15. Maya
15
MAYA
“See you tomorrow!” I called to Paula as I hooked my bag over my shoulder and headed for the door of the trailer. She vaguely waved her hand over her shoulder to see me off, but it had been such a busy day I knew I was lucky to get even that.
It was starting to get dark outside, and I had to get home and let off the babysitter who’d been taking care of Matty since he got home from school—though, honestly, I was planning on taking my time to walk home, to give myself a hot second to clear my head before I had to slip into Mom mode. I was still trying to find the balance between the version of myself at work and the version of myself at home, especially now that I was the center of some major gossip unfolding on set.
I had done everything I could to shut down the speculation about what might have happened between Lee and me. I should have known it wasn’t going to be that easy to brush people off and convince them it was all in their heads, but shit, I wasn’t used to people caring this much about it. It felt like I couldn’t turn around without someone pouncing on me to ask about those damned jeans and where I had come across them, and if it was true that I’d spent the night with Lee. My approach so far had been to deny, deny, deny, but I wasn’t sure how long I could keep that up before people started getting suspicious.
Worse, Lee and I hadn’t had a chance to talk about it properly. Both of us had been so busy that stealing a moment to discuss what happened had been impossible, and I wasn’t sure when we were going to find time in our schedules to make it happen. I wanted to see him again, of course I did, but at the same time, I knew the scrutiny on us was going to make it harder to sneak around together without being caught.
Still. I could deal with all of that tomorrow. What mattered now was taking in a little fresh air—as fresh as the city could offer, at least—and then spending tonight with Matty, relaxing, and?—
“Hey, Maya.”
A voice caught my attention—for a second, I thought it was one of the makeup artists, following me to let me know I had forgotten something back in the trailer. Instead, to my surprise, I found myself faced with Taylor. And judging by the arms crossed over his chest and the look in his eyes, he wasn’t entirely happy with me.
“Hey,” I greeted him, furrowing my brow in confusion. “Everything okay? What’s up?”
“We need to talk.”
“Well, here I am,” I replied, gesturing to myself and letting out a slightly nervous laugh. “What’s going on?”
“About Devon.”
My heart dropped.
“What about Devon?” I managed to squeak out. It could be nothing, it could be something to do with the film, it doesn’t have to be ? —
“Is it true that the two of you were together a few years ago?”
Shit. Okay, I had to find a way to handle this. No point denying it—it wasn’t a crime to have a fling with someone you worked with, right?
“Yeah, we were,” I replied casually. “What about it?”
“Is Matty his son?”
My heart dropped. I didn’t know how to respond. Some part of me wanted to shove him and tell him to leave me alone, that it was none of his business, that whatever had happened between Devon and me was in the past, that Devon had made his choice and moved on and that would be the end of it. But I could tell from the look on his face that he wasn’t going to let me out of it that easily, and I would be an idiot to try and play it off like it was nothing.
“I don’t think this is something we should be talking about,” I replied, trying to keep my voice as even as I could. “That’s between Devon and me, and?—”
“Devon told me that he tried to talk to you about it, and you shut him down,” he shot back, cutting me off, throwing me off guard. I swallowed hard.
“Well, he sprung it on me. I didn’t want to?—”
“It’s a yes or no question, Maya. Unless you don’t know who his father is.”
“I know who his dad is!” I exclaimed, and I suddenly remembered that we were just a few yards away from set. I didn’t want anyone to overhear this ridiculous argument and speculate even more on what drama I might be involved in. I grabbed Taylor’s arm and dragged him down a small alleyway that would give us some cover, at least for now.
“Then why the fuck won’t you tell him if it’s him?” he demanded. I shook my head.
“You don’t get it,” I snapped back. “I—you don’t understand. It’s complicated. Everything that happened between us, it’s?—”
“But he deserves to know if he has a son,” he replied, his voice cracking slightly. In that instant, I could tell that this wasn’t just about Devon, though Taylor might be trying to convince himself that it was. He might be trying to sell the idea that this was just about his friend, but I could tell there was more to it than that.
“What is this about?” I countered. “Really? You’re jealous that I’ve been with Devon and Lee and not you?”
