Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
FAITH
Bonus points, I didn’t trip or vomit. I hated being the center of attention, but apparently I hated people being unkind more.
I clutched my paper and pencil and pretended to stare at the different objects along the table.
But, I was actually just calming my breath and stopping my hands from shaking. I rolled the ring on my finger.
I normally didn’t like work parties. Everyone else knew one another all their lives, and they sat in their normal groups of four or five and gossiped. I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I loved Dotty’s idea of shaking things up.
After a few minutes, I stepped away from the table that was now surrounded by people and made my way over to Dotty.
“This is a great idea.”
She rubbed the back of her neck. “You think so?”
“Yes. I feel like an outsider since I didn’t grow up here.” I realized Dotty was in a similar situation. She knew these people better than I did, but she wasn’t exactly a part of them either. “It shakes things up nicely.”
Her bright eyes met mine. “Right! I thought this would help us form different connections.”
I pointed over to where elementary and high school teachers were colliding and wandering around, no longer in clique groups. “It looks like it’s working.
Dotty clapped her hands in front of her. “It is, isn’t it?” She leaned close and whispered, “Aunt Helen told me no games. That everyone would hate it.” She grimaced.
Jim was trying on a clown’s nose, and the surrounding group laughed. “Well, looks like maybe she was wrong. I’m proud of you for going against her.” I shuddered. Helen Sparks intimidated me, like a lot.
“Yeah.” Her shoulders relaxed.
“Hey, do you want to go to Merritt’s tomorrow?” I wondered why I hadn’t hung out with Dotty before. “My roommate Rose and I are meeting there for brunch.”
Her eyes lit up. “Yes!” Her cheeks flushed. “Um, I mean, if you’re sure?”
I laughed. “Of course! You will love Rose, and Marissa might come too.”
Dotty raised her hands in front of her. “Oh, I don’t want to intrude. Sounds like you guys already have a group.”
I reached over and grabbed Dotty’s hand. “I promise I want you to come.”
Dotty nodded, her cheeks rounded with her smile. “I would love that. I hang out with my aunt some, but she is a bit intense for me.”
I whispered again. “And older.”
“Don’t tell her that. I used to think she was immortal. She has had the same angry scowl lines since I was five.” Her aunt started coming our way.
I smiled and looked at the table. “Okay, I’m going to see if I can get any of these right. Wish me luck.”
Her bright eyes met mine. “Good luck!”
“See you tomorrow. Merritt’s, 10:30 a.m.”
She reached over and grabbed my hand. “Thanks for the invite. You’re so kind.”
I internally flinched. How long did unkindness cling to a person? Was there a magical time frame where past mistakes were no longer a part of you?
I nodded. “K, tomorrow.”
Back at the black folding table, the groups of teachers ebbed and flowed around the objects. I looked at each item and my peers milling about the room, wondering who each item could belong to, from the red clown nose to a knitted sweater fit for a small dog.
I hadn’t gotten to know anyone here very well.
That was partly on me for hiding from my past, partly on them with their cliques and groups, and my social anxiety seemed to cover the rest. I always worried I might annoy or inconvenience people when I inserted myself into a conversation.
Or I would say something weird. So, I usually stayed thirty minutes and then I panicked and left.
It’s a real mystery why I don’t have more friends. I chuckled and shook my head.
I saw my item; it was a small red glass bottle of perfume.
It was from the LUXE fall line four years ago.
I got to work with designers on it and it was one of my few pleasant memories with the business.
I shouldn’t have had any reminders of my past at the school, but sometimes a girl’s just lonely.
It seemed inconspicuous enough. The LUXE brand written in gold didn’t help.
I recognized an orange sweater. It was often draped over a Minecraft backpack in my schoolroom. I picked it up, looking for a number.
“That’s cheating.” Adam’s voice was close to my ear.
I jumped and squeaked.
“You scared me.” I turned to see Adam grinning. “How am I cheating?”
“I’m pretty sure you are the only one that will recognize that it belongs to Danny,” Adam whispered in my ear, causing goosebumps to raise along my spine. This man was dangerous. Especially if we wanted to be only friends. I mean, technically I said it first, but he agreed.
“It’s not cheating if I am using what I know,” I challenged back and set down the sweater. I put Adam’s name on number nine.
His smile grew as his eyebrows raised in challenge. “I found yours too.”
“What?” My stomach tightened. How? I reached for his paper. “Let me see.”
