34. Jess
Jess sat in her chair in the waiting room, feeling like she was floating just outside of her body.
Liberty had opened the curtains in Silas’s room, so Jess could look inside. The three girls were sitting and standing around their father, their faces soft with the solemnity of the moment.
Her heart broke for them to see him this way. It would have been easier if they had been with him all along, seeing the decline happen slowly. They would have been here now, still sad, but proud at all they had done to ease his suffering.
Jess had only gotten a short time with her mother, but she was grateful to have had it, to have known what she was capable of back when she was even younger than Glory.
Everett had excused himself for a moment when she got settled in her chair. He was coming back to her now, holding out a paper cup of tea with steam rising above it.
“I know you said you weren’t hungry, but…” he murmured.
Jess took the cup gratefully. It was warm in her hands and the steam was fragrant with peppermint.
“You remembered,” she said with a smile.
“It was always your favorite,” he said with a shrug.
She took a sip, and the hot beverage reminded her that she had been scheduled for a shift at the flower shop tomorrow. Thankfully she had called Becca before they got on the plane and asked her to catch everyone up.
Becca will have gotten in touch with Joanie by now to let her know that I won’t be coming in,she thought to herself. And she’ll let her know what’s happening.
Joanie said she had hired Jess in order to have some time off, but even now that Jess had learned the ropes, Joanie stayed on most days. Jess figured she had really just wanted the company all along. She hated to think of Joanie opening up by herself tomorrow.
Then she shook her head, surprised at herself for thinking so much about her part-time job when her husband was dying. The mind played strange tricks at times like these.
In spite of her pain and anger, this was one of the most important moments of her life.
“I’m sorry,” Everett said, his face etched with guilt.
Jess realized he must have thought she was shaking her head at him.
“It would have all ended right here, right now, no matter what happened in between,” she told him. “I know that.”
She turned back to the room and saw that Glory was smiling and her sisters were laughing quietly. Silas’s dark eyes were luminous with unspoken joy as he listened to his daughters.
“He thought of everything,” Everett said after a moment. “You know, for after. He wrote it all out in advance. I’ll be able to take care of all the arrangements, so you can focus on the girls.”
Jess only nodded. Of course he had.
Silas was even trying to take responsibilities from her after he passed. She reminded herself to view it as caring and not a lack of faith in her abilities.
“I’m sorry,” Everett said again.
She nodded, her eyes still on her daughters.
“You’re such a strong person,” he went on. “And you raised those girls so well. I know how hard that is.”
She glanced over at him to see that he was looking down at his hands.
Across the waiting room, Justine was ravenously putting away one of the sandwiches from the machine. She was so young, and she had such a big challenge ahead of her, but Jess had a good feeling.
“She’s going to be fine you know,” Jess said fondly. “We were all young once, and we all figured it out. I hope you’ll be there for her, Everett.”
Jess held her breath. Maybe it wasn’t fair pushing Everett to do the right thing when he was emotional from his big brother’s passing and racked with guilt over having kept the truth from her.
But the right thing was the right thing, after all.
“Of course I will,” he said, sighing. “That’s my child. And my grandchild.”
Jess reached over and took his hand this time, giving it a firm and friendly squeeze.
“She’s a lucky girl then,” she said with a smile. “And she’s got a lucky baby.”
When she looked back to Silas, his eyes were closed, and her daughters were moving toward the door.
“Everett,” she said. “Is there any chance you can take the girls back to the house for me? I’m going to stay.”
“Of course, Jess,” he said. “Of course.”
She stood to embrace her daughters. Liberty was biting her lip, her jaw tense. Tears slid down Anthem’s face and she wiped her nose on her sleeve. Glory looked like she’d held her resolve. But she burst into tears the minute she spotted her mother.
“Thank you,” she sobbed, wrapping her arms around Jess and holding her tightly. “You were right. I’m glad I went in.”
“We forgave him, Mom,” Anthem sniffed. “We all told him.”
“I’m proud of you,” Jess told her. “I’m proud of all of you. It’s one thing to say you believe in forgiveness and unconditional love, but each of you walked the walk today, and I know you’ll carry that in your hearts for the rest of your lives.”
“We shouldn’t leave him alone,” Liberty said nervously.
“I know, honey,” Jess told her. “We would never do that. But everyone is tired, and I’d like a little more time alone with him. Uncle Everett is going to take you all back to the house and I’ll just stay here with Dad. Anyone that wants to can come back in the morning for another visit.”
She pressed her lips together, knowing it was unlikely that there would be a second visit, and Liberty at least probably knew as much.
Jess would be surprised if Silas lasted the night, especially now that he knew he had the forgiveness of his family. She hoped he could let go peacefully in that knowledge.
But peacefully or no, at least she would be by his side, as was her duty.Relief settled into her bones at this chance to set things as right as she could.
The others hugged her and headed out, and Jess turned back to the door to Silas’s room, counseling herself to be strong and calm for the night ahead.
For some reason, at that moment, her restless mind showed her a memory of Mary McKinnon hugging a troubled, teenaged Clint all those years ago.
Jess took it in, grateful for her foster mother’s example of loving acceptance at the moment when she needed it most.
“Here I am,” she told Silas softly as she came to sit by his side.
His eyes were at half-mast, so she took his hand and stroked it lightly with her thumb.
“Go on and rest,” she told him. “I’ll be right here.”