4. Brandon
CHAPTER 4
One-night stands are always the same for me. Wake up, throw on my clothes, and say goodbye. But what I shared with Anya last night was more than a one-night stand. What I felt—feel—is something different.
Our bond is something I haven't experienced in a long time. The way we effortlessly exchange words and her boldness in speaking her thoughts is captivating to me. There's an undeniable connection between us that I can't ignore.
As much as that little stubborn voice at the back of my mind keeps whispering for me to end it right here, I want to get to know her better. Not just because she’s imperfectly beautiful and sex with her is mind-blowing, but because I really enjoy being around her.
I push strands of auburn hair away from her face and watch her sleep. She looks so at peace. She doesn’t show it, but I know she’s hurt from her breakup.
I want to find the bastard who hurt her and make him beg for her forgiveness on his knees. I want to make her feel alright. I’d take away whatever pain she’s carrying and make it mine. I can bear it, but she’s too sweet for it.
She stirs in her sleep, turning the other way, and a smile plays on my lips. Maybe I should make her breakfast while she sleeps.
Gently climbing out of bed, I stride to the living room, where I left my clothes last night, and wear my briefs. I’m pulling up my suit pants when my phone buzzes with an incoming message. I read the first line as it pops up on my screen.
URGENT: NATIONAL EMERGENCY DEPLOYMENT ORDER
My throat constricts as I read the rest of the message and I’m reminded of the reason I’ve stayed away from relationships for so long. It’s because of times like this, when I have to leave before I even get a chance to get close. When I can’t be there for the people I love.
I sink down on the couch, my head is heavy. On one hand, A pang of guilt hit me for not making more of an effort to get to know her. But on the other hand, I can't give her any false hope because I may not make it back alive. My heart aches at the thought of hurting her, yet my mind knows that this is the reality of my dangerous mission. I take a deep breath and try to push away the turmoil within me, but it persists like an unrelenting storm.
I’ve been a Navy SEAL for eight years, and I’ve watched my brothers die in battle. I can’t make her wait, not when there’s a possibility I may never come back.
My phone rings, and it’s Nathan calling. I know what he’s calling for so I don’t bother picking up. I just throw my clothes on and briskly walk to the bedroom. Anya is still sound asleep. She has her hair covering half her face, and her plump lips are pouted. I want to walk over and kiss her awake, then have one last good moment with her, but I don’t have the time to do all of that. I wouldn’t do it even if I had the time.
Heck, I wouldn’t have even started all of this if I knew I’d have to leave so early. I returned from my last deployment a month ago after being away for seven. I’d thought it would at least take a couple of months before the next one. I was wrong. Now I can’t even tell her about my daughter or let them meet. I’m sure Alessa would like her.
I take one last, long look at her face, memorizing every beautiful feature before I swirl to the door and walk out of the apartment. When she wakes up, she may not be overly concerned that I am gone. She might wait for my return in a day or two. But eventually, she'll see me for the cowardly asshole that I am and move on with her life. In that moment, all I can wish for is her happiness, even if it's not with me. The weight of my decision bears down upon me as I step out into the cold air, leaving behind the warmth of Anya’ body.
I climb into my truck and hit the road, jamming to James Blunt’s No tears. Luckily, it’s still very early and there’s no traffic. I wish I had enough time to return to Meadowvale and say one last goodbye to Alessa, but it would take approximately four hours to get there and back to the city, so the best I can do is a video call.
I pull over when I arrive at the operation base and dial my father. It rings once before his face pops up on my screen.
“Hey, man.” He is smiling at me. His eyes are red so I can tell he hasn’t been up for long. “You good?”
“I’m good, Dad. How’s Mom and Alessa?” I ask.
He shakes his head slowly. “Your little girl cried last night. She misses you. When are you coming home?”
My silence is enough of an answer for him.
“You’re going on another mission, aren’t you?” My father tries not to sound or act emotional whenever I’m being deployed. I’m team six Navy SEAL and he knows that, one day, all he may get is my tag. No body. No goodbye.
I hesitate, then I huff out a breath. I’m not cut out for emotional talks like this. “Can you put Alessa on the phone?”
My dad nods. He knows there’s no way I’m leaving without saying goodbye to my little girl. He holds the phone up as entering Alessa’s room. It’s all pink, and there are several Bratz doll posters on the walls.
“Ales, darling, come talk to your daddy,” my father says, gently tapping Alessia.
Her blue eyes blink open. She stares at her grandpa, confused.
“Come talk to your daddy,” my dad repeats, helping her sit up.
Alessa rubs her eyes with the back of her hand. She glances at the screen and her face instantly lights up as she sees me. “Daddy!”
A warm smile spreads across my face as I look at her, a tiny and adorable bundle of joy. "Hey there, little one." I say, using the endearing nickname that my dad always calls her. "I heard you had a rough night. Are you feeling better now?" My heart swells with love, and I can't help but feel grateful to be on the call and talk with her in this moment.
