Chapter 12
WEST
It feels like my skin is a size too small and I’m slowly being suffocated by it as I sit at my desk and stare unseeingly at the article in front of me.
I’ve spent the last hour trying to do some reading for my group project with Anthony, but all I’ve managed to do is spiral and work myself into a frenzy.
I don’t even remember making the decision to text my mystery texter, but even going off the rails and ranting at him like a crazy person didn’t help calm the turmoil in my head.
The fucked-up thing is that I’m not as broken up about ending things with McKenna as I should be.
I’m hurt that she cheated, I’m pissed her friends are talking shit about me, and I’m dreading having to deal with the fallout of breaking off an engagement and dealing with canceled wedding plans and upset family members, but I’m not that distraught over the actual breakup.
I knew going into things that I was way more emotionally invested in our relationship than McKenna was. We’d been friends for almost two years when we got together, but while I’d already had feelings for her for most of that time, she only thought of me as a friend.
And I was such a good friend that she’d use me as a sounding board and come to me for “guy advice” when she was having dating trouble.
I was fine with that, and I accepted that we’d only ever be friends.
Then she asked me to go to the Belmont Valentine’s Day ball with her because she didn’t want to bother with finding a date after breaking up with her last boyfriend.
Our friend date turned into a night together, and things immediately went into hyperdrive. We were exclusive within a week, and we said we loved each other after a month.
The fact that she’d just come out of another relationship two weeks before she asked me to go to the ball should have tipped me off that I was her rebound guy.
So was how she dove headfirst into things with me and wanted everything to happen at warp speed when that’s not her usual style.
But even with the signs being right there, I ignored them because I was so happy to finally be with someone who matched my energy and seemed to be as excited about being with me as I was about being with them.
But now that I’ve had time to sit with things, I know it’s good we broke up now before more arrangements and plans had been made. And as much as I hate that she cheated, I’m glad I found out when I did and not weeks or months down the road when it would be even harder to end things.
My phone vibrates on my desk, and I abandon my attempts at reading the article as I pick it up to check my texts.
Damon: wtf????
Damon: you and M broke up?
West: can I call you? I don’t want to type all of this out right now
Instead of answering, Damon must hit call because my phone rings seconds after I send my text.
“Hey,” I answer, my voice weirdly low and monotone.
“Hey,” he says. “What the hell happened?”
“What did you hear?” I ask, my heart already sinking.
“A few things…”
“Like what? I haven’t left my room since I got back from talking to her.”
“Are you sure you want to know?”
“I’ve already heard a few of the rumors,” I tell him. “My phone has been blowing up for hours, so if you don’t tell me, someone else will.”
“Fair point.” He sounds hesitant. “I heard she ended things because she realized you had different long-term plans and getting married would be a mistake. And I also heard that she ended it because things were…not great in the bedroom.”
I heave a heavy sigh. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
“So what actually happened?”
“Long story short? She cheated, I found out, we broke up.”
“She cheated?” he says, sounding completely gobsmacked. “When? With who?”
“Just before spring break. It was at the Baxter House party. And I don’t know his name, but that’s only because I don’t want to know.”
“When did you find out?”
“Just after we got back.”
“How?”
“Someone saw them and told me,” I say, hating how easily the lie slips out.
“Shit, man. I’m sorry.”
“Believe it or not, I’m mostly okay,” I tell him, not lying this time.
“Really?”
“Yeah.” I slump down in my chair. “I knew things weren’t great between us for a while, but I didn’t want to admit it.
And looking back, I see that we both kind of got swept up in the moment and let our families pressure us into rushing things.
We didn’t realize that it’s not what either of us wants until it was too late. ”
“I’m glad you’re doing okay,” he says. “But it’s still fucked up that she cheated.”
“It is.” I let out a heavy sigh. “Go ahead.”
“Go ahead, what?”
“I know you kept a lot of stuff about me and McKenna to yourself when we were dating. Go ahead and get it off your chest if you want.”
“I’m not going to do that,” he says, his tone sympathetic. “It doesn’t matter what I thought then. All that matters is that you’re okay now.”
“Thanks.” I can feel my shoulder muscles relaxing as some of the tension bleeds out of me.
