6. Cass
CHAPTER 6
Cass
B everly Hills, Friday, August 15th
I wasn’t sure what I’d expected. A standing ovation? Hardly. But it wasn’t this : Levi’s expression freezing over, eyes turning distant as his shoulders angled inward.
“Good for you,” he said quietly. It felt sincere, but something about it was off, an intangible wrongness to his tone and posture that made the back of my neck itch.
“Overdue, isn’t it?” I was speaking too quickly, words dripping like hot oil into a sizzling pan. “Should have done it years ago. When you asked me to. Maybe I wasn’t ready, but I should have done it anyway.”
“Cass…” Levi exhaled, face softening, and fell silent. A beat passed like that, his clear eyes studying me as I struggled to hold his gaze.
“It’s not an apology,” I said. “I know it doesn’t fix things—it’s not about that.”
“It’s a big deal, though.” His voice was gentle, still a little guarded. “Me, I didn’t have to do a big announcement, no grand public gesture, nothing like that. It’ll be different for you.”
“Yeah, I know.” God, was this an awful idea? Maybe I had no right to even ask. But if he said yes… If he said yes, I’d get the chance to show him how it could be. I raised my gaze from where it had fallen to my lap, channeling the confidence I’d learned to project. Not that he wouldn’t see right through me—he always had. “Did you see the fan pictures posted this morning?”
“Yeah. Mason showed me.” His eyes were steady. “You know what’s funny? That picture of us—my first thought was ‘this needs damage control.’”
Fuck. It took me a second to find the words. “I don’t think that’s funny.”
“Yeah, maybe.” He sighed, shifting slightly so his loose T-shirt slipped to expose one collarbone. I tried not to notice the bare skin of his thighs. Like this, hair unstyled and a softness to the curve of his mouth, he felt achingly familiar. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, you know. Sorry if I did.”
I still love you.
I didn’t say that—not even sure it was true. I loved the memory of us, of him, his sharp edges and gentle smiles, how he’d made the rest of the world go quiet. Naively, I’d thought it would be just a matter of time until I found that again. I’d been wrong.
No one compared. And if there was anything left between us, if there was even the sliver of a chance…
I needed to know.
“Guess what my first thought was?” I shot him a smile, allowing nervousness to bleed into my tone. “My first thought was ‘I hope there’ll be rumors.’”
A twitch around his eyes, no clearly discernible emotion. “About us?”
“Yeah. Lay the groundwork, you know? For when I come out. So it’ll be less of a surprise.” I kept watching him closely, drawing shallow breaths as I waited for something, anything.
“I guess that makes sense,” was all he gave me, painfully neutral. The arm’s length between us felt like miles.
All right, then. Time to take the plunge.
“I was thinking…” Jesus, why was this so fucking hard ? If he said no, then yeah, it would sting. But I could tell myself it was the situation he rejected, not me. “If you’re willing, of course. But you’re out by now, right? And the fans speculated about us before. It would be easy to revive that if we gave them some fuel for their fodder.”
The slightest raise of Levi’s eyebrows. Sunlight bleached the tips of his lashes to a wispy gold. “You mean a fake relationship?”
“Basically?” It sounded, well… selfish. It was. Just not in the way he probably thought. “I know it’d put you back in the spotlight, and I know that’s not something you’re keen on. But what if, in return, you get to pick one of your acts to open for me? On my next tour.”
He took a moment to respond. “That’s a big deal.”
Not a no. Certainly not a yes either.
I strove for a calm air. “Seems only fair, doesn’t it?”
Slowly, he shook his head. “It wouldn’t be such a hardship to help you out, Cass.”
But. I could sense it coming, like a thunderstorm about to break.
And then a young, high voice cut into our scene. “Hi! I already brushed my teeth. Can we go now?”
Blonde curls, green eyes, a pinkish dress, and a huge smile missing one tooth. Five or six years old? I froze, everything grinding to a halt as the little girl threw herself into Levi’s lap without any hesitation, small arms going around his neck before she tossed me a curious look. She had his eyes.