She pouts. The sad puppy look in her eyes makes me want to give everything up and go running to her. “You didn’t come home. You promised you’d come home.”
“I didn’t say I was going to come home last night, baby.” Sadness ripples through me because I know how sad she’ll be when I tell her I won’t be coming home today either. Not even tomorrow or the day after.
“Will you come home today?” she asks.
I want to give her some sort of hope. Instead, I say, “Daddy will be away for a while, baby. He’s got work to do.”
She takes the phone from her grandpa and rests her back on the headboard. “Are you going to save the world again, Daddy?”
Shit.
I blink away the tears welling in my eyes and bob my head. “Yes, Daddy’s going to save the world. I’m sorry I can’t come home today.”
Tears brim in her eyes, but my brave little girl doesn’t cry. She sticks up her pinky finger. “Promise you’ll be back soon.”
I stick up mine. “I promise.”
I have to come back. I can’t die out there when I have her waiting for me.
She puts on a loving smile. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too, baby. Now give Grandpa the phone.”
She returns the phone to my dad.
“Hey, son.” He steps out of her room so she doesn’t hear our conversation. “Be safe out there. We’ll be waiting for you.”
I know they will. “But just in case, look after Alessa for me.”
“We got her, son. We got her.”
The fear in my old man’s eyes completely shatters me. It’s a struggle to keep it together. I don’t call my mom before my missions. She’s too emotional and always bursts into sobs. My brother, on the other hand, always tries to stop me from leaving. “Tell Mom I love her, and tell Spencer not to touch my cruiser. I’ll kill him if he does.”
“I’ll tell your Mom. Spencer doesn’t listen so I doubt telling him will do much.”
We both chuckle.
I whip my head to the window when someone knocks on it. Nathan signals for me to get out of the car.
“I gotta go, Dad.” I hang up, take out my car keys, and climb out of the car. “Hey, man.”
Nathan’s already in his full Navy working uniform. He takes a step back, planting his hands on his hips as I open the door and slide out of the car.
“What’s up?”
He tsks, his cheeks bright red. I immediately recognize the mischievous look in his eyes. “Man, I was having a morning round when the text came in. I’m fucking pissed.”
Right. Nathan is that guy that would go home with a new girl every night. I’m that guy too. Was, until I met Anya. I worried that no girl would ever make me feel the way she did.
“Good for you.” I lock the car door and we both start strolling toward the tall, highly guarded, camouflaged building looming ahead of us.
“You didn’t answer my calls last night,” he says, whirling around and walking backward. “I wanted to give you a heads-up about the mission.”
“I didn’t answer your call because I was at an opera concert,” I tell him, rubbing my jaw. “I had a good night after that and didn’t want to bother myself with a dick like you.”
A lopsided grin quirks his lips. “You, at an opera concert with a girl? You hate stuff like that.”
I snort. I actually do hate stuff like that. It’s always too romantic and gives off the wrong signals. Once, I followed a girl to a cinema, and she thought we were officially a couple. It was a nightmare to get rid of her. It’s been a year and she still drunk-texts me. I do a pretty good job at hitting the trash button every time.
“Not when it’s with Anya,” I answer honestly, the memory of her warm smile and sparkling eyes still fresh in my mind.
Nathan raises an eyebrow, a knowing look crossing his features. “Ain’t that the girl from the bar the other night? The one who stumbled around drunk?”
I nod, recalling how her laughter had filled the air and how effortlessly she had charmed everyone around her.
“You two hit it off already?”
I normally have a good time discussing my sex life with my friends, but I’m not discussing Anya with him. I know he’s going to pester me about it forever. Nathan is two years younger than I am, but I swear he’s like a teenage boy with raging hormones sometimes. I guess twenty-six is still pretty young though. I was literally wild at that age. “I’m not talking about it, dude.”
He holds a hand to his chest. “You’re hurting my feelings.”
I grimace at him. “You want me to put a bullet through your chest? I’m certain I’ll be hurting you then.”
I turn in my phone and wristwatch to the men at the door and we saunter into the building.
“Does she know you’re leaving?” Nathan asks.
“She doesn’t.” I pause and swallow hard. “What use is it? She’ll suffer if she waits and I don’t come back. I don’t want that for her.”
Nathan’s smile drops. He looks sober suddenly, which is really rare. “We’re not dying on this mission, Brandon. And you’re a fucking idiot for leaving without a word.”
We’re not dying, I repeat to myself. But deep down, I know the truth - being pulled away from life for yet another deployment is taking its toll on me. The thought of leaving Alessa behind, of missing out on precious moments with her, fills me with unease. Is it because she needs me around more, or am I simply getting too old for this? Or perhaps my worries stem from the fear that I'll never find someone again who can compare to Anya.