Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Lars Nyquist
Time to welcome our newest Rebel, Alexei Nazarov.
Isner
Welcome to the Rebels fam, brother.
Hatch Kershaw
Good to have you, Nazarov. You can fill us in on interesting stories about Uncle J in college.
Alexei
Thank you. And yes, I can provide there. For a start, he was never very lucky with women.
Hatch Kershaw
Interesting. The way he talks, you’d swear he had a steady flow.
Alexei
He was much too nice. A doormat.
Isner
Better than being a total man whore. *cough* *Naz* *cough*
Noah Boden
Now we’re talking!
Alexei
Of course, it is good he was unsuccessful. He was waiting for the Snail Lady to tease him out of his shell.
Theo Kershaw
Nice, Naz! And I thought Russians had no sense of humor.
Hatch Kershaw
Dad, what are you doing here? You’re retired!
Theo Kershaw
I’m emeritus, kid. You’re never getting rid of me. Plus, this group needs a cheerleader. NyQuil is too fucking Finnish.
Lars Nyquist
I’m not here to hold anyone’s hand if that’s what you mean, T.
Isner
Gotta let the kids flap their wings, bro.
Noah Boden
I don’t mind if old cap is listening in. I’m always up for his crazy theories.
Hatch Kershaw
Like how cereal is soup. Or Starbucks baristas misspell names to create viral content that feeds the corporate machine.
Theo Kershaw
It’s true. The people who make your coffee can’t be that stupid or hard of hearing.
Lars Nyquist
Don’t get him started on people saying “on accident” vs. “by accident.”
Theo Kershaw
The “on-ers” are messing with me. It doesn’t even make sense!
Isner
Not as kooky as when NoBo claimed orchestra musicians follow conductors “out of pity.”
Noah Boden
They do! Are you telling me no one knows how to play their instruments without a guy waving a stick at them?
Alexei
Not sure I agree, but someone did spell my name “Russian pirate” on my Starbucks cup last week.
Noah Boden
Ah-lex-aye. I see what happened there. Hey, is O’Malley still on this chat?
Hatch Kershaw
He’s retired, too! The oldsters have got to let it go. Grow some vegetables or something.
Dex O’Malley
Who you calling old, Hatchling? And my tomato crop was fucking awesome this year, btw.
Hatch Kershaw
Jesus Christ. Set some aside for me, dude.
Lars Nyquist
Anyway, welcome, Nazarov. Bet you’re glad you’re here