His face went through a range of emotions, too quick to catch. Then he hugged her to him, voice warm and gently chiding. “I know you’re excited, Emmy. But it’s rude to just ignore Cass here. Say hello, please?”
Emmy.
Emily?
“Hello, Cass,” she said, something shrewd in the direct way she gazed at me. “Are you coming to Disneyland with us?”
“Emily?” I asked, just to be sure. At Levi’s slight nod, I took a deep breath, a smile taking over my face. “Wow. You were, like, this small last time I saw you.” I held my thumb and forefinger a couple of inches apart—an exaggeration, perhaps, but the sentiment held. “Only a year old. And now you’re a proper lady.”
“I’m a person ,” she said as though I’d insulted her. “With ideas .”
Oh my God, she was precious. I wanted to hug her.
“That’s fair,” I said with a grave nod. “Ladies sit around drinking tea, don’t they? While I can already tell that you’ve got things to do, places to be.”
“Like Disneyland,” she agreed, clearly mollified.
“Sorry, she’s got a bit of a one-track mind this morning.” Levi gave her an affectionate nudge. “Hey, can you ask Uncle Mason to help you with breakfast?”
“Sure!” Emily clambered off Levi’s lap, words sunshine-bright. “He promised me Cheerios if I said good morning to you first.”
“Did he now?” Levi muttered darkly, so quiet I almost missed it, clearly not meant for Emily’s ears. She bounced her way back into the house, both Levi and I watching her go. Then I slid him a smile.
“She’s grown so much.”
“She has, yeah.” Something careful sat around his eyes, like he was trying to work through a problem. I leaned back into the cushions, strangely unsettled by… what? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Was it the curve of his shoulders, the strained line of his mouth?
“Kind of cool that you brought her along.” I kept my voice hushed, blending in with the hum of the morning. “Jess must be happy to have a little break, huh?”
His expression splintered, like glass under heat. He turned his face away, staring at the distant sprawl of the city below, and let out a slow breath. “She’s not getting a break, Cass.”
Something cold pressed against the edges of my thoughts. “Why not?” I asked, but the words felt too small, barely able to travel the gap between us.
Brittle silence stretched. Then he looked at me, the wet sheen to his eyes at odds with how his voice went flat, quiet, like it was nothing at all. “She’s gone. Cancer.” It hung in the air, weightless and unreal. “Emily is… She’s with me now. Has been for two years.”
The world tilted in a sickening lurch. Jessica was... She... And Emily...? Nothing fit anymore. Gravel filled my lungs, and I fought to breathe around it. “Levi, what—” My voice cracked. I cracked. “I didn’t know. I had no idea. I... God .”
He flinched, hands twitching as though he intended to reach for me. He curled them into fists instead, face twisting into a grimace that wouldn’t fully form. “I almost called you. When Jess passed, and Emily just… She shut down. For a bit there.”
My brain felt waterlogged. “Why didn’t you?”
“What would I have said, Cass?” He swallowed and raised his eyes, blinking against the sun. “‘Hey, sorry, I know it’s been years, but my sister just died, and I need you’? I couldn’t. I didn’t want to bother you.”
“ Bother me?” God, it felt like a slap. How had we unraveled like this, thread by thread, worn so thin I barely even recognized us anymore?
He puffed out a breath. “I didn’t want you to look at me like this.”
I drew back, reeling as though he’d punched me. Couldn’t look at him—and he didn’t want me to, did he? I got up. Walked two steps toward the pool, reflected sunlight flooding my vision. Stopped.
Breathing—not sure how I still was. It hurt. God, it hurt.
“I’m sorry,” Levi said from behind me. Almost inaudible, yet it sliced through the bleak curtain of my selfishness. He was sorry? He’d lost his sister and was raising a child, and he was sorry ? No.
I turned and crossed the space between us—didn’t think, for once. Just wrapped him up in my arms until he relaxed against me, into me, and I held on like I should have done years ago.
