Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
ADAM
Irubbed my forehead, trying to stop the oncoming headache. Faith had finally called me back. She had ignored several calls after the meeting, and then she called all serious asking if I could come over. Mom agreed to take Danny for me, and I was sure that whatever was coming, it was going to hurt.
I leaned my head against the back of the seat and stared at the ceiling of my truck, taking a cleansing breath.
“Well, no time like the present,” I muttered as I opened my truck door and rang the doorbell. I could hear music blaring inside. I tilted my chin to the side. Strange.
No one came.
I knocked.
I waited, but all I could hear was women screaming a song I couldn’t make out.
I knocked louder and rang the doorbell and then waited.
I wasn’t going to wait outside all night. I tried the handle, and it was unlocked. I opened the door.
“Hello,” I called into the concert of voices as I stepped into their duplex. “Faith?”
I walked down the small hallway that led to the main living space, and Rose, Marissa, and Faith were all in the middle of an impromptu concert. Complete with flour dusting their cheeks and hair, as they sang into various kitchen utensils. I smiled as I leaned against the wall.
Seeing Faith with her friends and having fun like this was good for me. It reminded me that Faith had other people in Hillsdale too.
That, maybe, she might still stay.
I wasn’t sure what all Faith wanted to tell me, but it didn’t give me happy, carefree vibes like this.
I joined in. As the song went into the chorus, I rushed to the counter and picked up the spatula. The girls screamed at my sudden appearance as I placed the spatula near my mouth and belted a very high and off tune note, and then, my voice cracked.
We all laughed and continued the concert while enjoying time in Faith’s glow and sphere of happiness and kindness.
After two more songs and cookies were placed in the oven, I leaned against the counter. “All right, so is now the part when you tell me you’re leaving?”
Faith gasped and put her hand to her mouth.
Rose side-eyed Marissa, and they both left the room.
Their reactions were all too telling. A part of me was holding on to hope that she would deny it.
Faith’s lips quivered, and I held my arms open. She rushed into my arms, hugging me tightly.
It broke my heart all over again to feel her soft body press against me. I wrapped my arms tight around her and kissed the top of her head. I wanted to beg her to stay. To choose me.
“Won’t you try to stay. We can look for different jobs? Or figure something out.” I whispered into her hair, the sadness clear in my voice. I cleared my throat and failed to keep my tears locked away.
She searched my face. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.” She reached up and put her hand against my face. “My favorite Christmas present.” She choked back a sob. “You are proof that I can be loved, just how I am.” She chewed on her bottom lip and a tear fell down her cheek.
I reached up and rubbed it with my thumb. This was it then, the end. “Can’t we try and figure out a way for you to stay?”
She nodded toward the couch. “Let’s sit.
” Her hand trailed down my side and grabbed my hand as she led me to the couch.
Now that I had felt what it was like to be loved and wanted by Faith, I didn’t know if I could go back to my lonely existence from before.
She added so much light and life to my world.
We sat, and she sat cross-legged on the cushion and faced me.
Her jaw flexed, and she rubbed her ring.
She was anxious. I died a little inside as I reached my hand over to hers so I could give her the pressure that helped her feel safe.
She studied our joined hands and tried to contain her tears. I would sit here with her at that moment as long as she would let me.
I wanted Faith in my life, as long as she could be.
I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb and studied all of her.
Wanting to remember each breath, each smell, each look.
She cleared her throat. “I have to tell you something about my past.”
I tilted my head in confusion.
She sighed. “So…”
She looked at the ceiling. “I…”
She slapped her hand against her thigh. “Ugh! I don’t even know where to start.”
All I knew about her past was that she was from money and had no desire to return. “Please tell me you’re not married.”
A laugh escaped her perfect pink mouth. “No, I’m not married.” She held her hands out in front of her.
“Thank heavens.” I smirked, glad to see some of the tension gone from her shoulders.
“But Adam, I used to live a different life and also had a different name.”
“What?”
She took a fortifying breath. “My parents own Luxe Fashion in New York.” She peeked up at me. “I am their daughter, Astrid Luxe—well, I was until I changed my name.”
