28. Jess
Jess awoke early the next morning.
The dawn light painted her white comforter a vivid pink, and reflected in the waves she could see through the glassy back wall of the room.
As she began to think about all the events of the previous night, her heart began to pound. Justine was pregnant. Everett was on his way down. Liberty was still not acting like herself. And everyone was looking to Jess now.
She jumped out of bed and hopped in the shower, even though she was planning to walk on the beach and not get ready to face the day until afterward.
I just need the hot water and the steam to ease away this tension,she told herself.
But the frantic pace of her heart was all too familiar.
This was the panic she had felt when Silas first left.
Back then she had felt the need to move every minute—walking, running errands, biking, volunteering. It was like the weight of her loss would crush her if her mind and body weren’t distracted. And Jess had children, she couldn’t let herself be crushed. But at the end of the day, when she collapsed into bed, the pain would fall onto her chest like a weight, and she would wonder how she was supposed to keep living.
She stepped out of the shower, dried off and dressed quickly.
“Now is not then,” she whispered to herself in the mirror.
She slipped out the glass sliders and headed down to the beach, placing her flip-flops on the big rock, as usual. This part of her daily routine was quickly becoming her favorite.
Not because of Clint, she told herself.
Taking in the beauty of the Keys while it was still cool outside, and having time to reflect on everything in her life was rejuvenating.
Today, she secretly hoped Clint would join her, though it was unlikely since she was up so early. It would feel good to talk with him. Telling Clint about her worries for Justine and her apprehension about seeing Everett might help her feel better. And she certainly didn’t want to talk to the girls about it, so Clint was the best choice.
But if she was honest with herself, it was more than that.
He was an excellent listener, and her gut told her that it was because he really cared. Plenty of people could wait patiently for their turn to talk. But with Clint it felt like he actually wanted to hear what she had to say, like it was important to him to know every single thing that was happening in her life, and how she was feeling about it.
Just the thought of his denim blue eyes and the serious expression on his handsome face gave her a sense of relief. Her cheeks heated a bit, and she was instantly ashamed.
Don’t think about him like that,she scolded herself. You’re still married.
She had just reached the first big stand of palm trees when she saw him. Clint sat on a wide, low rock under the trees, holding a thermos. His golden hair was lit up by the sunrise and his eyes twinkled more blue than gray as he watched her approach.
“Hey,” he said simply as she reached his rock.
“Hey,” she replied, smiling in spite of herself. “How did you know I’d be up early today?”
“Just had a feeling,” he said, shrugging. “Want some coffee?”
“A feeling?” she asked, sitting beside him.
“You were always keyed up after anything fun,” he said, taking the top off his thermos and pouring her a steaming cup of coffee.
She couldn’t help but notice that it definitely had milk in it, even though Clint normally took his coffee black.
“Thanks,” she said, taking it when he held it out. “But what are you talking about?”
“Remember after Anna’s birthday, you were up in the middle of the night throwing up?” he asked.
“Uh, that might have been too much cake,” she guessed.
“And after the zoo trip at school you danced and sang on the bus all the way home?” he laughed. “And then you fell asleep on the kitchen bench while Mom was fixing you a snack?”
“Well, that’s understandable,” she said. “It was a really big field trip.”
“Okay,” he told her, winking. “Did you have fun at your birthday party?”
“Yes,” she said, though the party honestly felt like it had been a hundred years ago. “It was absolutely amazing and perfect. Better than perfect.”
“Better than perfect,” he echoed. “I like that.”
She sipped her coffee.
“So why do you look like your favorite boy band just broke up?” he asked.
She flashed her eyes to his, but he was serious, in spite of the lighthearted way he’d mentioned it. He had noticed right away that she was feeling stressed.
“I had one more surprise last night,” she said. “After the party. When we got home, my niece was in the house.”
“Oh wow,” he said. “The girls wanted to surprise you?”
“No, Justine surprised us all,” Jess said, shaking her head at the memory. “We all thought someone broke in. Turns out she guessed that I kept a key under the mat.”
“You need a better hiding place for that key, Jess,” Clint said. “Which I already told you, more than once.”
His brow was furrowed. A month ago, Jess would have thought he was annoyed with her. This morning it hit her that he was just feeling protective.
“So did she want to wish you a happy birthday?” Clint asked. “Or do you have another young woman looking for direction under your wing now?”
Jess laughed, surprised and tickled at the idea that any of her girls had come to her for direction.
“She’s expecting a baby,” she said. “And she wants to keep it. She’s only nineteen, and she’s afraid her father will pressure her to give it up for adoption.”
“Will he?” Clint asked, narrowing his eyes.
“Probably,” she said, nodding slowly. “He likes things done just-so. He also cares a lot about what other people think. And a nineteen-year-old daughter who dropped out of college to have a baby isn’t going to play well at the country club.”
“Maybe he’ll surprise you both,” Clint said. “What man wouldn’t be happy to be a grandpa?”
“That’s exactly what I said,” Jess laughed, a little surprised by his similar reaction. “She wanted to hide out down here and not even tell him where she was. But I did get her to call him last night. I have a feeling he’ll be down here by tonight.”
“So, he knows?” Clint asked.
“She wanted to tell him in person,” Jess said, shaking her head. “She just told him where she was.”
Clint let out a low whistle.
“That’s going to be some visit,” he said. “Good thing she’s got a level-headed aunt in her corner.”
“Hopefully her cousins, too,” Jess said. “There’s some bad blood between Liberty and her older sister that seems to have Liberty a bit down, but she’ll bounce back by tonight, I think.”
“And you’re worried about all of it,” Clint ventured after a moment.
“I always worry about my daughters,” she said, nodding. “Justine too, now, since she came to me.”
“This is different,” Clint said softly.
Jess pressed her lips together.
It had been one thing to envision talking to him about everything on her way out for the walk. But now that she was here, it felt like a lot. Even though he hadn’t said anything out loud, she was beginning to suspect he had feelings for her. Why should he have to listen to her talk about Silas?
“I’m here for you,” Clint said. “No matter what you want to talk about. I want to help, or just listen if I can’t help.”
“It’s about Silas,” she said before she could change her mind. “He left without a word. And his brother, Everett, is his attorney. He’s the one I’ve begged for information, the one who won’t share a single clue.”
Clint nodded slowly.
“Everett is Justine’s father,” she said.
“Oh wow,” Clint said. “That has to bring up some pretty bad feelings.”
She nodded and sipped her coffee, looking out over the shimmering ocean.
“You want Silas back,” Clint said flatly.
She opened her mouth to say yes, and for the second time, a little voice in the back of her head screamed no.
“I used to,” she said, keeping her eyes on the water so she wouldn’t have to feel ashamed. “I wanted that more than my next breath. But now… Well, all I actually want is closure.”
“You want to know why he left,” Clint said.
“Yes,” Jess said simply.
“Then you can move on with your life?”
His words hung in the air between them, rich with promise, alive with a bigger question he wasn’t giving voice to, but that Jess had heard through all his actions and his kindness and attention these last few weeks.
Jess had been convinced she would never have any interest in another relationship. But sharing this quiet time here, with the man who had become her rock in a tumultuous time…things felt different.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Maybe.”
Clint nodded, and leaned back on his elbows.
Jess leaned back too, deeply grateful that he was giving her time and space.
The two of them watched the sun finish rising in reverent silence, the only sounds the birds singing, the hush of the tide, and the beating of her heart, which somehow didn’t feel so frantic anymore.