* * *
Emily.
Christ—Levi’s daughter .
And Jessica. Sassy, fierce, beautiful Jess—the older sister I would have loved to have.
I was still processing it all, quietly sipping my coffee, while Levi, Mason, and Emily were slinging words like rubber balls around the kitchen—Emily wanted to hug Belle and Elsa, while Mason was getting unreasonably excited about exploring the Millennium Falcon and Levi wanted to show Emily how to wield a lightsaber.
When Levi sent me a half-smile, I wasn’t prepared for how it twisted through my gut—sadness, longing, regret. “You want to come?” he asked.
I wanted… Fuck. I wanted to undo our past, wished he’d called and given me the chance to be there—I would have been on the first flight out. But that wasn’t something I could tell him, not yet. Not when it would sound more like a reproach than a promise.
“I’d love to come, yeah.” My voice came out wistful. “But probably not a good idea, right? Between you and Mason, it’s likely you’ll get recognized. Add me to the mix, and it’s pretty much a given.”
Sure, they’d don the usual hats and sunglasses, and a VIP guide would ensure priority access to attractions, minimizing the time they’d spend in crowded areas. This was hardly the first time Disney’s staff dealt with celebrity guests. But I was… well. Mason had settled in his sizable niche, and he was happy with it. Me? I’d longed for bigger, brighter, more, and I’d found it.
Turned out it didn’t fill the void.
“What about…” Levi trailed off with an aborted wave of his hand, and right, yeah. That. The fake relationship thing.
“No, forget it.” I shook my head, catching Mason’s searching glance even as I kept my attention on Levi. “I know that’s not… I get it. Why you wouldn’t. It was a stupid idea to begin with. I never should have asked.”
“I didn’t say that.” Levi pursed his mouth, just like how he’d used to whenever I dug into online negativity—that note I hadn’t hit quite right, how rude I’d been to get sick and miss some interview, why I hadn’t stopped for autographs. ‘You’re human,’ was what he’d always told me. ‘You don’t owe them perfection. They don’t own you.’
I’d needed years to understand what he meant.
“It’s okay. Really.” Even though my smile was genuine, it felt foreign and strange, an imperfect fit now that my world had shifted a few inches to the left. Levi and I… I’d known him by heart. Until I didn’t. Until it was like I didn’t know him at all. His life had turned upside down and I’d had no idea.
“Cass…” Levi’s tone was gentle, and I remembered how he’d folded into me out on the terrace, his big personality suspended for a breath or two. When we’d pulled apart, I didn’t know what to say, the words in my head dazzling and fragmented like the spin of a kaleidoscope. Then Emily had poked her head outside, breaking the moment.
“Seriously,” I told him now. “I’m a big boy. No need for literal hand-holding.”
Levi’s eyes narrowed in thought, but it was Mason who said, “You know, this kind of reminds me of back then. It was like you two spoke your own language, and half the time, the rest of us had no fucking clue what you were on about.”
“Well,” Levi said with a meaningful nod at Emily. “Speaking of language…”
She paused, spoon halfway to her mouth, to send him a hilariously miffed look. “You swear all the time!”
Mason formed finger guns. “What she said.”
“And at what point did I authorize you ”—Levi pointed an outraged finger at Emily—“to team up with him ?” He pointed at Mason.
Emily giggled, eyes bright with mirth, and it hit me that Levi was a dad. A dad . Whatever illusions I’d held about us, I’d have to kiss them goodbye. Emily was his priority now, and even though there were rules to protect celebrities’ kids, he wouldn’t want to stray anywhere near my spotlight. I’d well and truly lost him.
Cry later.
“As a Brit, you hold no authority on American soil,” I managed. “Keep up, Lee.”
“Blasphemy,” he said, all prim and proper. If he’d registered my use of his nickname, it didn’t show. “I’ll have the lot of you feathered like a peacock and made to do the chicken dance.”
“Cute,” Mason said.
“But not very vegan,” I said.
