Thirty-Six
The kids were going hard at their ice creams next to the van that had just dispensed them. Luna had an Oreo sundae in a plastic cup, while Freddie had gone with a more traditional cone and flake situation.
Norah watched Luna eating her ice cream. ‘Why didn’t I get one?’ she muttered to herself.
Luna shrugged. ‘Go and get some then. The van is right there.’
‘She makes a strong case,’ Norah said to Poppy. ‘You in?’
Poppy smiled and turned to the kids. ‘You two head into the park,’ she said, gesturing at the nearby gates. ‘We’re getting back in the queue.’
The kids didn’t need telling twice, and they legged it with their treats into the play park. Poppy and Norah joined the back of the queue.
‘What are you getting?’ Poppy asked.
‘Something absurd,’ Norah said with delight.
‘Yeah?’
‘I’m feeling daring,’ Norah added. But how daring did she feel exactly? Enough to treat herself to looking good for a change. But what was she hoping to achieve with that, besides boosting her own self esteem?
They moved forward a place in the queue. ‘Oh, guess what?’ Norah said.
‘What?’ Poppy asked with an interested smile.
‘I got fired,’ Norah said.
‘What?!’ Poppy squawked in shock.
‘Yeah. I made a mistake and that was that.’
‘They fired you for one mistake?’ Poppy said.
Norah laughed. ‘That’s exactly what my mum said.’
Poppy looked disturbed by that.
‘But it’s OK,’ Norah said.
‘Is it?’ Poppy asked.
‘It shouldn’t be, right? Everything’s gone wrong. I got fired from my job and my marriage in the same year.’ Norah laughed, but she couldn’t think why. Her life was in the toilet.
‘You do seem lighter,’ Poppy observed.
‘Yes, I am. I feel like I’ve shed some stuff that was holding me down.’
‘The marriage or the job?’ Poppy asked.
‘Both. Among other things,’ Norah said. She realised she was setting up a segue, so her mouth wanted to do this, even if her brain wasn’t so sure. ‘I was arguing with my mum, and she told me something,’ she began tentatively.
Poppy immediately tensed. ‘What?’
Norah inhaled deeply through her nose. ‘She told me why you ended things with us back in the day,’ she said quickly.
Poppy was wide-eyed with horror.
‘Because she told you to,’ Norah continued. ‘Right? That’s what happened?’
Poppy’s mouth opened and shut a few times before it could achieve any speech. ‘God, how did that come up?’
‘We were fighting. She lost her marbles and confessed, James Bond Villain style,’ Norah said with a half-smile. ‘You could have told me what she said to you. At the time. Or now.’ She was doing her best to keep her tone light as air. She wanted this to seem like a very casual conversation. Precisely because it wasn’t.
‘I couldn’t,’ Poppy said shortly.
‘Why?’ Norah asked.
At that moment, they got to the front of the ice cream queue. ‘What do ya want, love?’ the guy in the van asked.
‘Why?’ Norah said, ignoring the man. She needed to know.
Poppy looked between her two interrogators. ‘It’s too much. I can’t find the words.’
‘OK,’ he said evenly. He turned to Norah. ‘What about you?’
Norah shook herself, quickly scanning the board. ‘Er, I’ll have a Nutella sundae.’
‘I’ll have that too,’ Poppy said quickly.
The man began putting together the first sundae, and Poppy looked at Norah. ‘I think we should leave this topic.’
Norah was handed her sundae. ‘Do you?’
‘Well, it seems like you already know what happened,’ Poppy said. ‘I don’t have anything to add.’
Norah spooned ice cream into her mouth, trying to drown her disappointment in refined sugar.
‘Here’s yours,’ the man said, handing over the next sundae to Poppy.
Norah decided that if Poppy didn’t want to talk about it, she should respect that. And then promptly changed her mind. ‘Yeah, but I’d like to hear it from your angle.’
‘What for?’ Poppy asked, looking like the most miserable person to ever hold a sundae.
‘Have I upset you by bringing this up?’ Norah asked. ‘Because you don’t seem...’
‘I’m not upset,’ Poppy said.
Norah could see that was bollocks.
‘Sorry to interrupt, but is someone going to pay for these?’ the ice cream man asked.
‘Oh, yeah.’ Poppy tapped her phone on the card reader.
‘I owe you for mine,’ Norah said.
‘My treat. You just got sacked,’ Poppy pointed out.
‘Not that I don’t appreciate the snapshot of your lives, but can you move?’ the ice cream man asked. ‘I’ve got other customers.’
