Chapter 9 Lila
LILA
“Alright, here we go,” I murmur to the twins, as I steer the double stroller up the ramp and toward the door of the hospital.
A man opens it for me, grinning as he watches me pass through. “They remind me of my twins!” he tells me, nodding down to Matty and Ross, who are currently strapped into their stroller in matching outfits. At a glance, it’s hard to tell them apart, but when they look this cute it’s hard to care.
“Hope yours are a little easier than mine,” he adds, and I offer him an exhausted laugh. I appreciate the good vibes, but God, it’s hard to keep myself upright in this moment.
I wheel the twins into the maternity ward, where I have an appointment with a nurse for their six-week checkup. It’s hard to believe that much time has passed already—it both feels like way longer and way shorter. Mostly way longer, at least with how chafed my nipples are feeling right now.
I flop down in the seat and check on the twins, who seem to be enjoying the change of location.
Getting the stroller up and down the stairs in my apartment building has been all sorts of a pain in the ass, but the fresh air always makes us feel better.
Helps me wash away some of the cobwebs that these endless, exhausted nights have left me with, even though I know I’m far from out of the woods yet.
It doesn’t help that I’ve been having nightmares about Thom again, trapped in memories of him slamming his fist into the wall beside my head as he screamed at me. I guess my subconscious is trying to keep my wits about me for the sake of the twins, but I could use a break.
Under the bright lights of the hospital, I can’t help but smile as I look down at my babies.
They have both grown so much, Matty a little more so—she’s going to be a big girl, strong, I just know it.
Ross seems more interested in the handful of children’s books I got for them before they were born, pawing at them while I read aloud to them before bed.
He’s going to be a total intellectual one day.
And yes, I’m already aware that every mom thinks this way about their kids, but I’m not going to deny myself the joys of thinking of their future just because it happens to be a cliché.
“Lila?”
I lift my head to see the receptionist waving me over with a big smile.
“The doctor is ready to see you now.”
“Thanks,” I reply, though I’m a little confused.
Doctor? I thought I was meeting with a nurse. I guess in all the chaos of raising these two little creatures, I might have gotten that wrong. I push the stroller over to the door she gestures to, knock, and walk inside…
And find none other than Martin Masters sitting on the other side of the door.
I nearly turn around and walk right on out again.
Not because I’m so angry to see him, just at the sheer shock of being confronted with his presence with no warning.
I stand there for a moment, blinking, feeling stupid as I grip the handle of the stroller and stare at him like he might be a mirage who’ll vanish in a matter of seconds.
“Hi,” he greets me, rising to his feet and steering the stroller further into the office. He pushes the door shut behind me and stoops down in front of the twins, grinning at them both.
“Well, I’ll need to do a full checkup, but it looks like they’re both doing well—”
“What the hell are you doing here?”
The words fall out of my mouth before I can stop them. Not exactly the well-considered tone I had hoped for, but shit, I can’t really be blamed for that. He glances up at me, and then straightens up once more, not breaking my gaze for a second.
“I saw that you were coming in for a checkup appointment,” he explains. “And I…I knew I had to talk to you. So I took it over from Anna.”
“You…you took it over so you could see me?” I repeat the words, feeling dumb.
He nods. “Let me get the checkup done first,” he suggests. “Make sure they’re hitting all their milestones…”
I nod, slumping down into a seat next to the door as he goes through all the tests of weight and measurement and reflex that he’s meant to.
I wish I could feel the pride I know I should when I see that they keep up with all of them with ease, but all I can think about is the fact that he is here.
That he is with them. Holding them, talking to them, tending to them, like a good father should.
For a man who seemed to want to have nothing to do with them, he’s sure acting pretty involved now.
It’s so surreal, seeing him interacting with them.
Even at their little age, I can see flashes of him in them.
In their eyes, the shape of their noses.
Watching them together makes me feel ridiculous for believing for an instant that I would be able to keep him out of their lives.
He is part of them; he makes up half of them.
There’s no way to deny that, no matter how much I might have wanted to.
