Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Every word comes from my heart, but I won’t do this to her. She might want it now, but she doesn’t even know me.
If she did, she wouldn’t so willingly give me something so precious.
“But not now.” I kiss her, tasting her hurt, knowing very well it might be the last time she lets me.
I close my eyes and rest my forehead against hers.
My body is strong, but my foundation is shaky.
The devastation in her eyes is worse than a thousand cuts.
“I see.” Her tone is solemn, covering the pain I see when I look at her again.
Gazes locked, we breathe heavily into the quiet space between us. Letting my thumbs glide over her temples, I swallow against the ache growing in my throat.
It would be so easy to shove down my zipper and take her.
“What’s wrong with me?” Her throaty whisper turns the ache into a full assault.
“Not a single thing. This is my shit, not yours, and you’re the prettiest, bravest woman I’ve ever touched. It was so fucking delicious eating you, I’m already dying for another taste. But not now.”
Bracing on my elbows, I rock my gaze between her eyes, down her pretty nose, across her trembling lips. She’s warm, soft, and ready for me, and I’m saying no.
Who the fuck am I?
Silently, Allison’s eyes linger on me, and I wonder for the umpteenth time what she’s seeing.
When she pinches her lip in her teeth, I brush a kiss over her temple. “You understand me?”
“Yeah. I do. I’m sorry, I just…”
The softness of her reply twists the carnage inside of me, shining light on places that have been in the dark for a long fucking time.
“I don’t want to fuck this up. You might not understand this right now, but you’re just the most important woman I’ve ever had in my arms.”
It’s impossible to miss her reaction. The startled flinch that hits her entire body.
I drop my head next to hers, pressing my forehead into the bedding. Letting out an agonized growl. “My scars run deep, Allison. You make me feel something I didn’t think I could feel again. You’ve jump-started something I don’t have the tools to deal with right now.”
She’s so quiet that I hear the pulse in my ears. It’s still raging.
I’m rock-hard. I’m burning alive from the inside, and I’m not going to take from her.
She’s already had too many people do that to her.
When I flop over on my back, she lies perfectly still next to me.
A heavy silence settles between us, but when I find her hand, she lets me lace our fingers together.
“Get some rest.”
“If you want to talk, I’ll listen. I’m not upset. Thank you for telling me.”
“You deserve so much more.”
She yawns quietly and tightens her grip on my hand. After a few moments, she murmurs, “I’m fading. I think I can sleep. You knocked me out.”
It takes a few seconds before I can respond and when I do, my voice is smoke and gravel. “Good. I’ll be here to protect you.”
Always.
If anyone needs a champion, it’s Allison.
She deserves someone in her court, a shield from the world, and fate has brought her to me.
Fucked up me.
Now, I have to deal with what happened. One way or another.
It only takes moments for her breathing to steady.
I prop my head on my other arm and watch the riverbank coasting by. Once I verify that we’re still in the current that keeps us offshore, I let my thoughts drift.
The familiar pain and guilt are there, but for once in my life, I feel at peace with waiting for something.
She’s worth doing this right.
A grin tugs at my mouth.
Fuck, if my SEAL buddies heard me talking about this—which I would never do—they’d beat the hell out of me.
Danger zone? Full-fucking-speed-ahead.
Sex with a girl that makes me feel something? Slam the brakes!
Rolling my head to the left, I swallow hard. She’s so pretty. So innocent.
Something about this is too fragile. And I’m not talking about her spirit. I’m talking about the threads that are holding me together.
If I shatter, people could get hurt. Including her. And shrapnel wounds are the fucking worst.
But there’s no more time to worry because the sound of sloshing water makes me sit up abruptly.
“Oh, Jesus, Ally! Get up! The boat’s sinking.”