‘Jesus, we’re going,’ Poppy said.
They shuffled off to the side and were quickly replaced by more ice cream lovers.
Norah and Poppy walked over to the park and went through the gate, finding a free bench to sit and watch the kids going up and down on a seesaw with a bit too much vigour. They’d already finished their ice creams, and both of them were wearing a not-small percentage of them on their respective faces.
‘Look, I’m sorry for bringing this up. If you don’t think it matters, then I guess it doesn’t,’ Norah said, working her way down her ice cream at what she hoped was an adult pace.
‘I didn’t say it doesn’t matter,’ Poppy began. ‘I just think... It’s in the past. And you’ve got more important things to think about.’
‘What does that mean?’ Norah asked, confused.
‘Ask your mum,’ Poppy said, stuffing ice cream into her mouth.
‘About?’
‘Max.’
‘Why would I ask her about him?’ Norah replied, mildly disgusted to have to think about Max right now.
‘Because she thinks you’re getting back with him,’ Poppy told her through some more ice cream.
‘What?’ Norah nearly yelled.
‘Yes. She came to see me and told me to back off. She loves a good warning, your mum.’
‘She came to see you? When?’ Poppy said.
‘The other night.’
‘And she said what, exactly?’
‘To leave you alone because I would be depriving a family of the chance to get back together,’ Poppy said quickly, shovelling the last bit of ice cream into her mouth.
‘That’s not happening,’ Norah assured her.
‘Are you sure?’ Poppy said.
‘Yes,’ Norah said quickly.
‘But...’
‘But what?’ Norah asked, feeling frustrated about the circles they were going in.
‘That’s not what you said the other night,’ Poppy said, sadness in her eyes that Norah couldn’t miss.
‘You mean...’
‘Yes. Then. It was pretty clear you weren’t over him.’
That pissed Norah right off. ‘I am. You know I am. Better than anyone.’
‘But you said you were...’ Poppy began and then stopped.
‘What?’ Norah demanded.
‘Stupid. And making mistakes. And sad about your divorce,’ Poppy said plainly.
Norah didn’t know what to say. Because she had said that stuff, but it wasn’t the whole truth. But she didn’t know how to walk this back from that. If she said she didn’t mean it, she was a liar. If she said she’d changed her mind, she was a flake.
‘FREDDIE! SLOW DOWN!’ Luna suddenly screamed.
‘I CAN’T!’ Freddie yelled back.
‘Bloody sugar. It’s like we gave them cocaine,’ Norah muttered, just looking for something normal to say.
‘Have you ever had cocaine?’ Poppy asked, amused.
‘No, but I had a coffee once with eight shots in it,’ Norah told her philosophically. ‘I got a lot done that day. None of it done very well, but it was done.’
Poppy laughed softly, and then she went quiet. Eventually, she sighed deeply and said, ‘I think your mum is right. I should stay away for a bit.’
Norah’s heart sank. ‘Poppy...’
‘You need time to know what you want. I think Luna and I should probably head out.’
Norah nodded, hiding her disappointment. She’d hoped for... What had she hoped for?
That wasn’t so hard to pinpoint. What she’d hoped for was that an obstruction could be removed. Norah couldn’t pretend what had happened between them at eighteen didn’t matter anymore, and time had made it irrelevant. It mattered. It just did. If they could clear the clog, Norah thought that she could let herself feel exactly what she felt and do with those feelings what she wanted to do with them.
But Poppy didn’t want to unclog. So Norah’s satisfaction was, as ever, thwarted.
‘If you gotta go, you gotta go,’ Norah said.
Poppy nodded. ‘Luna!’ she called to her daughter as she stood and tossed her empty ice cream container in a nearby rubbish bin.
Luna looked over and sensed her fun about to be put to a halt. ‘Not yet!’
‘Now, please,’ Poppy said firmly.
‘Five more minutes?’ the kid begged.
‘Luna,’ Poppy warned.
Luna looked at her mother’s face and got the message. ‘OK, OK!’ Luna said. She waited until her end of the seesaw hit the ground and jumped off.
Freddie promptly smacked down on his side with an ‘Ugh!’
And off they went.
‘Mummy, can you take over?’ Freddie asked.
Norah poured the remaining melt of her ice cream into her mouth and chucked the container. She headed over to the seesaw. She could see Poppy and Luna walking in the distance.
I’m in love with her, Norah realised. But, of course, it was too late. It was always too late.