I shook my head, trying to make sense of everything she was saying. I remembered the name Luxe only because Cassie dreamed of belonging to their empire.
“Wait…” I held my hands in front of me. “Like the huge fashion brand Luxe…that one?” My eyebrows dipped in confusion.
“Yeah.” Her shoulders slumped.
I scoffed. “Cassie’s dream job, Luxe?” I raised my eyebrows.
She studied her socks with a frown. “Well, it wasn’t mine,” she whispered.
I looked around the room. “Is this some weird, sick joke you played on me?” I scoffed.
“Watch it in there, Coach!” Rose yelled from down the hall, and then her voice was muffled.
Faith flinched, spun her ring, and her jaw flexed tight. “No, this wasn’t about you at all,” she whispered. “This was about me.”
I rubbed my forehead. “I don’t understand.” I shut my eyes. “You lied to me; you lied to Danny.” My mind reeled, trying to grasp who this woman was in front of me.
She glanced up at me. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she took a sharp breath.
“I actually didn’t.” She shrugged. “I legally changed my name to Faith Lyons, although I hated the Lyons part before I even met you.” She wiped a tear.
I resisted the urge to comfort her.
Her voice was soft as she looked at the floor.
“I grew up in a home I hated. With parents who were indifferent or completely disappointed in me. I grew up hating myself.” Her eyes flicked to mine.
“I grew up in a world that was loud and fake.” She swallowed.
“Without my parents’ knowledge, I became a teacher, changed my name, and took a job as far away as I could. ” She spun her ring and flexed her jaw.
Was it becoming too much, was she going to have another panic attack? I hated how bad it made me feel to know I caused some of her distress.
“I hoped to leave the Luxe legacy far behind and find out what life could look like if I was just being me. Not Astrid Luxe.” Her brows drew together. “I just wanted to be me.” She choked back a sob.
I raised an eyebrow and grimaced. “Astrid…” I think she had said the name before, but I must have been too distracted by the family’s last name.
“Yep.”
I shook my head and tried to process it all.
Why was she telling me this now?
I stood and began pacing back and forth.
“I meant everything I have said to you. I have loved every moment of this life.” I turned to her, and she gave a sad smile. “In some ways, I never lived at all before Hillsdale. Not really.”
Broken-down, not-going-to-survive Hillsdale.
I pursed my lips. “So…what are you saying? Are you going back to that life, since your job at the school might not be around?” I tipped my chin as I tried to reconcile the two people that represented Faith now in my mind.
The one sitting next to me, who loved baking and teaching second graders, and the one that was filthy rich, self-absorbed, and famous.
I couldn’t get the two images to match. I rubbed my forehead. “I don’t understand.”
“I’m going to suck in my screams.” Danny’s saying brought my eyes to hers.
I blinked rapidly, trying to connect dots I couldn’t see. “What do you mean?”
She took a tight breath and held it before letting it out slowly.
“My mom, or Meredith, as she prefers, cut me off financially as soon as I left, hoping I wouldn’t be able to survive without the family funds, and would have to come back and ‘claim my Luxe legacy.’” She did air quotes around the saying.
She fidgeted with her ring, and I came and sat down beside her again.
“Adam, my parents are rich. Like stupid rich.” She shook her head.
“Don’t you see? They could fix the school!
It’s the perfect solution.” She chewed her bottom lip.
“Danny could stay with his class, people wouldn’t have to go without their incomes, businesses wouldn’t fail from Hillsdale dissolving.
” She smiled for real now, even though tears shone in her eyes.
It was my Faith smile, the one that brightened whatever space she was in.
“Hillsdale could rebuild, like the Hallmark movie ending you were hoping for. I can fix this; I can save all of you.” A tear ran down her cheek.
My stomach sank. I gave her this idea? “So…you’re saying you will return to a life you hate, so this town in the middle of nowhere…that never even makes it on a map…can be okay?” My eyebrows dipped.
She nodded. “I’m still hoping to convince my parents without having to stay,” she lifted one shoulder, “but I don’t know if it will work. Mom has been begging me to come home for a while.”