He held the paper out of my reach. “Are you trying to cheat by stealing my answers? I will tell Principal Dotty.”
“Dotty would be on my side.” She knew what it felt like to be new in a town full of lifelong acquaintances. I tried to pull his arms down from over his head.
Adam chuckled, but his arms didn’t drop. “Nice try,” he whispered near my ear, and my neck erupted in goosebumps. His arm muscles flexed under my hand.
Wait. What? I realized I was making a scene. I dropped my hands from his arm and stepped back.
Could he really have found out about my past? Would this be the moment that the other shoe finally dropped and everyone found out who I really was?
“What do you know?” I whispered as my shoulders sank, ready to admit my guilt.
He leaned away. “With a reaction like that, I’m thinking I should look for a murder weapon…” Adam’s eyes flicked to the table.
By his reaction, I could tell he was teasing before, and I’d definitely made it weird. Adam studied the table, his forehead wrinkled in thought.
I wasn’t ready to ruin everything. Not yet.
I stepped closer.
“Gotcha.” I reached out and slapped his forearm, hopefully convincing him of my lie.
He didn’t look convinced, but he looked less like running.
Time to change the subject. “I bet the red lipstick is actually the science teacher, Craig.”
Adam relaxed slightly. “I’m not sure it’s his color.”
“True. It would wash out his complexion for sure.” I nodded over at Craig, who was standing near Ms. Sparks and was obviously trying to make her laugh. “Hey, do you think—”
“I noticed the same thing earlier.” Adam smirked. “Not who I would picture for the guy,” he shrugged. “But no one knows what a person and relationship are truly like besides the people in it,” he added softly.
Hm.
That was cryptic, he must be referring to his ex-wife. She must be bonkers to leave Adam and Danny.
“Is that one yours?” Adam was pointing at a little carton of energy drinks
“I thought you already knew which one was mine.”
“I was hoping you would give it away.” He glanced down the line. “I got it, the signed picture of the Muppets.”
“No.” I giggled, but then remembered it belonged to someone, so I quickly covered my mouth and I shoved Adam. “Stop!”
He smirked. “Stop what?”
“Making me laugh. Someone might think I’m making fun of them.” I pinched my lips tight in false anger.
“I like your laugh, it’s so happy.” His tone was low and sent shivers down my spine.
I blew out my breath, trying to ease the tension in my chest. I wanted to reach for his arm again, to feel its warmth under my hand.
“Hm.” Adam tapped a finger to his chin as he studied the objects. “How about that one?” His gorgeous lips pulled up into a devilish smile.
I couldn’t look away from his smile.
“Um, what?” I looked to see what he was pointing at. It was a CD of someone, but based on his raised eyebrow and my flushed cheeks, he noticed I had been staring at his lips. He winked and I blushed.
I stared anywhere but at him. “I’m pretty sure we aren’t supposed to say, right, Dotty?” I searched for her blond curls and bright tinsel sweater.
“Yep. You cannot confirm or deny if an object is yours until the end.”
I nodded back at Adam. “Now who’s cheating?” I tapped his massive chest with the back of my pencil.
The night continued with lots of laughter and people revealing their items and the stories attached to them. I learned more about the staff in one night than I had in the two and a half years I had been teaching here. When it was my turn, I simply stated the perfume was one of my favorite scents.
Adam never guessed my item right, but I loved watching him try.
Maybe because it kept him closer, whispering in my ear.
His warm breath gave me goosebumps every time.
The night was ending, and it was now the small-talk portion, which was arguably the worst part.
I needed structure so I knew what was expected.
With Adam standing close to my side, I found I didn’t mind it as much.
He was like an anchor in a sea of chaos.
“All right, but I picked which cookies were yours right away. Do I get any points for that?” He leaned closer to me, so his arm brushed against mine.
My cheeks flushed. “Do I get points for guessing which cookies you brought?” I asked.
He chuckled. “I’m an open book. See the package of Oreos. That’s mine. But if Mom asks, I brought peanut butter ones,” Adam whispered behind his hand with a grin.
The evening was wrapping up, and everyone was gathering their things.
Someone grabbed my arm from behind. “Faith! Hey!” I turned around to see Jessica. She was all smiles but had fire in her eyes. My mouth went dry.
“Hey.” I did my best not to look at the ground. I’d done nothing wrong.
“What are you doing later?” Jessica asked me, but stared up at Adam.
“Um, not sure.” I shrugged. “Probably a Christmas movie or maybe reading?”
