Chapter 19
Something was wrong. And it wasn’t just the fact that she’d been hurt on set, or that someone had swapped out the prop knife for a real one.
No. This was different. Ryan was different. The man she’d woken up to find beside her bed had been relieved. Comforting. He’d felt close to her emotionally.
But the man who’d returned to her room after going to find her doctor was distant.
What had happened outside her room?
His arm tightened around her waist as they rounded the hospital hallway, after the doctor finally completed her discharge. Ryan had wanted to carry her or put her in a wheelchair, but that seemed a bit much. The cut was superficial and, yes, it would likely scar, but she’d be fine.
She glanced up to see his eyes sweep the waiting room, like one of the people inside could be responsible for this hospital trip.
She followed his gaze. An elderly couple. A few families. A young guy. None of them paid her or Ryan a bit of attention.
Interestingly, she’d expected to see her mother here. But she’d never shown. There hadn’t even been a call or text. Why? Because she was still angry about the job thing? Surely her getting hurt trumped any argument.
She actually didn’t care. She was relieved she hadn’t received the visit. She was tired, and that exhaustion was now tinged with worry about Ryan and what was going on in his head.
She also needed to call Faye. The woman had to be a wreck. And Emily didn’t blame her. If situations were reversed, she’d be beside herself too.
They stepped outside and Emily immediately inched closer to Ryan.
Was the person out here? Were they watching?
Argh. She hated that this asshole was messing with the cast and making them feel so scared.
She only breathed her next full breath when she was safely inside Ryan’s truck. As he started home, she turned her head and looked at him, studying the crease between his brows. The way his knuckles were white around the wheel.
“What’s wrong?” she asked quietly.
He shot her a glance. “You were attacked today.”
“Is that it? You look angry.”
Something passed over his face. It came and went too quickly for her to place. “I’m just worried about you.”
She played his words over in her head. Was he lying? Or was that really all this was? “The doctor said as long as I rest and keep up with the pain meds, I’ll be okay.”
He nodded.
She watched him for another few minutes. There was something else. He was too still, too quiet.
She reached over and placed a hand on his thigh. “You can talk to me, Ryan.”
The muscles beneath her fingers fluttered.
Again, he just nodded.
What the hell was going on?
When they reached his house, she noticed a small red Fiat out front.
So did Ryan. He cursed.
“Is that Nora?” she asked.
“Yeah. I told her she didn’t need to come. Clearly, she didn’t listen.” He took off his seat belt. “Wait for me to come around.”
She opened her door and by the time she’d started climbing out, he was by her side.
“I told you to wait,” he growled.
“You keep doing that growl thing and I might need to call animal control.”
No laugh. Not even a twitch of his lips.
Inside, Nora turned from the kitchen counter. “You’re home! Oh, Emily…are you okay?”
“I think that divine smell is helping.” Emily breathed it in. Food. Familiar food. “Is that mac and cheese?”
“Your favorite, right? I probably don’t make it the way my brother does, but I wanted to make sure you guys didn’t need to worry about cooking tonight.”
“I could kiss your feet.” Well, maybe not actually. Bending to the floor might hurt right now. But figuratively, absolutely.
Ryan helped her to the couch. “Sit. Rest.”
Again, his voice was too…hard? Maybe even strained.
“You didn’t have to do this,” Ryan said, as he crossed the distance to his sister. The strain wasn’t there when he talked to Nora.
It was just Emily.
“Of course I did.” Nora smiled up at him. “How else am I going to keep the title of best sister?”
“You’re my only sister.”
“Semantics.”
As the two talked, Emily pulled out her phone to see a message from her mother.
Mom: I tried to see you today. Did you tell him to send me away or did he do that all on his own?
Ryan had sent her mother away? When? And why hadn’t he mentioned it?
She glanced up to see Nora grinning at her brother. “Just say it—Nora, you’re the best.”
“I’m not saying that.”
“Because it makes you feel inferior to me?”
Ryan sighed.
“Oh, I also brought packets of hot chocolate, because hot chocolate makes everything better. Where did I put them?” Nora glanced around the kitchen. “Crap. I left it in the car. Just a second.”
As Nora walked out of the house, Emily watched Ryan. The lines beside his eyes. And emotions she couldn’t place. It all returned the second Nora left.
“Are you hungry now, or should we wait?” No eye contact when he asked her the question. Not a single glance.
“Why didn’t you tell me my mother was at the hospital?”
He froze, his hand pausing on an upper cabinet door. “Did she message you?”
“Yeah. She said you sent her away.”
“I thought you wouldn’t want to see her.” He took two bowls out and set them on the counter.
“Is that all that was said?”
The muscles of his upper arms clenched.
It wasn’t all that was said.
A cold prickle spread over her skin, quickening her pulse. She pushed to her feet, ignoring the ache in her midsection.
Finally, he looked up, immediately walking toward her. “Emi, you shouldn’t be on your feet.”
“She told you, didn’t she?”