“Feathers from birds?” Emily asked. “Isn’t that kind of like stealing teeth from a shark?”
“Dear sweet Jesus.” Levi tipped his face up to the ceiling, gentle daylight flowing along his cheekbones, a tiny smile tucked into the corner of his mouth. “Whatever I did in a past life, whatever crimes I committed, I am so, so sorry.”
“That’s karma,” Mason said. “Jesus has nothing to do with it.”
It felt like old times, back on the road—our conversations ambling along like drunkards stumbling home after a wild night out, clinging to this lantern and that, exclaiming at the beauty of the night sky and pondering the deeper meaning of chicken wings. My ribs ached at the thought of another thing I’d lost. And for what ?
I needed to get out of here before I went full soap opera.
Abandoning the rest of my coffee, I got up from Mason’s kitchen table. “All right, I’ll leave you guys to it. I’ll see you tomorrow, right? Rehearsal at ten.”
They knew this. Somehow, I still wanted the confirmation that they’d be there, that some version of… of us remained.
“Sure thing,” Mason said, while Levi stood up as well, his eyes on me.
“I’ll walk you to the door.”
Words were my estranged friends, so I simply nodded. I got it together just enough to wave at Mason and Emily, wishing them a fun day, then led the way toward the front door. The white modernism of Mason’s entryway was eased by a wooden staircase. Personal touches were scattered around—a couple of guitars on display, a shoe rack overflowing with authentically scuffed sneakers. Levi was quiet until I straightened after putting my shoes on.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. His gaze slid away, to some hanging greenery that someone other than Mason must be watering. “I should have called you.”
“Levi, no.” I took a step toward him, hesitating for a fraction before I touched his shoulder. “Not for my sake. Only if you think… If I could have helped in any way… You know I’d have been there in a heartbeat. Right?”
He covered my hand with his own. “I know now.”
“You really thought…?” I couldn’t finish because— God .
“I don’t know what I thought.” A thousand unsaid things pressed at the edges of his expression, his mouth a careful line. “Grief, pride, still in denial over Jess… It was a lot.”
I turned my hand over to tangle our fingers, painfully aware of the space between us—too much, too little. “I’m sorry, Lee. I am so sorry. Even with how things—you’re my friend. Always. And I would have been on the next flight. I’d have bought the fucking airplane, if necessary.”
His lips twitched upward, the darkness in his eyes fading away. “Bit dramatic, don’t you think? Not to mention, what would you even do with a plane?”
“Fair question.” I inhaled, my chest a little wider now. “Maybe I’d start a discount airline for ex-boybanders only. No emotional baggage fees.”
He cracked a genuine smile. “As if. Knowing you, you’d feel guilty about the carbon footprint and leave it in a hangar.”
‘Knowing you.’
My throat tightened, words piling up that I couldn’t tell him. Not anymore. So I flicked them away and released my hold on him, smiling back. “Never claimed to be the smart one, did I?”
He grinned. “Don’t think any of us could lay claim to that.”
“Come on,” I said. “We had our moments. What about that time in Japan when Ellis figured out exactly how long we could sleep and still make the next show? To the minute. ”
The corners of Levi’s eyes crinkled. “We missed our flight.”
“A minor detail.”
He watched me for a moment, grin melting into something softer, sweeter. His faded T-shirt clung to his shoulders, worn thin and comfortable. Somehow, he’d always had this way of filling a space, not by size but by presence. “I really missed you,” he said abruptly, his voice gone flat as though he wasn’t wholly at ease with putting the words out there. I felt them echo somewhere deep in my ribs.
“Me too.” So fucking much . And it had taken me years to admit it—too long, too late. “Levi, I…” I broke off, not quite certain what I’d wanted to tell him. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Kiss a Disney prince for me, okay?”
He exhaled, eyes warm. “Nah. When you’re ready, you can do it yourself.”
“I’ll do that,” I said, only I wanted no prince. Just him.
I stepped back because I had to, and dropped my heart by his feet when I left. That was fine. I’d never truly reclaimed it anyway.