I might be dense sometimes, but I’m not an idiot. I know Damon had a ton of reservations about my relationship, and some choice things he wanted to say about my adventures in wedding planning, but like a good friend, he kept them to himself.
And he could easily go through his list and make me feel even stupider and more gullible than I already do like pretty much everyone else in my life would, but he won’t, and that means the world to me.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks.
“Mostly. I’m not leaving my room for as long as humanly possible, and I’m not answering any texts or calls that aren’t from you for at least the next week. But I’ll be fine.”
“Xave wants to know if you want him and his cousins to set the record straight about the breakup,” he says distractedly, like his mind is only half on our phone call.
“He does?”
Why would Xave care that people are talking shit about me?
“Yup. And he promises to behave and tell people whatever you decide and not be a chaos gremlin for once.”
“I mean, I won’t be mad if he and his cousins want to tell people I don’t suck in bed, but I don’t know how they can do that without things getting weird.”
Damon laughs. “I’m sure they’ll find a way. They certainly love a challenge.”
“You realize that you’re dating the human version of a Belgian Malinois, right?” I say. “You know how people call me a golden retriever? Your man is a Belgian Malinois.”
“I’m going to tell him you said that,” he says, chuckling good naturedly.
“Do it,” I taunt playfully. “And just in case you talk to his cousins: Jace and Jax are Cane Corsos, and Killian is definitely a German Shepard.”
“Have you been watching animal fact videos instead of doing your homework again?” he asks, and I can practically hear him grinning.
“No comment.”
“Quick, tell me three facts about octopuses that you learned recently,” he says. “Get it out of your system so you can get back to work.”
“Easy, they have three hearts, nine brains, and blue blood.”
“What the actual fuck?” He bursts out laughing. “Are you shitting me?”
“It’s all true.”
“How can they have nine brains?” he asks incredulously.
“One in their noggin, and one in each of their arms.”
“Arms?”
“Yeah, fun fact number four, they don’t have tentacles, they have arms.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Arms have suction cups all over them and are used for moving and manipulating objects. Tentacles only have suckers on the ends and are used for catching prey.”
“And the blue blood thing?” he asks.
“Their blood has a copper-rich protein in it that makes it blue, kind of how the iron in our blood makes it look red.”
“I’m beginning to believe your ‘octopuses are aliens that evolved on Earth after their comet or whatever that brought water to the planet crashed into us’ theory.”
“No one can convince me they’re of this planet,” I tell him.
“And don’t get me started on sea gigantism and how little of the ocean we’ve actually studied.
I will die on the hill that megalodons still exist and they aren’t the only creature from the past we’ve just randomly decided is extinct or never existed. ”
Damon chuckles. “You don’t need to convince me.
I became a believer back in tenth grade when you took that marine biology course and made learning about the ocean and its secrets your entire personality for about six months.
What’s the fear of deep or open water called again? Because you definitely gave me that.”
“Thalassophobia,” I tell him. “And you’re welcome.”
There’s a muffled sound, like he momentarily covered the speaker on his phone to talk to someone in the room with him. There are a few more seconds of muffled voices and loud scraping sounds, like his hand is moving over the speaker, then it abruptly stops.
“Do you want me to come over and hang out?” he asks. “I can be back at the house in thirty minutes if you want some company.”
“Back at the house?” He’s not in his room?
“Yeah,” he says, lowering his voice. “Don’t tell anyone this, but the Rebels have a cabin in their area of the woods.”
“A cabin?” As far as I know, the Keepers don’t have a cabin in our part of the woods, but it’s also entirely possible that we do have one and I’m just too low in the frat hierarchy to know about it.
“Yeah. We meet here because there are no cameras or swipe logs, so it’s pretty much the only place we can have any privacy.”
For some dumb reason, my chest clenches and my heart sinks a bit. Of course Damon is with Xave right now. He’s not going to put his life on hold just because mine is imploding.
“It’s fine,” I tell him, trying to sound casual and nonchalant.
“Do you really think you should be alone right now?”
“I’m fine,” I say, even as I feel anything but fine. “I have a bunch of work I need to catch up on. Hopefully keeping my brain busy will stop me from obsessing over everything.”
“Are you sure?” he asks, his voice heavy with doubt.
“Yeah. I’m sure.”
“Are you going to class tomorrow?”