He stopped a couple feet away. This time, a muscle in his jaw visibly tensed. A few seconds of silence passed before he broke it. “Were you going to tell me?”
“Of course. When the time was right.”
“When would that have been?”
Her brows shot up at the silent accusation in his tone. Like he was questioning whether she’d actually intended to tell him at all. “I don’t know. After what happened the last time I told you something big about my career choice, I wanted to be careful. Can you blame me for being scared?”
Anger. It flickered over his face, so dark, she almost stepped back.
But why was he angry? Because she wanted to stay with him? Because she was choosing him?
He shook his head and turned around. “We’re not having this conversation right now.”
“We sure as hell are. Why are you angry?”
He spun back. “Why am I angry? You’re ending your career for me? You’re putting yourself in a position to get sued for me?”
“So?”
“What the hell do you mean, so? Emily, you’ve built the career of your dreams. A career others would kill for, which you’ve worked your entire life to get. And now…what, you’re just going to throw it all away for me?”
“Why do you keep saying me like that? Like you’re not worth it?”
“Because who the fuck says I am?”
“I do, Ryan. I say you’re worth it.”
He looked at her like he didn’t believe her. Like he was ready to argue with her. Like he’d looked at her five years ago.
For a moment, she was back in that California apartment, the same tight walls, the same air she couldn’t breathe. “Ryan—”
“Do the movie, Emi. Fulfill your contract. Then we can talk about what’s going to happen with us.”
Tears filled her eyes. Tears of anger. Of frustration and pain. “Have you ever once thought to stop and ask me what I want?” From her peripheral vision, she saw Nora stop just inside the front door. She ignored Ryan’s sister. She ignored everything but him.
“You told me what you want. You told me—”
“I told you about a dream I had almost six years ago when we’d just met.
I was a different person back then. That was the version of me without you.
And I can’t go back to that person. I’ve tried.
God, I have tried every day since the moment you dumped me.
And I tried because you made me. You forced me into it. ”
“Emi—”
“No.” She stepped back, and that small space hurt.
God, it hurt so much. “I told myself there was no way you’d do this again.
I thought after all this time apart, you’d see the mistake you made the first time, and you’d never try to choose for me again.
But here you are, choosing for me again.
So how can I trust you now? How am I supposed to trust that my love is safe with you? ”
Love. The word felt so fucking big.
He wasn’t trying to make her choices for her, dammit. He wanted…what? To protect her? To make sure she didn’t wake up one day and realize she’d burned everything to the ground for him?
“What would you do?” he asked quietly, inching forward a step. “If the person you loved held the world in his palm, and he said he was going to swap it out for you?”
“I’d question whether he was really holding the world in his palm at all.”
The tears in her eyes gutted him. Hollowed him out to the point he wondered if there was enough of him left to remain standing.
Nora’s shuffles sounded near the door. “I, um…should go.”
“Wait.” Emily scrubbed a fallen tear from her cheek before looking at his sister. “Can you give me a lift?”
“Emily—” He tried to touch her, but she stepped back.
“Don’t. I told you. I’m tired of people thinking they know what’s best for me. Trying to decide my life while saying they’re doing it for me. They’re not. You’re not. My mother isn’t. None of this has ever been about me.”
“Don’t leave.”
“I can’t stay, Ryan. I’m tired and my heart hurts and I…I don’t think I can do this all over again. I need space.”
Space. From him. Them.
“I’m going to go pack a bag. Please don’t follow me.”
Ryan locked his knees, forcing himself to remain where he was as Emily walked toward the stairs.
“I’ll help,” Nora said quietly.
Ten minutes. That was all it took for the women to return. He told himself to stop her. To say something. Anything that could fix this.
He didn’t. He stood there like a fucking idiot, watching the woman he loved leave him.
Why? Why couldn’t he fix it?
Because he couldn’t figure out how to keep her without asking her to give up something she shouldn’t have to.
The echo of the door closing rang through the room. Still, every instinct in him said go, close that distance, say her name, pull her back before this became something he couldn’t undo.
But what would he say? Choose me, but not at the cost of your career? I love you, but just not enough to let you burn your life down for me?
His hands curled, and he turned and swung a fist into the wall. Paint and drywall splintered, pain shooting down his arm.
He didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything. She was gone.
Yet again, he’d fucked things up.
“You okay?”
He spun to see Zac in the doorway. “What are you doing here?”
“Nora messaged. Said you and Emily had a fight and you might need company.”
“I fucked up. And when she left, I didn’t stop her. I didn’t take back anything I said.”
Zac closed the door and moved into the kitchen. He switched off the stove, then turned back to him. “Why not?”
A quiet, humorless breath slipped from his throat. “Because I don’t want her being sued for me. I don’t want her losing her career for me. I’m not a safe bet.” Fuck. He’d never said those words out loud before.
“Ryan—”
“I have to go.”
“Where?”
“Out.”
He stormed passed Zac. When he reached his truck, he still wasn’t sure where he was going, just that he couldn’t be home, in the house where he’d just let everything he cared about slip through his fingers.