Chapter 22
WEST
“I’m not kicking you out.” He brushes a lock of my hair back from my forehead. “Now relax and enjoy the cuddles.”
There’s something about the softness of his tone that helps calm my nerves, and the noise in my head quiets as I lean against him and do my best to relax.
“You’re comfortable,” I say stupidly.
He huffs out a soft chuckle and gently runs his hand up and down my arm. “You sound surprised.”
“I’ve just never done this with a guy before,” I say, my brain still scrambled from the mind-melting sex we just had. “And I wasn’t sure I’d like being the little spoon, or the one being cuddled, in this case.”
“Do you like it?” he asks softly.
“Yeah.” I nuzzle my cheek against his firm pec. “I really like it.”
He presses a kiss against my temple and holds me tighter.
We lay in silence for a few minutes, but eventually, the last of the afterglow fades, and the noise in my head gets loud again.
“Are you bi?” I ask, my voice awkward in the quiet room.
“I don’t really consider myself anything,” he says.
His words trigger the memory of reading Mr. X’s text when I asked him the same question, and it’s like it finally really clicks that Anthony and Mr. X are the same person.
“It’s hard to explain,” he continues, stroking his hand over my arm. “But I don’t really feel attraction the same way as other people.”
“What do you mean?”
I’m not as fucked up over the big reveal as I probably should be, and I’m sure the bulk of the shock will hit later when I’m alone with my thoughts again, but for right now, I’m too spent and comfortable to freak out.
And if I think about it, the signs were there. Anthony might not have told me his name when we were texting, and he held back a lot of details that could easily identify him, but he gave me enough hints that I could have figured it out if I tried.
I just didn’t want to see the truth because I was scared that Mr. X wouldn’t want me anymore if the mystery and danger were gone. And I was convinced that there was no way Anthony could ever want me, even if he was into guys.
“The easiest way to explain it is that I need more than just chemistry or attraction to actually be attracted to someone,” he continues, still gently running his hand over my arm in lazy circles.
“Rath once said that I go off vibes instead of hormones, and that’s the most accurate way I can describe it. ”
“Vibes?” I ask hesitantly.
I don’t want to overstep or annoy him by asking too many questions, like I usually do when I’m interested in someone, but I’m ravenously curious about him, and I want to know whatever he’s willing to tell me.
“I don’t trust many people,” he says bluntly.
“And I make a policy to never trust anyone until they prove themselves. Casual sex does nothing for me, and I don’t enjoy sex if I don’t feel any sort of real connection with the other person.
I’d rather just take care of things myself over going through the whole song and dance to maybe get my rocks off with someone. ”
“But what we did in my room, when I didn’t know who you were,” I say as I look up at him. “That was casual sex. You didn’t enjoy it?”
He huffs out a soft laugh, but the affection shining in his eyes helps calm my defenses before I can freak out. He’s not laughing at me; he’s just laughing because this entire situation has to be hilarious from his point of view.
“I enjoyed it,” he says in his raspy sex voice. “Don’t you worry about that.”
My cheeks flush warm with what is most definitely a blush, and incredibly, my dick actually plumps up a bit as blood rushes south.
I have pretty good stamina, and a decently short refractory period thanks to being a twenty-year-old guy, but there’s no way in hell I’ll be ready to go again for a while after that orgasm, but that’s not stopping my dick from trying to come back to life.
“And it wasn’t casual,” he continues, all traces of his earlier laughter gone.
“Huh?” I say, with all the eloquence of a caveman.
“It wasn’t casual,” he repeats. “I showed you more of myself while I was wearing a mask than I’ve ever shown anyone in my entire life.
I dropped defenses for you that I’ve never even considered dropping before.
It might have been anonymous, and it was definitely kinky, but make no mistake, West. It wasn’t casual. Not for me, and not for you, either.”
His look is intense, but it’s the matter-of-fact way he says it that helps ease some of my lingering fear and doubt.
“No, it wasn’t,” I agree.
He gently brushes his fingertips over my cheek, then leans down. I meet him halfway, and nearly melt when his lips brush mine in a soft kiss.
“Are you pissed at me?” he asks as we settle on the bed again.
“I should be,” I say. “But no. I’m not. Not about the video or not telling me who you are. I needed to know the truth about McKenna because I couldn’t see what was right in front of me, and I didn’t want to know the truth about you because I needed it to not be real.”
