26. Liberty
Liberty gazed blankly at the pale blue wall above her bed.
Her body was perfectly still, but her mind was feverishly trying to find the tiny flame of strength she knew still burned inside her. She had been convinced that once she sent Glory away she would catch her breath and her heart would beat back into place.
It might hurt, it might make her weep like a child, but anything would be better than this emptiness, like her heart had been replaced with a hollowed-out stone.
She wasn’t even really sure how much time had passed when there was a tap at the door.
“Liberty,” her mom called out quietly.
Liberty sat up and ran a hand through her hair.
“Come on in,” she said, hoping her voice wouldn’t give her away.
“Hey,” Jess said, eyeing her carefully. “Are you okay? I know you’re hurting.”
For an instant, Liberty thought her mother had somehow read her mind and knew why she was here. Or maybe Glory had told her. But Glory wouldn’t do that, would she?
“I know that what Elizabeth and her boyfriend did on your wedding day was very upsetting,” Jess went on, coming to sit on the edge of the bed. “But the wedding was a long time ago, and Justine needs us now. We have to be there for her.”
“Of course,” Liberty said quickly, fighting back fresh tears.
That made sense. Her mother thought she was just upset about the wedding. It hurt to have her mother believe she was so shallow that she would blame Teeny for what her sister had done. Liberty knew that since she hadn’t told her mother what was going on, it was really the only thing she could think.
But on top of the pain she already felt, it was almost unbearable.
“I’ll be down in a few minutes,” she managed to say without sobbing. “I’m just feeling a little under the weather. It’s got nothing to do with my cousins.”
“Too much cake at Mary’s?” Jess guessed with a smile. “That’s fine, honey. I’m glad you’re not mad. Justine is a good kid. She’s keeping the baby, and she’s going to need us to have her back when she talks to her dad. He’s coming down here to see her. And she hasn’t told him yet.”
“Oh, wow,” Liberty said, suddenly feeling some sympathy for the girl.
Uncle Everett was soft-spoken and gentle, but he wasn’t exactly the most flexible person. She could imagine how furious he would be with his daughter for letting this happen when she was barely through her first year of college.
“I’ll see you in a bit,” Jess said. “I just need to go make up a bed for her.”
Liberty watched her go, and seeing her mom jumping to action to take care of someone else suddenly had her feeling sorrier for herself than ever.
But how can I expect Mom to take care of me like that when I don’t even tell her what’s wrong?
She couldn’t. That was the answer.
And she also couldn’t expect Chase to forgive her for not being able to have children if she didn’t talk to him about it. But now that it had been so long maybe, he wouldn’t forgive her.
And maybe Mom wouldn’t think it was a big deal. Maybe she would say just adopt like Glory had said at first.
The idea of opening up her hurt all over again when she was finally just starting to feel like a new version of herself was exhausting.
Maybe it’s easier to just let my heart turn to stone,she thought to herself, lying down again and curling up.
But this time, when she tried to stare at the wall and go numb again, she couldn’t do it.
When she gazed at the bed frame against the wall, all she saw was the pale blue of a baby’s nursery and the deep brown of Chase’s eyes. And when her stomach clenched, she felt the phantom kicks and flutters of the baby that would never, ever be in her belly.
That was when the tears finally came, so hot they burned as they slid down her cheeks.
Liberty tried her best to sob silently, curling her arms around her empty belly.