Chapter 43 #2
I’m not sure that’s such a bad thing, honestly.
For all of my hopes and dreams about serving a bigger cause and helping people, since meeting Nina, this job has increasingly felt like the wrong fit for me.
I do want to help people, but I don’t want to spend all of my time facing the ugliest parts of the world.
I want to do something that serves humankind, but also makes people happy.
I want to make Nina happy. I don’t want to put my life on the line anymore.
I don’t want to lose any more of myself by going undercover.
I just have no idea what else I can do.
As if reading my mind, Nina speaks up. “I’ve thought about the terms that Lyle sent over in the contract. I have some amendments I’d like made.”
For the first time, Sienna, Raquel, and Lyle look taken aback, too. Ha! Seems like I’m not the only one in the dark anymore. “Okay,” Lyle speaks up for the group. “Such as . . . ?”
“We’d be willing to forfeit syndication rights and a portion of our royalties in exchange for a small production team to help us film some exercise videos.”
I look at Nina sharply, but she maintains her steady gaze on the three entertainment folk, who blink back at her in surprise. “Exercise videos?” Raquel repeats.
“They’re called GeekOut,” Nina explains.
“They’re workouts that cater to different fantasy fandoms. Wes has been making them for his TikTok feed for a few months.
They’ve done good numbers, despite being relatively new and posted sporadically.
With higher production quality—costuming department, lighting, sound—and access to distribution channels, I think they could really take off.
Plus we have plans to integrate more of a role-playing aspect—to write original stories and characters and allow viewers the option of choosing between different outcomes. ”
Nina is honest to God pitching GeekOut—the GeekOut of my dreams, the one I never thought I’d have the time or funding to bring to life. And with the production power of Sienna Diaz and Raquel Ezra behind it, it might be something that could take off. Something we could make a living off doing.
I’m touched by her faith in me, but come on. That isn’t something that real people get to do. You don’t just get to pursue your passions and make money doing it.
I open my mouth to gently remind Nina of as much, but Sienna speaks up before I can. “Do you have any samples we can see?”
Nina hands over her phone, with one of the videos already pulled up.
It’s my “Fight Like Darth Maul” video, my most popular by far, where I demonstrate how to combat with a two-ended lightsaber.
(Look, The Phantom Menace may have had its issues, but that fight scene with Qui-Gon Jinn—worth the price of admission.) Even knowing hundreds of thousands of people have watched the video already, it feels like a fresh new hell to sit in the room and watch three professional Hollywood producers critique my work.
To my surprise, all three of them are smiling by the end—even Lyle. “It’s good,” Sienna tells me. “It’s aimed toward a clear audience. Simple, easy to grasp. And you’re surprisingly funny.”
Surprisingly? I feel like I should take that as an insult. I was Funny Guy, remember?! But I’m too happy they liked the video to care. (Much.) “Thank you.”
Another glance is exchanged between Sienna and Raquel, before the latter speaks up. “We’d be willing to invest some money into this. Let our lawyer look over the contract, and we’ll get back to you with some new terms.”
I can’t believe our luck. I want to say as much to Nina, but I don’t want to jinx it. We’ll save the happy dancing for when the producers have left the hotel room.
But to my surprise, Nina clears her throat. “Just two more terms I’d like to discuss.”
My knee-jerk instinct is to tell her to hold her horses, we don’t want to get ahead of ourselves or spook them off! But seeing the resolve on Nina’s face, I check myself. She’s gotten us this far. I trust her to make the right calls.
“I want Lyle to be involved in the GeekOut project, as the director,” Nina says, and I clock the way his face lights up. “And I want to be in charge of the wardrobe department. Deja can oversee if she isn’t too busy with her film projects and wants to earn a commission.”
It’s an incredibly smart call, I realize as soon as she’s laid it all out. Nina is building herself a resume, so that if costume or fashion design is something she’d like to pursue in the future, she can show that she has a history of doing it at a professional level.
She’s setting both of us up to platform this project into something we can do long term. Both of us, so we’re able to pursue our dreams, and focus on ourselves, for the very first time.