Jessica laughed high and nasally. “What are you, fifty?”
I studied my feet.
Rude.
Why does it matter what I was doing?
It wasn’t like we had ever hung out before.
“Come with us.” Jessica reached over and pulled me near her. I instantly missed the warmth of Adam near my side. “We are doing drinks and karaoke at the sports bar.”
“Oh… Um…”
Karaoke. Yikes. As if everyone staring at you wasn’t bad enough, let’s add a microphone and singing into the mix. Kill me now.
Jessica looked over my shoulder to Adam. “You should both come.” She grinned.
Ah, that was why she was inviting me. It wasn’t about me at all; it was about Adam.
Jessica squeezed my hand in hers. “I won’t take no for an answer.” Her eyes held a firm challenge, and so did her grip.
I stepped back, yanking my hand from her grip.
“Um, maybe.” I raised my right shoulder.
Maybe when hell freezes over.
She pivoted toward Adam, closing me out of the conversation. “What about you? Are you finally going to come hang out? The first round of drinks is on me?” She reached up and left her hand placed on his shoulder.
By the volume in her voice, I wondered if she’d already had her first round.
Adam held a tight smile in place. “Thanks, Jessica. But I’ll probably head home and see Danny.”
Jessica rolled her eyes. “Come on! Live a little.” She smacked him on his massive chest and then left her hand there. “I’m sure your mom can watch him. You never hang out with me anymore.” She stuck out her lips in a pout.
“I’m good. Thanks for the offer.” Adam grabbed her hand, released it, and stepped back.
“You’re no fun.” Jessica scoffed and her eyes shot to me.
I took a sharp breath and stepped farther away. I felt the ice in her stare. Around the room, all eyes were on the group of us.
Nervous energy pulsed through my veins. I took a deep breath and held it as my eyes searched for the nearest exit.
Ugh, this was so awkward.
Do I go start a conversation with someone else?
That would be weird. Right?
Jessica leaned closer, her fingers trailing up to his biceps. “You should let yourself loosen up.” Jessica’s eyebrows raised suggestively. “You used to be a lot of fun in high school.”
What did she mean by that? My eyes shot to Adam. He stood stoic with his arms crossed, no reaction.
Nope. Not my business. I took a step back.
Adam said they were friends, but we were also just friends. Did she feel about Adam how I felt about him? Did he smile at her the way he smiled at me when I wasn’t around?
I felt like a floating third wheel. Not really connected to the conversation, but not sure if I should walk away. I spun my ring, and took a deep breath and held it. My nerves were fuzzy, and I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands.
“Um, I think I’ll go.” I shrugged. Adams’ eyes flicked between Jessica and me.
“Yeah, I’m going to call it a night too,” Adam said.
I stepped toward the cookies, wanting to grab my plate and escape. Adam took a step after me when Jessica reached out and grabbed his hand.
“You seem to have suddenly changed your mind.” Jessica glared at me and gestured in my direction. “Last I knew, you were too heartbroken to date.”
Adam sighed. “Faith and I are just friends.”
I felt that one like a punch in my stomach. The air suddenly left my lungs, and I couldn’t move.
I was the same as Jessica.
Wishing and wanting more in a relationship that would go nowhere.
I sighed; this was a great reminder. I shook the fog loose and walked over and grabbed my cookie plate. Straightening my shoulders, I faced the many eyes that were pressing into my back. “Merry Christmas, I’ll see you after the break.” I put a tight smile in place and left the room.
“Faith, wait!” Adam called my name, but I kept walking.
I needed space to reframe things in my mind.
I’d been so stupid, I shook my head. I knew he didn’t want to date.
I knew I said I didn’t want to date him, but yet, I wanted to be near him.
To feel his warmth and watch his mouth curve into a grin.
I kept finding ways to touch his arms tonight, and he always seemed to try to get closer to me.
If I wanted to be friends, why did that hurt so bad?
I held my breath for three and blew it out.
This would be better for everyone, better for Danny. Just friends was for the best. To my mind, it made perfect sense. But my stupid heart kept forgetting to listen.
Stepping through the doors, I was met with a sheet of freezing cold air. The air frosted my lungs, and I welcomed the ice on my skin. It would help me ground and reset and get out of my head. I took off my jacket and walked to my car.
I unlocked my door, sat blankly in my seat, and stared out my iced-over window.
This was good. I stared at the ceiling.
This was the check I needed. I took a tight breath and released it.