“They seem to be doing really well,” he remarks as he scribbles down a couple of notes and taps something into his computer. “You’re doing a wonderful job so far, Lila.”
“Thanks,” I mumble distantly, hardly able to take it in. Talk about whiplash. Going from this guy walking out of my hospital room like he never wanted to lay eyes on me again, to the same man telling me that I’m doing a great job with our children—I don’t know where the hell I stand.
He gently puts them back into their stroller; the way he lifts them, it’s clear that he’s well-versed in dealing with children. Is it just part of his job, or does he have other kids of his own? I wish I could ask, but I don’t dare. I don’t know if I even want to find out.
What if there’s a wife in the picture? What if he was cheating when he slept with me? I know I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I don’t want to be a home-wrecker, not on top of everything else…
“Martin,” I blurt out at last. “I… Why did you take over this appointment?”
He clips the twins back into the stroller before he turns his attention to me. For a moment, I think he didn’t hear what I had to say. But then he lifts his gaze, and there’s a serious expression on his face that catches me off guard.
“Because we need to talk, Lila.”
“Here?”
He shakes his head. “Not here,” he replies at once. “If any of my colleagues were to find out about this…” He winces, the mere thought alone enough to throw him off.
“I’m not risking it,” he explains. “But I’d like to take you out for dinner. Somewhere neutral, where we can talk about what we’re going to do about…this.”
He gestures between us, at the twins in the stroller. Matty looks as though she’s ready to doze off, while Ross is still peering around the room, taking the place in with great interest.
“In public?” I ask.
He frowns. “What do you…?”
“I mean, if you don’t want your colleagues to find out…”
“They don’t follow me in my spare time,” he replies, cocking an eyebrow. “At least, not that I’m aware of.”
I draw in a quick breath. I want to ask more questions, but I don’t know how much he’s willing to hear from me, at least not so early on.
“And what about…anyone else?”
“What do you mean?”
“Is there anyone else who you wouldn’t want to know about this?” I ask awkwardly.
I don’t know why I can’t just come out and say it, but it feels like the words are hitched at the back of my throat.
As much as I just want to get them out and be done with it, I can’t help but feel that I’ll scare him off.
Now that he’s actually willing to be alone in a room with me again, I can’t risk letting this slip through my fingers.
If not for myself, then for the twins, for the sake of their future.
“Oh, you mean, am I married?” he clarifies bluntly.
I nod, holding my breath for a moment, but he shakes his head.
“No, I’m not married,” he promises me. “I was a long time ago, but not anymore. And my ex, she doesn’t keep tabs on me.”
I let out the breath, a rush of relief coursing through me. Okay, that’s something. So, I haven’t just dropped a nuclear bomb into the middle of an existing relationship. That has to count for something.
He sighs as he looks at me, as though it’s just striking him how little the two of us know about each other.
And that’s how it should have stayed, really, if everything had gone as it was meant to.
It would have been one crazy-hot night together, and then nothing.
We would have been well and truly done. He would never have heard from me again, and he would have lived on in my memory as nothing more than the best sex of my—
“So, will you meet with me? Somewhere for dinner?”
I blink, drawing my mind back from the brink of going down an entirely inappropriate route. Damn, these post-pregnancy hormones can really do a number on you, that’s for sure…
“Uh, yeah,” I reply at last. “I suppose it would be a good idea. For the twins, I mean, if we can figure out how we’re going to deal with this.”
“My thoughts exactly,” he agrees. “There’s an Italian place not too far from where I live, Molton’s—do you know it?”
I shake my head. I haven’t exactly gotten to know the nightlife in this city. Thom always made it so I could never go out without him hanging over my shoulder, and after I left him, it isn’t as though I’ve had the money to throw around to party my butt off.
“Right,” he murmurs, and he reaches for his pad, scribbling down an address and handing it to me.
I glance down at it; the place is on the other side of town, the expensive side. I’d have to get a cab just to be able to make it there in under an hour, not to mention childcare for the twins. I doubt a place that fancy would want a pair of newborns in their restaurant, after all.
“I’ll cover any expenses,” he tells me, as though reading my mind. “Taxi there and back, any childcare you need…”