Lyle looks to Sienna and Raquel for confirmation, doing his best to fight off a smile at the mini promotion he’s been given, thanks to Nina’s negotiating. “I think we can work with that,” he says.
Finally, I manage to catch Nina’s eye. Seeing the excitement there, I can’t help but be enormously proud of her. I’ll tell her in much more eloquent words as soon as we’re alone, able to discuss it freely. But for now, I just give her a wink. That’s my girl, I mouth to her.
“Those people really love you,” I sum up for her as we cuddle together on the couch, once we’re finally alone.
It won’t last long. Her friends from Chicago are scheduled to arrive in less than an hour.
Morrie’s already messaged that he’s going to need to debrief with Agent Decker and me later today.
But for now . . . we’re finally, finally alone.
No camera crew. No family on the other side of the wall. Just the two of us.
It feels so good to hold her in my arms. Logically I know at some point I’m going to want to stretch, go to the bathroom, eat food, but right now that feels impossible. Right now I can’t imagine being this perfectly content anywhere but right here.
“Those people recognized a good business deal,” she corrects me. “It benefits them, too, if GeekOut takes off. And it will.”
“And they’ll be psyched about that,” I add on for her, “because they love artistic fulfillment and money, but they really love you.”
Nina avoids my gaze, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Hmm. Do you want to get some sleep? You must be tired. Or food? We can order something.”
I frown at her transparent attempt to change the subject.
“I’m sorry. Are you being squirrely because I’m suggesting that people care about you?
Because they obviously do. I’m not even reaching to draw that conclusion.
Lyle’s driven back and forth between Knoxville, like, ten times in the past two days.
And Sienna and Raquel, two of the biggest movie stars in the world, basically just keep doing whatever it takes to get you to work with them. ”
“Mm-hmm.” Nina still isn’t quite looking at me.
“Nina.” I take her by the chin, gently guiding her to look up at me. “Do you have a hard time acknowledging that people love you?”
Nina’s flinch lets me know I’ve hit the nail on the head. “I know some people care about me.” She hurries to defend them—as if it’s their ability to love her that’s in question here. “But love is a loaded word.”
“And yet sometimes an accurate one,” I remind her.
“Again, let me reference by way of evidence all of your friends hopping on a plane and coming here to support you, no questions asked.” Seeing that she still isn’t quite buying it, I tentatively broach the subject we’ve both been avoiding these past few days.
“Just because your uncle made it his mission to make you feel unloved doesn’t mean that he was right.
I mean, I know I’m biased, but I think you’re an extremely lovable person. Above average, even.”
I’m making light of it with my tone, but it isn’t light to me, not at all.
I just don’t want to scare Nina off by coming on too strong.
She has no idea the effect she has on people, the quiet light and calm she brings with her everywhere she goes.
Now that I’ve started, I can’t stop trying to convince her.
“I mean, how many people do you think just randomly get offered a job by two movie stars after meeting them for five minutes in a diner? How many people convince a jaded Hollywood producer like Lyle to hand over the keys to his car?” I reach out, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“How many nuns get an FBI agent posing as a convict to blow his cover because he can’t stop thinking about her? ”
Nina softens at that last example, though she still seems uncomfortable with the overall suggestion that so many people care about her. “At least three?” she guesses.
I shake my head at her. “Only one. Only you, Nina.” My heart picks up speed as I realize the natural conclusion to this discussion.
There’s one sure way to prove to her that she isn’t unlovable.
“And just in case it isn’t obvious, just so it isn’t subtext anymore, just so we’re totally on the same page, I want to make it totally clear that I’m in love with you.
I think I have been for a long time. I don’t think I ever stopped. And I know that I never will.”
It’s been implied so many times between us, especially in these last few days together. All of our plans for the future, as tentative as they might be, all hinge around each other. Wherever Nina goes, that’s where I’m planning on being.
But this is the first time I’m saying it, out loud, to her directly—without an audience and a camera crew present.
I need her to hear it. I need her to know she isn’t unlovable.
She’s the farthest thing possible from that.
I know firsthand, because I tried my best to stop loving her, and I couldn’t manage it, even with all the odds stacked against us.
Nina’s big, beautiful eyes glisten with emotion. “I love you, too,” she tells me. “Still. Always.”