I knew it wasn’t fair to throw that in his face. I knew it was crazy. But I just wanted to change the fucking subject. The way he was looking at me, it was as though he could hardly believe what he had discovered, and I hated the thought of Taylor—Taylor, the one guy who I hadn’t made things messy with—seeing me through that lens.
“You think that’s what this is about?” Taylor hissed back, moving toward me, backing me against the wall. My heart began to pick up the pace inside my chest, but it wasn’t fear—no, it was excitement. Excitement at being this close to him, even in the midst of this crazy situation. I was acting like a psycho, and I knew it, but the way my body responded to him…I couldn’t stop it.
“Well, I don’t see why else you would go out of your way to put yourself in the middle of someone else’s business like this,” I told him, narrowing my eyes as I looked up at him. “Because this has got nothing to do with you. And the only way it could have something to do with you is if you’re pissed that I’ve been with Lee and Devon and not you!”
The words hung there in the air between us. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, but I felt cornered, and I was lashing out in any way I could, trying to change the subject, trying to respond to the thrill of his closeness that was starting to get the better of me. I knew this was crazy, fucking crazy, and that I should just brush him off and tell him that I would deal with this when I saw fit.
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t even imagine it.
“I’m not some kid who just cares about getting laid,” he growled to me. “I could have anyone I want.”
“Oh, yeah?” I replied, sticking my head a few inches closer to him. “And who do you want, exactly? If you’re so sure you could have her?”
He was breathing hard now. He knew what I was pushing at. And I knew it was a dangerous game, coming on to him like this. People were already talking about Lee and me, and if Devon had started spilling his guts about what happened between us in the past, it was only a matter of time before people started gossiping about us too. Allowing something to happen between Taylor and me would be the stupidest thing I could do, and yet, being confronted by him like this, emotions boiling to the surface, there was only one thing I could think about.
And that’s when it happened.
He kissed me. The kind of kiss that spoke to the depth of what was going on inside his head at that moment, hands in my hair, tongue in my mouth, pinning me to the wall right there in the alleyway. My body exploded with sensation as I pressed my hands against his chest, running them over his strong arms, taking in the shape of him, the feel of his strength and muscles. He was so much bigger than me, and I knew he could do anything he wanted to me in that moment. Good thing, then, that there was nothing he could suggest that I didn’t want too.
He turned me around, his hands running over my ass and groping at me through my jeans—I was distinctly aware that almost anyone could have seen us if they walked by the alleyway at the wrong moment, but I didn’t care. It wasn’t like I didn’t have a reputation for myself as it was, and this—this was way too hot to think about bringing to a halt any time soon.
“Fuck,” he growled as he wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me back against him so I could feel the hardness of his cock through his jeans. My body ached for him in that instant, needing him inside of me, needing to feel the pressure of him entering me and taking me and making me his. I wanted to see what lay beneath the surface of that sweet gentleman that Taylor had always been to me.
He ripped my jeans down, his hands roaming over my lower back and my ass, and I glanced over my shoulder at him. His eyes were dark, catching what little light there was in the alleyway and reflecting it back to me. I had never seen him look the way he did right now, so passionate, so powerful, so full of want. Almost without thinking, I parted my legs a little wider, allowing him to see me through the flimsy fabric of my panties.
He pushed his hand between my thighs, rubbing his fingers roughly along the outside of my underwear. I gasped at the sensation, arching my back and rocking back against his hand. I didn’t know what I was doing, didn’t know how much of a mistake I was making, but in that moment, I couldn’t care less. I just needed this. Needed him. Needed a chance to forget about everything that had happened and everything that might happen, all the mistakes I had made that led to this point, the whole mess that I’d landed myself in.
I heard the zipper of his pants slip down as he took a step toward me, pressing himself against me through my panties. Are we really going to do this, right here, right now? Truth be told, I should have stopped it, but I couldn’t even imagine denying myself this. Not now, not when we were already so caught up in the passion. After so long denying myself any kind of attention from men, here I was in the focus of three of them at once. I couldn’t help but give in to it, no matter how much of a mistake I knew it might be.
He pulled my panties to the side, and I felt the nudge of his cock at the entrance to my pussy. Gasping, I found myself arching my back before I could stop myself, letting him know how badly I needed this, how badly I needed him. And he was more than willing to give me everything I was asking for. Sliding his hand up and over my mouth to make sure I wouldn’t be heard, he pushed himself inside of me in one long, slow thrust that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and the pleasure shudder through my whole body at once.