Her cheerful expression faltered momentarily.
I picked up her hands in mine and stared down at them. Faith would throw away the life she loved and return to one she hated so that this town could rebuild. I sighed. There weren’t two Faiths. There was only one.
There was only my Faith.
I knew this woman. Just like the basketball team that changed its play name, it was still the same play. She was everything I had grown to love and want. And now she wanted to risk her happiness for everyone else.
I pulled her back into my arms, and her shoulders relaxed into me as she wiped a tear from her cheek. I stroked her back. “I’m not calling you Astrid. That name sounds like asteroids, and that’s weird.”
She laughed against my chest.
I leaned back and studied her blue eyes. “Faith.” I shook my head. “You can’t do this.”
She leaned back and looked at me. “What do you mean?” She flipped her hand over. “It’s the perfect solution.”
I placed my hands on either side of her face. “Faith, you can’t sacrifice yourself like this. Not for me or Rose and Marissa or Danny or anyone.” I wiped a stray tear from her cheek.
She looked down at her clasped hands in her lap.
“You can’t,” I whispered as I rested my forehead against hers.
“I know what it is to give everything of yourself, hoping others will be happy.” I rubbed my fingers through her hair and brushed it back.
“It doesn’t work that way.” He shrugged.
“You don’t get to choose their emotions.
You will end up so, so empty.” Her eyes met mine.
“I would rather lose a million towns than see you lose that light in your eyes.” I rubbed my fingers across a tear.
“Faith, it would kill me. Please don’t do this. ”
A scoff from somewhere down the hall. “Oh sure, he says it and you listen,” Rose grumbled.
“Shh!” Marissa chided. “If you make it so I can’t hear this, I will never forgive you.”
Faith rolled her eyes. “Maybe for once my parents will listen to me and want to help?” she whispered, but I could tell she didn’t believe it.
“That’s not good enough.” I brought my lips a fraction away from hers, wanting to kiss her, but wanting her to know I meant it. “I need you to promise me you won’t go back to a life where you were so unhappy.” I kissed one cheek and then the other before I met her eyes again. “Not for anyone.”
Her shoulders sagged, and her head dipped. “How else am I supposed to help?” The pain was clear in her voice. “What good is having secret access to a bunch of money if I can’t save the people I love?” Her eyes met mine. “All the people I love.”
Love. My heart soared.
I loved her more than I even thought was possible.
She healed my broken pieces in ways I could never repay. I leaned in, resting my forehead on hers. “I love you, Faith.”
“I love you too,” she whispered back.
I kissed her, and I hoped she could tell how much she meant to me with every second of that kiss.
I squeezed her hand in mine. “You can suck in your screams.” I sighed.
“You can face your parents and ask to see if they can help save our town.” I dipped my chin so I could see her blue eyes.
“But you cannot offer yourself as a sacrificial lamb to do so. And I will hope and pray that regardless of what your parents agree to, you will come back to Hillsdale.” I died a little as I thought of what life would be like without her.
“Faith, I don’t know that I could go back to living without you.
Not now that I know how beautiful and whole life can be. ”
She raised her shoulder. “Hillsdale is my home.” She gazed at me. “You’re my home.”
Somehow, in the course of a few minutes, my heart had broken and healed. The person who held it together was Faith.
Then she spoke to the hallway, which I noticed held Marissa and Rose. “And all of you are my family.” She took a steadying breath. “Although I would be lying if I didn’t say I also want my parents to accept me and want to be a part of my life too.” She gave a sad shrug.
I lowered my head, bringing my face closer to hers. “Want me to come with you to New York?” I would do it. I would drop everything to go help her face this battle.
She smiled. “I appreciate it, but I think this is one I need to face alone.” She put her hand on my cheek. “Besides, Danny and your basketball team will need you here.”
Every part of me wanted to take this fight away from her. To march in and demand her parents be kind to her and recognize the amazing person she was.
But this wasn’t a wound I could solve.
I sighed. I knew Faith needed this; she needed to face her past.
And I needed to trust that she would come back to me after she did.