“Why did you need it to not be real?”
“Because then I’d have to deal with the consequences.
I’d worry about what you think of me and spend hours obsessing over every word I said and everything I did and end up working myself into a frenzy because one of my frat brothers knows exactly what I look like when I’m spread out and begging for his dick. ”
Anthony laughs. “And now that it’s real and I’m the frat brother who knows exactly how you look when you’re spread out and begging for my dick?”
“I feel like a dumbass for not seeing the signs,” I say honestly.
“And even more of one for willfully ignoring the signs that I did see, but it’s not like I haven’t embarrassed the fuck out of myself around you for years now, and especially since we started working on the project together.
” I let out a sardonic laugh. “If any of my frat bros are gonna get an eyeful of me being a cockslut, then I’m glad it was you. ”
“Strike two.”
I look up at him. “Strike two?”
“You called yourself a dumbass and a cockslut. Strike one and strike two.”
“You still haven’t told me what happens if we get to strike three.”
He smiles, and the wicked undertone in it sends a little shiver up my spine. Anthony is an incredibly expressive person when he wants to be, and I kinda love that I’m one of the only people who gets to see him stripped down and raw like this.
“Like I said, you’ll find out when we get there.”
“Cheater.” I shoot him a flat look. “You can’t use your sex voice to distract me like that.”
“Is it cheating, or is it using all the tools available to me to get what I want?”
“Same thing when your toolkit includes a sex voice and the ability to make me melt into a puddle with a few words.”
He grins and presses a quick kiss against my lips. “Sorry, not sorry.”
“You’re lucky you’re so hot. Otherwise you’d be annoying as hell,” I tell him.
“You like it.”
“Maybe,” I admit.
We fall silent for a few moments, and it’s like more pieces of the puzzle fall together as my brain tries to merge Mr. X and Anthony into a single person.
“Holy shit,” I mutter.
“What?”
“I was just thinking about last night and just how insanely strong and in shape you are.” I rest my chin on his pec so I can look up at him without straining my neck.
“You played your ass off and then did all that in my room when you fucked my brains out? I’d be wobbling all over the place if I tried to walk up the stairs after that kind of leg workout. ”
“You watched my game?” he asks with a sly grin.
“No,” I blurt.
He boops my nose, and we both laugh. “Liar.”
“I might have turned it on for a few minutes while I was killing time,” I hedge.
“Right.” His grin is teasing. “Just a few minutes while you were killing time.”
“Maybe it was a period,” I say grudgingly.
“You watched the whole game. Admit it.”
“Fine,” I say and roll my eyes theatrically. “I watched the whole game.”
“What did you think?”
“That you’re incredible, and you don’t need me to tell you that.”
He laughs. “No, I don’t. But it’s always nice to hear.”
“Well, you played an amazing game. And I’m pretty sure at least a few of the Serpents went home and either cried into their post-game drinks, or put their fists through the change room wall after the beatdown you gave them.”
“Here’s hoping it was a little bit of both,” he says lightly. “But back to you watching my game last night.”
I gently slap his chest. “You’re annoying.”
“And you like it.” He presses a quick kiss against my lips, then gently pats my ass. “Come on. Time to get up because I’m laying on your wet spot, and my back is getting itchy.”
Knowing he’s been laying on my cum embarrasses the fuck out of me, and my cheeks flame as a wave of shame hits out of nowhere.
I do my best to hide my reaction and quickly untangle myself from him and sit up.
“Sorry,” I mumble, my eyes on the comforter as he also sits up.
“West.” His voice is firm. “Look at me.”
I slide my gaze to his and brace for him to tell me to get out or to make a comment about how I’ve overstayed my welcome and it’s time for me to go.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“Nothing.” I smile, or at least try to. “I’ll just grab my stuff, and I’ll be out of your hair.”
I start to slide off the bed, but his hand on my thigh stops me. “You’re not leaving.”
“What?”
“You’re not leaving,” he repeats. “And I want to know why you thought you had to.”
“Because we’re done working on the project, and we just…” I glance at the wet spot behind him.
“And?” He tilts his head to the side as a half-smile lifts the corner of his lips.
“And that’s usually when people want you to leave after a hookup?”
“Well, it’s a good thing this isn’t a hookup.” He gives my thigh a little pat and slides off the bed.
“It’s not?” I ask and shamelessly check him out.