I moaned against his palm as he stilled himself within me for a second, rocking his hips against me like he was enjoying the sensation of me wrapped around him like this. I couldn’t believe how thick he was, how full he made me feel. The angle, the position was making him feel even bigger inside of me, like I couldn’t have taken any more if I tried. All at once, he pulled back and then thrust back into me again, up to the hilt, the shock of sensation pulsating up through my body. With that, his hand still clamped over my mouth, he began to fuck me properly, right there in the alleyway just beside the set.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push aside everything in my head that was warning me this was a seriously bad idea. I didn’t care. I couldn’t. I just wanted the pleasure right now, my body greedy for it, for as much of it as I could get. My heart was pounding in my chest as he moved into me, his body wrapped around mine. His arm came to my waist, pulling me back against him so there was nothing between us any longer, not an inch of space between us.
I could already feel myself getting close, and when his hand dropped to my pussy, fingers moving deftly against my clit, I knew I didn’t stand a goddamn chance. My legs were trembling now, threatening to go out from underneath me at any moment, and it was all I could do not to push his hand away and cry out—let the whole set know what was going on here, let them all hear how much I needed him, how much I needed this…
All at once, my body contracted as the intensity of the orgasm tore through my body. I could feel myself squeezing around his length, my body responding to the fullness of him at last, a thousand curses rising to my lips and falling away as he kept his hand gripped tightly over my mouth. He pushed himself into me one last time, holding himself there, letting the sensation of my orgasm massage him from the inside out and send him over the edge and into his release.
His cock throbbed inside of me as he filled me with his seed—fuck, I knew how risky this was, but I didn’t care. How long had it been since I allowed myself to be reckless? I just wanted to forget everything but the feel of him inside me, the fullness of his cock as he held himself there within me.
But as the pleasure began to dissipate, and I began to come back down to earth—my legs still trembling, my heart still pounding, my body still pulsing from top to toe—I realized what I had just done.
How much more complicated I had just made things.
As though sensing the shift in my emotional state, Taylor moved back from me, his hand on my hip to steady me as I quickly readjusted my panties and pulled up my jeans. What the fuck did I just do? He came here to try and confront me about who Matty’s father was, and I hooked up with him. In public. No condom. What was wrong with me? I needed to get a handle on myself, and I needed to do it quickly, because there was no way in hell I could let something like this happen again.
“Are you okay?” he murmured, his voice cutting through the rush in my head. And even though I knew it wasn’t fair, something in me finally rose up and broke. All the attempts I had made to push it down were more than I could repress any longer.
“What the fuck was that?” I demanded, spinning around to face him. He stared at me, clearly confused—fuck, who could blame him? One second, I’d been reaching orgasm with him inside of me, and the next, I was rounding on him like a dog let off the leash.
“What was it?” he fired back at me, instantly on the defensive. “You were?—”
“I can’t deal with any of you,” I snapped as I tugged down my shirt, trying to smooth my clothes even as my hands trembled helplessly. “I—all of you, you’re just…too fucking much!”
The words broke free of me, louder than I had intended.
He glanced around. “Maya, someone will hear?—”
“I don’t give a fuck,” I sighed. “I’m sick of doing everything that I’m supposed to do. Sick of—sick of just bouncing between the three of you!”
He stared down at me. I knew I was being unreasonable, but I needed to convince myself to get out of here. I needed to cause a big enough scene that I couldn’t possibly go back on it, no matter how tempted I might be in the future.
“I’m done,” I told him, turning to walk out of the alleyway. “With all of you. With Devon, with Lee, with you. I don’t know what kind of shit you actors are into, but I don’t want to be a part of it anymore, you hear me?”
Before he could reply, I strode off down the alleyway, back out into the light. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I knew I needed to put as much distance between myself and these guys as I could. I couldn’t keep making these mistakes, risking my career and Matty’s privacy over some crazy attraction I might be dealing with. I was a grown woman, and I knew better than to let my base desires get the better of me.
At least, that was what I told myself as I swiped the tears away from my face and turned on my heel to head home.