind Laken, looking around at the decorations, debating the odd decision to decorate with tiny porcelain teacups. I guess you’d say it was… their cup of tea.
“You two are lucky, I have one room left for the night, but”—her leaning past him to glance at me caught my attention and I listened—“there’s only one bed. Will that do?”
How?
How could anything else possibly go wrong? I’d love to know.
Spinning on my heels, I turned for the door. “I’d rather drown outside—” A hand grabbed my wrist.
“We’ll take the room,” Laken stated, turning to me. “Don’t be so stubborn. I’ll sleep on the floor.”
The attendant waited for my response, respectfully.
I knew it was a bad idea. I knew I couldn’t possibly survive more time in an enclosed space with Laken Augustus without taking his clothes off. But… well, “We’ll take the room,” I grunted.
By the size of the inn, its cramped space should’ve been expected. The one bed they offered had to be a full, and beside it was hardly enough room for the pigs. We laid towels in their cages and prayed they didn’t destroy them for the time being. Bordering the bed on its opposite side—a bath.
An old, rusted bath but a bath, nonetheless.
“You go first, princess. I know tonight’s been a lot for you.” His words were nice, yes, but they didn’t sound nice.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Laken leaned against the wall. “Nothing. I just know you don’t like getting your hands dirty…” He stood and closed the distance between us, taking my hand in his as he traced his fingers over my skin. “And let’s just say I know a lot more than your hands got dirty tonight.”
I yanked my hand back, and he grinned as he retreated. “My hands got dirty because you dragged me in there and used me as bait.”
Laken’s mouth dropped as he unbuttoned his coat and dropped it onto the floor. “Dragged? I dragged you in there? Really? Because last I recalled, we did this assignment for you! So that you can keep your sanctuary.”
“And to save the pigs!”
He wasn’t hearing it. He tossed me a disappointed glare, inclining his head, saying, “Really.”
“Okay?” I flung my arms around, glancing aimlessly at nothing in particular. “That is a valid point, but—”
“But what, Reece?” He threw his hands up. “But what?”
Alright, so maybe he did smuggle pigs for me. And work extra jobs. And made sure I was taken care of. And maybe he even read all of my favorite books, but… “You shoved me into a cart with two pigs.”
His head tilted to the side. “To. Save. Your. Life.” Fuck, he got me there. Laken raked his hands through his hair, his tunic lifting enough to show the bottom of his stomach and hips. “Gods above, Reece. You are a piece of work.”
Frustration pummeled through my bones and led me closer to him. “A piece of work? You grind every gear I have—”
Laken interrupted me, eating away at the space between us.
“You know what I want to know? Why wouldn’t you wait.
” Shit. He glanced back and forth between my eyes, awaiting an answer I didn’t have.
Something in him snapped. “Why wouldn’t you?
A year from now, you’re going to be running the sanctuary.
I’m still going to be me. Nothing changes. ”
I sniffled while refusing to look his way. I couldn’t look at those eyes knowing it might be the last time.
Would it be the last time someone looked at me with love in their eyes?
Would it be the last time I did the same?
“What changes is how I sit and wait day in and day out for you to return—praying that you do,” I confessed. Heat boiled under my skin, more with every step he took closer to me.
“Is that such a bad thing? To be waiting on someone who loves you entirely to come home? What are you so worried about? Falling in love with someone else? That I’ll fall in love with someone else? What is it?”
My lips quivered. I clenched my jaw tight as if trying to keep it from spilling my secrets.
I’d never been good at talking things out or explaining my feelings.
An anxious chill snaked up my legs and around my throat, squeezing it.
But I couldn’t look at him and not tell him.
I couldn’t look at him and pretend any different.
“I’m scared!”
His eyebrows arched. “What are you so scared of?”
“That I love you, Laken!” I surrendered. “Is that what you want to hear? That I am so all-consumingly in love with you that it absolutely fucking terrifies me?”
They say when it rains, it pours. And I poured.
“That I’m scared of losing you for good?
” I panted, the breath in my chest disappearing.
Gods. What didn’t he understand? “Everyone leaves, and eventually, Laken, they don’t come back.
One way or another. One grand adventure or another.
And if I cut it off right now then it’s my choice and I won’t be so hurt. ”
Laken reeled back. “And that’s worth it to you? To lose someone you love and who loves you, over a fear that isn’t going to happen?”
“And what if you never come back at all?” My throat burned like muscles overworked.
“Damn it, Reece!” Laken took a step back, one single step. His eyes didn’t leave mine, the deepest blues poured into me like ocean waves. His chest rose and fell, hard. “I am coming back to you. I have always come back to you! Even from my Gods-damned grave, I will come back to you!”
My mouth shut. My throat tightened and tightened until I couldn’t form words. Some part of me wanted to believe him, to give in, to think it could be that easy. That I somehow deserved it to be that easy. But a bigger part of me knew better.
Love may be able to do a lot of things, but it is not capable of promising tomorrow. Things change, people change, and they leave. Every time. “You don’t know that… you—you can’t promise—”
“I do know that,” he defended as if his life depended on it. “Because I do love you, Reece.” His throat bobbed as he swallowed, hardly able to speak. “I loved you when we were eighteen and I have loved you every day since. I would not be me if I did not come back to you.”